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Look Out 2012! Here I Come!

Friday, December 02, 2011

Near the end of every year, I take stock of the past and look ahead to the future. Both 2010 and 2011 were great years for me in terms of reaching some personal goals that were very important to my happiness I suspect those years are seriously going to pale by comparison to what 2012 will hold in store.

I am ashamed to admit that I allowed myself during 2011 to become so focused on my personal achievement goals that I not only fell off the fitness wagon...I fell, bounced, fell again, flipped over, landed flat on my more than ample backside, rolled over and played dead. That was a huge mistake and I mean "huge" as it applies to every aspect of my life.

See, what happened is this: While I was off focusing on something else, I thought I had my Spark People healthy eating and regular fitness pretty much under control. I thought I was doing a pretty fair job, but not paying very close attention to the details. I mean, I was so busy...who has time to track things every single day? Well, guess where that attitude got me? Right back where I started from several years ago - pre-SparkPeople at a whopping 215 pounds. Yikes! What happened to that 160 pounds I was down to - and shooting for 145?

I'm here to tell you, Spark Friends, you can't take your eyes off the prize for a heartbeat or the vile, disgusting yellow Fatties will attack you. They just love to jump onto your body while you're not looking. And once they're attached, they're harder than Hades to remove.

So, this is more than a little speed bump I've encountered. It's more than one step back. It's more than 100 steps back. But I'm not giving up. Those rat-fraggards are not going to make my body their permanent home - not while I have even one ounce of fight left in me.

**Takes a deep sigh and hitches up her REALLY big-girl panties**

Spark People says one step back, two steps forward. So, here I go rededicating myself to finding that lean, strong and agile me that's been buried under all those layers of my own lack of focus.

Check out my main Spark Page photo. That's the Fit-N-Healthy Me I want to be by this time next year. (Of course I'll be older than this chick looks, but they didn't have a 60 year old model.)


I'm still working on my goals for 2012 and while there will be writing and other self-improvement goals included, I am working on a plan that allows me to incorporate all the healthiest aspects. In addition to resolutions, goal setting, etc., I am adding PRIORITY SETTING as part of my planning for the coming year and I'm going to learn how to manage multiples better.


Goal weight at 12/31/12: 145 pounds. That's "only" 65 pounds and that should be do-able if I discipline myself to stick with the program.

No, it isn't all about the number on the scale. I get that. But that number will be the target at which all my other goals will aim.

Take that, you filthy, nasty rat-fraggardly, vile, disgusting yellow Fatties!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JRIMM4 1/4/2012 3:28PM

    Great reminder and great attitude! I let 2011 go by without any progress weightloss wise, although I did so some other amazing things! I'm not going to let that happen with 2012!

JR

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CHICETCHANEL 12/7/2011 9:37AM

  Haha.. That was a great blog! You definitely have a way with words and a contagious spirit! I'm with you... 2012 is the year to get rid of the "disgusting yellow fatties". Hahaha.. priceless.

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MELA1953 12/2/2011 3:40PM

    Janet - we will be down to sexy next year!!!!! (this is my new mantra)
I love your 'tude and I am glad you didn't beat yourself up too much..... We just have to roll over from the "playing dead" position and surge forward! With the help of SP and each other we can do this!!!

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100LBLIGHTER 12/2/2011 2:32PM

    Janet.....my sexy friend. I am so glad you are back. I have no doubt that you can do this....and with a smile. This blog made me lol. Blessings, Gracie emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 12/2/2011 1:58PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LUCYTHERUNNER 12/2/2011 1:27PM

    WTG Janet! Love this attitude and I'm inspired by it!!! You rock and I know you will make this year the year you get DOWN2SEXY!!!

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DOWN2SEXY's horrible, awful, terrible, very bad day.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Today I am having a really bad "healthy me" day.

It really started last night when a meeting I had ran long and I didn't get home until about 11:00 pm. from a day that had begun at 04:00.

When I finally got home, DH offered me leftovers from the dinner he had made for himself: fried Spam and french fries. At least it was "light" Spam. I keep a few cans on hand in our emergency preparedness kit because it has a shelf life of like - forever. So, hubby raided the emergency supplies because he loves Spam and I will not make it for him unless we're under some disaster alert.

I passed on the leftovers, feeling very proud of myself (although IDK why. I ate cheese dip and pita chips at the meeting - not the healthiest choice in the world). I decided to sit down and check my email before turning in. That was a big mistake because I ended up reading emails until way past midnight. At one point, I went and grabbed the bag of leftover Spam and fries and took it back with me to the computer desk - where I sat there and ate ALL the leftovers. Not like it was a ton, but still! Since when did I start eating in the middle of the night?

When I finally did make myself go to bed, it was past 1:00 am. and I had trouble going to sleep. The last glance I had at the clock, it said "3:17."

Needless to say, when the alarm went off at 04:00 this morning, I was not a happy camper. I allow myself a lot of leeway in the mornings, so I turned of the "first" alarm and went back to sleep. I got up after hitting "snooze" on the 6:00 am. alarm several times and when my feet hit the floor, I realized that I had just slept away my time for doing laundry and household chores AND the time I set aside for my morning workout. I started the coffee and jumped in the shower, but when it was time to leave for work, I still felt barely awake - which accounts for why I forgot all about breakfast, lunch and dinner.

So, with no fuel in my tummy, no exercise under my belt, and not enough coffee to keep my eyelids open, I arrived at work - late and groggy. I managed for a while but around 10:30 am., my tummy reminded me that I had skipped breakfast. Instead of doing the smart thing and sticking with Plan B - instant oatmeal that I keep at my desk - I did the dumb thing and bought a cinnamon roll from the vending machine. Not the smartest choice but at least it was only 400 empty calories.

Fast forward to lunch time. (I wish I could have fast-forwarded, the morning felt like it was a week long!) I have a taste for a big, fat, juicy hamburger loaded with grilled onions and mushrooms and topped with Swiss cheese. My brain registers that I am only craving that because I am sleep-deprived, but some unseen force orders me to disregard the warning. I go to the restaurant and order the big, fat, juicy burger in a combo - with fries and an iced tea. Suddenly, just as the clerk was telling me how much I owed, some demon inside me blurted out that I wanted a small order of fried onion rings added on. Yes...and I ate all of that. Every last crumb. I was gathering speed, rolling downhill without so much as an emergency brake. Well over 3000 empty calories for the lunch fiasco, I feel sure.

Now it's mid-afternoon and I feel stuffed - and groggier than ever. There isn't enough caffeine in the world to perk me up at this point. I still have a ways to go before I can call it a day. And I realize now that I did not consult my menu plan this morning which means I did not ask or answer the question "what's for dinner" so I will have to cook something on the fly after I get home. I feel like I could fall asleep at any second.

Oh, yeah...and my water bottle is sitting at home on the kitchen counter.

This is not a good state of affairs.

I am not judging myself or beating myself up over the mistakes I made, but I sure am wallowing in the consequences. I am reminding myself: This is how you feel when you don't eat properly, get adequate sleep, stay well-hydrated, or get at least a little bit of exercise into your day. It feels horrible, awful, terrible, and very bad. I feel like an exhausted, bloated, fat, uncoordinated lump. I hope I burn these feelings so deep into my memory that I never, ever get myself into this state again. These are the physical feelings I'm talking about here.

The emotional feelings are pretty well under control given the circumstances. I'm angry with myself for making the bad choices that got me into this predicament, but it is a righteous anger, not one that calls me names or tells me I am worthless. It is a "why would you do this to yourself?" kind of anger.

I am trying to use this as a learning experience so I'll be smarter the next time about how one thing wants to lead to another. I am contemplating how a series of bad choices compound one another. I am reminding myself that the way I feel physically is my own doing. And I am posting this as an example of what NOT to do if you want to have a healthy lifestyle.

And I'm hoping I can stay awake and alert enough to make it through the rest f the day and evening. I promise to go to bed at a decent hour tonight. Honest!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANBDONE 11/12/2011 11:25AM

    Lesson learned, it sounds like! SUCCESS IS SIMPLY MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES! Sounds easy, right? emoticon

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ANNETTE1024 9/30/2010 6:42PM

    I had one of those days a couple days ago. The difference is I work out of the house-so no vending machines:-)

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MYRADIANTLIFE 5/12/2010 10:26PM

    My goodness we have all had days like these. I worked until 1am last night and up again at 4am to finish what I was working on. Your blog has motivated me to make sure I go out at lunch for a walk to clear the head and take my water bottle with me and not come back till its finished! Thanks, I was about to head to the lunch room and see what was offer. I love the reversal of the saying which now reads "one step back - 2 steps forward". times like these it always comes in handy. Hang in there - you will get there. emoticonNicky

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DENI_ZEN 5/4/2010 8:45PM

    Yes, lack of sleep and hydration can definitely set the stage for problematic eating choices (I could relate - passionately! - to everything but the Spam). I would've ended up in a similar way, without a doubt. The hamburger...well (sigh!)... DEFINITELY understandable.. emoticon

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TASOGAREBAN 4/30/2010 12:18PM

    Aww I don't even think you should be angry with yourself. I understand that it's been a bad day and a half of food choices and there's been a definite lack of sleep but we ALL have days like that. If we were ALL to just get angry at ourselves over it, everyone in the world would have reason to be angry. I think you're definitely doing a good job by letting it be a learning experience and something you can draw on in the future but don't beat yourself up over it. If it rarely happens, even less so. Take it, swallow it, hope to make it through the workday and then go home and CRASH. I think once you get proper sleep again you'll go back to feeling like yourself once more. You can do it. :)

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MOMOPWRS 4/30/2010 10:59AM

    Just a Bump in the Rode. Take a hop over it and look at tomorrow, where there are no bumps. (we all hope)


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100LBLIGHTER 4/30/2010 1:34AM

    It takes so much energy to focus on the good things and dismiss the bad things that when we are exhausted from the long work hours....the focus is just not there. Get some rest and when the head is more clear you will be able to work at getting back on track.....it may take a day or two to catch up on things...that you've got behind on but it is not a disaster.. my Sexy friend.

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L*I*T*A* 4/29/2010 11:16PM

    hopeyou go tp bed early tonight
we have all been there from time to time.......
hopefully tomorrow is a new day to begin again....
blessings and hugs............lita

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MELA1953 4/29/2010 10:55PM

    Wow - your day sure rings some bells in my mind!!!! been there- done that!!! Hopefully we can learn from it... Now that you have chastised yourself, it is time to get some rest and get back on the wagon. I am still trying to climb up that steep wagonside myself... We can get it together - all of us!!!

Thanks for sharing.

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DESERTBLOOM21 4/29/2010 9:51PM

    I know how that all feels - I don't get enough sleep, enough water, enough (any) exercise, and I eat like a starving person. I'm supposed to weigh tomorrow, but I don't know if I can take it...thanks for showing us how to deal with the oopses we all have now and then. You're a wise woman.

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LUCYTHERUNNER 4/29/2010 6:36PM

    I must admit I have fallen prey to a spamburger a time or two myself. Sometimes you fall off the wagon and then sometimes it runs you over & drags you for a day or two. But you are strong. I know that tomorrow you will be up, working out and eating healthy with lots of water and wondering why you were so upset today! You can do it!!

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IPATRICIA 4/29/2010 5:27PM

    You are singing mt song! something similar happened me on 18th april. Until that time I was great, I TAUGHT IT WAS PLAIN SAILING. It just got worse, today for the first time ai weighed myself and I had gone from 79kilos to 82kilos and I havn't go back yet. I know all about 'the unseen hand' maybe if I had like you blogged about it, I might have stopped the freefall. At the end of the day, sooner or later we have to get back on track. If we want to reach our goal, we must be prepared to do what it takes. emoticon

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A thank you note

Thursday, April 08, 2010

It has been longer than I realized since I have blogged, so I decided that today I would take a few minutes to thank all of my wonderful Spark Friends for the love, encouragement and support they provide me.

Not only do you wonderful people do your darnest to help me stay on track, you have encouraged and blessed me in so many, many other areas of my life.

Without you, I would not have had the courage to "go public" with my desire to get my writing career off the ground. You have all made me feel like this is something that's worth my time and effort. You have made me feel like there is no reason I can't be successful at it.

Without you, I probably would have blown a gasket by now over things that frustrate me. You have listened to me rant and rave over silly and serious things alike and you have done so without being judgmental or condescending.

Thanks to you, I get a chuckle just about every day and a good old fashioned belly laugh every now and then.

You have broadened my horizons, shared your knowledge, discussed books with me, and sometimes engaged me in debates. So, thanks to you, my brain is getting great exercise, too!

You have reminded me to take my medication. You have reminded me to drink my water. You have celebrated victories with me, shared happy news with me, comforted me when I was sad, encouraged me when I was ready to give up, and you have shown me more love and respect than the average person receives in a lifetime.

Thank you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TYEASLEY 4/8/2010 10:30PM

    I second Luckgirl2270. We really do love you Janet. emoticon emoticon

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DOWN2SEXY 4/8/2010 6:55PM

    I am so very blessed to have such amazing friends.

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MELA1953 4/8/2010 6:27PM

    Janet- I think you are the best and I thank YOU for all the support you have given to me!!! This has got to be the best site ever to pull us all together and to let us be ourselves, and to also be who we want "ourselves" to be. You have taken me out of my comfort zone on many occasions, with great results! I know your writing will be great, how can it not be?!?

I love your rants- some make me smile, some make me angry, but they all make me think... Just keep being you and all will be well... We will get through our lifestyle changes together!!! I am proud to call you my friend!

loveMela

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DOWN2SEXY 4/8/2010 2:57PM

    Y'all are awesome!

And thanks for not pointing out my typos. I didn't even see them until I came to read your comments. I think I fixed them all now.

emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/8/2010 3:01:45 PM

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L*I*T*A* 4/8/2010 2:43PM

    LUCKYGIRL2270,said it better than i could............
our lives are better because we have you in it................
blessings and hugs.........lita

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LUCYTHERUNNER 4/8/2010 2:22PM

    emoticon
Aww shucks, Janet, You're welcome & back at cha my dear friend!!! All the wonderful things you see in your spark friends are a reflection of the love, support, inspiration & great book selctions you give! You bring so much to the team. My life has been enriched because it has been touched by you! We love you Janet!!!

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I'm really doing it!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Even though I've had an off day here and there when I didn't manage to get my 30 minutes of cardio in or I fell asleep before doing any writing, I'm really doing it! I'm really moving forward on setting and achieving my goals and making my dreams come true.

There's no turning back now on my goal of writing a book about my experiences surviving a ruptured cerebral aneurysm. Not only have I told everybody on Spark People about it and told people I work with and some family members about it, today I actually wrote and mailed a letter to my neurosurgeon telling him what I'm up to doing. How embarrassing it would be now to not follow through? Even if the book never finds a publisher, it now MUST be written.

I had a "cold-feet"moment after dropping that letter to the doctor in the mail slot. That negative voice started yapping in my ear and I felt like I was either going to puke on my shoes, cry, or try to disappear off the face of the earth. But...thanks to that Sean Connery voice that says positive things to me, I have set those reactions aside and I am now focusing on the inevitability of success.

Once you take action toward a goal, you have to be a real quitter not to get there eventually. If I could survive what I've already been through in my life, surely I can survive the success of this endeavor. I am honestly starting to believe that it's success that scares me - not the possibility of failure. What a silly thing to fear! Success? Come on, now!

So, sick feeling in my stomach and all, here's me moving forward. I'm really doing it - no matter how it turns out in the end.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYTHERUNNER 1/14/2010 11:37AM

    I want an autographed copy of the book when it is published. I have NO DOUBTS that it will be! Keep rockin' those goals!

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100LBLIGHTER 1/14/2010 1:15AM

    I told you long ago ...Sexy Janet that you were truly an inspiration. I feel your story can touch a lot of people. Blessings, Grace emoticon

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TYEASLEY 1/13/2010 8:11PM

    This is an awesome venture that will help so many. I'm so glad you're still with us to share your story. Cudos to you!! emoticon

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AXREAH 1/13/2010 4:37PM

    WTG Janet, :-)

I wasn't aware of your personal experiences. I'm so sorry that I didn't pay closer attention! Please forgive me?

I think it's "Wonderful" that you are moving forward and achieving your goal! Also, in the process you will be helping others to live their dreams and discard their fears, as well! What a "Fantastic" gift and "Awesome" inspiration your giving not only to yourself, but to others! :-)

(((((HUGS)))))

R>

Comment edited on: 1/13/2010 4:41:59 PM

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MELA1953 1/13/2010 3:58PM

    Janet- you have been such an inspiration to me!! Because of you and Lucy and your support and, of course, prodding- I have actually made my first piece of jewelry after procrastinating for over 2 years!!
Don't even think of the "off' days- you are only human and we cannot be "on" all the time, no matter how much we would like to be.. You have taken the first important step and I think it is the vulnerability that is making you sick.. You have opened a part of yourself to us and now you have to face it.. Think of the help you can give to another person who reads your words, your experience, your history and knowledge... It is sooooo exciting!!!!! Just keep thinking of Sean softly stroking you in your head with that voice and that accent and all that sexiness ( ::: getting off track here- LOL::: ) Anyway- Sean can help you stay calm :::sigh::: and you can do this!!!!! You are a fabulous woman!!!

loveMela

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L*I*T*A* 1/13/2010 3:40PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RIVERUN 1/13/2010 3:20PM

    Good for you, You have taken action, that,s how things get done. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NGCHILD 1/13/2010 3:19PM

    AWESOME Janet!! You CAN do this! You have already accomplished so much. I am behind you all the way!!

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It's all about self-image

Friday, October 30, 2009

MELA1953 from the Ghost Hunters Fans team wrote a very insightful blog today that inspired me to come here and reflect on some recent experiences I've had. Bear with me on this because I'm still puzzling over it myself, which means I'm likely to ramble.

Even though I still have a long way to go to reach my weight goals and, like many of you, I tend to get discouraged when I don't see that number on the scale move like I want it to, I have to admit that most of the time my brain thinks I look pretty darned good these days. Then I have one of those split-second deals where for some ungodly reason, I focus on a flaw and my brain says "You don't look as good as you think you do, missy." I don't much care for those moments.

It has been happening to me more often lately. First I went through two solid weeks of elation because I was able to buy a smaller size Halloween costume this year than I expected to be able to fit into. DH even said I looked "hot" in the costume. Great for the ego. Then came the day of my Halloween party when I put the danged thing on, checked myself in the mirror and my brain said, "No, missy, you look fat...not hot...fat." Bummer.

It happened again this morning. I put on my black spider-webby-looking sweater and a pair of relatively new jeans, did my hair and makeup and my brain said to me, "You look pretty darned good, old gal." I leaned in toward the mirror to put on a little bit of lip color and gloss and when I stood back for one last check of me, my eyes suddenly saw that my thighs look really wide in these new jeans. From there it was all downhill. Next thing I knew, I was assessing the width of my backside and lamenting the southbound journey that all of my valuables have been taking the past few years. Rats!

I went, in my mind, from HOT to NOT in a matter of seconds. I told myself that this is as good as it's ever going to get and, unfortunately, I believed me. There went that self-esteem and that positive self-image. What the heck??

So, why is it that the "me" I see in my mind looks pretty darned good, but the "me" I see in the mirror is old, fat and ugly? I'm almost willing to risk all the compounded years of bad luck to smash every mirror I see. I much prefer the way my brain sees me than what a shiny surface reflects.

I have come to the conclusion that there's something about mirrors that makes me focus on the flaws. Why is that?

I keep telling myself that how I feel is far more important than how I look, but I can't help wondering if the rest of the world sees the fit, beautiful, shapely woman that exists in my mind's eye...or the old, fat, saggy person that resides in my mirror.

All I can say is thank goodness the old ugly fat broad only makes a few random appearances. Ninety-five percent of the time I feel like look pretty darned good for woman my age. The other five percent of the time, some evil demon takes control of my mirror and tries to shake my confidence.

I'm not worried. I know I will prevail. Good always overcomes evil, right?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPRKBUGG 12/9/2009 1:08PM

    I can relate, believe me.
I think FREEDOMCMH said it very well. Talk Back!!
Stand up to that mean girl in you and tell her to behave. You'd be appalled if she said it to a friend of yours. Don't let her talk to you that way.



emoticon

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FAUVE-PEREGRIN 11/4/2009 6:19PM

    I totally understand what you are saying. I can relate.

--- sometimes I think it is all in the hormones ---

It is great that you could put it in writing so clearly.



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NHGRL68 10/31/2009 4:20PM

    Great blog! I go through the same exact thing! It can be SO frustrating. One minute you feel good and the next you feel self-conscious again. I think we have to learn to knock that voice to the curb! Tell the voice that it's wrong and stop focusing on those "trouble" areas. Have a GREAT Halloween! emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 10/31/2009 12:55PM

    wonderful blog........we have all been there at some point.........don't let the mirror take charge............tell yourself "you are worth it ...........you are special and beautiful inside and out!!"
blessings and hugs.................lita


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LUCYTHERUNNER 10/31/2009 10:42AM

    Great blog Janet! We all have moments of "I look like crap!" I think we just need to retrain ourselves to think of ourselves the way we would think of a loved one. We would never tell someone we love that they look like crap and we deserve to offer that same kindness to ourselves!

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BRIGHID_MORGAN 10/31/2009 8:48AM

    Great blog Janet! I understand the 'hot to not' situation all too well. I think the world sees what your brain sees and not the mirror. What's inside is reflected on the outside. We can't let the mirror change all of the hard work we've put into our new lifestyle. We both will prevail!

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TYEASLEY 10/30/2009 8:25PM

    Take the high road, the low road in BENEATH you in your thinking, behavior and postivity. Great blog!!

Have you been hugged and kissed today?

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Have a great weekend!! This is usch a good blog.

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100LBLIGHTER 10/30/2009 6:09PM

    My Sexy Lady,
I so know what you mean.....I get up some mornings feeling so light and thin I feel I could run a mile. I run my hand down my hips and they don't feel fat and bulging....they feel like I remember them....I practically run to the mirrow. And there I am the same age ...the same size...same hips and all as I was when I last looked the night before. I am dissappointed...for a moment I just thought this watching what foods I put in my mouth and how many steps I walked and other exercises I did, finally started showing on the outside. ....finally the person I am on the inside ...started appearing on the outside.

But no! there I was. ....same me. with the same curvey hips almost gone waistline. Ugh!!! I know exactly what you are talking about. Grace

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FREEDOMCMH 10/30/2009 4:44PM

    This is one time that it is okay to talk back. I don't think there are any of us that aren't experiencing the same thing. You MUST learn to recognize the negative self-talk and shut it down. Replace it with all the positive things like you mentioned. You've told yourself these things for a long time, and some improvement in your body only fixes your body. Changing the brain is a seperate project. Any time I look in the mirror and those thoughts jump out of nowhere, I take a second look and find the positive. It's there, we're just choosing to dwell on the negative at that moment. You really have to practice at this like any other habit you want to change. It's important to work on it now... there are so many people who've lost weight who didn't work on this and they still see themselves as fat. So sad to get where we want to be and still be unhappy!

Best wishes on your journey to health and happiness!

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NGCHILD 10/30/2009 4:37PM

    Janet -- I know just what you are saying. It's self image. I am the same way. I always think it's way worse than I am assured it is. Of course DH think I am beautiful no matter what but we all have those days where nothing we do or wear is right. Today is that day for me. UGH.

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MELA1953 10/30/2009 2:59PM

    Yes, Janet, Good ALWAYS overcomes evil!!!!! I have the same problem with the mirror and that is one of the reasons I wrote my blog- self image is everything - it is what you portray to the world... When I look in the mirror I see my loose skin, which tells me I will never wear shorts again... I see my tummy skin sag and know I will always have a pouch, even with the size 12 jeans.... But then my Mom gushes how wonderful I look, and my Brother In Law, who is usually oblivious to everything, says "Wow you look great!" and my sister sends my latest photo to all of her in laws to show them my progress- how can we not be influenced by those things??? Your husband thinks you're hot - so dag nab it girl- you ARE hot!!!!!! We just have to realize that everyone- and I mean EVERYONE- has flaws they don't like, but, all in all, they are looking great, as I am sure so are you!!!!

This was a great blog, Janet. It really gets you thinking.... Thanks!

loveMel

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