EBPOOKIE   89,147
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Can't means Won't

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

After weeks of feeling like crap, feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I can really do this I got an email about how people find excuses on losing weight and they canít do this or that. It made me think again of myself. Last week we had TOPS couple came in who made their goal and lost over 250 pounds together and they looked great. They shared their stories and it made me remember watching a movie called Table of 5 in this movie there is a scene where the little boy tells his dad he canít read and they are trying to but he gets frustrated and yells ďI CANíTĒ his dadís response was ďCANíT MEANS WONíTĒ
So every time I say I canít go to the gym because of this or that it means I wonít, it means I am using as an excuse to fail, not to succeed so I am my worst enemy. My next thought is how I would treat someone else who wants to lose this weight well I would be encouraging and not condescending. I have been there. I know that no Nutrisystems, Jenny Craig, weightwatchers or any other weight loss pill or group will not get the weight off if I donít change my attitude to I CAN! I have to have more confidence in me to do. I have to respect myself and love myself to say I CAN!! So here we go again trying to get over the hump of not losing and using food as my crutch. I am tired of food dictating my life. I have noticed that when I am mad instead of saying it I eat it, instead of doing something when I am bored Ė you know like taking a walk and exercising I eat. I eat for all the wrong reason, eating is a form of living, you eat to live not live to eat. Food is what sustains us but it can also kill us when abused, never thought of it that way. I need to push myself harder!!! In order succeed I need to shop, plan and plan. Planning is success and one day at a time is less overwhelming, if I lose weekly no matter how much even if it is ounces I have had success. So I start with one change this week and that will be water for the next week that is my main focus. Drinking water!!! I hate water and at 305 pounds that means that I must drink half of my weigh in ounces in water which equates to 19 cups. YIKES!!!!
I have been drinking at least 32 oz of pop a day some days more. Therefore I need to replace 20 oz of that with water. That is my goal. My blood sugars are out of control again and I have done this to myself in 4 weeks. So here I go again but I am willing to make the sacrifices and stick with it. I am committing to myself to blog, to keep up with my team and share my daily struggles and successes. Today, no matter what I am going to my tops meeting I know there maybe a gain but if I donít hold myself accountable and get that needed support I wonít make it. I want to do this and have to do this for my health. I found myself turning to bariatric surgery-lap band consideration. I have done this before on my own, and will make this attempt to save myself. I know if others can I can. I watched a 60 some odd year old do it she lost 217# the problem is she stop attending our TOPS meeting and has started to gain, she is embarrassed to come back after receiving so many awards internationally and regionally. My last conversation with her last week was you canít fool a con; you are going back to old habits and fibbing about it. I really want to be honest with myself and succeed. I am tired of starting something and not finishing. I remember watching something on the biggest loser when one of the contestants said the same thing and how proud she was for once I would like to finish. I can do other things and I know if I start losing I will have more energy to do more. So baby steps. Water challenge will be first; 19 cups well that is my ultimate goal if I actually drank 8 cups of water yesterday and so far this morning I have had 32 oz and it is 9:30. I will drink my water and stay positive! One goal at a time, I KNOW I CAN!!! CANíT is not in my vocabulary because it means I WONíT but I WILL!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINMUSIC 4/27/2009 2:18PM

    If you really hate tanking down that water, remember that many delicious foods contain lots of water and can substitute for some of that. Fresh fruits and veggies, yogurt, soup, and cooked cereal all count. So does green tea, my favorite non-calorie beverage. I especially like it iced, and iced tea season will be here as soon as the sun comes out. Add a few sprigs of mint or lemon balm and set it out in the sun to brew. Yum.

Which reminds me, I have got to get out to my garden today while it isn't raining.

And yes, give up the pop! Wow, that stuff is bad for you. Take your pop money and put it into a jar for that snazzy new workout suit that you Absolutely Can't Wait to Wear the the Gym!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/27/2009 2:19:14 PM

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WITHSPIRIT 4/15/2009 10:14PM

    I am thinking of you Emmy and I know you can do this! Can't does mean won't - you are right. I may not be a pink anymore but you can't get rid of me so easy. Love, Lisa

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Days 4-7 Good Grief!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Good Grief what is wrong with me. I am having a hard time with this change!! I just feel defeated!! I'm feeling depressed and not really having the energy to push myself. I basically want to sleep and eat!!! I don't want to really try much of anything. I'm really feeling down. I shouldn't feel this way, I have a great husband, wonderful furkids and a roof over my head, hungry we are not. I just am feeling really bad about myself. I can't even understand why. Inside I feel very alone, isolated. I know it is my head doing this. I feel like a hypocrite, here I am leading a team but yet I can't manage to lead myself. ARGH!!!! I feel like food has got an overwhelming power over me. DEFEAT!! I am trying to figure out how to get out this hole I feel I am in.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOOMOOSCARYGIRL 4/2/2009 9:45AM

    Depression is a kicker...I've only suffered from mild bouts but I know others who have and still suffer from severe depression...sometimes I find that I have to tell myself it is the depression that is wanting me to eat and since I am a Christian...I also say other things that help get me out of my funk but I won't go any further on that unless you are interested...Think of the wonderful testamony you will have and be to the others on the team once you get through this and can help others with what you are going through...there is always light at the end of the tunnel...try to stay focused and fight those negative urges...even when you don't want to...My prayers are with you...

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DIVA26 4/1/2009 2:40PM

    Hang in there Em! My husband and I have both been in one of those funks this week! And I KNOW the solution is to get some exercise in and make sure I am eating healthy, but sometimes when you are in this funk, it makes it even harder! Keep trying!

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CUATROMOMMY 3/30/2009 1:25PM

    Em-please see my post on our group chat. I'm feeling the same way & it appears that many others are as well.

It's time for a group intervention. We all need to pitch in & figure out how to do a group intervention.

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EBPOOKIE 3/30/2009 10:32AM

    Thank Jan, it's not that bad, I get into funks everyone once and a while never for long periods of time, I've just have to sort through it I know I will. Thanks!!
Will try and get my eating under control! Exercise will help as well. It will give me something to focus on... You take care of yourself and yes I understand about the leading the team aspect of it. I have been doing it for 2 plus years and I am seriously thinking of moving on next challenge. I keep thinking by doing this I won't gain more then I have but I really haven't done for myself. Anyway, have to get going-- work today, really pushing myself to go in, I could use another day off but I will have a long weekend in two weeks.



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THINKGREEN 3/30/2009 10:24AM

    Emmy, you are not alone. I also suffer from depression and even with meds it sometimes gets the better of me. And like you, I feel a great amount of guilt leading a team and yet being one of the folks who is posting gains each week. I keep asking myself if maybe I should step down because if I can't motivate myself how can I motivate a whole team? But we will turn this around. If you've been suffering from depression symptoms for more than two weeks, I would urge you to seek professional help if you haven't already. You can start with having your primary physician recommend someone. Try and push yourself to eat healthy and get at least 30 min of aerobic exercise daily (easier said than done -- believe me I know!). And most of all know that you have friends here on SP who care.
Jan (aka Thinkgreen)

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Day 2 & 3

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Not so bad, had a migraine for almost 2 days but taking baby steps to doing things yesterday i walked the stairs at work twice and walked around the building twice, we are on a hill so walking around the building is no cake walk. so will continue to push myself as we move along.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINMUSIC 3/26/2009 6:56PM

    Go! Go!! GO!!!

emoticon

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GRIZZLYBEAR3 3/25/2009 4:17PM

    Be not afraid of taking the small steps to prosperity, only worry if you were not walking at all. Grizz emoticon

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GIQCKDIET 3/25/2009 11:59AM

    Keep it going. Your really inspiring me!

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DAY 1

Monday, March 23, 2009

OKAY SO FAR SO GOOD, GOT THE FOOD JOURNALING DOWN SO FAR THIS MORNING, NEXT IS EXERCISE THIS EVENING WITH BYRON WE WILL WALK!! THEN LAST BUT NOT LEAST

BATCH COOKING - PREPLANNING FOOD FOR SUCCESS THIS WEEK.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINMUSIC 3/25/2009 1:22AM

    Oh, I've never been able to do that planning thing. About the only batch cooking I do is roasting two chickens at once or making a huge pot of Whatchagot Stew.

I shy away from diets that have menus to follow. I just don't shop that way. Someday I'm going to write "The Loss-leader diet." How to buy groceries on sale and still lose weight.

First, I need to make it work, though.

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WITHSPIRIT 3/23/2009 10:25PM

    Yay, Emmy!!!!! I hope you had a fun walk with Grizz =) Lisa

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NO MORE EXCUSES!! I CAN DO IT!!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

BACK TO BASICS!!

JOURNALING MY FOOD INTAKE DAILY NO BUTTS!
PACKING AND PLANNING MY MEALS I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN OFF TRACK THESE PAST FEW WEEKS!!

EXERCISE DO IT DON'T SAY YOU WILL JUST GET OFF MY BUTT AND GET IT DOWN. I NEED TO DO IT. MY BACK IS HURTING MY EMOTIONAL SIDE IS HURTING, I'M NOT LIKING MYSELF MUCH. TIME FOR CHANGE!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOTEGRL1 3/23/2009 12:29AM

    I KNOW U HAVE THE DRIVE AND WILL TO REACH YOUR GOALS. YOU WERE ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE TO WELCOME ME TO SPARKS. JUST FROM THAT I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT . EVERYONE HAS THE BLAH DAYS BUT I KNOW YOU WILL FIND YOUR PASSIONS AGAIN. GOOD LUCK.
MICHELLE

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WITHSPIRIT 3/22/2009 11:04PM

    You can do it, Emmy!!!!! I believe in you! When I started tracking my food in January, I finally lost ten of the pounds I regained! I have another 12 or so to go =D I'll be watching for you to succeed too, friend!!! Hugs, Lisa

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