DRSUNSHINE1   18,289
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Quick Update

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Here is a fly-by blog about the last few days

-I hit 150 on Friday 8/20/10!!! This was such a huge breakthrough for me. I know I went up a little over the weekend with visiting family and eating a little bit more than usual, but I am back down to 151.0 today.
-Telling my family about wanting to have kids went better than I could have ever imagined. My sister is actually on the same path and has already stopped taking birth control / is taking pre-natal vitamins. How awesome would it be if we were pregnant at the same time and our kids were super-close? :) My mom was very supportive and totally understood where I was coming from and even said a few things that surprised me. I am feeling so much better about this whole situation.
-I'm jogging again! I haven't jogged/ran for about a year and last week I decided that I would give it another try. I am loving it! I have already improved my time from last week (12min/mi) to today (10:50min/mi). I will need to get new shoes if I'm going to continue, but I'm excited to be doing something "new" to me.
-I did really good with the European Summer Camp Challenge: Germany week and will post my points for last week later tonight.

Love me some SparkFriends! I am still around - just been busy with traveling, getting home and getting caught up. Have a great week!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FARAWAY84Z 8/28/2010 11:22AM

    It would be awesome if could go through the pregnancy process together! I would love to have our kids be super close cousins and become the great friends that we are already. emoticon

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TISTEN23 8/26/2010 1:29PM

    Way to go! Thats awesome!

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Updated Main Page (long-ish post)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I just updated my main personal SparkPage blurb and publically stated for the first time that my husband and I are seriously talking about having a baby.

Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me, it is. This is a monumental admittance on my part. I have maintained for YEARS to my husband, my family and my friends that while I love kids, I never really wanted to have my own. A big part of that has been my body image issues and insecurity about my weight, looks and ability to come back to a healthy, personally satisfying weight after a pregnancy. I had never felt good enough about myself to feel that all the weight gain, stretching, muscle loss and other physical changes of pregnancy would allow me to come back to a body that I would feel comfortable in. I had thought that if I was already dissatisfied with my body, and I went through a process that would fundamentally change it (in my mind) for the worse, how could that be a good thing? Why would I do that to myself? And so, I have maintained that I didn't want to do it.

I feel like I am finally to the point in my journey of healthy eating, exercise, mindfulness and just general good health that I could have a very fit, healthy pregnancy that did not involve a huge weight gain and that I could come back from that process with a rocking, sexy body, a happier husband and a new person in my life to love. It is almost making me cry to admit this - I have been down on myself for so long and denying a part of my life that I know will bring so much joy.

Pride is another part of this - I am worried about telling my family about this change in my persepective. I can hear my mom saying, "I told you so - I knew you would change your mind and want a baby - I told you," and I am worried about hearing that from her. I don't want it about her being right, I want it to be about ME, with her realizing and supporting my healthy changes and my journey and acknowledging that I have worked really hard to get where I am now. That seems like a lot to expect from someone - which means I'm going to have to tell her all about those feelings and not just hope that she gets it. I'm actually going to have the opportunity to tell her about all this in person this weekend, as I'll be going home for my sister's wedding shower on Friday. While I don't want to steal any spotlight from my sister and her own hugely important life events, I also want to take advantage of this opportunity and talk to her about it face to face.

I feel really exposed by saying this "outloud" to the world, but in a way, it's also liberating. Yes, part of this journey IS to get myself as healthy as possible to give my future child the best start I can. And that's okay.

I have to get over that little voice in the back of my head saying, "But that's not what you've always said. People are going to make fun of you for changing your mind. You've built this image of the strong, powerful, independent woman and being a mother in a super-traditional female gender role does not really jive with that image. You're just turning in to an every-woman and you're not going to be special any more." I know that stuff isn't true and that I am entitled to change my mind and build my best life, which does include kids.

I hope that I'm not offending any of my SparkFriends that are already mothers - I totally respect what you do in your every day lives and I am looking forward to adding those responsibilities to my own life. Any tips you have for preparing for/ having/recovering from a healthy pregnancy would be most welcome. I bow to your experience and wisdom and would love to hear what you have to say.

*whewwwwwwwww - big sigh*

So, yes, I updated my page :) Background colors and all.

Oh, and yes, I want to have a baby - and soon. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FARAWAY84Z 8/28/2010 11:19AM

    I am so happy you decided to share this with all of us. It helps me understand the process you had to go through in order to reach this point. I am also happy that we got to talk about it in person :) You are amazing and can do anything you set your mind to, as evidenced in your lifestyle and appearance changes. I can't wait to go through this process with you and hope I can provide support and encouragement throughout emoticon

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GYMRAT_AT44 8/18/2010 2:48PM

    Your life, live it! Alot of us waited for whatever reasons of our chosing or by God's choice. So don't feel like you need to explain or not.

Quite frankly, already being in shape with an exercise regimen and good eating habits will only make it easier. However, be prepared for the unexpected and flow with it. Things happen beyond your control. AND YES, you can get your body back. It is a miraculous thing, the woman body, that God created.

I had my son 17 years ago. I was fit, healthy, collegiate athlete, that went nuts eating and not exercising... gained tons of weight (almost 70 lbs.) - weighed 210 lbs when he was born. He weighed 11 lbs... stinker!

Anway, I am now 43, started on this journey approximately 2 years ago. I have been told by family, my spouse, college & high school friends, coaches, etc. that I am in better shape than when I was in college - it's true! I am.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, put your baby having fears aside and enjoy the gift.

As for talking with your family. I told you so will come up - it did with me. Yep, their right. SO what. So were you!

Good luck.
Sheri

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JUSTHEATHER2011 8/18/2010 2:41PM

    Get used to changing your mind as a mother...its "your" perogative! emoticon

When it all comes down to it-it really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks after all. Hopefully soon you will start to see that.

I would like to take this time to remind you that when you are pregnant, you are growing another human being and sometimes that means your body will change in ways you are not happy with. Eating right and enough good healthy nutritious foods when you are pregnant is *more* important than that number on the scale for both you and your baby and a healthy pregnancy outcome. So my advice to you is to watch what you eat and don't watch the scale!

And of course nursing is a fantastic way to melt post pregnancy weight for most mothers...

Congratulations..
.

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COOLCUKE 8/18/2010 1:50PM

    destiny is so very interesting, in this case, by bringing us together as spark buddies. your thoughts here blasted me back exactly 11 years to the time i started trying to conceive, when i was 32. i had taken pretty much the exact same stance on motherhood etc. and had pretty much the same exact feelings about the whole thing, before and after changing my mind. weird, right? in my case, i found that there were not really any i told you so comments, mostly just HURRAY! and YIPPEE! i also found that changing my mind was a very exciting and liberating move. i also found that the benefits of raising a child far outweigh the drawbacks, for me anyway. my daughter is my sunshine girl (i always call her that, how funny is destiny again??) and has been my main reason for living and striving and improving myself whenever ive thought i just couldnt keep on truckin' anymore. i have to! her life depends on it! but i do it my way, not the usual soccer mom way, and luckily for me, she thinks i am the coolest mom on earth, even as a 4th grader to whom cool is a high art form. so dont worry! change your mind and embrace it!
=D
pam

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment."
Eckhart Tolle

Comment edited on: 8/18/2010 1:51:04 PM

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TUBLADY 8/18/2010 1:31PM

    Women change their minds all the time. I think if you and your husband decided to have a baby it will be a happy day at you parents home.
I speak from experience here I have had three children. i weighed 118 lbs at 25 when I had my third child. I checked in to the hospital weighed 143, came home two days later at 125 and in six weeks, even though I nursed I weighed 118.
Being pregnant doesn't mean that you have a pass to eat everything in sight and gain like crazy. I think some women just think they can, and it will go away once the baby comes.
You're getting fit and healthy now, just continue that with proper exercise, ( I swam almost every day) and you will look just great after baby comes.
Good luck. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STRONGFOCUS 8/18/2010 1:26PM

    I think it is brave to admit that you have changed your mind and why you were struggling with it in regards to physical changes. I think many women feel this way and are ashamed to admit it for fear of being labelled selfish or less of a woman because they may not want/need to have children.

Have a child and enjoy it. The I told you so chorus will fade.

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GPENSRAE 8/18/2010 1:15PM

    I am sooooo happy for you! Good luck!!!

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Week #6 Sweden Cultural Visit Challenge

Sunday, August 15, 2010

So, to complete the cultural visit challenge for my Summer Camp Challenge with my SparkTeam, I contacted a few of my best girl friends and invited them to join me in visiting a historic landmark here in the Portland area - Pittock Mansion. You can go to www.pittockmansion.org to read more about the distinguished history of this beautiful estate. It was a great afternoon spent stepping back in history and touring a magnificent home. My DH texted me to ask how it was going and when we would be moving in *lol*

Even though it was 97 degrees F outside, we also enjoyed touring the gardens with their beautiful views of Mt. Hood and Mt. St Helens. All in all, we had a great afternoon visiting an important historical site as well as enjoying each other's company!

The estate gift shop

The rear terrace of the mansion


And, bonus! There was a miniature rose show at the mansion today during our visit!

Two of my girlfriends and I posing on the rear terrace - it was hot!

We had a great time and I would definitely recommend a visit to anyone traveling to Portland if you want a slice of what 1900s Portland was like!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DRSUNSHINE1 8/16/2010 6:12PM

    You're coming to Portland? Fun! I'm bummed that I'll be out of town this weekend for my sister's wedding shower or else I'd suggest we meet up for a walk or something! Hope you have a safe drive up and a great time while you're here! emoticon

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SCRAPHAPPY94 8/16/2010 5:47PM

    It's absolutely beautiful up there. Haven't been in years. I'll be in Portland over the weekend and I might just have to add that to my agenda.

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_VALEO_ 8/16/2010 8:44AM

    Sounds like a great visit. The mansion looks beautiful.
Will definitely visit it when I come to Portland.

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Saturdays are a Problem....

Monday, August 09, 2010

Not because I'm doing things I don't like - quite the opposite! The past two Saturdays have been full of amazing activities. Two weeks ago it was Relay for Life. This past Saturday we spent whitewater rafting and camping with some of our friends.

The problem comes in that because I'm doing an activity that makes me feel like I'm being active (walking, rafting, etc), I slip in terms of my eating plan and start munching on everything in sight. This would be okay if my activities were actually at the level to support eating extra calories, but they're not.

I even asked DH on this camping trip to help me stay on track by just saying a keyword if he noticed I was over-snacking. I was proud of myself for asking for help and trying to stay on track without getting offended that he was telling me I shouldn't be eating. Except, he wasn't with me the whole time. I had a lot of time alone with all those snacks and I am upset with myself for giving in to grazing for the afternoon.

Last Friday before we left, I was 151.6 - this morning, after the weekend of snacking and unplanned meals, combined with not tracking at all, I am 155.6

*sigh* I know some of this is just sodium and water weight and that tomorrow, I'll probably be down to 154 something, but it's just so darn frustrating!!!!! This is an exact repeat of last week - go look at my weight tracker and tell me its not.

So, I need to come up with a plan to address weekends and really commit to sticking with it. I have such a problem with social situations on weekends and how much of those types of activities revolve around food and eating. I want to participate and not feel like I'm denying myself at every single event. I've tried the just taking a bite / sampling / bringing my own snacks / drinking water / insert different ideas here tactic and by the end of the day, I am always over. Something has to change because I can't keep riding this rollercoaster - I felt so bad about myself after getting off the scale this morning. I know how hard I worked last week to get down to the 151 and to face having to work that hard all over again this week is really bumming me out. Should I just re-evaluate my goals and consider the possibility that I should just stay at this weight and accept this as my achievement? Even thinking about that makes me angry and frustrated. I know I can get to my big goals and smaller milestones. I just have to keep doing the work and stop thinking about it as denying myself yummy things to eat. That is never going to be sustainable. I just have to look at what my goals are and make an acceptable plan on how I'm going to get there.

I think part of my problem is also that I'm getting nervous/anxious/feeling pressured about my sister's wedding in October and even more so about going home for her shower next week. I want to look amazing for these events and show my family how hard I've been working. If I'm not at my goals by these deadlines, I'm feel like I'm going to consider this whole thing a failure (which I mentally know its not at all - I have made huge progress in so many areas of healthy eating/weight/thought). I really want to make it to my next milestone (150) before I go home next week and I would consider it a gigantic success and step forward when that happens.

So, just gotta keep trucking, like I say at the end of every one of my blogs. I guess this is just an idea that I have to keep repeating to myself and that maybe over time it will sink in enough to where I don't have to say it all the time. I am already sucessful and I will continue to be sucessful if I just keep at it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GPENSRAE 8/18/2010 1:17PM

    Hang in there...you'll figure out a plan that works for you! Great job asking for help!!!

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SCRAPHAPPY94 8/9/2010 5:36PM

    Weekends continue to be difficult for me although if I plan carefully and review my goals on Friday heading into it, I can usually do ok. Keep on trucking! You can do it.

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-DYET- 8/9/2010 3:41PM

    I did the same thing this weekend. I ate and ate and ate because I was so active I did not think twice.

We can do it!!

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Relay for Life Recap

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

I'm so excited to report that I totally exceeded my personal goal of walking a half-marathon (13.1 miles) at the Relay for Life event this past weekend (7/31-8/1).

I walked a marathon (26.25 miles!) instead!!!! emoticon emoticon

I even ran mile 19-20 at 12:30am!

It was a fantastic event and I had a wonderful time really getting to know some of my teammates while supporting a really worthwhile organization at the same time.

I even won a few prizes - the theme for this year's Relay was "Carnival for a Cure," so each team participating had to have a little carnival style game at their tent area. One team had a spin-the-wheel game, where I won a bbq apron complete with tools.


There were some theme laps, one of which was a funny hat lap, thus the hamburger hat I'm wearing. It was just too perfect with the apron.

I also wanted to share the luminaria I made for the luminary ceremony, as well as give a shout out to Mikiio for so generously donating to my fundraising page. It was a really moving ceremony for me this year, especially after losing a good friend from college to cancer-related infection in November 2009.


It was beautiful to walk around the track and have the darkness lit up by so many people's memories and well-wishes
(thanks to Eileen Shattuck for the photo).

All in all, awesome event and I am so proud of myself for totally exceeding my goal ( and having only one tiny blister on my left 4th toe as a reward).

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RSWIFE 8/4/2010 8:55PM

    Congratulations! What a wonderful way to support the fight against a horrible disease.

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SCRAPHAPPY94 8/4/2010 9:20AM

    What a wonderful time! We don't do theme laps here - that sounds kind of fun. The luminaria ceremony is one of my fave things about Relay. Congrats on blowing your challenge out of the water!

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_VALEO_ 8/4/2010 2:40AM

    Congratulations on exceeding your goals!
You look so cool with your apron and hamburger hat, really sounds like a fun and great event.

Thanks for sharing your photos and for your luminaria!

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