Monday, April 05, 2010
I was up early and ready to get started cooking but again my kitchen wasn't clean ugg i so hate that any way I had to yell at my 19 year old son (Sam) to get up and bleach down the kitchen and do the dishes so he did. My mom started her food first ok now when she was cooking I did not bother her, now when she was finished with the Rice,Collard Greens, I started Bake Macaroni and Cheese,Candied Yams,Biscuits,Deviled Eggs and the bbq spare ribs for me and my crew. Now why when I was cooking why did she find it necessary to come in the kitchen when I was cooking. I have been on my own since I was 15 years old and this is my house but my mom moved in with me but I can't say that too her. She just pestered me all day and I hate the fact she drinks so much. I was also jealous,selfish and some other things as well as to why I was so angry at my daughter for not eating dinner with me and the boys and of course my mom. I have put so much of my life into my kids and now they are growing up and ready to begin their own lives without and I'm scared of being alone. I have the love of my life but he is in another state which I want to relocate but I'm scared to do that becase of my health and I don't drive and don't want to be dependant on him. I have so many issues and all this adds up to me not eating right and not losing the weight I need to which would put me in better health. I have not eaten correctly Sunday or Monday and thats enough of that. I did manage to boil down some boneless chicken which I think I will either put into a soup or make a salad with it which will put me back on track for the remainder of this week. I need to walk because I will not lose weight sitting at this keyboard. My daughter needs to find daycare for her son so I can go back to work because I need money and something to do. My daughter's pictures were beautiful but me being brought up that you don't do pics with a man your not married to is a no no and acted really funky towards her thats all wrong. I am really happy that she found someone who really loves although she loves him but is not inlove with him,she still not sure what she wants but she is only 23 years of age. I love my kids but I love me more and I have been sitting at home too long until now I am scared to venture out on my own again which is very sad.