SOOOOO........

Monday, June 20, 2011

I HAD SUCH A GREAT DAY GOING YESTERDAY UNTIL ABOUT 7PM. THEN EVERYTHING BROKE LOOSE. MY HUBBIE DECIDED ON SOME COOKIES, 2 DIFFERENT KINDS. I DIDN'T HAVE THEM. SOMETHING SALTY WAS CALLING ME AND WOULDN'T STOP. SO I STARTED OUT WITH POTATO CHIPS. 11OZ BAG THAT I SPLIT WITH HUBBIE. DIDN'T DO THE JOB, SO A WHOLE BOX OF TRISCUITS LATER, THE SALT THING WAS CURED BUT I COULDN'T STOP THERE. 5OZ OF HERSHEY'S KISSES WITH THE CREAMY INSIDES LATER, I MADE MYSELF SO SICK, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO THROW UP. I WOULDN'T LET THIS HAPPEN, I WANTED TO SUFFER WITH THIS SO MAYBE I WOULD LEARN A LESSON. WENT TO BED FEELING AWFUL. THIS MORNING, IT'S LIKE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. IF I DIDN'T WRITE ABOUT THIS, I COULD IGNORE IT COMPLETELY AND CONTINUE ON LIKE NOTHING. BUT IT DID HAPPEN AND I HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT. DOES IT MAKE ME WANT TO STOP, HECK NO. WITHOUT THE SELF CONTROL, I COULD LET THIS MORPH INTO A HUGE BINGE. DEEP DOWN, I KNOW WHY THIS HAPPENED BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER OR SAY I WON'T DO IT AGAIN. I KNOW I WILL. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I STILL DID MY EXERCISES THIS MORNING (ALTHOUGH I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO). WILL I MAKE IT THRU TODAY OR RATHER TONIGHT? I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THE REST OF THIS WEEK WILL TURN OUT. I'M NOT GIVING UP BUT I REALLY HAVE TO WORK ON THIS 'I DON'T CARE RIGHT NOW' ATTITUDE.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UCANTTAKETHESKY 6/20/2011 1:54PM

I had a similar problem yesterday, craving salty then sweet, and finally ending up making myself sick. So I feel where you're coming from! And you're right, it's too easy to pretend it never happened. But you saw that you needed to get it out there and be accountable, and that's great! It's a step in the right direction, and with time you'll be able to beat those cravings, I know it! Keep it up! Report Inappropriate Comment

PAMMY222 6/20/2011 12:25PM

Good job of recognizing a fall-back, that in itself is a success. You have acknowledged a weakness that almost all of us have experienced. Have a successful day! Report Inappropriate Comment

Happy Father's Day

Sunday, June 19, 2011

WISHING ALL YOU DADS A VERY HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

IT WAS A NICE DAY, QUIET DAY. MY DAUGHTER WAS SICK SO WE HAD TO CANCEL THE BREAKFAST SHE HAD PLANNED FOR HER DAY. INSTEAD WE WENT TO VISIT MY DAD AND MY SISTER AND HER WHOLE FAMILY WERE THERE. HAD SOME LAUGHS AND NOTHING TO EAT WHICH WAS SOOOO HARD AS THERE WERE LOTS OF SWEETS AROUND. CAME HOME FOR DINNER AND WAS ABLE TO STAY ON PLAN. BEGINNING A NEW WEEK AND IT'S GOING TO BE A BUSY ONE. HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT DAY!

  

BACK VS FEET

Friday, June 17, 2011

YES, I HAVE HAD BACK AND FEET PROBLEMS AND FOR THE MOST PART THEY HAVE SETTLED DOWN. I HAD 2 BACK SURGERIES AND THEY WORKED OUT REASONABLY WELL MAKING LIFE LIVABLE AND LEAVING ME WITH ONLY A DEAD NERVE DOWN ONE LEG. THIS NERVE/NUMBNESS SOMETIMES THROBS IN BAD WEATHER OR IF I EXERCISE A LOT. THEN I HAD PLANTAR FACIATISIS (PF) ON THE SAME SIDE. SO THE FOOT MD MADE ME THOSE EXPENSIVE INSERTS WHICH I WORE FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND THEN STOPPED. EVERYTHING WAS WORKING OUT OK UNTIL I STARTED FEELING A TWINGE IN THAT FOOT AGAIN. I WAS AFRAID OF THE PF COMING BACK SO I STARTED WEARING THE INSERTS AGAIN. WELL NOW THE INSERTS AFFECT THE BAD LEG AND MAKE IT THROB SO BAD AT NIGHT THAT I CAN'T SLEEP. GOOD LORD, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. DO I WEAR THE INSERTS OR NOT? I THINK I'LL STOP THE INSERTS TILL THINGS GET WORSE. ALL I KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT I WON'T STOP EXERCISING.

  

SUNNY DAY

Thursday, June 16, 2011

SUNNY DAY HERE AND FEELING GREAT. EXERCISE IN, JOURNALS FILLED OUT, LUNCH COOKING. I'M ON A ROLL TODAY. WE WENT TO A T-BALL GAME YESTERDAY FOR MY GREAT NEPHEW WHO IS ONLY 4. I NEVER SAW ANYTHING SO CUTE, WE LAUGHED A LOT AND HAD A GREAT TIME. THEY ONLY PLAY 2 INNINGS AND IT TAKES JUST OVER AN HOUR BUT IT'S NON STOP FUN. YESTERDAY'S MAIL BROUGHT AN INVITATION TO A CAMPFIRE PARTY ON JULY 9TH FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY OF NIECES 2 CHILDREN. LOOKS LIKE LOTS OF FUN. GLAD I'M NOT A FAN OF SMORES AS I'M SURE THEY'LL BE PRESENT. BUSY, BUSY SUMMER. SHOPPING FOR JUST MILK AND BREAD TODAY- LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE I END UP COMING HOME WITH.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOLPHINFAN1334 6/16/2011 11:46AM

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK AND HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!! Report Inappropriate Comment

PERFECTION

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

YESTERDAY'S POST STARTED ME THINKING ABOUT PERFECTION. AMY ADDED STEAM TO THAT FIRE BY GIVING ME MORE TO THINK ABOUT. FIRST OFF, I DON'T EXPECT PERFECTION IN ANYONE ELSE, JUST IN MYSELF. WHEN MY HUSBAND DOES THE DISHES, HOWEVER THEY COME OUT, I HAVE LEARNED TO LET IT GO, NOT SAY ANYTHING AND NOT DO THEM OVER. ONLY IF THEY ARE REAL, REAL BAD DO I NICELY MENTION IT AND THEN WHATEVER HE DOES, I ACCEPT. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HARD THIS WAS FOR ME TO DO. WHEN HE HELPS ME FOLD THE CLOTHES, I DO NOT REFOLD THEM TO FIT IN THE CABINET OR SHAKE OUT THE WRINKLES, I JUST JAM THEM IN AND LET IT GO. I HAD TO LEARN ALL THIS IN THE LAST 5 YEARS SINCE HE RETIRED. BEFORE I DIDN'T HAVE THE HELP SO IT WAS EITHER DO IT MYSELF OR ACCEPT THE HELP AND HOW IT IS, IT IS. JUST BECAUSE I HAVE MY WAY OF DOING IT, HONED OVER THE LAST 40 YEARS, DOESN'T MEAN IT IS RIGHT OR THE ONLY WAY OF DOING THINGS.

SO THIS LEADS TO THE PERFECTION I REQUIRE OF MYSELF. WHY, A LOT OF WHAT AMY'S LETTER SAID IS TRUE. I AM ALWAYS LOOKING FOR APPROVAL BUT, AND THIS IS A BIG BUT, I AM BOMBARDED BY SIGNALS THAT REQUIRE THIS. MY DOCTOR IS THE NUMBER ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE THAT IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR MORE FROM ME. I HAVE TO FIT IN THAT COOKIE CUTTER MOLD SO MY NUMBERS ARE WHAT THEY SHOULD BE. UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME UNLESS I AM PERFECT, THOSE NUMBERS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SHOULD BE. EVEN WHEN WATCHING TV, THE COMMERCIALS, THE NEWS, EVEN DIFFERENT SHOWS, ALL SHOWER ME WITH WARNINGS THAT I BETTER WATCH OUT, BE CAREFUL, DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. THEN THERE IS THE CONSTANT PRESSURE FROM OTHER PEOPLE, EXTENDED FAMILY AND EVEN STRANGERS. WHICH GETS ME THINKING THAT THEY ALL CAN'T BE WRONG AND IT IS I INSTEAD WHO ARE AT FAULT FOR MY SITUATION OF BEING OVERWEIGHT. THE ONLY WAY I CAN CORRECT THIS IS TO BE PERFECT. IF I AM NOT, I GAIN WEIGHT IN A HEARTBEAT. AND SO IT'S A VICIOUS CIRCLE. AND THE 'PARASITE' INSIDE ME CAN'T BE GIVEN UP OR LET LOOSE BECAUSE THEN WHERE WILL I BE? THERE IS A LOT MORE TO THIS AND I HAVE NO ANSWERS. TOO MUCH THINKING IS MAKING MY BRAIN OVERWORK. WILL THAT BURN MORE CALORIES?