Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wanted to share a beautiful prayer that touched my heart.
Look Upon Us Oh Lord
Look Upon Us, O Lord
Look upon us, O Lord,
and let all the darkness of our souls
vanish before the beams of thy brightness.
Fill us with holy love,
and open to us the treasures of thy wisdom.
All our desire is known unto thee,
therefore perfect what thou hast begun,
and what thy Spirit has awakened us to ask in prayer.
We seek thy face,
turn thy face unto us and show us thy glory.
Then shall our longing be satisfied,
and our peace shall be perfect.
- St. Augustine
Monday, December 20, 2010
No excuses, lots of regrets and lots of wasted time. Reality is hard to face , but one day you wake up and say..What the H*** have you been doing. I had this moment for the second time in my life. The first one was back in '95 when after a fight with a long distance boyfriend I went out and bought a 6 pack of beer. Beer me..I hate beer but what the heck. After drinking 3 cans I looked in the mirror and said in a loud voice.. What The "F" are you doing?? Do you want to wind up like Mommy?? That is when I decided to quit drinking all together. As an Adult Child of an alcoholic, facing reality is hard some times. But I am sober 15 years.
Today is the 2nd time I got this wake up call. I have been away and making all kinds of excuses. It is a beautiful time of the year and a new year is coming. oh sure I could wait till 2 more weeks.. but no way not putting it off any long. How many January 1sts has it been??/ Way to many to count & not about to add another one on. I am here starting a new with blinders on ,so not to look back. No more woulda, shoulda, coulda. How how many times that was a mantra that I realize now was forsetting up a failure.
No more negative talk to myself. It is easy to do and I am sure we all do it. One kind word a day to me, then two , then three & finally a full sentence. I think I can do that.
How many times have we all put ourselves last? Somebody or something always took president. It is ok sometimes, but not everytime. We all have so much to contribute & so much to give to this big wide world of ours.
Hmmmm maybe I will say this too.. I am worthy & have lots to contribute..Yup that is right.. I am worthy & have something to contribute.
No more stuffing feelings with food.. No more rationalizing that extra piece of pumpkin pie.. ahhh one more & I will add Fat Free Cool whip.. Now that goes on the list of Jan. 1sts. Not just pumpkin pie. Oh I will cut that slice of pizza in half.. Oh Yea especially being Italian..
Reality checks can make you laugh sometimes & that is good. Laughter burns calories too, Right??
Well this is me, and here I am. We are all on different roads but have the same destination on our map. If I see you on your road or when the roads cross I will wish you a safe and successful journey & I hope you will do the same for me.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
This has been a very emotional week for me. I find myself struggling not only with weight but emotionally & physically. I try to stay positive, but old hurts and memories keep creeping in. This past weekend a dear & wonderful person passed on. Her son emailed us and said that her last words were." I see the light & I see God". That is so comforting to know. Rest in Peace Joyceeee & as you said to Bett. " Fly With The Angels". ( Bett is my sister who passed while I was having treatment.)
Very mixed emotions have been flooding me & I just can't seem to get it right. My calories have been up & down. as did my weight. I went up 1/2 pound. The old me would have said.. Ok you blew it now go eat & stuff the feelings. Yet. I have not. Yeah me. When I said my calories were up. it was because of the irregular eating, & the big fluctuation with my Bloodsugar. My own fault. yet I did put down on SP everything in I ate.
No excuses. I am back on track today.. I decide to ask for support & share what I have been going through. Not hiding, not stuffing ice cream Pie, pizza, deli.. Like the old day.
I went over with healthy food. I had a bigger portion. No excuses.. Let Me say it.. I DID EMOTIONALLY EAT WITH THE BIGGER PORTIONS.
As I wrote this I stopped & said who am I kidding. Only me.. Justification of my actions. No Good.
I realized I did fall of the wagon & without being on SP. By not writing this I would have continued to justify & rationalize and just plain been a failure to me. Not posting it would have just been another wall to hide behind.
Today, this moment is a new beginning for me.
I wish you all a wonderful Day. Thank You all for giving me hope & support & inspiration.
Thank you all for allowing me to write this & be honest enough to post it.
If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
- Mary Pickford
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