DRADISCH   25,119
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Just a quick Funny

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Stopping to share a good laugh I heard today.

Wishing all a Happy and Sparkling Day!!

Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old
Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old
Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a
warm
spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me..
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that
since my Albert died some 30 years
ago..
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:

No, I did not stop him
Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good
in years!
Defense Attorney:
What
happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so
'spicy' that I just laid down and told
him 'Take me, young man. Take me
now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old
Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!

And that's when I shot him, the little
bastard.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MR.NET1 10/9/2009 12:50AM

    HA!
I wonder "where" she shot the "little thing"? emoticon

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SHIITAKE 10/8/2009 11:05PM

   

Too funny ! emoticon

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ETAGGEL 10/8/2009 7:06PM

    Very funny!


Phyllis

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DAFYDUC 10/8/2009 5:24PM

    emoticon

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GRANNY1972 10/8/2009 5:00PM

    emoticon

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Something I read

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I read this yesterday and really thought about our relationship with Self, and Food.
I personally think if we can adapt our SP journey, our New Learning of Self Love, Self appreciation, and Our relationship to food with these affirmations and lessons, will have a positive affect on our journey to a healthy us.
I am going to give it my bet shot and it will be interesting to me to see the outcome.
Just wanted to share. Thanks all for you wonderful words of support as always.
Donna

Relationships
You can completely transform any relationship, no matter what it's like right now.

Every single relationship you have is a reflection of how you feel inside about you. You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings. Every relationship you have and every interaction with every person, is a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings in that very moment.

To transform every single relationship you have in your life:


Fall in love with YOU!

Make lists of hundreds and hundreds of wonderful things about you. Keep adding to it every day.

Know that you are perfect. Do not think any negative thoughts about you.

Know that you are worthy and deserving of anything and everything you could possibly want in your life.

Focus on the wonderful things in every person. Look for only those things.

Do not blame or criticize anybody, ever.

Set an intention that you are going to see the best in everything and everyone.

Make your happiness the number one thing in your life. Happiness is an inside job.

Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy. Respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness.

Get your attention off those things in others that don't make you feel good.

Appreciate and love yourself in every moment you can.

Do not expect others to behave in a way you want, so you will be happy. Release yourself forevermore and know that you alone control your happiness and it is a choice, no matter what anyone else is doing.

Love and respect yourself completely.

Know that you are perfect right now.


Think Pink !!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LHOLEWIN 10/8/2009 9:10AM

    Wonderful words of wisdom. emoticon

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LESSOFMOORE 10/7/2009 9:14PM

    Donna, another beautiful blog! emoticon

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BELLACUDDLES 10/7/2009 4:50PM

    Those were good words of wisdom.....we have to love ourselves first before we can love others!

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SMILINGEYES2 10/7/2009 3:00PM

    These are excellent words to live by. Thank you for sharing these with us. emoticon

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GRANNY1972 10/7/2009 1:27PM

    Love yourself first and it will spread to everyone and everything in your life.

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BENTONHEALTHY 10/7/2009 12:43PM

    I really understood this Donna. I need to practice this a lot more! I am copying it for future use. Thank you.

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SHIITAKE 10/7/2009 12:14PM

   

Very positive thinking, Donna ! We must love and respect ourself first, in order to succeed
in all our endeavors toward being healthy ! Love the affirmations !! emoticon

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TENAJ99 10/7/2009 11:45AM

  How encouraging; thanks!

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Great Email :The Bible (on one sheet of paper)

Monday, October 05, 2009

Good Morning and have a Pleasant and Blessed Day..(this is a bit long.. )
Isn't that a nice thing to hear.. Gives us hope and a Heart Hug. That is what my wonderful friend said in her email to me this morning. I felt I needed to share it.She is 3000 miles away and when we email it is like we are kids again living around the corner from each other. Playing with Barbi dolls and listening to the Beatles.
Isn't it funny that so far away and such a long connection, God let's special people into our lives and they instinctively know what we need or the words to read or hear.
Today is one of them for me and I am filled with Gratitude, Humility and a Awe of the mysteries we are yet to discover.
Just like all of us on here on SP. We support comfort and know just how to help out our fellow Sparklers.
I hope you like this email as much as I did.
You are The Star in Your Success Story ~Me
Donna

The Bible (on one sheet of paper)


THIS IS REALLY NEAT, SOMEONE SURE WAS DEDICATED TO THIS..(God Bless all those who contributed).
The Bible at your fingertips................ Click on any chapter........
I have never seen anything like this. It must have taken a long time to mastermind something like it. This is
worthy of sending to everyone on your e-list. The bottom one really sends a message to all.
This is by far the best email I have received and the best one that I will ever forward.
You can now read the Bible at the click of a button.....
See special bonus below.
Just click on the chapter number you want to read opposite the Book name in
the column on the left side.


New International Version (NIV)

Books Chapters
Genesis 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Exodus 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
Leviticus 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27
Numbers 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36
Deuteronomy 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34
Joshua 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
Judges 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
Ruth 1 2 3 4
1 Samuel 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
2 Samuel 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
1 Kings 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22
2 Kings 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
1 Chronicles 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29
2 Chronicles 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36
Ezra 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Nehemiah 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
Esther 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Job 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42
Psalm 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150
Proverbs 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
Ecclesiastes 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Song of Solomon 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Isaiah 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66
Jeremiah 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52
Lamentations 1 2 3 4 5
Ezekiel 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 44 45 46 47 48
Daniel 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Hosea 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Joel 1 2 3
Amos 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Obadiah 1
Jonah 1 2 3 4
Micah 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Nahum 1 2 3
Habakkuk 1 2 3
Zephaniah 1 2 3
Haggai 1 2
Zechariah 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Malachi 1 2 3 4
Matthew 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
Mark 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
Luke 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
John 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
Acts 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
Romans 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
1 Corinthians 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
2 Corinthians 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
Galatians 1 2 3 4 5 6
Ephesians 1 2 3 4 5 6
Philippians 1 2 3 4
Colossians 1 2 3 4
1 Thessalonians 1 2 3 4 5
2 Thessalonians 1 2 3
1 Timothy 1 2 3 4 5 6
2 Timothy 1 2 3 4
Titus 1 2 3
Philemon 1
Hebrews 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
James 1 2 3 4 5
1 Peter 1 2 3 4 5
2 Peter 1 2 3
1 John 1 2 3 4 5
2 John 1
3 John 1
Jude 1
Revelation 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22



Emergency Telephone Numbers
These are more effective than 911
When -
You are sad, phone John 14
You have sinned, phone Psalm 51
You are facing danger, phone Psalm 91
People have failed you, phone Psalm 27
It feels as though God is far from you, phone Psalm 139
Your faith needs stimulation, phone Hebrews 11
You are alone and scared, phone Psalm 23
You are worried, phone Matthew 8:19-34
You are hurt and critical, phone 1 Corinthians 13
You wonder about Christianity, phone 2 Corinthians 5:15-18
You feel like an outcast, phone Romans 8:31-39
You are seeking peace, phone Matthew 11:25-30
It feels as if the world is bigger than God, phone Psalm 90
You need Christ like insurance, phone Romans 8:1-30
You are leaving home for a trip , phone Psalm 121
You are praying for yourself, phone Psalm 87
You require courage for a task, phone Joshua 1
Inflation's and investments are hogging your thoughts, phone Mark 10:17-31
You are depressive, phone Psalm 27
Your bank account is empty, phone Psalm 37
You lose faith in mankind, phone 1 Corinthians 13
It looks like people are unfriendly, phone John 15
You are losing hope, phone Psalm 126
You feel the world is small compared to you, phone Psalm 19
You want to carry fruit, phone John 15
Paul's secret for happiness, phone Colossians 3:12-17
With big opportunity/ discovery, phone Isaiah 55
To get along with other people, phone Romans 12
ALTERNATE NUMBERS
For dealing with fear, call Psalm 47
For security, call Psalm 121:3
For assurance, call Mark 8:35
For reassurance, call Psalm 145:18
ALL THESE NUMBERS MAY BE PHONED DIRECTLY.
NO OPERATOR ASSISTANCE IS NECESSARY.
ALL LINES TO HEAVEN ARE AVAILABLE 24 HOURS A DAY.

FEED YOUR FAITH, AND DOUBT WILL STARVE TO DEATH









  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RASCALSMOMMA 10/12/2009 10:47PM

    sweetie; with your permission (and I wont do it till I have it!) I would love to copy the "emergency numbers". Also, you are such a positive influence, I would like to add you to my Sparked Friends. You have helped More than u know. BTW I didnt know that Ps 27 was "for people that have failed you"; and its my fave psalm! Thank you! Hugs of friendship Laurie

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WATERBABY4 10/7/2009 11:31AM

    HI DONNA. THAT WAS A WONDERFUL E-MAIL AND I'M GLAD YOU PUT IT HERE FOR ALL OF US. PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE HOW MUCH GOD WANTS TO TALK TO US AND WHEN WE READ THE BIBLE, WE LEARN SO MUCH AND ARE COMFORTED BY IT. RIGHT NOW, I AM READING "THE 4:8 PRINCIPLE" BY TOM NEWBERRY. IT'S BASED ON PHILLIPIANS , CHAPTER 4: VERSE 8. IT IS WONDERFUL. ALSO RICK WARREN'S BOOK" THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE" I AM LEARNING TO DRAW CLOSER TO GOD AND I FEEL SUCH JOY.

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SHIRLEYAMES 10/5/2009 4:11PM

    That is amazing. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I read my Bible every day, it is the only book, I can say that about. It's the first thing I do in the morning,which makes the rest of the day go better.
Thank you
Shirley

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BELLACUDDLES 10/5/2009 3:24PM

    I loved it.....especially the last 2 lines! Thanks, Donna!!

Blessings coming your way,
Barbara

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SHIITAKE 10/5/2009 12:48PM

   

This absolutely wonderful, Donna ! In this crazy world we live in, I am so glad that there are
still wonderful people who would go to such lengths to produce such a website ! God Bless
them, and God Bless you for sharing this with us !!!

emoticon

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MR.NET1 10/5/2009 11:53AM

    emoticonDonna!

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If you need a good laugh..

Friday, October 02, 2009

If you need a real belly laugh.. here it is. This is the funniest email link.
In all honesty i almost fell off the chair..
Hope you get a good laugh..
Hugs
Donna emoticon

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v46jjykVww

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOPHIEMAE2007 10/4/2009 6:33PM

    Funny! I have to send that to my friends!!

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DRADISCH 10/4/2009 1:35PM

    Thank You all for the comments on this page.
I just could not help myself, I had to post this..
This is the best part... think of people you know.. can you see this happening.. History repeats it self.. ladies fighting over a guy..
hmmmmmm.
Have a super day and thanks again
emoticon
Donna
emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 10/4/2009 12:26AM

    Donna, This was so funny!!! Thank you for sharing. I needed this laugh tonight so I can get some good sleep. Happy thoughts for a restful night. You are right on the money as always!!!
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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SMILINGEYES2 10/3/2009 12:05PM

    This was funny. Thanks for making my day brighter. Have a terrific weekend. Linda

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GRANNY1972 10/2/2009 5:22PM

    emoticon That is great! Thanks again for sharing with us Donna!

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MR.NET1 10/2/2009 4:23PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SHIITAKE 10/2/2009 3:40PM

   

This is too funny ! Thanks for sharing the chuckles, Donna ! emoticon

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CATREBEL 10/2/2009 2:05PM

    That is great! Thanks for sharing the laugh!
emoticon

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JOMOLSON 10/2/2009 1:56PM

    Funny, it's hard to stalk away with your walker.

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BENTONHEALTHY 10/2/2009 1:46PM

    Myrtle looks pretty darn good and boy can she take a punch!

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Email I just had to share today

Thursday, October 01, 2009

I really started off my day today with a good laugh. My dear friend Marie sent this to me. I just had to share it. LOL reminds me of growing up.. Now that's Italian..

Geeks to Guido
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBWgBc1Wpf8

OBSERVATIONS ON GROWING OLDER

It's harder to tell navy from black!

Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you're too old to wear it the

2nd time around

Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them! but your grandchildren are perfect

Yellow becomes the big color...walls, hair...teeth

going out is good...coming home is better!

When people say you look "great" they add"for your age"!

When you needed the discount you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything..movies, hotels

flights....

You forget names...but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!

The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them

You ask your friend how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth!

The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing

your keys than the 15 pounds

You realize you're never going to be really good at anything....especially golf!

The things you cared to do, you don't care to do, but you care that you don't care to do

them anymore...

Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed.

It's called "pre-sleep"

Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married...Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

Who wants to wear 3" heels anyway?

You miss the days when everything worked with just an on "ON" and "OFF" switch

You use more 4 letter words..."What...:When"???

Now that you can afford expensive jewellery, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

Your husband has a night out with the guys but he's home by 9:00

pm

next week it will be 8:30 pm

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it

Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?

Many of the people in People Magazine you've never heard of.

Your concealer doesn't conceal.

Your lipstick bleeds

Your mascara clumps and your eyebrows are disappearing/

You don't have hair under your arms and very little on your legs,

but your chin needs to be plucked daily!

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody whispers.

You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet...2 of which you will never wear...

....But old is good in some things...old songs...old movies

And best of all OLD FRIENDS

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHIITAKE 10/2/2009 3:07PM

   

This is great ! And definitely true ! Thanks for the big chuckles !!! emoticon

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BELLACUDDLES 10/2/2009 11:26AM

    emoticon

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SMILINGEYES2 10/2/2009 10:15AM

    Love the humor for a Friday--change can happen if you are willing to do what it takes. Thanks for the post.



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FLYFROG 10/2/2009 8:55AM

    emoticon

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LESSOFMOORE 10/1/2009 9:35PM

    Donna,

Another great blog. Painfully true!

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SWIMLOVER 10/1/2009 7:35PM

  I really loved this! I can certainly relate. Thank You for sharing!
GOD BLESS!
Louise

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SUNNYH99 10/1/2009 5:01PM

    This was good! That business about not telling navy from black, I actually saw this TODAY! I saw a woman, probably in her 30s, very thin with skinny black pants on and a slinky black tunic of some kind, wearing the highest spike heels I've ever seen on someone walking on a sidewalk toward the subway with briefcase over their shoulder. I stared at those shoes because they were wicked high and somehow not quite right with the outfit. Then I realized they were dark blue! Not even exactly navy but very dark. I joked to my DH that she obviously thought she'd chosen her black pair.

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SAVINGHANNAH 10/1/2009 4:23PM

    Great, thanks for sharing!!!

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GRANNY1972 10/1/2009 2:41PM

    Loved it! And it's all so true! Thanks for sharing Donna!

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DJS-DEBBIE 10/1/2009 2:05PM

    I used to give my husband a hard time when he couldn't tell his navy from his black socks - now I can't either!

I also used to be the one who remembered the names - not so much any more.

And I am the one who sleeps better in the chair in front of the TV than in bed!

(I also don't spell as well as I used to...at least not the first time around.)

Comment edited on: 10/1/2009 2:05:46 PM

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BENTONHEALTHY 10/1/2009 1:58PM

    I stole this to share with my friends. Thank you for sharing. Loved it.

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SSHILLINGER 10/1/2009 1:53PM

    thanks for sharing ;)

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