Tuesday, January 29, 2013
For the longest time I have been trying to motivate myself through various forms and challenges to no avail. I was trying to figure out if a conference would do it, maybe some new gym equipment, a video, who knows. Nothing seemed to be doing the trick, until the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, January 27.
I was up, because I could no longer sleep, and was browsing through FB on my phone. I happened on a comment and hit the like button. To my surprise a friend was up as well, and asked if we could chat. She told me what she was going through, and how she was planning to have weight loss surgery, and did I have any advise for her. I told her about the journey I had gone through, of which she knew, because she had been there when I was going through myself, but this time her questions were more personal - they were for her and not as a concerned friend. Telling her about the initial reaction/responses to the surgery got me thinking about what I had gone through over 5 years ago. We talked for over 2 hours before agreeing we both had to get some sleep for church later that morning. We agreed to schedule to meet in person real soon before her srugery date.
After I got off the phone, I had felt different than I had in quite a while. I felt like I could do this! I had mustarded the energy and motivation before to propel me to where I am today, which is vastly different from where I had been. Sharing with her let me once again realize what I had sacrificed to get myself to where I am today, and it also reminded me that I had come too far to turn back around. In the process of helping her, I encouraged myself.
Today is Day 3 of my new mental transformation, and I'm going strong! I have to thank my friend for reminding me, although she didn't know it, that I've gone too far to turn back now!
Friday, October 26, 2012
I have been really bad. Since my move I have done literally not a thing regarding fitness. Yes, things are in a mess right now, and yes, I didn't have internet connection for over a week. But the truth is, I was tired from the move and the organization afterwards. I'm still getting things together, and I haven't had any time off from work to do it. Hopefully, this week will get me back in stride, and I will be able to get back in alignment.
From a friend/SparkBuddy, I have learned that I have some OCD tendencies, so at least that helps to explain why I can't do my regular activities with disorder around me (lol). Anyway, starting Monday, I'm back on track regardless of my surroundings or things happening around me or at work.
Friday, September 28, 2012
This Saturday I have been invited to celebrate a birthday, at of all places, Drag Queen Bingo. We are asked to "dress up" like a drag queen as part of the festivities, and I must admit I'm a little torn about going. Last year the party was a little wild and a had my cell phone stolen at one of the stops we made. The year before was "Diva's Night" and we had to dress up and seen a female impersonator show. The dressing up was fun, but the events afterwards, not so much.
I guess it's just that I am finding myself growing farther away from what I used to do for entertainment and spending time with friends. I enjoy time with my girlfriends, but I enjoy calmness more now. I enjoy dressing up and dancing, but more to jazz and some old R&B, and some dancehall reggae.
It just seems like we are moving all in different directions. Everyone has their own agendas that they are trying to achieve, while at the same time trying to maintain friendships. It really boils down to me not wanting to go, but wanting my friend to know that I still care deeply for her and appreciate her inviting me.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action." ~Frank Tibolt
How many times have you said "I'm waiting for an inspiration to hit me"? well, if you haven't, I have said it enough for everyone. Things only began to change for me when I decided to do something. I had to get tired of where I was at mentally and physically to make a change, any change that was better than where I currently was at the time.
"Note to self: finding a cool quote and writing it in your journal is not a substitute for Getting. It. Done." ~Betsy Cañas Garmon
My 5% Challenge Team asked us to list out what halted our weight loss progress in the past. So, thinking about the difference between then and now, I realized that there were not many reasons at all. You see, when I look back over my previous attempts honestly, there is always one prevailing reason for the failures and/or missed attempts at sustaining the losses. The truth was I thought it was all physical. Yes, the reason why I could not/would not keep and maintain my loss was because I believed that it was a matter of just "doing" and "not doing". The truth was and still is that I needed to put my mind in order, so that I could recognize when and why I ate. Everyone knows that you eat to sustain life, but life sustaining amounts and what I consumed on a daily basis contradicted eachother.
I actually had to find out why so many things "didn't bother" me, as my counselor suggested. She said I understand your religious beliefs, but the things you allow to happen to you and/or are said about you, without reaction is not normal. It is okay to feel upset, disappointed in someone, distraught, etc. Those are human emotions that needs to be expressed in one form or another. The truth was I was feeling them, but they were surpressed - by food. It had gotten to the point, and I don't know how many years ago, where it became an acceptable way to "control" my emotions and actions. In church, no one speaks negatively about eating, as a matter of fact, that's a vice that most have.
When I have gotten to my highest weight ever, and my health began to reflect its mistreatment over the years, I decided to do something about it. I had surgery, after working on my own to get down the first 60 pounds to qualify. When the weight dropped, and the pain and muscle aches cessed, I was not alright. I found that my go-to emotion surpressors were not available to me and I had to deal with them. And it was hard, very hard. I realized that things really did bother me - but how was I to deal with it? I did not want to go in reverse, I wanted to keep losing and maintaining - I WASN'T GOING BACK!
I have been down 156 pounds now for 3 1/2 years. I am still not to my goal weight, but I am striving for it. I have learned what it takes to maintain my loss, and to continue to reach towards higher heights. I am now a 5% person - I received the notice from the hospital - I'm official
I'm not going to lie and say that I'm still not learning and growing and developing in my walk with my health and life in general, but I am so much further than I was 5 years ago when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I wonder what is food surpressing in your life? What are you using it to control and tame the beast within? I'm honest with myself now, if no one else can be, I must. I thank the team for posing this question. Without deep examination of why I slipped before, I might have said something simple like - "I really wanted some ice cream".
Friday, September 14, 2012
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." ~Author unknown
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