Sunday, April 18, 2010
Started reading a book, "Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore, and it's an interesting concept, especially as I am reading two other books with similar philosophical ideals, one about blessings and one about being a green witch.
In the realm of religion, I call myself heathen. I follow no gods - or goddesses for that matter.
My spiritual path is connected with the Earth of which I am a part, because I am of Nature. My belief is that we, as humans, are the caretakers of the Earth and for this we have been blessed with that higher understanding that makes us so unique: we are self aware.
I am learning to give blessing for things that ordinarily I'd set aside as disdainful or upsetting.
I am not one thing or the other; I am not a good person or a bad one; I am not selfless or selfish. I don't sacrifice or gloat. I am, simply and completely.
Today, I will honor my Self by cleaning my home till it sparkles. I don't have a choice; the other day Blaze found a bag of toasted pecans that fell off my kitchen table and had "grazed" halfway through it before I discovered it. It was 3 lbs of pecans. My carpet ... well, 'nuff said. Bless her, because when she has to crap, she does it in one spot. I won't dwell on the fact that that one spot is in the entryway to my bedroom... no, I won't dwell. She is a Good Girl, and I love her. I love her even when she has an accident and I'm right there in the house to let her outside if she just lets me know she has to go.
Bless Dorian, who is so good about wearing a diaper to bed, because she still has no control over her bladder when she's asleep.
If anyone needs to know how to diaper a dog with regular baby diapers (more effective than cutting a tail hole in it and letting all that fluff spill all over the place), ask. It takes two at a time, but even that is cheaper than buying doggie diapers. It will work for senior citizens as well, and I wish I'd figured this out when I had my old dog Naya.
Have a wonderful day. I hope that each of us finds a reason to smile.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Damn it all.
I decided to get pizza from the BEST pizza place in 3 counties. I ordered a small gourmet veggie pizza and brought it home and started munching on it. Ate nearly the whole thing.
All of the sudden, my entire gut just blew up and out and I had the most awful gallbladder protest pain in a long, long time. It was terrible and painful and I thought I was going to be sick. Two hours later and I felt a lot better but even the smell of the leftover pizza makes me nauseous. The only thing that will relieve this kind of episode is sips of plain water, as much as I can get down in the shortest time possible.
So, Sparkpeople, you have created, for me, an intolerance for high-sodium, high-fat, high-calorie foods. I guess that's a good thing, but I sure wish I didn't have to figure it out the hard way.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I have lost a total of 14 lbs so far. My usual reaction to this kind of realization is to start eating like there's no tomorrow.
I also went a bit further into the danger zone... by talking about having lost this weight with folks at work. It's been a running joke now with some of the other employees because they all see me eating non-stop (it seems), and I've talked about giving myself permission to eat what I want, when I want, and as much as I want.
And I still lost weight!
It's interesting to note that, as soon as I had the freedom to eat with abandon, I stopped eating with abandon. I pack my lunch bag with an eye to proteins, complex carbs, filling foods that aren't calorie-intense, even if it's all "instant" food, such as canned soup or a frozen meal. When I can, I make a fruit smoothie to take for an instant breakfast, and supplement with nuts for protein and good fat. I'm still not counting calories or fat grams or anything like that. I'm not measuring or weighing portions. I'm just eating when I feel I need some food, some nourishment.
The binge cycles are slowing down and lengthening out. Will I ever overcome them completely? I doubt it. I think we all have a few binges in us, that we will never evict. And it's okay.
What's also okay is that I know I'm going to fall down - a lot - before this life is over. Life will never be perfect or ideal, because it isn't meant to be that way. What I can achieve, and have here and there, is happiness, and the ability and desire to love who I am.
A post isn't complete without bread news. My latest dough finally doubled, but I'm not really impressed with its sluggishness. I'll shape it and leave it to rest overnight and then bake it in the morning. I'm going to rest it in a bowl, wrapped in a flour-infused towel, and then turn it over to bake, and at that point I'll give the top a slash. I'm an amateur, I admit it, so I'm taking liberties with technique.
I've kept the house pretty cool lately, so I'm doing an alternating day feeding for the starter, and only using 1/2 cup each flour and water. So far it seems to be alright, the smell is definitely coming along. In another month or so it should be amazing. Some day I may buy some starter from King Arthur Flour's mother sponge, that's about 150 years old, just to see if I can make something as good. Anyone interested in bread baking, sourdough or other speciality bread knowledge, I subscribe to The Fresh Loaf, which is a fascinating website for bakers. It's mainly for people to share bread "stuff" but there are off-topic topics as well. I feel very much a fish out of water there, but the truth is that there are quite a few subscribers who are just as new to bread baking as I am. Have fun!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I'm doing my sourdough differently today. I'm adding more flour to make a somewhat drier dough, and then I'll bake it at 400* instead of 350*. I'm going to slash the top only when I put it in to bake, and I'll try a shot of steam if I can time it right for that classic chewy, shiny crust.
It looks to be another wet-like day, but the winds are still coursing along strongly. I am hoping to not get called in, so that I can start putting the house back together "my way" and take trash to the landfill. I have neglected so much!
SO, if the bread comes out okay, then I'll try one of Peter Reinhart's recipes tomorrow, meaning I'll put together a dough and let it rest in the fridge for 12 or so hours.
"Man cannot live by bread alone" - but I can try! LOL!
There was a "B.C." comic about 30 years ago that was a play on this adage: "Man can not live by bread alone. He need peanut butter."
I'm experimenting with some oatmeal mixes from the grocery, with an eye toward making my own, because I'm a cheapskate and also because I know I can make a better-quality mix. Cutting up a banana into hot oatmeal makes a filling breakfast, I have discovered. I am not a fan of bananas, but I can't think of another fruit that has the same density and nutritional qualities.
My hair has started to thin out again. I refuse to up the dosage on the estrogen, so I'm going to have to figure this one out some other way.
Up and at 'em! Hup hup hup!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
On a whim I weighed myself this morning and was shocked to see I've lost 5 more lbs. How can this be?
The last few weeks I've been prone to binging because of stress of various kinds, and have not had my own best interest at heart when preparing food to eat. Apparently I haven't eaten to the extent I felt like I'd done, or else I've been more active because of the warmer weather lately. Who can say.
Maybe I wasn't joking when I said that sourdough bread is a good appetite suppressant. I told a friend that I felt like my homemade sourdough bread kept on rising after I'd eaten any, making me feel quite full after having just a piece of it. Perhaps there's some truth to that!
This week will start my adventures in other kinds of bread baking. I've accomplished my own starter, and I've baked some awesome sourdough bread from it; now I am ready to explore other methods of creating bread by the work of my own two hands.
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