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Feeling low

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Haven't be en in the best of spirits, my mind and body have given me a lot to handle this year my journey has been tough and quite honestly I feel beaten down. My immune system is extremely low, I keep getting sinus infection which aggravate my asthma right now. My foot has bothered me alot my running has been sporadic and I miss it. I have been told pool only for a few weeks. I start tomorrow. I am at a point we're I really want to hide and not be around others. Some Friendships are really testing my heart. I have always been there, they at times drained everything out of me with their family drama but always did I listen. Now when I am at a crossword where are they. I have come to realize that some friends are forever, some just pop in but it is up to me to hold my standards up. If you want a therapist pay for one I am no longer the free ride for you. I can count my real friends and family in my one hand. I need to take care of me and that includes sorting out whom stays and who I keep at a distance to keep my heart from breaking.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REXTINE1 7/6/2014 6:15PM

    I'm sorry to hear that you were so low. And I hope you are feeling at least some better by now. I have a few problems from time to time, but it's never any good to tell them to someone else - so I'm sorry your friends felt the need to vent. Remember the old saying "This too shall pass." What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. emoticon emoticon

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AAAACK 6/14/2014 2:51PM

    I feel like I went through much of the 2nd half of your blog a few years back, and now I have a good core of just a couple of "go-to" people, and I feel better for it. Life's too short to spend with people who don't make you feel good about yourself - including the drainers!

The first half of your blog I'm experiencing the same thing. For about 6 years now I've been trying to find my exercise identity as things I loved were taken from my exercise repertoire. It's a struggle, for certain. I'm still trying to find new things that fit both my time constraints and body constraints. Having said that, you have that cool trainer friend, right? Maybe he can help you come up with stuff you can do?

I can also highly recommend boxing if your upper body will do it. Not hitting people, just bags. And you do get a leg workout, but without pounding them (like running). With a good trainer, you learn that each punch comes from your legs and torso more than your arms, so you do get a full body workout and it torches calories! And I always feel so peaceful afterward.

Good luck, lady, we're with you!

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JITZUROE 6/14/2014 10:55AM

    Oh honey I'm sorry that this seems to be a particularly rough patch for you.
Yes, it's true, friendships aren't forever, but sometimes the few true friends show their weight in gold during the painful seasons in life. I'm praying that those tried and true valuable friends step up at this time, and wrap their arms around you with love...
I've learned a lot since my disease reared it's ugly head. Lost a lot of friendships since some were literally afraid of how I was starting to look as Ethel progressed. I couldn't go out or be as active anymore. I was always in pain. A lot of them just disappeared. It broke my heart. But then I realized that although I only had a handful of friends and family left supporting me, that was all I needed truly.
I am sending you giant gentle hugs of support, and a prayer of healing for your body.you WILL get back to running, and breathing better.this is only temporary!
And amidst this great trial in your life,I still see your strength: you refuse to let friends take advantage of you. Shame on them for not seeing all of the beauty you have to contribute to true friendship. Proud of you for standing up for yourself.
We will be here for you and hope you feel better soon...Bren

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MRS.O14 6/14/2014 10:10AM

    Sending lots of love Emmy!!

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LINDA7668 6/14/2014 9:28AM

    I'm sorry that your feeling so badly. Let the energy sapping "friends" learn to deal with their problems on their own. Take all that energy and put it towards yourself. You deserve to feel the best you can!

Sinus infections are no fun. Hopefully, you will get over it very soon.

Sending you good thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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GRANDMABABA 6/14/2014 9:25AM

    I'm so sorry that you have so many challenges and disappointments. I pray the coming days will be brighter! emoticon

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Digging Deep and Finding my Strong through a set back

Sunday, April 20, 2014

These 4 months have been tough.

I started the year with remembering some repressed memories that were painful but had an awesome outcome as i got reunited with my little brother.

Had ups and downs through this time my weight has fluctuated up and down right now up. The time it took for the repressed memory took a tool on my body. I was running on adrenaline alot of times as i sorted flashbacks and nightmare. It caused lack of sleep - when i was up i would run (woggle) to sort things out my body finally fought back in March. The respirtory infection that i started the year with never had really left my body and now i have gone through 4 rounds of meds and still i feel awful. Asthma, allergies and respirtory infection combined is tough.

Last week I attempted to walk the Vernonia Half - which my dr. had told me to lay low on but it was tough not to want to try. I did go 8 miles but ended up with two fat blisters and my Asthma kicked up so i pulled myself out which i had promised my friends and family i would listen to my body. I did.



Went shopping and am committed to getting things done with the help of my friends. I feel my strong now i have pull it out.

I will get better through diet and listen to my health coach and therapist.

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Needed to see this comparison

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 5/11/2014 2:38PM

    This is all part of our development to become a better persons. Sometimes we have to postpone things. Hope things are improving now.

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NBARNES 4/21/2014 4:08PM

    Good choices on pulling out of the race. We MUST listen to the body. Keep the mindset strong!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 4/21/2014 10:06AM

    Emmy - your strength and want to shined even through the last rough months. You are still here and kicking. emoticon

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GINTEX 4/21/2014 7:21AM

    You are an inspiration. Love the quote on your background. You are strong and getting stronger. emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 4/20/2014 9:19PM

    emoticon

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MTN_KITTEN 4/20/2014 7:04PM

    emoticon

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AAAACK 4/20/2014 6:19PM

    I think the coolest thing is WANTing to get back out there and do whatever makes you feel great. Even if your body (respiratory, memory, whatev) is restricting you, at least you're still chompin' at the bit to get back out there! As always, you're such an inspiration.

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I'm back - it's been a while!

Friday, April 11, 2014

Well back to the starting block..

I have been going through alot physically and mentally. Sorry I have not stayed on top of my blogging.

Last race was on March 3, 2014 it was slow but i finished.

Got an upper respirtory infection at the begining of the year and never went away; and then dealt with memories that resurfaced that really kicked my butt.

I have managed to overcome both illness and slowly recovering from the memories and am healing.

I am ready to get back at it healthy healthy healthy!!

I need to get my A1C down (blood sugar numbers) or i will be taking insulin right now i take oral medication. I hate needles big motivator need to do this by June.

I spoke with my health coach today it felt good I got some awesome ideas from her she is amazing. Makes me think and work at it.

Sleep, Exercise, Healthy eating choices and tracking, journaling & blogging that is my goal for the next month. Get myself back on track and WATER I almost forgot that one but the need to drink plenty of it.

I still am recouping from the respirtory infection and coping with the Asthma but getting lots of sleep which i needed - haven't gotten the all clear yet to exercise but hoping to start back slow when i get the okay. It's killing me but i get it. I was taken out of woggling my half marathon (woggling = walk/run) but watch when i get back at it

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLESSEDBEING 4/20/2014 2:16PM

    Wishing you the best dear. I remember how frustrating it was for me when a pinched nerve made me change and decrease my exercise, especially strength training. I did take that time to put more energy into the emotional work, and that has made a big difference in my life.

So I'll just send positive healing prayers and energy your way, and encourage you to practice patience and compassion with yourself and your recovery, and to embrace the lessons and opportunities that present themselves now, and in the time to come.

Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

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AAAACK 4/15/2014 11:57AM

    Glad to see you back, and you seem to have your "fight" back as well! Good going.

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DIFROMWYOMING 4/13/2014 4:25PM

    Good to get an update, hope the illnesses fade and you can have a healthy spring and summer!

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 4/11/2014 11:16AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NBARNES 4/11/2014 10:19AM

    Welcome back...now just to get the body up to par with your brain! Always a chore for me. But glad to hear your lovely 'voice' again on the blogs. Take care and don't push harder than you should!

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SEWINGMAMACDS 4/11/2014 10:14AM

    Glad to see you back - it was good to catch up. emoticon

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MRS.O14 4/11/2014 1:44AM

    You've got this Em!! You are so much stronger than any obstacle that may try to get in your way!!

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ROXYCARIN 4/11/2014 1:31AM

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Over 100 miles logged in January

Friday, January 31, 2014

I have found out alot about myself, my strength and my perserverence to keep going even when things have gotten tough. Repressed memories have been surfacing the past week and half. it is scary as my counselor & family are working together to help me. I have found solace on rough days through my run/walk. I am pretty proud. I also found out who my true friends are; who i can count on in a pinch when things got rough this week. My husband has been very supportive with drawing baths and just doing anything to make me comfortable.

To think three months ago i was doubting myself for lack of training for the half finally after talking with my best friend on Turkey day as we ran - he pretty much my little brother in my world and he made me realize so much as i was processing things. I got myself up out of my depression and moved I conquered so much in that half - I FOUND my STRONG!

I am here to say my STRONG is perservering as I completed over 100 miles in the past month - this while being done sick for 11 days and unable to run because i couldn't breathe. I managed to squeek this out with a little more. I am by far not done with my journey but I know I can no matter how hard things are!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JITZUROE 2/11/2014 11:08AM

    Wooohooooo! You found your strong! I'm thrilled for you.
And I adore that you have such a wonderfully supportive husband.
You can move mountains, and you ARE!
Bren

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MRS.O14 2/4/2014 9:04AM

    Pretty impressive my friend!! Keep up the awesome work!!

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EBPOOKIE 2/1/2014 1:41AM

    Thanks everyone

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AAAACK 1/31/2014 12:03PM

    You are so very strong, and I'm so excited that you've recognized it in yourself! You have that rare combination to be strong and sweet at the same time. 100 miles - a century - while sick! Your strong is awesome as is your "go!"

You inspire me.

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NBARNES 1/31/2014 11:12AM

    You DID find your strong! Sounds like you're not just working on the physical strong, but very much on the mental strong as well. Let both carry you through any hardships you might be facing and know we're all behind you here!

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MRS.O14 1/31/2014 10:51AM

    Awesome!!! Way to go!!!!!

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SUNSHINE99999 1/31/2014 9:43AM

  emoticon pretty impressive indeed.

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Holiday Half - Personal Record Achieved (pix added)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

emoticonTime: 4:02:06 Pace 18:11 emoticon

I woke up at 4:30 am feeling strong and that I had this Holiday Half I got this feeling inside that was strong. A few weeks I blogged on how not prepared I was for this and not knowing if I even wanted to but my best friend reminded me he had signed up because I did (guilt card all the way) He told me he believed in me and that I had to do the same and just get back into training. I had less then two weeks to start the first week i got about 16 miles in and last week I got 30 miles in during practice. I couldn't believe it. All week I kept telling myself I had this. My last run before the half was on Friday I walk/ran 7 miles and felt good a little tired but knew if i could run/walk i had a chance of doing something... I kept my positive mantra saturday got my gear ready and then as stated when i woke up i felt ready!

We got to the Addidas campus in Portland early so we could find parking we got to the gym and enjoyed being around other runners I was soaking in the festivities people in their holiday wears and costumes. We got out to the race start area and there was a little bit of delay but we hear the horn go and we were off.

Mile 1 - I completed in 16:42 I walked quick and ran as well we ran through neighborhoods dressed up in holiday flare as well

Mile 2 - Started by a school and some families were outside of their homes as we ran right past their home completed it in 17:42.

Mile 3 - Completed in 17:32 brought us along the Willamette Blvd which down below was the clifs you can see the Willamette River and the more neighborhoods which were beautiful.

Miles 4 thru 6 we went through the university blocks again I was soaking up the atmosphere and pushing through as this is the school my little brother and his best friend attented. I could feel my momentum moving from mile 4 thru 6 my times:
Mile 4-18:00 Mile 5 -16:57 & Mile 6 -17:27 as i was run/walking some of the faster packs were returning and so we were side by side and they were cheering me on and high fiving me to keep going; got my water and heard carolors on the side of the street.

Mile 7 - would i ever get there the turn around it sure looked smaller on the map by now i was on my own some runners were on the return but the cop said time to go on the side walk (hatred of concrete and sidewalks) I asked how about i run on the bike lane (NO) okay so kept plugging along on the side walks running/walking. It was getting harder on the sidewalk!!!
completed it at: 18:24

Mile 8 & 9 now on the return it was quiet i was on my own i knew i had other walkers behind me about 4 of them i knew i would not be last and I liked that. At the same time I felt their struggles i knew how hard the second half of a half is but i was still walk/running i was amazed i had this and while yest i was fatigued i was able to run past 7 and into 8 and now 9 well my run/walks stopped at about 9.5 as i started cramping up. Can i say that gatorade goop is disgusting much less flavored express ewe but it helped as i was getting light headed.
Mile 8 -18:46 & Mile 9 - 19:05

Mile 10 was my walk - i was only able to walk and it was a very slow uphill very gradual but I could feel and being on the concrete my feet were aching and screaming hurry up and finish because they hurt. As I was battling the pain and aches I heard someone yell my name and ring cowbells as she drove by it was my dear TOPS Pal Patt (her son marathons) so she knew exactly where my race was at so there she was so she turned her truck down a street and I was like feet keep moving it was the push I need at mile 10.5 i am looking ahead and see my friend and her husband they surprised me on the course they were walking to me to support me my final miles. Mile 10- 20:02

Mile 11 - 19:05 I picked up pace they helped they walked faster and kept me going i was so thirsty and grateful Trish (aka Flutterby4jc) hubby went and got me some water - drank that pup up Kept walking and telling myself i had this. Then I saw Patt & her hubby cowbell in tow cheering me on again. More positive energy so feet don't fail me now. I looked at my Garmin and i felt if i kept pushing i would get my pr.

Mile 12 - 18:45 Kept pushing and Trish and her hubby kept me moving I knew I had now was how good would my PR by 12.5 miles i knew i wouldn't make the under 4 hr mark but knew i would still pr by mins. My time to beat was 4:04 by golly it was going to happen.

Mile 13 - saw it and the cop that had put me on the sidewalk twice (i told you all i hated the sidewalk but second time i knew if iwas caught again he pull me off so i behaved) he asked me if i was Emmy and I said yes - said my husband was worried and i told him tell him i'm .30 and i will see him soon. My legs were cramping and i was just wanting to finish

Mile 14 whic is your .1 basically i started to run although i was limp running by golley i was going to do it 4:01 to get that done basically according to my watch.

My husband got pictures as I was woggling in I was never so happy to be done because at that point i felt so much emotions I finally had confidence in my self that when i left that start i felt i was going to do something more than i could ever have imagined. I said I had this and I did it. I finally saw my strong and believed in myself. Funny my healthcoach said i was going to do something her words: this race will be your breakthrough... she was right my mind is in a different place and it can only get better. I am no longer going to get in my way when things get hard I am going to reach out and continue to ask and say what i need. I am so worth fighting hard for myself!!


Finish line run

Bri & I

kidding around

Trish (aka Flutterby4jc) & Henry (hubby) forever grateful for the 3 miles you were there with me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 12/21/2013 7:14PM

    Congratulations - emoticon

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ZAEMOM 12/18/2013 11:25AM

    Look at you go! Fantastic! This really was a fun read as I would love to be where you are some day. How inspiring! Good for you!

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SMILES_CAN_DO 12/17/2013 11:14PM

  Congratulations! You are a rock star! Amazing!

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NBARNES 12/17/2013 3:44PM

    WAY TO GO! I'm very, very impressed - and isn't it terrific to have a friend who'll push you just when you need to be pushed. I too love this blog - makes me wish my knees were up to this!
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FLUTTERBY4JC 12/17/2013 2:20PM

    emoticon You did AWESOME!
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You had so many victories in this race!
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You inspire me to want to do a half marathon and its now on my agenda for next year!!

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AAAACK 12/17/2013 1:19PM

    I love this blog! I feel like I was right there with you emotionally. Man, I'm so excited for you, what an incredible feeling it must have been.

You're amazing!

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JITZUROE 12/17/2013 10:41AM

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
You said you would do it, and honey, you DID IT!!!!
I'm so proud of you! This was a lot of hard work and the mental hard work was even more challenging I'm sure.

Wahoooooo!!!!!!
Can't wait to see pics.

Hugs!
Bren

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