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To funny not to share

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Just got this email and thought we can all use a good laugh now and then. Especially since we work hard on getting healthy on SP. Along with the other things that fill our lives.

Hope you get a kick out of these...
WE'RE ALL HEADING HERE...SOME SOONER THAN OTHERS....

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his
zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant
walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your
house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he
knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office
puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was
open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's
question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to
ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer
parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini
van with two flat tires..'

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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number
of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman
to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be
really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed
my will three times!'

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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on
a bench under a tree when one t urns to the other and
says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches
and pains... I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we
went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is
the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards
the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that
restaurant we went to last night?'

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--------------------------------------
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Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found
one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed
with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

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--------------------------------------
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Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things
down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from
his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks..
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

----------------------------------------
------------------------------
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I Let's go get a beer...'

----------------------------------------
-----------------------------------
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing
aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

----------------------------------------
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the
street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm..
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot momma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and
pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


Now, before you 'forget', if you want, share them with some other folks you
know who could use a good laugh !!
Have a wonderful and Blessed Evening or day depending where you live.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOONCHILDMARIE 9/4/2009 8:24PM

    Thank you so much for posting these, really gave me a good laugh. But, I think some of them were about me!!! LOL

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PICKIE98 9/3/2009 7:07PM

    Hey, I think some of those stories were about me!! Were you peeking in my windows??LOL! emoticon

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BELLACUDDLES 9/3/2009 2:05PM

    Funny!!!!

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SSHILLINGER 9/3/2009 11:23AM

    I needed a laugh today!

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IAMLOVINGIT 9/2/2009 11:06PM

    funny, funny emoticon emoticon

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CHRYS13 9/2/2009 10:38PM

    Just what I needed at the end of a day- - -good laughs! Thanks!

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GRANNY1972 9/2/2009 8:50PM

    Very funny!! Thanks for sharing with us!

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CHERIE682 9/2/2009 8:41PM

    very cute! Thanks for sharing!

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PATSYANN47 9/2/2009 8:41PM

    It's always a good time for a chuckle, thanks for sharing.

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SASH1996 9/2/2009 8:23PM

    Thank you so much for posting those, I needed a good laugh and you were right they worked.

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New Challenge..

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Starting tomorrow and every Monday through September and October.. Wear Pink in Support of Breast Cancer Survivors and those who have gone before us and are still going through treatment.
Talk about it.. spread the word... Get those mammograms.. Get the Brac analysis blood test.
Do all you can to be a healthy you!!!
Thanks Inga...CHI-TOWNGIRL for bringing this to our attention. You are a true Inspiration..




Together We Can Get the Word Out!!

Thanks for stopping by!!
Hugs
Donna

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MLEE218 9/2/2009 12:02PM

    Thanks Donna, I will make a concious effort to do so. I hope that you are well.

Mandie emoticon

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BELLACUDDLES 8/31/2009 9:34AM

    I'm dressed already, but will try to remmeber to do that!!! Have a marveous day, Donna! You are so worth it!

Hugs,
Barbara

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MR.NET1 8/30/2009 3:52PM

    emoticon

For the reminder...
I was involved as a volonteer, on June 5th 2008, in the "Relay For Life."

And will be again, on September 6-9th, for the same event.

This time...
It will be extremely pleasant, cuz' I will be trainning dogs! emoticon

I suppose the officials thought I would be best in that field!? emoticon emoticon

No but seriously...
I will also prepare the installations and preps' for the welcomings and closures.
Hopin' 2 see Sparkers! emoticon
Paul emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/30/2009 3:54:16 PM

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BEVERLYJEANNE 8/30/2009 3:40PM

    Great idea! Thanks for posting in your blog.

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Just had to share a laugh

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Just got this a few minutes ago..other pictures were attached but some a little bit inappropriate. Let us just say Maxine's sarcasm at its max..

Maxine's Love Life



MY FIVE NEW BOYFRIENDS!!!


I am seeing 5 gentlemen every day.
As soon as I wake up,
Will Power,
helps me get out of bed

Then I go to see john .

Then charlie Horse comes along,
& when he is here, he takes a lot of my time & attention.

When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis
shows up & stays the rest of the day.
He doesn't like to stay in one place very long,
so he takes me from joint to joint

After such a busy day, I'm really tired & glad
to go to bed With Ben Gay.
What a life! Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with
Al Zymer

and thinking of calling JACK DANIELS or
JOHNNY WALKER to come and keep me company.
now remember:
Life is short so have fun, think 'good thoughts' only, learn to laugh at yourself, and 'Count your blessings!!!!!!!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISES2 8/31/2009 2:50AM

    very good i like a good laugh and that's just what you gave me emoticon emoticon

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DIVALICIOUS7 8/30/2009 3:13PM

    And "King George" he's scotch I LOOOOVE Maxine - kinda says it all Diva
emoticon emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 8/30/2009 2:57PM

    Donna, This is emoticon Thank you for sharing. You really had me emoticon and I needed that this afternoon. Sharing with everyone. I hope you are having a "Sparkling" Sunday!!
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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SOPHIEMAE2007 8/30/2009 2:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

She forgot Jim Beam!!!

Comment edited on: 8/30/2009 2:14:00 PM

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CHRYS13 8/30/2009 2:10PM

    Cute....thanks for the smiles!

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SUEWOODARD1 8/30/2009 1:56PM

   

This is the story of my life.........ha-ha-ha

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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5GIRLS1BOY 8/30/2009 1:37PM

  Pretty good...my aunt will love it!

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Have a Sparkling Saturday!! You Deserve It!!!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Way to often we seem to forget about us. The week has gone by fast and we have busy lives. Family, friends, Health, financial, employment issues to take care of. But what about US?? We forget so often..We count, You count and I count..
We are so busy we neglect the things we might need and forget what we have accomplished this week. Now is the day to say... Hey I need me time and need to Shake My Sparkle..even if it is a little bit.. It counts, you count, I count, we count... It is not easy changing our lifestyles, but we made the choice to do it. I think each and every one of us should be applauded.
Some have small amounts to lose, some of us have lots to lose. We took a stand for us..oh we can say we did it for this person or people in our lives...But in reality WE DID IT FOR OUR SELVES!!!
Yup we sure did..
So Ladies and Gentlemen... Shake Your SParkle and Let it Shine Bright.. No matter if we have a good weigh in or not so good. We still are giving it our best.
YEAH US !!!
Remember Please give Your self a Sparkling Saturday because You Deserve It!!!

I create Today as a celebration of my life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie



Denis Waitley quote “To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.”

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POOH_BEAR_69 8/30/2009 6:01PM

    What you say is so very true! So often we sacrifice ourselves to help others in our lives... Be it family or friends. It takes a long while to figure out that we won't be much good to them if there isn't any of "us" left. You are 100% right. We do have to take care of ourselves... Not only because we deserve it, but also so we can continue to help those around us.

Keep Sparklin' Friend!!!

Love and hugs,
Richelle

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 8/30/2009 3:03PM

    Donna, Way to go on another great blog. You are the best!! You are a unique, beautiful, and rare individual — the one and only you!
Continue to shake your sparkle...I know I am!! We really are doing it for ourselves.
Blessings and hugs, dear friend,
Helen


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BELLACUDDLES 8/29/2009 3:42PM

    That is so important.....me time. My DD drove home last night;DH's birthday today, and we took him out to lunch and after mass we're taking him out to dinner too. I had some me time after lunch....actually took a nap! it felt soooooooooo good!!!!

Hugs,
Barbara>
We deserve it!!!!

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CHRYS13 8/29/2009 1:16PM

    Oh, believe me, I'm shaking my sparkle and flying my "spark-flag"! emoticon
Thanks for your up-beat attitude!

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MR.NET1 8/29/2009 10:41AM

    "It's Funny How Words From A Friend Can Be Enlightenning" emoticon

I woke up this morning with nothing in mind but all of my chores. emoticon

I decided to "only read" the most important e-mails...
I have! emoticon

"Of course Family and Friends go first" emoticon

*After reading your SparkBlog...*
*My whole attitude changed!* emoticon
emoticonDonna, emoticon
Paul

Comment edited on: 8/29/2009 10:43:38 AM

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GRANNY1972 8/29/2009 8:29AM

    Great blog Donna! Thanks for sharing.

Comment edited on: 8/29/2009 8:31:10 AM

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GRAMTOTWO 8/29/2009 7:53AM

    Donna - Another great blog. My Sparkle sure needs some shaking! Thanks for the reminder.

emoticon emoticon

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FLAME42 8/29/2009 12:45AM

    This is a great idea! Each of us has to take the time to make our own choices & enjoy them. I think I need to sparkle today, so do YOU! emoticon

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Sharing a great email

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thought I would share these today to continue on the path of gratitude and Support.. We are all here to get our lives on a Healthy track.. To find our own personal successes and lift out selves up. The best way is with the help of the Best Friend we could ever want.
No matter your Faith or Belief system... A good friend is always a Blessing. The ones we see and the ones we do not see. The ones we know personally and the ones that are put in our path for one reason or another.
Hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
If some wonder what it has to do with weight loss... Well If we apply the principle of Support, inspiration and Motivation when the days are good and the days are Not so good. When We are so sad that we feel we are not doing well... A little pick me up is a welcome change.
When we feel we are tired of getting knocked down and to tired to get up and try again... or fall off the wagon... A little Heart Hug and helping hand is all part of the support system.. Encourage, motivate inspire and support...


HANDY LITTLE CHART - GOD HAS A POSITIVE ANSWER:



YOU SAY
GOD SAYS
BIBLE VERSES

You say: 'It's impossible'
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: 'I'm too tired'
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: 'Nobody really loves me'
God says: I love you
(John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 )

You say: 'I can't go on'
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: 'I can't figure things out'
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5- 6)

You say: 'I can't do it'
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: 'I'm not able'
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: 'It's not worth it'
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28 )

You say: 'I can't forgive myself'
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: 'I can't manage'
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: 'I'm afraid'
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'
God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: 'I'm not smart enough'
God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: 'I feel all alone'
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)


PASS THIS ON. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MAY BE IN NEED
The first sentence is pretty powerful!

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'


Father, God, bless all my friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their lives be full of your peace, prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.

Make it a wonderful day!!
Feel free to pass this on..



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 8/28/2009 9:19AM

    Donna, Thank you once again for a wonderful blog. You are such a inspiration and a source of wonderful motivation to me. You always know what I need and I praise God for you and for Him for bringing me to your blogs just when I need them. I have copied this one and sent to several friends and put a copy on my refrigerator so that I might see it often.
Blessings and hugs dear friend,
Helen

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LESSOFMOORE 8/27/2009 9:43PM

    Another beautiful blog!

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CHRYS13 8/27/2009 7:31PM

    Thanks so much, Donna! This was wonderful....and such a great reminder that our ultimate encouragement and support comes from God.
Blessings to you always!
Chrys

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BEVERLYJEANNE 8/27/2009 6:58PM

    That is wonderful! Thanks for sharing it.

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BELLACUDDLES 8/27/2009 2:07PM

    Love it Donna!!!!!! emoticon

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GILLIANMASTERS 8/27/2009 12:07PM

    Thank you so much, for once again writing what I needed to hear. You are a blessing to me on this journey, and I am so glad brought me here and helped me to find you. I hope you realize how special and blessed you are.

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GRANNY1972 8/27/2009 11:58AM

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

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TEACHINGAGAIN 8/27/2009 11:42AM

    Especially enjoyed the I SAY, GOD SAYS and Verse References! So true!

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TRICIA2250 8/27/2009 11:42AM

    What a wonderful encouragement this post is. We only see how things affect us, but God sees the whole picture. Even though we aren't as knowledgeable as we would want to be, we need to remember that the Almighty God knows all and and do anything and everything. Because of that, we need to always remember that the best friend we could have is watching over us and is willing to help us travel our journey to a healthier life if we but ask.

Thank you for sharing this!

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