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Sorry to Report Addicted Relapse

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Well,

I am sorry to report I totally gave in and ate sweets. I was completely surrounded by sweets. I was watching my pastors children at there house while they were on a retreat. Well, The temptation was to great. I abstain from it up until the second night. I don't know I started to feel down for some reason and then began eating it. I don't know were I should go from here.

I think I will start out again with day 23 tomorrow. A fresh start. I was being so good and dedicated with food and exercise but the change in scenery really messed everything up...

I have had the thought a few times well I can just be fat I have been fat this long what difference will it make. Well, the bottom line is I want to be healthy. I want to be active, energized and ready to go. I want to prepare my body with optimal health so it has a fighting chance against all the diseases floating around like cancer, heart disease, diabetes and so forth..

Please keep me in your prayers I really need it. Thank you...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBRABUF 2/10/2011 5:04PM

    Hi Ebony, it is like quitting anything else, we fail at it a few times, but then we succeed. Giving up sugar for as long as you did was awesome...and I know what you mean when the stuff is starring you in the face...be strong, you can do it.

Did you ever try to perhaps allow yourself say once every two weeks any type of candy as a treat?

We so limit ourselves and that can cause a binge on the stuff we are eliminating..

Just some thoughts...I felt bad for you, reading this.

Keep your eyes on the Lord, if you are watching your pastor's kids, I'm sure you know what I'm saying.

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GRACEANAQAH 2/4/2011 12:28AM

    Don't be too hard on yourself emoticonIt's okay...you just get right back and start all over again....there is nothing wrong with that...you acknowledged that you went off course but then you got right back in. That is emoticon

You are doing a emoticon job! emoticon

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PONYFARMER 2/3/2011 6:09PM

    You need to know, it is NOT your fault. You would never have those things in your house and you may need to tell your pastor, if you are to sit for him again, that you need to watch the kids in a "CLEAN" enviorment and if he could put away, hide those kinds of foods, it would really help you.

Also try reading THE END OF OVEREATHING! You will find out why it is not your fault. I just started it and I do not have the solution yet, hope he has one, or I would give it to you. I checked mine out from the library.

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 2/3/2011 5:53PM

    emoticonYOU LISTEN UP!!
Your a Warrior!! A few sweets is not gonna derail YOU!! The fact that you feel guilty from it PROVES your on the right path to getting healthy..Some people wouldn't care..Wouldn't even try to eat better the next day..BUT YOU ARE !!
emoticonSometimes we are thrown off plan..BUT we get right back up.
Now "stop that stinking thinkin" (words from my Pastor) emoticon
YOU WILL get fit..And you will be HEALTHY!!
God Bless~Christina

Comment edited on: 2/3/2011 5:54:09 PM

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ANDI571 2/3/2011 12:01PM

    You don't have to go anywhere. You just keep on going. I had 4 mini donuts the other night, and still was able to show success on the scale this morning. The thing is about over eating is that we don't have to do it everytime. We are human and it happens. The sweets won't stop your progress, it will just slow it down. And if we eat the sweets within portion control and in between our body being hungry and full, it won't even slow it down.
emoticon

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THEONEBLUEGECKO 2/3/2011 11:35AM

    You are doing so much for your health, eating those sweets was, if anything a mistake, and it is something you will move on from. You are doing so much for your health. You are doing so much for you. The important thing is that you keep moving forward and don't let a mistake no matter what it is hold you back. It is something for you to learn from. (For example, you ate some sweets, but you have the willpower now to not let yourself get out of control, that is a huge thing to realize.)

You are doing great. You are working for yourself. You care about your well being at that is a great thing. You are not letting a mistake or relapse or anything hold you back.

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HOLDINGTIGHT 2/3/2011 11:08AM

    You can do this.Hang in there, please do not give up. Every minute is chance to begin anew, so just go for it. In my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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KIMBYUT 2/3/2011 11:07AM

    And to that, I say: so what!? Not to diminish you're feelings about "relapsing" but it's ok, it really is! It's about progress not perfection. It's ok to relapse every now and then. The important part is that you do it, get over it and move on instead of falling into that slippery slope of a downward spiral (you know the, I messed up this morning, no sense in eating healthy the rest of the day, etc). And what can you take away from it? What can you learn from it? Turn it into a learning opportunity! Keep it up and don't be so hard on yourself.

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TERESA159 2/3/2011 11:06AM

    Try not to be too hard on yourself because as you said, you were not in control of the situation. Being outside of what you can control and NOT giving in to temptation is the hardest thing to learn. Keep going, keep trying, you'll get there!

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Addicted day 21

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Well, today was a little difficult because I kept on thinking it is my last day so who cares I can end it early.. But, I did not give in..

I was at my moms house after church and let me tell you it is so difficult to be there. I am constantly craving food when I am over there. Well, I did not give in and luckily I had given her some Chili I made last week and it was frozen and I totally was able to eat otherwise I would have been real hungry right now.

I am writing in my food diary. It is going find on the third day but we will see what the results are in thirty days... The battle begins tomorrow and I am so excited. I did my measurements now I have to do the fitness tests which I reviewed and planned on doing but now the day is here when it needs to be done.

Have a great day all....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEANAQAH 2/2/2011 8:12AM

    Great to know you had that chili there! I am so happy that you didn't give in emoticon

I am excited about the 8 week battle too!

emoticon Have an emoticonday! emoticon

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LEANJEAN6 1/31/2011 5:12PM

    Good for you to do this!! You can do it!!!

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BUGGYS 1/31/2011 4:08PM

    Love your positive attitude and spunk...way to go! We are going to make this a great 8 weeks!!! emoticon

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 1/30/2011 11:41PM

    emoticonLOVE your spirit!!
Keep the momentum up..Your gonna make these 8 weeks COUNT!!
There are gonna be HUGE changes in YOU..I already know!!
God Bless~Christina emoticon

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JENNKHEALTH 1/30/2011 10:22PM

    Keep it up! Take it one day and one challenge at a time:D

emoticon

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Day 20 Can't Believe

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Today I ran right through my calories and did not get all my servings of V/F.

All and ALl a pretty productive day. I am constantly battling this sadness or anxiety. It really sucks. It makes it even harder to stay on track. I was tempted a few times to day to bite into a pancake with syrup, lick my bacony finger tips, or just have a taste of the dinner I made Jy to ensure it was tasty...

Monday I will be back to eating normal except sugar no sugar. Well that is still a tough one But I Know I will make it. I however, have 10 more days of no sugar to go which I am sure I will not go back to either way...A fellow sparker was talking about she does not eat sugar either well I know I am craving a cookie, donut, and umm a piece of cake....Well I guess that is enough...

Have a blessed day.. And I hope you are all making another step towards victory..

Owe yeah I weighed in today which I did not log because my weigh in will be Monday but it said I was at 257-258 either I am so excited because that means I broke the 260 mark if it sticks by Monday and it also means that I could totally meet my 10% goal or at least loose the 11 lbs I was suppose to loose this month either way what happiness.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNETTA2002 1/30/2011 9:14AM

    You are doing so well. What a warrior. No sugar is a major thing.

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SEEMAINE 1/30/2011 12:46AM

    You've been doing so well! Keep up the great work! Go Warrior!

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GRACEANAQAH 1/30/2011 12:08AM

    You have been doing really well! emoticon and emoticon on your loss emoticon

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Addicted Day 19 WOW

Friday, January 28, 2011

Well, yesterday I stayed in my calorie range and am feeling so empowered.

I am realizing that I should start journaling why and I am eating each time I eat. I really need to know my triggers and then learn to replace that with healthy behaviors. If I am intentional I will be successful. Up to this point I have told myself I know what my trigger foods and emotions are. But, I really do not know enough to identify the trigger as I am being tempted and then replace that temptation with a healthy habit. I am really excited about doing that.

I was reading a popular blog about I have a dream.. So, I figure I will write my dreams so I can see them to come to pass.

I have a dream to be in single sized clothing.

I have a dream to not think about food every second of the day.

I have a dream to not desire fatty or sugary foods.

I have a dream that I would choose hunger over processed high fatty/sugary foods.

I have a dream that activity will not be a battle but a habit.

I dream to meet "onderland" conquer and maintain.

I dream to be the best mother I can be with endurance and energy teaching my son healthy eating and living habits.

I dream that I would Love God more and want him more than I want food.

I dream that people and there lives would be more important to me then food.

I dream to meet my goal and know what this victory will feel like.

I am feeling so good today.. That darn scale is my enemy.. I usually do not have one but my mother bought me one for christmas with good intentions. But now I can't stay off of it. I think I will put it aways so I don't just step on it everytime I go to the bathroom...


Have a great day SP.. GOd Bless

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEANAQAH 1/29/2011 12:11AM

    Awwww, this is an absolutely beautiful post! emoticon I love your dreams emoticon and it is so inspirational reading your posts because we are going through exactly the same things so I know that I am not alone.

You are doing so good, great, wonderful!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THEONEBLUEGECKO 1/28/2011 6:21PM

    I love you set of dreams. Those are great things to work at making come true. You can do it because you are awesome.

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PATTYGIRL1811 1/28/2011 5:05PM

    I love your dreams. I too dream most of the same dreams as you. I love how you are changing your relationship with food. Let's hits the ones together.

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BORNAGAINBRAT 1/28/2011 4:18PM

    You should be so very proud. You are making lasting changes. I read you blogs everyday and realized I should be commenting. You are not alone in this. I am so very proud of you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Addicted Day 18

Thursday, January 27, 2011

My streak in my calorie range ended last night. I was reading an article that included OJ concentrate as another name for sugar. Plus with my calories going down I was in a bit of shock. I felt so upset about the OJ I did a little searching about it but have not found that there are any additives to the juice. But I did look on the carton and see that there is 24 g of sugar in the carton.

I guess the reason I was really bummed was because I thought I had gone this whole time with no sugars or with minimum whatever is in fresh produce to satisfying by sugar craving through sugar. Well I know I need not to drink Juice whether the sugar is added or not but I am really sad about the entire situation.

So, I did not know what I was going to do today. I stayed up late last night which greatly contributes to my binging and is a result of my anxiety or mood. But today I woke up on the edge but managed to log on to spark people and log everything I ate. I also managed to get exercise in. Well I have sweating in the spirit which is completing up lifting. I totally spent time with the Lord and sweat too. Well, I finished energized to move onto the strength training of the day and even a 10min ab work out. Praise the Lord he is so faithful. My mood has completely turned around.

I also found Sherlyn's blog which showed up on my feed. What a complete blessing. I know what I am going to do from this point I am going to do some more research and really dig in to this battle. I know the Lord can restore me but I know he wants me to go through this journey. I am ready and am thankful for him guiding my steps. I cannot wait to read that book SHeryln was talking about. Plus I think I should start journaling why I am eating so here comes another piece to the puzzle..

I must say that I have stole food, lied about food, binged, snuck and ate and the ultimate disgracing thing in my life eat food out of the garbage(years ago but none the less it was done). I am saying this because my eating addiction was affecting my son I was more worried about how much food I could get and not as worried about him. I have changed this and am improving every day. But, it was so bad he would scarf down his food because I am sure he was worried about getting more or getting enough. That is so sad but when a person is addicted they are selfish and only care about the addiction. I have manipulated situations to eat multiple meals like eat at home and then call my friend because she cooks knowing she would invite me over and then sticking around until food is served. I have had huge full born arguments with people eating food I had planned on eating. I can never change food without some build up and that is why the calorie change was so devastating.


I share this to say yes I am an addict I was always grateful drugs did not stick to me because I would be a mess. But, I am a mess because this addiction rules my life. I am claiming victory and stand in my authority given by Jesus Christ and claim his Holy Spirit to justify and restore me.... It will happen and nothing will control me but my body will be a slave to me....Amen...

The Link to the Sugar detox article. http://www.beachbody.com/product/newslette
rs/nl_444.do?code=NEWS_444_V1_ARTICLE1
#article1

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEANAQAH 1/29/2011 12:17AM

    You know Maya Angelou has a beautiful saying:

"When you know better you do better!"

And everyday you learn something new and you can apply that to your life now. Look how far you have come and you are doing an emoticon job!

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