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Today's mood!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I didn't realize how long ago my last blog was but way back in March, I was doing great. Here a month later, I am not winning this battle. It's not for lack of trying because I've been really working hard. The stress is mounting and I've got too much going on. I have a DR appt next Friday and my sugar has been wild, my blood pressure is going up and I know it's the vicious circle of stress. I hate people judging me, I hate getting yelled at even though I'm doing what I can to stop this cycle and I hate going to the DR in general. Every time it's the same thing. I stress out for months before going and other things just pile up.

I knew I had a fancy party that I have to go to this Sat. I planned to lose just 10 lbs when I found out. I lost the first 5 and then as the party grew closer, I regained them. I didn't want to go to this party but since it's for a family member, I have to show up. More stress on me. I wish I could just be left alone or crawl in a hole never to be found.

I wonder why I am like this? I like people , I like socializing in small situations but hate being put on the spot. I don't stick up for myself and say- hey, except me just the way I am! I wish it didn't bother me so much but it does.

One example that plagues me is an incident with my sister in law. Last summer, we were at a resort together and she was taking pictures. I spefically asked her not to take my picture in a bathing suit. She found sneaky ways to do this and before I knew it the whole family had seen them. I was so embarrassed. Why did she have to hurt me like that? She's tall and thin, I'm short and fat. I don't need other people to point this out!

What hurt too was the laughter and comments - so nice you don't let anything stop you from going in the pool! To this day I will never forget the shame I felt. Something I never spoke or wrote of before to anyone. So you think this would inspire me to finally lose the weight. It's not that easy, I try but I can't keep it off.

Thanks for listening to my pity party. Sometimes ya just gotta vent! Now it's time to move on. This is the mood for today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DSBRIDE 4/17/2014 6:25PM

    Thank you all for your kind words. Bear you said that the power to hurt you is a power you give to people. They can't hurt you unless you allow them to do it. I agree but I don't know how to fight this. Any further ideas on this?

Amy, you sent lots of hugs so when I'm at that party, I'm going to think of you like having an angel beside me.

I'm so grateful to have friends that understand and most of all, can listen when I need to vent. I remember a time when my Mom could do that but now with her age and dementia, she is more confused than anything. Thank you for taking her place.

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AMYTRIPP 4/17/2014 3:10PM

    I'm much like you, I think. I enjoy socializing, but only on my terms - which means people I feel comfortable with (and it's getting to the point where there are fewer of those) - and not when a place is too overcrowded. Too overcrowded = stress for me.

I am fuming over what your sister in law did to you. That was disrespectful and rude. I don't know what fun others get out of trying to embarrass someone. I'll never understand it. And it's worse when it's someone in your family because you can't just drop them from your life. Grrrrrrrrr.

I'm sending you so many emoticon - just take a deep breath on Saturday, go to the party, and try to enjoy yourself. You deserve a nice time out.

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TOPSBEAR 4/17/2014 1:24PM

    Sounds like it is time to slow your life down some, with you stating you have too much going on. Stress is number one breaker for emotional eaters.

You could have dreaded the fancy party because of a few reasons...
one because there are foods that will be readily available that entice one to break their regime.
two, because you have backslid and regained some weight. You will be seeing people that have seen you looking better and smaller
three, because you are already thinking of the comments they will have to say about you, whether you actually hear them say them or not, they will be in your mind as you make up things they may be saying. You will also imagine their laughter is aimed at you, when it may not be the case at all.

And all that hurts you. It is hard to deal with these things that make us emotionally feeling hurt, whether it is intentional or not AND whether it is real or not. It is the insecurities that are built up over time, and when they find a vulnerable spot in our mind and heart, it makes them even bigger.

I feel for you. These feelings seem to intensify as we get older as well, if I listen to what others have told me in my TOPS meetings.

Validate your feelings, instead of shoving them back down, instead of hiding behind the comfort foods. Allow yourself to feel the things that you are feeling.

You are a good writer, so write it out of your system, Give the se feelings life on paper or in the computer. You dont have to show them to anyone if you dont want to. Or you can address them to someone in particular and then either show them or make a ceremony of burning the papers or deleting the words off your computer. Giving the feelings life is acknowledging your pains , your vulnerabilities, to yourself, which in turn, deflates their power.

The power to hurt you, that is a power YOU give to people. They can not hurt you, unless you allow them to do it.

I have had to deal with my fair share of these same tyoes of problems. It does take working on oneself to get through it, to lessen that power that you give away.

I pray that you find a way to ease yourself of these disabling emotions that you are dealing with.

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JUSGETTENBY42 4/17/2014 12:37PM


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Treat day!

Friday, March 21, 2014

Today is treat day! I have done very well lately and I really want to keep it up so I have a carefully planned day to stay within my calories and still enjoy myself. Sometimes a bit of not so good for me foods makes this whole process easier. I did learn to have my treat early in the day instead of saving it for night. Add exercise after having it and there is more energy and incentive to do it.

Everyone is different but in the end, our battles are the same. Here's to a great weekend, have fun!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMAVISION 3/23/2014 3:45PM

    I never have thought of having an actual "treat day" --- although I do consider the two meals per week that I allow myself one serving of bread to be a treat.

Like you, I do believe it important to not restrict oneself of things we enjoy, with a forever attitude. Your "treat day" is such a super good idea. To have the hope of that treat, would be an incentive to stay the course the rest of the week.

Thank you for sharing the idea!

God bless!

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TOPSBEAR 3/21/2014 12:46PM

    good for you! this is the way I live my life as well though my treat day is wednesday! have a great day!

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CAROL494 3/21/2014 12:39PM


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Thank you

Monday, March 17, 2014

I want to thank everyone who sent messages of encouragement and suggestions regarding my blog yesterday. I don't want to see anyone going thru this but it was nice hearing I am not alone and how you cope with it. Most of all, a timeline that this will pass.

Happy St Patricks Day! Today, I made crock pot cabbage with rice, tomato sauce and bits of this and that. I love corned beef but didn't use it due to the salt content and my blood pressure. Instead I made it Italian style. It's still very good. I'm thinking about making a homemade bread too but hubby wants to go to Staples for the free photo paper with rebate. If anyone likes to print pictures this paper is great!

Spring is right around the corner but I wish someone would tell Mother Nature! It's in the 20's today but I hope will warm up later in the week. A lot of my friends are posting pictures of the flowers they found growing under the melting snow!

Have a good day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TOPSBEAR 3/17/2014 12:26PM

    I am glad you are feeling better about the menopause thing...it can be stressful if you let it! I thought I would never get through it, but one day, I suddenly realized I was normal again! Hopefully it will not last a long time for you, as I had fears of it lasting the rest of my life ...but it was only about 1 year, where it was really bad and then a year and a bit of mildly annoying.

Spring is right around the corner, the sun and flowers say so as well as the date BUT that cold wind out of the north and the temperature says ..not this week! grrrr I can not wait to feel warmth in that sunshine!

Good for you for being innovative with the cabbage! Enjoy!

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Sunday, March 16, 2014

I've been working so hard that it's taken everything out of me. I went back to my basic where I lost all my weight but it doesn't work anymore. Lately I know menopause has hit and I hate these night sweats more than anything. There is no such thing as a good nights sleep when you are constantly soaking wet! Several times a night I wake up to get changed, including the towel I now sleep on. How can I sweat so much when I am so cold? Why doesn't my weight go down just from losing all this water??

I have an Mds appt next month but somehow I'm not sure it's going to help. Instead of pills and more pills, I'd like to just work thru this. It's like one pill hurts another and none make me feel better.

I'm keeping a positive attitude but my life goes in cycles and right now this cycle sucks but like the New England weather, blink and it will change.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TOPSBEAR 3/16/2014 11:24PM

    I went through all this a couple years ago. I toughed it out. I didn't even tell my doc it was going on because I sisnt want more pills to be taking than I am already.

It took awhile, but I did learn ways to combat all the changes. They are only things that you can find to help yourself through them though as I have told you before about diabetes, its the same for menopause...every body is different. I hope things ease up for you.

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 3/16/2014 9:23PM

    I'm in perimenopause and have been having problems trying to lose weight.. matter of fact I've gained over 30 pounds back. I can tell you this though...your body is probably retaining water because of the night sweats thinking it'll need the water because of all of the sweating.

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    So sorry about the struggle with night sweats and loss of sleep. I've read that the lack of sleep and change in hormones can wreak havoc on weight loss.

Maybe your doctor will be able to suggest some things to ease the symptoms. He/She might even be able help find out what may have your metabolism stalled.

With your dedication, I'm sure you'll see some changes soon!

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JUSTYNA7 3/16/2014 5:09PM

    Hang in there! As soon as I hit the pillow it starts. I'm freezing cold and can't wait to get warm and then I'm throwing off everything and trying to get big gulps of fresh air. I have the window open most nights and had DH install a fan over the bed which really helps ME but has him hiding under the sheets. It seems to be getting better so during the day is not so bad but I'm fortunate and can jump in the pool. I take Evening Primrose and calcium/magnesium and salmon oil, so wonder if they are also making the difference. Or maybe it is just starting to get better on it's own? Eventually for most people it passes.

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OCEANWIDE 3/16/2014 3:29PM

    I'm far from menopause but some of my older friends are going through it right now and from what they've told me it's a pain in the arse, stay strong though, it will pass and just remember that even though you may not be losing weight right now you are still contributing to your health by eating clean/exercising/drinking water etc.. !
emoticon emoticon

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Go for it!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Yesterday's good day is following me around today too. I hope everyone has a great day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TOPSBEAR 3/14/2014 9:12PM


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JUSTYNA7 3/13/2014 8:00PM

    You too! emoticon

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NHES220 3/13/2014 2:55PM

    Thanks and I hope your good days continue!

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PUPPIES4ME 3/13/2014 10:39AM

    You have a good day too!

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