Friday, September 02, 2011
So last night i got on the scale, not a good idea because i KNOW you weigh more at night because of all the food and water you intake throughout the day. So when i saw 186, im like great, i didnt lose a danm thing. Meaning when i woke up and weighed myself again it would generally be 184 like it was that morning.....
WRONG, i got up this morning and the scale says 182.5!!! So that means im up only a lb from last week now :) WOOT!
Now its friday and weekends are my toughest obstacle..... but there is no way im gonna ruin all my hard work. Im in it to win it now, im determined. I am NOT giving in and ordering a danm thing. I will cook something i have here, thats HEALTHY, and i will do my zumba!
Also i am thinking of buying a knee brace for my left knee, i feel like i need to extra support on that leg when i work out. So im thinking of buying one.
I know that marriages take alot of hard work....seems like im the one always trying....
And i know my husband will never change, but lately i feel as though he's even less interested in me. He always compliments other women he sees walking by etc. I have never gotten compliments from my husband, its rare, but now im just feeling ugly....like im not even worth him looking at me.... Which again only makes me more motivated.
I am going to prove to EVERYONE that doubts me, most of all myself. Because at some level i almost feel like im not worth it. But i am, and its worth it most of all to my daughter. so im here for her, for everything she needs or does in life. I will be healthy and on my toes to help in anyway i can.
So here's to a HEALTHY weekend!! Im determined to make it. Im making a promise to myself. FOOD can either be your friend or your worst enemy, so i will choose the foods that want to be my friend.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
So tonight my son asks me if something looks good, i go yes it looks fine. He then tells me, well i care about my appearance when you dont......
I was really hurt..... not that i said anything to him because i didnt wanna start another argument. I really wish he knew what it was like in my shoes....
I WISH i could fit into small cute clothes.... I know he's just a kid and he doesnt really understand but he SHOULD know whats appropriate and whats NOT appropriate. I dont want to buy NICE things when im trying to lose weight. He's always been the one out of the kids to think of HIMSELF. Its one of my BIGGEST pet peeves about him.
I was NOT in the mood to exercise tonight but i used what he said as motive to I NEED to exercise. Because sitting on my rear will NOT get me to my goals. So even though my knee has been in alot of pain, i pushed through it and did SOMETHING. That alone still made me feel good that i did SOMETHING.
But my son saying that made me want to cry. I want to LOOK pretty.....and him saying that made me feel UGLY. So i start thinking, does he think i look...FAT....i know i am, but does he THINK it..... is that part of the whole i dont care about my appearance..... i exercise every night he sees me doing so..... he sees me writing down what im eating....
AM I NOT TRYING?!
On a higher note. my mother has decided she NEEDS to rejoin weight watchers. She does NOT know how to use a computer, i wish she did, i keep talking about this site, and how much she would love it. But shes really scared that its going to be HARD with the new Points Plus plan with ww. I told her its not to much different. There is nothing to be scared about. I wish i could ease her fears ...... what i shouldve said was mom i love you, and i want you around forever , and for u to be around and healthy for a long time u need to eat right. I know exercise is and will be VERY VERY difficult to her because of her fibromyalgia, but i told her 10 min of walking, just go around the block and back at her own pace. Your making a few more steps then u did before the walk, its one step closer to being healthy.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday was the last straw for me, im ready to do this! IM SOOOOO READY!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Okie dokie, so when i hit Wed i was very discouraged with myself, and i felt lonely. I didnt fall off the wagon per say but basically gave up with seeing the 170's for my birthday.... I basically realized the stress of getting to the 170's was actually stressing me out even more lol. SO ive EXERCISED everyday since giving up the goal of seeing the 170's by the 20th, i knew it wasnt gonna happen in a few days. I need to not "THINK" about it and just do it like i was doing before and eventually my body will follow suit. Thursday we ordered out, i was far not in the mood to cook, but i was still conscience of what i was doing. Instead of the normal SUPER roast beef sandwhich i would get i got a regular size and had a few fries. Then friday night an unexpected birthday dinner with my grandmother came up, i ordered fish and veggies, double side of veggies with water. Now we come to Saturday, i had backed scollops with fries, and tried a couple clams for the first time. BUT i got in 12,000 steps! And did ZUMBA! I got on the scale this morning and was 182, which means im only up .5 from my lowest weight. I am sooooo happy i exercised and drank my water because if i didnt, im sure i wouldve seen a larger gain. Im trying to balance it out the best i can knowing how hetic this weekend was going to be. Today is a new day, but because we were so busy yesterday we never sang happy birthday to me, and who knows what else will be happening. SOOO im again gonna get in as much exercise as possible and start my week brand new tomorrow.
Lots of pictures were taken of me yesterday, and i DID NOT like the pictures of me, i felt so disgusted with how i looked i just wanted to cry. I couldve deleted them , i really couldve BUT i didnt, because i want that reminder of why im on this journey and i want my daughter to still have pictures for when shes older of going to a theme park and me actually being there with her, not just daddy or the siblings but me as her mom sharing the moment.
I will NO longer look like this, i will fight harder to be healthier and more beautiful by the day......i found a new determination....... and i see myself succeeding, i dont care how long it takes, as long as i get there...
My daughter on the merry go round for the first time
Me and my 3 kids
My Daughter and Daddy being silly
My Daughter and I on the Merry Go Round
THE ME I WILL NEVER BE AGAIN! THATS A PROMISE!!!!
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