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Fall dust yourself off and get back up

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Failure is not the fact that you had a binge, fell off the wagon, didnt work out, and ate the wrong things. Failure is beating yourself silly in your own mind with mean words and lack of compassion for yourself.
Saying things like: I suck, I am worthless because I ate this bad stuff or I binged is bad. No matter where you are coming from it really is something you will believe and set yourself up for continuous failure. I know that when I have a bad day I have to tell myself to forget it and not beat myself over it, sometimes it happens the key is to get yourself back up sometimes this process is hard the longer you are off it.

Falling and not getting up or quitting on yourself is FAILURE why do I say this well the fact that you wont get up and try to take care of yourself is key that means you dont care for yourself, you dont love yourself. I have been there where I have not liked myself to not get back up for years but now no matter what no matter how hard I fall I pick up myself and get off. Why because I am worth it. I AM FN AWESOME ROCKSTAR! I CHOSE TO vs. having to do this. No one has to hold your feet to the fire but yourself. Love yourself remind yourself daily what an FN AWESOME ROCKSTAR you are!!!

So what do you do to get yourself back on track after being gone from it for more than 3 days?
Start small nothing big and overwhelming. Say today I choose to drink water vs. pop maybe that was what threw you off or exercising start with 10 mins I bet you when you finish ten mins you will feel good and add more mins afterwards. Healthy options start by substituting healthy over the higher calorie stuff, example-chicken sandwich fried and full of fat, how about a whole wheat bun, lettuce, light mayo with garlic powder or a little pesto tomato and a grilled chicken breast. That is a better than the fried version, same with fries back vs. frying.

Do your best forgive yourself and just keep trying, again reminding yourself on how AWESOME you are for embarking on this hard journey. Remember you are worth it!! I am worth it SAY IT, WRITE IT and LIVE IT!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 8/3/2014 12:39PM


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EVIE4NOW 7/29/2014 5:48PM

  Love your blog. Thanks.

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LIFENPROGRESS 7/29/2014 2:00PM


The only thing a person can ever really do is keep moving forward. Take that big leap forward without hesitation, without once looking back. Simply forget the past and forge toward the future.
~ Alyson Noel ~

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Strong is here to stay - Let go of the last of my old skeletons

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The past few months I have let go of so much, I remembered so much from my past, it was hard it hurt and i was reunited with my brother after 37 years but i had one last piece to the puzzle to complete letting go the things that made me feel unworthy, ashamed, so much anxiety, humiliation,pain and anguish. That night I had remembered was filled with awful not thiings i wanted to talk about. I realized that I have not been as compassionate by myself. I was listening to someone's story and it had to do with a similar journey and my mind was saying why does he feel that way. It wasn't his fault not his to carry the guilt, shame, etc... as I heard myself saying this things in my head a mirror turned it back on myself and at that point I realized I had to talk, I had to let it out. I had written it out the week before but still not felt my feelings. I started to talk about it with my therapist and stopped at that point that caused the great hurt. I was afraid - but when i heard the story that weekend I knew I had to. I talked to my brothers and they too felt I should get it over with. I had to face the fear - their words hit me, why let the fear hold you back hold you in that pain that I was letting my father and step mom win, at that point i realized it was like i was still letting them beat me down the more i kept it in the more i treated myself badly in my head. So my appt was on July 3, 2014 at 5pm I was going there with a purpose. My therpist asked me how I was and I said let's get to this, I have get it out. I told her I would have to read it as i felt so much humilitaiton and shame, i was afraid of being judged again it's my head the little me blah blah blah trying to keep me from speaking up! So I pulled out my journal and started to read the first paragraph the part that was so hard and what happened next is I put the paper down and finally started talking and not reading but what happened as i start not reading but talking my tears came flowing, all that time of not being able to cry or show any emotions (fear of reprecussion - when it happened i had been told cry and it would be worse) i held in so much when pain happened i removed myself at that moment it all came out every tear i had held back and more. My therapist was nothing but compassionate and told me to let it all out she held my hadn and hugged me and i just let it out. After i pulled myself together she asked me what i was going to do for myself that night how would i handle it. I told her I was going to just decompressed and make sure i had my own space to take care of me. She wanted me to rest and ask for help if needed. We talked a little more and then the session was over as i was leaving she told me her partner would say "i'm f'in awesome" whenever he had done something good for himself. I laughed as i was walking out she stopped me and reminded me that i was doing great work and then told me i want you to say "i am an awesome f'in ROCKSTAR!" so i repeated it and she said no say it no yell it and mean it. I did and it made me laugh she gave me a hug and told me to remember it.

Can i say everytime i have made a great choice about food, exercise or anything that matter that comes into my head.

July 4th i had the Freedom Run 5K my goal was to have fun and try to get in under an hour because the last bunch of races i lost the fun the joy i would get from my training and races after getting sick for all that time(see previous blogs) I had committed the medal to my little brother who can't walk much less run more than a block he's in wheel chair or walker.. I came in under an hour 58 mis give or take and had a good time. I called my little brother to let him know how it went and that i was going to send him the medal his response was you keep the medal your earned it yesterday and send me the lapel pin that was part of the medal. You ran the freedomthon now you are free big sis. I am free - I left all that crap in that office that day and it felt liberating.

So that has been my mantra in my head I'm an awesome f'in rockstar or I'm f'in awesome pops in my head constantly. It feels good to love my body, love myself to make healthy choices, for once just to really love and be free within me. I know I'm not fixed overnight but I know I am a SURVIVOR who is healing her body, heart, mind and soul daily.

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Running to the finish with my best friend Krista

Krista & I with our medals

Time to train hard for Half Marathon in Vegas.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRESSINGON3:14 7/16/2014 8:18AM

    Thanks so much for sharing what you are going through. I relate to the negative thoughts that can keep one in bondage. I'm glad you are letting go and finding your freedom.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GINTEX 7/15/2014 9:35PM

    Emmy, thank you for sharing. You have done amazing work. I am sorry that you had to deal with all that but you are an overcomer! emoticon

I saw a T shirt on the internet today that said, "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

You are a great example and inspiration. Keep up the good work!

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MRS.O14 7/15/2014 1:34PM

    You are f'n awesome! That's a beautiful shade of happy on you!!

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AAAACK 7/15/2014 11:43AM

    You really are amazing! And worth every moment you give yourself. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it's been a long journey, and you've arrived, Emmy, you've arrived! You can breathe and know that each clean free breath is for you.

Keep up the awesome!

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DANCINCAJUN1 7/15/2014 10:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SWEETNEEY 7/15/2014 8:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Feeling low

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Haven't be en in the best of spirits, my mind and body have given me a lot to handle this year my journey has been tough and quite honestly I feel beaten down. My immune system is extremely low, I keep getting sinus infection which aggravate my asthma right now. My foot has bothered me alot my running has been sporadic and I miss it. I have been told pool only for a few weeks. I start tomorrow. I am at a point we're I really want to hide and not be around others. Some Friendships are really testing my heart. I have always been there, they at times drained everything out of me with their family drama but always did I listen. Now when I am at a crossword where are they. I have come to realize that some friends are forever, some just pop in but it is up to me to hold my standards up. If you want a therapist pay for one I am no longer the free ride for you. I can count my real friends and family in my one hand. I need to take care of me and that includes sorting out whom stays and who I keep at a distance to keep my heart from breaking.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REXTINE1 7/6/2014 6:15PM

    I'm sorry to hear that you were so low. And I hope you are feeling at least some better by now. I have a few problems from time to time, but it's never any good to tell them to someone else - so I'm sorry your friends felt the need to vent. Remember the old saying "This too shall pass." What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. emoticon emoticon

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AAAACK 6/14/2014 2:51PM

    I feel like I went through much of the 2nd half of your blog a few years back, and now I have a good core of just a couple of "go-to" people, and I feel better for it. Life's too short to spend with people who don't make you feel good about yourself - including the drainers!

The first half of your blog I'm experiencing the same thing. For about 6 years now I've been trying to find my exercise identity as things I loved were taken from my exercise repertoire. It's a struggle, for certain. I'm still trying to find new things that fit both my time constraints and body constraints. Having said that, you have that cool trainer friend, right? Maybe he can help you come up with stuff you can do?

I can also highly recommend boxing if your upper body will do it. Not hitting people, just bags. And you do get a leg workout, but without pounding them (like running). With a good trainer, you learn that each punch comes from your legs and torso more than your arms, so you do get a full body workout and it torches calories! And I always feel so peaceful afterward.

Good luck, lady, we're with you!

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JITZUROE 6/14/2014 10:55AM

    Oh honey I'm sorry that this seems to be a particularly rough patch for you.
Yes, it's true, friendships aren't forever, but sometimes the few true friends show their weight in gold during the painful seasons in life. I'm praying that those tried and true valuable friends step up at this time, and wrap their arms around you with love...
I've learned a lot since my disease reared it's ugly head. Lost a lot of friendships since some were literally afraid of how I was starting to look as Ethel progressed. I couldn't go out or be as active anymore. I was always in pain. A lot of them just disappeared. It broke my heart. But then I realized that although I only had a handful of friends and family left supporting me, that was all I needed truly.
I am sending you giant gentle hugs of support, and a prayer of healing for your body.you WILL get back to running, and breathing better.this is only temporary!
And amidst this great trial in your life,I still see your strength: you refuse to let friends take advantage of you. Shame on them for not seeing all of the beauty you have to contribute to true friendship. Proud of you for standing up for yourself.
We will be here for you and hope you feel better soon...Bren

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MRS.O14 6/14/2014 10:10AM

    Sending lots of love Emmy!!

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LINDA7668 6/14/2014 9:28AM

    I'm sorry that your feeling so badly. Let the energy sapping "friends" learn to deal with their problems on their own. Take all that energy and put it towards yourself. You deserve to feel the best you can!

Sinus infections are no fun. Hopefully, you will get over it very soon.

Sending you good thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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GRANDMABABA 6/14/2014 9:25AM

    I'm so sorry that you have so many challenges and disappointments. I pray the coming days will be brighter! emoticon

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Digging Deep and Finding my Strong through a set back

Sunday, April 20, 2014

These 4 months have been tough.

I started the year with remembering some repressed memories that were painful but had an awesome outcome as i got reunited with my little brother.

Had ups and downs through this time my weight has fluctuated up and down right now up. The time it took for the repressed memory took a tool on my body. I was running on adrenaline alot of times as i sorted flashbacks and nightmare. It caused lack of sleep - when i was up i would run (woggle) to sort things out my body finally fought back in March. The respirtory infection that i started the year with never had really left my body and now i have gone through 4 rounds of meds and still i feel awful. Asthma, allergies and respirtory infection combined is tough.

Last week I attempted to walk the Vernonia Half - which my dr. had told me to lay low on but it was tough not to want to try. I did go 8 miles but ended up with two fat blisters and my Asthma kicked up so i pulled myself out which i had promised my friends and family i would listen to my body. I did.

Went shopping and am committed to getting things done with the help of my friends. I feel my strong now i have pull it out.

I will get better through diet and listen to my health coach and therapist.

Needed to see this comparison

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 5/11/2014 2:38PM

    This is all part of our development to become a better persons. Sometimes we have to postpone things. Hope things are improving now.

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NBARNES 4/21/2014 4:08PM

    Good choices on pulling out of the race. We MUST listen to the body. Keep the mindset strong!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 4/21/2014 10:06AM

    Emmy - your strength and want to shined even through the last rough months. You are still here and kicking. emoticon

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GINTEX 4/21/2014 7:21AM

    You are an inspiration. Love the quote on your background. You are strong and getting stronger. emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 4/20/2014 9:19PM


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MTN_KITTEN 4/20/2014 7:04PM


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AAAACK 4/20/2014 6:19PM

    I think the coolest thing is WANTing to get back out there and do whatever makes you feel great. Even if your body (respiratory, memory, whatev) is restricting you, at least you're still chompin' at the bit to get back out there! As always, you're such an inspiration.

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I'm back - it's been a while!

Friday, April 11, 2014

Well back to the starting block..

I have been going through alot physically and mentally. Sorry I have not stayed on top of my blogging.

Last race was on March 3, 2014 it was slow but i finished.

Got an upper respirtory infection at the begining of the year and never went away; and then dealt with memories that resurfaced that really kicked my butt.

I have managed to overcome both illness and slowly recovering from the memories and am healing.

I am ready to get back at it healthy healthy healthy!!

I need to get my A1C down (blood sugar numbers) or i will be taking insulin right now i take oral medication. I hate needles big motivator need to do this by June.

I spoke with my health coach today it felt good I got some awesome ideas from her she is amazing. Makes me think and work at it.

Sleep, Exercise, Healthy eating choices and tracking, journaling & blogging that is my goal for the next month. Get myself back on track and WATER I almost forgot that one but the need to drink plenty of it.

I still am recouping from the respirtory infection and coping with the Asthma but getting lots of sleep which i needed - haven't gotten the all clear yet to exercise but hoping to start back slow when i get the okay. It's killing me but i get it. I was taken out of woggling my half marathon (woggling = walk/run) but watch when i get back at it

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLESSEDBEING 4/20/2014 2:16PM

    Wishing you the best dear. I remember how frustrating it was for me when a pinched nerve made me change and decrease my exercise, especially strength training. I did take that time to put more energy into the emotional work, and that has made a big difference in my life.

So I'll just send positive healing prayers and energy your way, and encourage you to practice patience and compassion with yourself and your recovery, and to embrace the lessons and opportunities that present themselves now, and in the time to come.

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

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AAAACK 4/15/2014 11:57AM

    Glad to see you back, and you seem to have your "fight" back as well! Good going.

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DIFROMWYOMING 4/13/2014 4:25PM

    Good to get an update, hope the illnesses fade and you can have a healthy spring and summer!

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 4/11/2014 11:16AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NBARNES 4/11/2014 10:19AM

    Welcome back...now just to get the body up to par with your brain! Always a chore for me. But glad to hear your lovely 'voice' again on the blogs. Take care and don't push harder than you should!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 4/11/2014 10:14AM

    Glad to see you back - it was good to catch up. emoticon

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MRS.O14 4/11/2014 1:44AM

    You've got this Em!! You are so much stronger than any obstacle that may try to get in your way!!

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ROXYCARIN 4/11/2014 1:31AM


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