Wednesday, April 15, 2009
After weeks of feeling like crap, feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I can really do this I got an email about how people find excuses on losing weight and they canít do this or that. It made me think again of myself. Last week we had TOPS couple came in who made their goal and lost over 250 pounds together and they looked great. They shared their stories and it made me remember watching a movie called Table of 5 in this movie there is a scene where the little boy tells his dad he canít read and they are trying to but he gets frustrated and yells ďI CANíTĒ his dadís response was ďCANíT MEANS WONíTĒ
So every time I say I canít go to the gym because of this or that it means I wonít, it means I am using as an excuse to fail, not to succeed so I am my worst enemy. My next thought is how I would treat someone else who wants to lose this weight well I would be encouraging and not condescending. I have been there. I know that no Nutrisystems, Jenny Craig, weightwatchers or any other weight loss pill or group will not get the weight off if I donít change my attitude to I CAN! I have to have more confidence in me to do. I have to respect myself and love myself to say I CAN!! So here we go again trying to get over the hump of not losing and using food as my crutch. I am tired of food dictating my life. I have noticed that when I am mad instead of saying it I eat it, instead of doing something when I am bored Ė you know like taking a walk and exercising I eat. I eat for all the wrong reason, eating is a form of living, you eat to live not live to eat. Food is what sustains us but it can also kill us when abused, never thought of it that way. I need to push myself harder!!! In order succeed I need to shop, plan and plan. Planning is success and one day at a time is less overwhelming, if I lose weekly no matter how much even if it is ounces I have had success. So I start with one change this week and that will be water for the next week that is my main focus. Drinking water!!! I hate water and at 305 pounds that means that I must drink half of my weigh in ounces in water which equates to 19 cups. YIKES!!!!
I have been drinking at least 32 oz of pop a day some days more. Therefore I need to replace 20 oz of that with water. That is my goal. My blood sugars are out of control again and I have done this to myself in 4 weeks. So here I go again but I am willing to make the sacrifices and stick with it. I am committing to myself to blog, to keep up with my team and share my daily struggles and successes. Today, no matter what I am going to my tops meeting I know there maybe a gain but if I donít hold myself accountable and get that needed support I wonít make it. I want to do this and have to do this for my health. I found myself turning to bariatric surgery-lap band consideration. I have done this before on my own, and will make this attempt to save myself. I know if others can I can. I watched a 60 some odd year old do it she lost 217# the problem is she stop attending our TOPS meeting and has started to gain, she is embarrassed to come back after receiving so many awards internationally and regionally. My last conversation with her last week was you canít fool a con; you are going back to old habits and fibbing about it. I really want to be honest with myself and succeed. I am tired of starting something and not finishing. I remember watching something on the biggest loser when one of the contestants said the same thing and how proud she was for once I would like to finish. I can do other things and I know if I start losing I will have more energy to do more. So baby steps. Water challenge will be first; 19 cups well that is my ultimate goal if I actually drank 8 cups of water yesterday and so far this morning I have had 32 oz and it is 9:30. I will drink my water and stay positive! One goal at a time, I KNOW I CAN!!! CANíT is not in my vocabulary because it means I WONíT but I WILL!