Monday, November 29, 2010
I was once privileged enough to see comedian Sam Kinison perform live. One of his skits that I fondly remember went like this.
Have you ever wondered why complete strangers will easily forgive you for small transgressions? You bump into them, you say your sorry, their immediate response is “that’s okay”, life moves on as usual and the moment most likely forgotten. You’re at church, your child uses his outside voice, you apologize to the neighboring parishioners and again the most common response is “that’s okay”. But what would happen if most of us were more literal.
You’re in a bathroom stall, someone pushes on the door too hard, it opens to both of your shock, they say “sorry”, you say “that’s okay”, they immediately turn around yelling “Hey you guys, come on in, she said it was okay!”
I think of this skit every time I hear someone make those same comments. It is stupefying at how little phrases have become so commonplace that they no longer hold any meaning. We sort of take them for granted. We ask, “How are you?” not expecting more of a response than, “Fine”. Anything else is breaking the unwritten rules of society today. It’s sad. Even phrases like, “I love you”, have lost their meaning.
I was on the phone with a co-worker and at the end of our conversation, very much to my surprise, he said, “Love you”, before hanging up. I held the phone and stared at it completely befuddled. When I laid down the receiver it immediately rang again. It was my very embarrassed coworker apologizing for the closing comment. His excuse was that he was in the habit of always closing a phone conversation with his wife by saying that and it had become so routine that he didn’t even realize what he had said until he hung up. Again, it’s sad.
I know everyone is in a hurry all the time. Items are marketed to the public en masse that are mentioned as being timesavers. With all of these time saving items that are sold each day, the average person should have hours of free time every evening. Isn’t that the goal to saving time? Not to cram in more things that deplete this valuable commodity? If you really think about it, really and truly, how valuable is your time when you put it in the context of spending it with loved ones. To me, that is very valuable. It is, after all, one of life’s treasures to even have people with which to share all our important and not so important moments.
My challenge to all that read this is to spend one day respecting each other enough to notice what we all consider the small things. When you ask someone how they are, mean it! And listen to their answer. If they just say, “fine”, then ask them why it’s fine. Next time you tell someone I love you, look into their eyes, make sure they are paying attention so that they realize you are about to say something so profound and important that their undivided attention is needed. Because it is, you know, profound and important. Making all this extra effort takes a little time. Good thing you’ve saved so much of it that it won’t even make a dent in you cache
Thanks for reading my ramble.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Today, in fact most of this week, I am/have been suffering from ennui (lethargy and depression). I know it’s a vicious circle…exercise and you’ll feel better, but I don’t want to exercise in the first place. I don’t feel like it. If I could cross my arms and stick out my tongue like a small child I would. But at who? What? My swiss ball? My healthy brown bagged lunch?
I am mad. Mad at my diet. Mad at my exercise equipment. Isn’t that insane? I want to binge and wallow. I want to snap at anyone that even talks about food. I want a double-decker bacon and pineapple pizza right now!!! I am shocked at these feelings because behind the anger, I know I’ve been doing well.
Rationally, I know I enjoy eating healthy. I also know that eating that pizza will make me physically and mentally sick. I can’t even enjoy a binge because my body rejects the smell of fast food now. I want to yak when I smell McDonalds grease. And I AM ACTUALLY MAD ABOUT IT!
I am grinding my teeth RIGHT NOW listening to some co-workers discussing what’s for lunch. There is ill will against these two super nice people that don’t even know they are doing something that is, but shouldn’t be, so upsetting to me. What’s even worse is that I am mad that I have a choice.
I am mad that I can choose not to eat my self-prepared, weighed, nutritional delicious lunch. I could choose to get that pizza and there is no one that would stop me. Oh, my co-workers would probably plead with me not to, because they know how hard I’ve been working to meet my goals. But still, the choice is mine. I don’t want that choice. That’s what makes this all seem so hard. I want to be told that there is no choice but to eat healthy. I want to be told that pizza is against the law. I want to be told that I could serve time in jail if I eat just one french fry from Portillo’s.
I see now why it is such an accomplishment for some of us to change our lives for the better. Logically, I know the way that I feel about all of this is temporary. Logically, I know that my thoughts are irrational (and dare I say illogical?). But, like I’ve said in the past, you can’t help how you feel.
Thank god for this blog and the ability to write my way thru these feelings. I’m going to lunch now…with my little brown bag
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
As Stolen Fair and Square from SIMPLE_TAILOR!
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? open
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? always
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? out
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? yes
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? they're handy
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? always
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bear...a person looks less ridiculous running from a bear and it's all about appearance isn't it?
8. Do you have freckles? in the summer
9. Do you always smile for pictures? rarely
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? people that say LIBARY, SUPPOSABLY and VALENTIMES.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Every day
12. Have you ever peed in the woods? yes
13. What about pooped in the woods? yes
14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? yes
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? not since I had braces
16. How many people have you slept with this week? No people 2 cats.
17. What size is your bed? Queen
18. What is your Song of the week? The Logical Song has been stuck in my head.
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Some can pull it off.
20. Do you still watch cartoons? occasionally
21. What's your least favorite movie? ever seen Showgirls?
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? St. Johns - Virgin Islands
23. What do you drink with dinner? Water
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? salsa or mustard
25. What is your favorite food? sushi and lately masuman curry (thai)
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Dune
7. Last person you kissed/kissed you? The bartender at the German restaurant where my birthday was celebrated.
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? no
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Yes, if I looked good doing it.
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 6 months ago.
31. Can you change the oil on a car?Yes.
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Yes
33. Ran out of gas? Yes
34. Favorite kind of sandwich? beef and cheddar croisant with hot peppers from Portillos
35 Best thing to eat for breakfast? Avacado and bacon omelette
36. What is your usual bedtime? 9:30-10:00
37. Are you lazy? yup.
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? scary clown.
39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Year of the Cock (not kidding)
40. How many languages can you speak? English German and conversational Spanish.
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Yes, cooking light and architectural digest.
42..Which are better Legos or lincoln logs? Legos
43. Are you stubborn? I'm German therefore I'm Stubborn.
44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman? neither
45. Ever watch soap operas? Used to watch ATWT.
46. Afraid of heights? Bizarrly, only on short step ladders.
47. Sing in the car? At the top of my lungs.
48. Dance in the shower? absolutely
49. Dance in the car? Can't help myself.
50. Ever used a gun? yes.
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 1987
53. Is Christmas stressful? It is this year
54. Ever eat a pierogi? yes.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? blueberry
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Vet, architect, teacher.
57. Do you believe in ghosts? No
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? yes.
59. Take a vitamin daily? No.
60. Wear slippers? just socks
61. Wear a bath robe? Yes.
62. What do you wear to bed? underwear and tank top.
63. First concert? Montrose featuring Sammy Hagar and Ted Nugent
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Kmart - worked there as a teen
65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas (I'm a soccer fan)
66.Cheetos Or Fritos? neither
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? both
68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No
69. Ever take dance lessons? Yes
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? no spouse in the future-not enough people take marriage seriously anymore. Don't plan on getting married. Maybe I'll be the crazy cat lady instead.
71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.
72. Ever won a spelling bee? 2 place and headed to state in the 4th grade.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Absolutely.
74. Own any record albums? Yes also 8-tracks, casettes and cds.
75. Own a record player? no :)
76. Regularly burn incense? scented candles count?
77. Ever been in love? Many many times.
78. Who would you like to see in concert? John Cougar.
79. What was the last concert you saw? Aerosmith
80.Hot tea or cold tea? both
81.Tea or coffee? both
82. Sugar or snickerdoodles? what's a snickerdoodle?
83.Can you swim well? Is there a shark in the water?
84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Not under water
85. Are you patient? I like to think so.
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Band (with a brass section)
87.Ever won a contest? Yes
88. Ever have plastic surgery? yes-reconstructive - on my nose
89. Which are better black or green olives? both.
90.Can you knit or crochet? crochet
91. Best room for a fireplace? Bedroom.
92. Do you want to get married? No- not at all at the moment.
93. If married, how long have you been married? not.
94. Who was your HS crush? Peter, my best friend who never knew.
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Not anymore.
96. Do you have kids? no
97. Do you want kids? no...other peoples are fun though
98. What's your favourite color? green
99. Do you miss anyone right now? yes...an old friend I used to work with
100. Did you watch Next Great American Band on FOX? Never heard of it and absolutely hate hate hate reality shows
Okay folks, that's it for me. Spread this bad boy around.
Friday, October 29, 2010
I will be 41 tomorrow. I sooooo am not up for celebrating it at all but have put up a brave front so far. It's not that I think that 41 is old...not at all. But, my accomplishment list is very short. Almost non-existent. I have always had trouble setting goals for myself. I've suffered from depression my whole life and it has made me less than motivated to do so. It has also made me feel confused about all the things I want or should want. When eating in a restaurant, if the waitress brought me the completely wrong order, I wouldn't say a word and just eat it. I have never made a decision easily and even had trouble voicing my opinion (because what if it's wrong??).
Since I have joined SparkPeople a lot of that is changing. Just joining was something I did spur of the moment which is unlike me. I am making my opinions known and every day I have decided to like or dislike something. Today, I decided I liked spinach very much and yesterday I decided that I don't like hip hop music at all. I know it sounds silly, but if you would have asked me my opinion on both of these things, even a month ago, I would of commented that, "it's okay" to both things.
Anyway, I am still working on figuring out what I like to do and maybe some day soon I will honestly know what I want to be when I grow up! The Book (notice the capital letters), The Spark has been very motivating. Sparkguy is an amazing roll model because he obviously has worked very hard and has reached a place where he is sure he wants to be (thank you sparkguy). I want that for me. Not the same goals, mind you, but being sure that I am where I want to be.
Right now, SparkPeople is the only place I know I want to be. Everyone is so supportive and friendly. I haven't been bombarded by people trying to push their methods on me, but have been given help and respect and feelings other than sadness. I feel hopeful now.
Have I mentioned that I really like feeling hopeful?
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