Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Yesterday I spent the holiday in the hospital getting a long overdue examination. You would think with my family history, and everything that has happened within the last 2 years, I would have dedicated more time to maintaining my own health, but surprise, I havent! I think I had been procrastinating in this area due to fear that I would have something discovered that I would have to deal with. I know its crazy but sometimes you feel like the unknown is better sometimes. But since my oldest sister was admitted to the hospital because her cancer had spread to her back and the chemo was not working, I immediately scheduled my colonoscopy.
The only day that I could do it, without going through the rigors of trying to get time off during a vacation freeze, was the holiday. So, on the weekend of multiple celebrations, I participated in a cleansing process. It was all worth it because my results came out fine. I can't begin to tell you the relief I felt. 2008 has been very trying for me and my family as we struggle to deal with all the medical concerns that are upon us (some hereditary/some self inflicted). I know that 2009 will be much better - it has to be! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel (I tell myself), sometimes the tears can cause blurring of the vision.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I'm getting back on track now. Immediately after the surgery, I was in such a rush to get back to my own sense of normal, that I caused undue pressure and stress on my body. That caused me to have to slow down and rest and heal. I have just begun to feel like myself again - truly. I'm amazed at the reactions of some of my male co-workers. I've been losing and dieting consistently since September of 2007, and yet these last few pounds have seemed to take me into another category with them, and I'm not quite sure if I like it.
It's amazing how this surgery helps you to get your mind off of food, but forces you to deal with things/emotions that the food helped to appease. Lately I have been having thoughts and remembrances of things that have happened to me years and years ago. I was depressed for a little while, because I wanted to get something to eat, but got sick, and then just had to deal with it. I'm surprised by how many things had hurt me emotionally, that I just let go of or suppressed. I understand more now how people change from this surgery in more than a physical sense. You have to grow and develop emotionally because one of your biggest crutches is gone. Today I woke up and asked myself "how long will you keep allowing people to treat you wrongly, and just accept it?" I was raised to turn the other cheek, but at what point do you realise that it's not helping them or yourself to be this way any longer.
I'm just ready to get back on track with my program. I'm just ready to be what I'm becoming.
Friday, September 19, 2008
I just wanted to let everyone know that I made it successfully through my surgery. This is my first time back online since my surgery. I'm a little sore, but other than that, I'm just taking it real easy and getting my fluids in. I just wanted to keep my friends posted and show my appreciation for all the concerns and well wishes expressed to me.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
It has been a hectic few weeks for me. Along with the drama that has been occurring at work, I have recently been dealing with my brother David's hospitalization and progression of his lung cancer. The doctors have informed us that he cannot be operated on because he only has one lung, and due to his health he would not fare much better with surgery. They have been treating him with chemo and pain relief. To top that, on our way back from our family vacation, my sister-in-law finds out the result of her biopsy. . .and guess what? Its cancer also! She has 2 cancerous masses in her lungs.
What I just want to scream at the top of my lungs is. . .WHEN WILL YOU ALL STOP SMOKING!!!!!! It's ridiculous, how many of my family members have to be diagnosed with cancers related to smoking before they stop?! Yes, they say they are going to stop - but they said that after David got his diagnosis. I love my family, but it's like they have to love themselves more, so that they can stop. Neither of them is 50 years old, and my sister-in-law has 2 young children that could be left without a mother.
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