 
 
 
Getting your family healthier? Not a chance.Thursday, July 12, 2012
My husband's been complaining about his weight a lot lately. FRankly, he has put on some weight; if I had to guess, about 30 lbs. This isn't too bad, as he had actually lost about 20 lbs because he stopped eating due to his extreme depression, and was put on appetite stimulants. 
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LITTLEAMYAGAIN
7/17/2012 8:36AM
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First of all, I wanted to give you a HUGE hug and tell you how brave you are for discussing this and how helpful it is to those of us reading! First suggestion: call your husband's doctor and make an appointment for him. Go with him if at all possible to discuss his treatment plan once your insurance lapses. Dropping off heavy duty meds cold turkey pretty much guarantees a nightmare. Call your local pharmacies and get a list of their generic prescriptions. Many of them near me have $4-$5 generics. Others have savings or discount cards they can give out or apply if you explain your situation to them. Take this list to his doctor and see what your husband can transfer to that won't break the bank. I had to do this myself when I was unemployed. Not fun, but a helluva lot better than going off meds AND being unemployed. :) Second suggestion: I'm going to echo Vanillanne's suggestion to make lunches for him. Don't try to cut his calories too much, but focus on getting healthier stuff in there plus a treat (dark chocolate is good for moods if he likes it!). Keep protein prominent too. The extra nutrition and less junk food should help his mood as well. If you eat breakfast and dinner as a family, you can also manage those meals too. Third and final suggestion: recognize that depression is f-ing hard. Untreated, it feels like a bottomless pit of sadness, guilt, and pain, and the sufferer feels completely hopeless and unable to make things better. Tell him you realize how hard this journey is for him, how proud you are of him for how far he's come, how much you appreciate the work he's doing. I know it's hard because he might seem really, well, self-centered and pathetic (ask me how I know!), but "tough love" at this point will likely just send him further down that miserable spiral. Good luck!! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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TRIANGLE-WOMAN
7/15/2012 1:30PM
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You keep doing what is best for YOU. My mantra has become, "I can not change anyone but MYSELF." But know that even men who don't suffer from depression can get a paranoid about transformations we undergo. In their mind there always has to be an ulterior motive or "someone else" that we are doing it for. I've been there...done that and my husband does not suffer from any of the same issues that yours does. Many years ago, when we were both at our unhappiest, I basically told my husband, "You are my freaking knight in shining armor. There is no one else. So get up your GD white horse with me and let's ride off into the sunset." Luckily he did. No other words of wisdom. Will say a prayer for you. Comment edited on: 7/15/2012 1:31:02 PM Report Inappropriate Comment |
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PAPAMIKIE
7/13/2012 3:23PM
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I was to a funeral yesterday. My Dad's sister passed away at 81. She is the last of that generation. My loss of close to 100 pounds, my typical 10km runs, my Tai Chi etc.came up in passing and some one suggested that I was in danger of being thrown out of the family with all this healthy stuff. LOL Report Inappropriate Comment |
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RADIOTIKSPARK1
7/13/2012 2:57PM
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It sounds like Vanillanne has a lot of insight into this. I can't comment on how depression feels from the inside but I can comment on this: "Could you pre-pack a weeks worth of lunches... with everything ready, just grab and eat or even prepare the next days the night before?" This is what I did for my boyfriend and because of that he has lost about 20 pounds. He had put on maybe about 10 pounds since I met him, but he had stopped exercising and he was not a big person to begin with...you could see it. Anyhow, his main issue is that he just doesn't like to devote time to cooking or thinking about eating. That means he takes the easiest path which usually means bought lunches, piles of honey covered toast for breakfast, and ramen for dinner. Basically when I started my diet, I just started making all his meals. I know that is a lot of effort, I know he should be self sufficient, but hear me out. He is perfectly happy to eat whatever is handed to him provided it doesn't require him to make any decisions or plan anything. That means that if he was going to eat healthy with me, I had to get him used to it. To get him used to it, I had to do it for him long enough that it imprinted in his mind that this was what he should be eating. Now that we don't live together (sad face!) , I made sure I taught him what I had been doing and he does it all himself now! He actually does it! So give it a try. Pre-pack lunches for him and make him breakfast. He just might get to the point where he can do it on his own. The other bonus to that is it is one small, tangible way that he can see you care about him. PS I just noticed you are from Macon! I'm from Columbus! Wooo central Georgia! Comment edited on: 7/13/2012 3:00:35 PM Report Inappropriate Comment |
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STUFFANFLUFF
7/13/2012 2:49PM
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What a struggle, I understand you only want what is best for him. All you can do is keep positive with him. Hopefully he will come around. Really, the most important thing right now is, you can't let him run out of meds. Try looking at your state resources. If not the state I know there are programs out there that help with depression meds, they are necessary in some cases. I do know these resources take time to get on though, so you might want to try looking now. I wish you the very best!! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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VANILLANNE
7/13/2012 12:06PM
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The depression is a bigger issue than vegetables, although given the right vitamins, minerals and balance, depression decreases. I know. I've been there. Depression is like trying to run thru a pool of jello, everything becomes torture to accomplish. Tasks that should take 2 mins., take too much mental energy to accomplish, so it's easier to default to easy (chicken nuggets, processed foods, etc) Could you pre-pack a weeks worth of lunches... with everything ready, just grab and eat or even prepare the next days the night before? Decrease the number of less healthy foods in the house.? I can appreciate your angst, but, I see it from your husband's side.. As far as your relationship with your husband, if you are that turned off by 30 lbs., trust me, he senses it, and it hurts and it contributes to a vicious cycle. I struggle with this issue every day, only I'm the one who offends. There is nothing more painful than knowing you are no longer attractive to the person you love the most. This is what would help me most, as I'm in your husband's position: I suggest that you start looking at the positive things he does, the positve things he has physically, the positive things of who he is... and start telling him how much you love him and how much you respect him as a man. Not love him and respect him "if only" he'd ____________. I say this with tear in my eyes. I wish someone would take my husband aside and give him this advice. I am no longer sure of his love and it really, really hurts. It's like being a failure on every side. Hope this makes sense, I don't mean it to be nasty, I just know how it feels from the other end. (hugs) -anne 
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DRAGONCHILDE
7/13/2012 11:48AM
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He is on meds and undergoing treatment... his condition is severe enough he was hospitalized. He had a psychotic depressive episode, and is actually on some pretty heavy duty meds. My concern is that we lost our medical coverage, and in about a month or two, he'll be running out... with no way to get refilled. That's going to be fun. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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JADOMB
7/13/2012 11:25AM
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It's bad enough that a spouse isn't on the same page on health and fitness, but when they are also going through depression it is much worse. He definitely needs to see a doctor and not only get put on meds, but go through some cognitive training. Meds are not meant to be a lifelong thing and have too many side effects. My prayers are with you guys.
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1STATEOFDENIAL
7/13/2012 3:54AM
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Is he going to therapy and/or working with a doctor on medications? To me, this sounds like much more than just depression, perhaps a major depressive episode or even something more. When someone is stuck that deep they aren't gonig to just pull out of it and be willing to eat right and exercise. I spent most of my life in a state of major depression and I've seen many friends in the same place. It often takes a major jolt to get someone out of that state, but sometimes that jolt is too serious to recover from. I understand you don't want to hurt his feelings or his self esteem, but there's a point where you have to put your relationship in front of you both. Tell him that you don't like seeing him so down and you want to help but you don't know what to do. Ask him what you can do for him and how you can help. If he doesn't have an answer then suggest getting a professional involved to help him figure out what help he can get from you and the doctor. Explain to him that you love him and care about him so you want to help. Perhaps over time you can have some joint sessions and at that point you can bring up your relationship so the therapist can help navigate those tough waters. Best wishes and I hope things take a turn for the better soon. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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KIM--POSSIBLE
7/12/2012 11:21PM
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I don't know what to tell you, but I totally empathize with you. Keep up what you are doing for you and your kids. Maybe eventually, he will want to join you!
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BUBBLEJ1
7/12/2012 9:52PM
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You're right, you can't force him into it, he has to want it. And not want to get rid of some weight, he has to want to do the work to get there. I'm in the same position with my mum. She sees how I eat, sees me losing weight, and is very overweight. She wants to lose weight but she doesn't want to do the work. All I can do is keep being a good example, and keep cooking healthy dinners for her. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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MRSKATEDUVALL
7/12/2012 9:42PM
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I totally get where you are coming from... my entire family is so anti- healthy. I have no words of wisdom to share...
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Music is one of those things that affects everyone, all over the world. From the most primitive tribe in the deepest jungle, to the most sophisticated socialite in a tower in New York City, music is threaded throughout our lives.
For many of us, we rely on it for motivation, for distraction, for just plain entertainment.
I love music. When I write, I prefer to have some kind of music playing. I've taken a liking to electronic, and really have a fondness for industrial sounds. I like gritty instrumentality.
When I'm working out, I love music. It can make me take a few steps faster, go a bit longer, get into the zone and go longer and stronger.
Everyone has different tastes, though; what moves me might make your teeth itch! Some pop music I like, but don't you dare come near me with country or rap. Well, there's one or two country songs I like, but they're rare.
So what music moves you? Do you rock out to classics? Step up with pop? Groove with dance? Or something else entirely?
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SOFT_VAL67
7/12/2012 8:45PM
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im very diverse in my music, today i have been listening to joe cocker alot, i wouldnt call him upbeat and exercisey type music. i havent even figured my phone out yet, so adding music is way down on my list. maybe someday i will catch up to technology. i love the rolling stones. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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OBIESMOM2
7/12/2012 12:23PM
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if you've never heard the song, check out Young the Giant's "My Body". They are using it in some commercials now, so you may have heard it. The chorus is "my body tells me no, but I won't quit 'cause I want more!" How appropriate is that when you just don't want to finish the last 15 minutes of your routine (or even get started!)? don't worry, Heather. I do listen to my body. But when that evil voice is trying to convince me that I can skip just one workout, I need something to get me moving. oh...and I love Snoop! The True Blood video he did about Sookie was hilarious. He's awesome. I love his interviews. He and Coolio really surprise me with their insight. And LL Cool J is so...hot! (SWOON!!!!) Report Inappropriate Comment |
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GIRLALLIN
7/12/2012 11:30AM
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Oh dear, this is where I once again reveal what an utter nerd I am: my playlists, which are comprised of music from most every genre (I used to work in a music store), are sorted by beats per minute. When I run, it's 155-165bmp. When I use the elliptical, 145-154. When I walk... eh, depends on how tired I am or how much I need to get pumped up. See, if left to my own devices (my brain), I will tend to slow down according to how disciplined I feel that day. If I listen to music I force my feet to obey the beat. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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JADOMB
7/12/2012 10:51AM
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I don't like old country music, but love the new stuff. I take that back, I do like some old stuff like Johnny Cash, but not twangy stuff. I also don't like Lawrence welk type bubble music or polka music. Which means I don't like Mariachi ompaloompa music. Sounds too much like polka music. I also don't like immoral gangsta rap, but don't mind rap if it's done right and in good taste. Actually, even after all I don't like, there is so much I do like. Too many to list.
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JOYCECAIN
7/11/2012 8:03PM
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I love the old songs, Billy Joel, Abba, Elton John, 60, 70 and 80's music. I love country. I was born in 1949. So we can discuss age. love
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BUBBLEJ1
7/11/2012 6:44PM
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I'm a pop girl. Anything fast. However nothing gets my butt moving more than Sweat by Snoop Dogg. That is my hill song when I am running.
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PLAYBLUES22
7/11/2012 5:32PM
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I love any music that makes me move my butt 
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EVER-HOPEFUL
7/11/2012 3:47PM
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sorry have to say i love country,lol.and the sixties but i like any music really but if i am not listening to the radio it is mostly country or the everleys that i play.am i showing my age? 
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OBIESMOM2
7/11/2012 3:31PM
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pretty wide range for me. I'm not a fan of most modern country music. I do like Josh Turner. There's some really old country stuff that I love (Hank Sr, Johnny Cash, Don Williams). the one thing that I really don't like is auto-tune. Overuse of auto-tune makes me stabby! my MP3 has LOTS of Tom Petty, Jackson Browne, Bob Dylan, Gin Blossoms, Green Day, Beastie Boys, The Offspring, Foo Fighters, The Killers, Sara Bareillis, Incubus, Cake, Live, Chris Cornell, Staind. I'm absolutely crazy about The Airborne Toxic Event. I have one of Mikel's lyrics at the top of my Spark Page. I need to buy some of their music. He started out writing a novel, but felt his words were better with music. I prefer meaningful lyrics. You can tell exactly what was going on in the lives of some of my favorite musicians by the songs they recorded at the time. And I love to know the story behind a song. Report Inappropriate Comment |
OUCH!! 
I can sooo hear you on that one!! Are you doing the Boot Camp team challenges? Oh girl, you truly ARE brave!! Sending prayers!! 
You deserve it!