Wednesday, August 14, 2013
God gives us a wonderful, perfect body for our lifetime and the least we should do is take care of it. I have neglected the health and well-being of my body more that I care to think about. I have allowed myself the satisfaction, at least that is how it feels until the euphoria of the burger & onion rings wears off, of eating without restriction lately. That is ever-so-wrong, and I do feel miserable afterwards. The sad part is that no matter how much I loathe the reflection in the mirror, it does not make me change my ways. Is there something wrong with me, or is it that I truly do not care?
I have a pretty active part-time job at the state park as a housekeeper, on my feet all day walking and all the janitorial duties. But my full-time job is pretty much a desk job. There is not a lot of time for exercise, and I cannot get myself motivated to even walk a couple of miles during the week. I got on the treadmill this morning. Since it was before work, I didn't have a lot of time, so I quit after about a half mile. Yes, it was a start, a pitiful one though.
I have many choices as far as exercise equipment is concerned. Treadmill. Wii Fit. Mini trampoline. Exercise bike. Real bike. DVDs. The problem is the motivation and time since I work two jobs. I know I would feel better and have more energy if I lost weight. I know I would look better if I lost weight. There is no one in my house or at work that I can use to keep me accountable for my binges. My SO(B) is just on the naggin' wagon about my weight, and that does not help my self esteem or motivation because he wants me to lose it for "him." I told him it doesn't work that way. He is extremely phobic of heavy/over weight people. When he gets so negative with me, it ramps up my defenses to where I just say "Screw it. I control my weight, not you." I have asked that he not make any comments to me that are negative, it stops for a few days.
I am 48 years old and have a "back-burner" goal to lose 50# by my 50th birthday. That is just under 18 months away. Hmmmmm....
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
O as in obese. I never thought I would be using that word to describe myself. My SOB gets angry because when I was young and stupid, around 18 years old, I told him I would never get fat. It just wasn't me to be fat. Well, in the last 4-5 years all my weight has done is gone up, up, up. I did have a while that I weighed 165#...I have added almost twenty pounds since then. It makes me sick. I hate myself. I don't look in the mirror. But this is still not enough motivation to really get my fat butt moving. I am lazy. I have tried to start back on the treadmill or walk outside when it is nice. I have a neighbor that walked 4 mi./day when the weather was better. I tried to hook up with her and walk, but my schedule didn't always jive with hers. Now I am stepping out on my own to do 2 miles/day.
My SOB is embarrassed to be seen with me. He is back to bringing up my size on a regular basis. I tell him his comments do not motivate me, but he cannot get that through his head. Our house is so stressful, I am sure that has something to do with it, too. I work crazy hours and hardly sleep. That is another strike against me.
I have made a serious, conscious effort to cut out the fast food and the sodas. I used to stop at McD's or BK between jobs. No more. The soda is difficult. It has been 2 days with out one and I haven't dropped over yet. One day at a time.
I have tried to start simple. Walking, jogging at times on the treadmill. Squats with a chair. Hydrants and leg lifts. Cutting my portions and trying to make better choices. Water. Water. Water. I need to lose 50#.....but right now my goal is to lose 2# this week. Then 2# the next week.
I'm just going to keep on keepin' on until I get there. Until I get DONE!!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I was watching Dr. Oz the other day and there was a woman on the show that weighed 260#, not all that much more than me right now. I have added another 15# to my already Ruebenesque figure. (It sounds better to phrase it that was than to be blunt and say obese. Ruebenesque women were considered works of art.) Marjon was telling my story to the world....
I cannot have just 1 piece or 1 bite; it's like I don't know when I will eat next.
There have been times I chose to spend my money on food and paid my bills late. I cannot get nourishment from paying the telephone bill, or can I? Domino's delivers!!
When I go to the city, I do look for the restaurants in the area so I can decide what's for lunch. (I have been known to stop at 2 places if I can't make up my mind.)
There are only 2 times food addicts don't think about food...when they are sleeping and when they are dead. (Sweet dreams are made of these...cheesecake, a great, greasy cheeseburger & salty fries, a hot fudge sundae. Who am I to disagree?) Death....enough said.
Food is predictable, people aren't. I know chocolate cake will make me feel better. I cannot guarantee my friends will boost my mood.
Marjon spoke with Dr.Tennie McCarty of Shades of Hope about food addiction. McCarty operates Shades of Hope and treats anorexics, bulimics, & compulsive eaters. They are all put together and treated together because they are all the same. Left untreated, their addictions will cause them to die. She also said food is the #1 addiction in the US. The disease of addiction says you don't have it, or at least not as bad as your neighbor down the street.
To say I have become a slave to food sounds a bit extreme, I really don't know if that label fits me. That brings me to DENIAL....Don't Even kNow I Am Lying. No, I haven't had lunch today. I had a salad with meat today. (A Big Mac is close to a salad...lettuce, tomato, onion, Thousand Island dressing, and the bun, just a HUGE crouton, right?) Denial is a symptom of any addiction.
When you binge on food the brain is flooded with dopamine which gives you a wonderful euphoric feeling, for a while anyway. This euphoric feeling causes you to not realize just how much food you are eating. You don't realize you are putting your body in mortal danger. Cookies don't let you down, but they will kill you when you lose control. (So sorry, Cookie Monster).
If food has taken control of your life, you are an addict. Food is not illegal but it is just as addictive and destructive. as heroine or cocaine. Shades of Hope treats the big "C"....CONTROL. Addicts are control freaks. We have to give up that control. Dr. McCarty stated by using confrontation with the addicts, they will see the devastation of what the disease has done to them.
Your heart is racing. Your mouth is watering. Trouble concentrating. You don't feel hungry. All you can think about is what you will eat next. These are five signs of being a food addict. I can see myself in all of these.
My name is Dragonflyspirit and I am a food addict.
Check out doctorooz.com and search "food addiction". It was an eye opener for me, but I am not going to use my "addiction" as a crutch. I really need to relinquish its control on my life.
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