DRSUNSHINE1   19,729
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Wednesday, June 08, 2011

So, I've been wishy-washy in using Spark in the past six months.

That might have something to do with my pregnancy :)
emoticon 24wks today. emoticon

I waited a long time to announce anything online - partly because I feel like so much of our personal information is swirling out there in the internet universe already; partly because I was still having a really hard time with the idea of transitioning from my life as professional / wife / athlete to professional / wife / athlete / mommy.

I'm still struggling with a lot of body image issues - things I blogged about almost a year ago. It's been very hard to talk about the physical changes of pregnancy with my friends / people in my life. When I hear people asking me, "Are you showing yet?" "How are you feeling?" "Wow, you're getting big. How far along are you?" what I'm mostly hearing is, "You are getting so fat. What have you been doing with yourself to allow this to happen?" It's been difficult to see my year of progress in losing weight and getting healthier erased in such a short time. I've gained almost 20 lbs already and I haven't even hit the third trimester yet when additional weight gain is expected and appropriate.

I don't know what to say to people who talk to me about just accepting that this is what my body is supposed to be doing, I'm growing another person, it's such an amazing process, etc etc etc. I am a doctor - I talk to my patients about these topics and more all the time. I don't want to be lectured about it from random strangers or friends. What I want is understanding that this is an emotionally and physically stressful event in my life that I have been working towards for many, many years and that there wasn't suddenly going to be a switch that occured just because I happen to be pregnant. It's a dirty secret of pregnancy in the western world that many women have exacerbated negative body image issues while they're pregnant and that they get manifold conflicting images and messages about how they're supposed to feel about their bodies / what they are supposed to look like. No one wants to talk about the fact that not everyone is happy happy happy to be gaining "baby weight."

Don't get me wrong, I am very thrilled for the outcome of this process - I couldn't be happier about having a little one in my life in a little over three months. But I don't have to be happy about the fact that my entire body is changing from a body that I worked very hard to achieve to a body that is unrecognizable to me. I do have to work on accepting it and not try to fight it, for my health and the baby's health. That's a process and I'm getting there with help.

However, it's hard to overcome 15 years of hearing "You're fat," in your head all the time in the space of six months just because there happens to be a baby growing. I cannot be the only one thinking this.

Anyway, I am making a choice to be active on Spark again to help me manage the last few months of my pregnancy and to give me some sense of control of what is happening to me. I would appreciate any and all positive support and encouragement, which is what I have come to think Spark is mostly about.

If you have negative comments to make about what I've said, please keep them to yourself. I'm here to work on making my life healthier, in all aspects - physically, mentally, emotionally. Please be a positive influence in that process.

Glad to be back.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATLMOMOFTHREE 6/17/2011 7:58AM

    I struggle with the same thing as far as body image goes! I absultely LOVE being p/g(and I really do think p/g is beautiful), but at the same time I struggle with seeing the number on the scale rise, the fact that I no longer have an hour-glass shape, and that I can't workout like normal.

You are not alone. I won't lecture you...I've received the same speeches as you, I'm sure. ;) Congrats! I am due Sept 14th, btw. :)

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JUSTHEATHER2011 6/11/2011 8:27AM

    You aren't the only one! Remember you are growing a whole person! Do keep an eye on what you're consuming, make the right choices and nourish yourself and your baby.

Its wonderful to see you back. Even more wonderful to hear this news. Congratulations!

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AWOLF24 6/9/2011 1:55PM

    Congratulations! I understand a little bit of what you are going through. I do not love the changes my body goes through while I am pregnant. I do not glow. I don't enjoy it - at all. I feel that it is something you must go through to have a family and I am thankful to have "healthy" pregnancies. That is just how I feel, and can't wait to deliver this baby (our 2nd) so that I never have to be pregnant again. Love my kids, don't love pregnancy. I'm amazed that more women don't talk about that. But hang in there. I promise - the reward is well worth it. You'll bounce back afterward - and will appreciate even more the body's capacity to heal itself and change!

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GPENSRAE 6/8/2011 4:44PM

    I am so glad you're back! And 100% get where you're coming from. I've gained 5 lbs already and I'm not even out of the first trimester yet. I miss my active lifestyle, and despite countless attempts at working out in the past month, it just hasn't happened. I feel like poo, and if I force myself to work out, oh my goodness do I feel terrible afterwards. So I'm trying to make healthy choices, but then there are tons of food that make me want to vomit at just the thought of them. So I get it! And then of course, after months of trying for #2 I feel guilty that I would even remotely not be okay with the changes my body is going through. I want this baby and love this baby dearly, but I finally gave myself permission to be upset about things and feel the way I'm feeling. One thing that has really helped is when I am scared or upset about something, I write it down in my journal. In fact today I wrote down how sick and tired I am of being sick and tired. I instantly felt better! Hang in there, I'm here for you no matter what you need! And congratulations!!!!

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COOLCUKE 6/8/2011 2:39PM

    First of all, congratulations. You are well on your way and already a mom in many ways. Second, I am here for you! Vent, blog, message, whatever, whenever, all that jazz! You will get through this. Stay strong, stay you. And enjoy the next few weeks as much as possible!



emoticon

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GYMRAT_AT44 6/8/2011 2:36PM

    MISSED YOU!... so there you have it. Wondered what happened to you. So, I was like the most miserable unhappy pregnant woman in the world. Therefore, I have 1 child. No negative talk from me. I think I would be in the same exact row boat with you if I found out I was pregnant, but thrilled for the bundle that was coming along in 9 months. YES, I hear ya.

Hang in there... the body is an amazing thing and you will bounce back. You know that. This time with a little one in tow as you work out. How fun!

Welcome back to SPARK!

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Beat Warrior Standard!

Sunday, January 09, 2011

So, just a quick post to say...
-I've been sticking to being active on SP for at least 5-10 min tracking / 5-10 min commenting for the past two days. Go me!
-I attended a Standards fitness testing session with my dragonboat team this morning at the gym we do off-water workouts. It was a series of seven tests designed to test strength, endurance, power, performance and agility. Out of the seven tests (shuttle run, rear delt hold, push-ups, airbench, static lunge hold, chin up and handstand), I did well on 5 and not so well on 2. But on one, I did **AWESOME**. To perform at standard for a handstand against a wall, you needed to hold the pose for 1min. To meet "warrior" standards (the gym does a "warrior bootcamp" which I've heard is pretty brutal, but equally amazing), you had to hold for 2min.

I held my handstand for 2:28. emoticon Booyeah! I probably could have held longer, but didn't. Next time, I'm aiming for 3:00+

I had the best time of the day, even out of people that have taken the warrior bootcamp. I felt so amazing knowing that I had accomplished something like that. I still feel amazing. Maybe it's a small achievement, but it really made me feel like I have made some major gains in strength, endurance, flexibility, and in overcoming fears. So many of the people trying the handstand kept repeating over and over how scared they were about being upside down. I got over that fear a few years ago with a different fitness class I took. It definitely helped me achieve such a great result today.

So, in the bask of that glow, I continue on - tomorrow is a new day full of new choices to make. Woohoo! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GYMRAT_AT44 1/11/2011 12:26PM

    Way to kick it! Nice job!


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COOLCUKE 1/11/2011 11:16AM

    awesome!!! that is really great. so happy for your high!!!

keep up the great work!

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GPENSRAE 1/10/2011 8:56AM

    Good for you!!! I can't remember the last time I did a handstand!!! :)

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Motivation, in whatever form

Friday, January 07, 2011

So, something happened in my family yesterday that has really made me stop and think about what it is I have been doing in the past year, in terms of weight loss, healthy eating, improved lifestyle. All these were choices that I wanted to make; none of them were "required" of me. Maybe I felt that I required them of myself, but there was no outside agency dictating my goals and deadlines.

I realize in looking at it from this perspective, I was very lucky to come to this road by choice and to move forward (and sometimes back) on it because I wanted to, not because I felt an obligation to do so. I'm sure there are many SP'ers that came to this journey because they were required to do so, because of health reasons, relationship issues, work, etc. I want to say to all of those folks, I have so much empathy for where you are now and where you're going. You can totally do this and there are so many people who love and support you and want you to succeed, requirement or no requirement.

Personally, this has sparked me to take time to be mindful of what I'm eating, doing and saying in a way that I deviated from over the past several months. I fully admit that I let myself fall in to the early winter blahs. I know I've been absent here. I have been trying to tell myself that it was an experiment to see how I would do without the constant weighing, measuring, tracking and obsessing. Overall, I did okay. I went up and down in my goal weight range, but have managed to stay in it, holiday treats, skipped workouts and all. But really, it wasn't an experiment. I was depressed and tired and didn't want to add another to-do to my list.

In support of my family, I'm committing to being an active participant in my health and fitness goals again. I am going to spend 5-10 min on SP tracking daily and 5-10 min reading other's blogs/forum posts/etc and commenting. I want to be as positive a role model as I can be, and I know with the tools available here, I can help my family get past the "requirement" idea and get in to the best time of their lives.

emoticon Much love to my family emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOLCUKE 1/11/2011 11:18AM

    we are here for you! keep smiling =)

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JUSTHEATHER2011 1/7/2011 12:48PM

    So sad to hear that. I am happy you are back though

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GYMRAT_AT44 1/7/2011 12:47PM

    Good for you and welcome back!

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Stepping Forward and Not Back

Monday, November 29, 2010

from a comment I left on a friend's page,
"To say that I've been off the plan/wagon/etc would be an understatement. While I have still been working out, I have been eating whatever, whenever I want. My scale and how I've been feeling definitely tell me that this was a bad idea. So, I'm starting again, recognizing that I'm already far, far ahead of where I started a year ago. I just have to start using my tools again and stop giving in to what's easy and what are old habits."

I was thinking this morning that I need a short challenge to do and a buddy to do it with. I'll have to look through the message boards and Sparkteams to find something to motivate me and give me something to work on.

So, here I go - down the road towards my goals, but not there yet. Just truckin' along.

Hope you are all well - looking forward to reconnecting with you!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TREX281 12/14/2010 10:19AM

    Hi friend, let challenge each other... I started tracking last week, but need to get to the gym and walking more! emoticon

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GYMRAT_AT44 12/8/2010 4:29PM

    You will find something... our fab 40's team is doing a 15 day challenge (1st-15th) where you set your own fitness minutes goal... helping me on that end... but I am with you. I am maintaining but my eating has gone wild. I do know that January I begin my controlled diet while I get ready to compete in figure, so I guess I am enjoying now... LOL. Good luck finding something.
Sheri

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COOLCUKE 12/8/2010 3:22PM

    keep on keeping on, sunshine! you can do it!

emoticon

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Weekly Goals Met

Saturday, October 09, 2010

So, I have....
-tracked all week, even if it was at the end of the day and in review instead of as I was going to help keep myself in check. I haven't freaked out about what I was eating, and instead just ate what I felt like within moderation and have kept up on tracking it all.
-tried three new workouts for the week. Tried the final one tonight - "Carribean Workout: Hi-lo Aerobics 1" I didn't do the whole segment, as I had to leave to pick up DH from work, but it will be a good one to mix in with my other cardio workouts when I get bored. I like the sunshiney background and upbeat music of the segment, even if it was a little cheesy.
-Did not meet my daily calorie goals every day. And that's okay. I did pretty well considering I had a super-stressful week and missed out on a few of my more intense cardio workouts.
-Did 30 Day Shred every day except one. I was just too sore - level 3 is kicking my butt!
-Limited my fruit sugar intake somewhat. I am having a hard time with this goal - I love and am probably addicted to sugar. This is going to take some extra dedicated work from me to really get good progress with.

It's now the weekend and I have a lot of social events over the next few days. I'm going to do my best to stay within my overall goals and continue tracking.

Let the wild rumpus begin! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GPENSRAE 10/30/2010 6:27PM

    Good job! I'm following Jackie's program which has you cut out anything that has more than 5g of sugar...I'm not being as strict as that, I'm sticking with 5-8g which is tough! But I too am sooo addicted to sugar! It's insane!

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SCRAPHAPPY94 10/15/2010 10:03AM

    Good job!

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JUSTHEATHER2011 10/9/2010 8:08AM

    emoticon emoticon

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