Wednesday, June 08, 2011
So, I've been wishy-washy in using Spark in the past six months.
That might have something to do with my pregnancy :)
I waited a long time to announce anything online - partly because I feel like so much of our personal information is swirling out there in the internet universe already; partly because I was still having a really hard time with the idea of transitioning from my life as professional / wife / athlete to professional / wife / athlete / mommy.
I'm still struggling with a lot of body image issues - things I blogged about almost a year ago. It's been very hard to talk about the physical changes of pregnancy with my friends / people in my life. When I hear people asking me, "Are you showing yet?" "How are you feeling?" "Wow, you're getting big. How far along are you?" what I'm mostly hearing is, "You are getting so fat. What have you been doing with yourself to allow this to happen?" It's been difficult to see my year of progress in losing weight and getting healthier erased in such a short time. I've gained almost 20 lbs already and I haven't even hit the third trimester yet when additional weight gain is expected and appropriate.
I don't know what to say to people who talk to me about just accepting that this is what my body is supposed to be doing, I'm growing another person, it's such an amazing process, etc etc etc. I am a doctor - I talk to my patients about these topics and more all the time. I don't want to be lectured about it from random strangers or friends. What I want is understanding that this is an emotionally and physically stressful event in my life that I have been working towards for many, many years and that there wasn't suddenly going to be a switch that occured just because I happen to be pregnant. It's a dirty secret of pregnancy in the western world that many women have exacerbated negative body image issues while they're pregnant and that they get manifold conflicting images and messages about how they're supposed to feel about their bodies / what they are supposed to look like. No one wants to talk about the fact that not everyone is happy happy happy to be gaining "baby weight."
Don't get me wrong, I am very thrilled for the outcome of this process - I couldn't be happier about having a little one in my life in a little over three months. But I don't have to be happy about the fact that my entire body is changing from a body that I worked very hard to achieve to a body that is unrecognizable to me. I do have to work on accepting it and not try to fight it, for my health and the baby's health. That's a process and I'm getting there with help.
However, it's hard to overcome 15 years of hearing "You're fat," in your head all the time in the space of six months just because there happens to be a baby growing. I cannot be the only one thinking this.
Anyway, I am making a choice to be active on Spark again to help me manage the last few months of my pregnancy and to give me some sense of control of what is happening to me. I would appreciate any and all positive support and encouragement, which is what I have come to think Spark is mostly about.
If you have negative comments to make about what I've said, please keep them to yourself. I'm here to work on making my life healthier, in all aspects - physically, mentally, emotionally. Please be a positive influence in that process.
Glad to be back.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
So, just a quick post to say...
-I've been sticking to being active on SP for at least 5-10 min tracking / 5-10 min commenting for the past two days. Go me!
-I attended a Standards fitness testing session with my dragonboat team this morning at the gym we do off-water workouts. It was a series of seven tests designed to test strength, endurance, power, performance and agility. Out of the seven tests (shuttle run, rear delt hold, push-ups, airbench, static lunge hold, chin up and handstand), I did well on 5 and not so well on 2. But on one, I did **AWESOME**. To perform at standard for a handstand against a wall, you needed to hold the pose for 1min. To meet "warrior" standards (the gym does a "warrior bootcamp" which I've heard is pretty brutal, but equally amazing), you had to hold for 2min.
I held my handstand for 2:28. Booyeah! I probably could have held longer, but didn't. Next time, I'm aiming for 3:00+
I had the best time of the day, even out of people that have taken the warrior bootcamp. I felt so amazing knowing that I had accomplished something like that. I still feel amazing. Maybe it's a small achievement, but it really made me feel like I have made some major gains in strength, endurance, flexibility, and in overcoming fears. So many of the people trying the handstand kept repeating over and over how scared they were about being upside down. I got over that fear a few years ago with a different fitness class I took. It definitely helped me achieve such a great result today.
So, in the bask of that glow, I continue on - tomorrow is a new day full of new choices to make. Woohoo!
Friday, January 07, 2011
So, something happened in my family yesterday that has really made me stop and think about what it is I have been doing in the past year, in terms of weight loss, healthy eating, improved lifestyle. All these were choices that I wanted to make; none of them were "required" of me. Maybe I felt that I required them of myself, but there was no outside agency dictating my goals and deadlines.
I realize in looking at it from this perspective, I was very lucky to come to this road by choice and to move forward (and sometimes back) on it because I wanted to, not because I felt an obligation to do so. I'm sure there are many SP'ers that came to this journey because they were required to do so, because of health reasons, relationship issues, work, etc. I want to say to all of those folks, I have so much empathy for where you are now and where you're going. You can totally do this and there are so many people who love and support you and want you to succeed, requirement or no requirement.
Personally, this has sparked me to take time to be mindful of what I'm eating, doing and saying in a way that I deviated from over the past several months. I fully admit that I let myself fall in to the early winter blahs. I know I've been absent here. I have been trying to tell myself that it was an experiment to see how I would do without the constant weighing, measuring, tracking and obsessing. Overall, I did okay. I went up and down in my goal weight range, but have managed to stay in it, holiday treats, skipped workouts and all. But really, it wasn't an experiment. I was depressed and tired and didn't want to add another to-do to my list.
In support of my family, I'm committing to being an active participant in my health and fitness goals again. I am going to spend 5-10 min on SP tracking daily and 5-10 min reading other's blogs/forum posts/etc and commenting. I want to be as positive a role model as I can be, and I know with the tools available here, I can help my family get past the "requirement" idea and get in to the best time of their lives.
Much love to my family
Monday, November 29, 2010
from a comment I left on a friend's page,
"To say that I've been off the plan/wagon/etc would be an understatement. While I have still been working out, I have been eating whatever, whenever I want. My scale and how I've been feeling definitely tell me that this was a bad idea. So, I'm starting again, recognizing that I'm already far, far ahead of where I started a year ago. I just have to start using my tools again and stop giving in to what's easy and what are old habits."
I was thinking this morning that I need a short challenge to do and a buddy to do it with. I'll have to look through the message boards and Sparkteams to find something to motivate me and give me something to work on.
So, here I go - down the road towards my goals, but not there yet. Just truckin' along.
Hope you are all well - looking forward to reconnecting with you!
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