Monday, July 25, 2011
Tomorrow's my birthday and I can honestly say this last year has been an adventure to say the least. I am looking back and see how I didn't really know myself. It's amazing that the more you grow and mature, the more you learn about YOU.
Friday, July 15, 2011
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THIS IS NOT WEIGHT OR MOTIVATION RELATED. . .I have had one of the worst days since I don't know when. It started with a dream as it always does two days ago. The dream was very disturbing to me and woke me up to pray for peace and understanding of what it was trying to tell me. I retold my dream to several people in hopes that someone could tell me what it meant, but no one could. Anyway, today after having lunch with my Mom and going to several second-hand stores, I arrived home and picked up the mail. What I received changed my whole sense of security. First, I received a notice that I would not be receiving the back child support owed to me, and that myanything eith balance owed was cleared. Secondly, I received a notice from the unemployment office telling me that not only would I not be receiving any more benefits, but that I owed what had already been paid to me!
All I could do was sit down on my bed and just ask why. I mean, how much more could go wrong in such a short period of time? I am just so out of it right now that I don't even know what to do. The good thing is that I have paid all my bills for this month, but what about August? I have only had 3 interviews since being off work, which as of yesterday, has been 3 months. The economy here is horrible and the employers know it. They are asking for Masters degrees for things that don't even require college education. I want to stay here in Michigan, but everything is saying leave, and leave while you can. I was supposed to go with my youngest daughter to see Harry Potter, but mentally I just can't do it today.
I'm so mad at my situation, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I have done all that has been required of me, and yet I feel betrayed. I feel abandoned by friends, co-workers, and close associates. It's like I'm following a lie, and I'm afraid to say my faith was in vain.
I'll feel better tomorrow. . . .I pray that I do, and that I can believe again that everything works to the good of those who love the Lord.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I noticed something very miraculous yesterday after leaving the gym and going to the grocery store hungry. I am no longer tempted by the snacks and ice cream in the frozen foods section! It really just came to me yesterday as I was walking the isles at Kroger. I was starving because my protein bar had worn off after my workout, and I had to get some things for dinner that evening. I normally try not to go into the grocery store hungry because instead of buying the $50 worth of stuff I had planned, I'll come out with $100. Any whoo, I was amazed at this revelation. I looked over at the foods, and said "it's not even worth it".
I've had a history with the balancing act of "if I eat this, I'll workout this much", and then I wonder why I'm not losing. I can't even put into words how I felt to walk past the things I'd loved, and go on and proceed to the checkout counter. I smiled and said to myself " you've really grown", and I made it out within my budget too! Who cares that they now make smaller portion size indulgences? I mean it is still going to have the same effect on me.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Well, today is my first day of unemployment after 17 years, and I feel good. I had been stressing for the last several months about the job and hoping that something would come about to change it for me, because I seemed unable to do it for myself. One thing that I have noticed about me, is that I tend to procrastinate when it comes to myself. I'm not going to say that the transition is not going to be hard, because in actuality, I have not been without a steady job in over 17 years! The scariest part of it all, is that this time I'm not married, and I'm the head of the household.
The truth is I don't really know what I want to do right now. I don't want to do what I have been doing for the last 11 years, but my skills and background experience shows that is what I'm best suited for. I actually want to return to being a full-time homemaker, but my children are grown now and I have no grandchildren to tend to. I know it sounds crazy but I truly enjoyed when I was at home full-time with my children. When I was a child and young adult, I always thought that this would be my fate. It's sad that I don't have that option anymore.
The one thing that I am determined to do is get myself and my house in order. I started out last night by working out on my upper body, which is in need. I plan to truly focus on keeping myself strong and healthy, because my health insurance runs out the end of the month too!
Monday, January 10, 2011
I haven't done a posting since July, so I guess I'm due. It's been a very rocky 2010, and I've undergone several medical concerns, but have made a major turnaround healthwise. I'm finally in the all clear and can workout again. I just have to get my mind and body in alignment so that I can brave this cold weather to go to the gym. I want to start swimming lessons so that I will be ready for the summer events, but can't seem to brave the cold to go to the gym to just workout, so going in the pool is currently not an option.
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