Monday, April 25, 2011
I have been reading everything I could find on addiction to sweets and there is a lot of research out there. I think I may have found out why I lose and gain like crazy. April 24, 2011
I promised myself no more candy, cookies, ice cream, cakes etc. I have been checking the milk, everything I eat and there is sugar in everything. No wonder we have problems with our weight. I guess I will get some sugar but I don't have to eat candy, cookies, ice cream etc.
I am going to try and watch what foods have sugar in them and how much and try to buy the one with the lowest sugar. Who knew my almond milk had 24 grams of sugar for each glass. And then you add all the extra sugar I don't need, and I wonder why my brain is in a fog, sugar overload. This all kind of feels surreal, me not eating sweets, this must be a dream. This morning as I sit doing my menu for the day I felt like I am on a new journey. I don't know what is around the corner. I don't know what to expect. I really do sound like an addict. My little world is turned upside down because of sweets. Get real!! I think I have more important things in my life than this. But wait, I am finding out about myself, finding out why I do what I do, that is important. If I can grow and be a better person and help others with what I find out, that is important. I have a compulsive personally, I think. I have always used a crutch it seems to me. I used cigarettes as a crutch. I put them down. I have used sweets as a crutch as far back as I can remember and now I am putting them down. Hey maybe I can stand on my on two feet and take responsibly for my actions. This still seems strange a grown women abscessing over sweets. The experts said you don't have withdrawals over sweets but I think I disagree. I'm having something.
Writing this blog helps. It lets you face a lot of things.
I think for a long time I have been punishing people for not accepting me as I am. Surprise, I did not hurt anyone but myself. Since I can remember its always been, be this size or I won't be proud of you, if you gain weight you can't have any new clothes, I won't put up with a over weight woman, etc. Its like will you love me at this size, this size, this size and on and on until I reached 340 pounds. Who did I hurt? What did I prove!! Now is the time to stand up and be proud of me, get healthy, have a loving spirit to help others and stop feeling sorry for myself, just do something positive for me.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I have been looking over my diet diaries trying to figure out where I go wrong. I have lost 100's of pounds and have put them back on. I can lose like crazy and then I don't maintain. All I could gather from my research is that I get confident and start eating sweets. I will have a piece of this one day and in a couple of days I have a little more and then next thing you know I am on a binge and don't care until I have all the weight back on. Its like my brain does not work like it is suppose to. I have good intentions but when I am eating sweets I do not care about eating healthy in fact I want more fat and salt, more carbs. I can not get satisfied. I will eat until I am sick. I talked to my husband this morning for awhile and he agreed with my findings. I told him I knew I needed to never eat sweets again. If I wanted something sweet eat fruit or a little honey. For some reason honey does not trigger anything wild.
I could not make myself say I would not eat sweets again. I did not want to give up sweets.
How could I not eat sweets. They made me feel good! Made me feel good, who am I kidding I get angry and nervous and I want a whole bag of candy or 1/2 of a pie or a quart of ice cream.
I asked my husband what did I want more candy or to get in my clothes, the smaller ones, to feel good and be healthy. I was acting like I was an addict. I smoked three to four packs of cigarettes for a long time and I laid them down and never looked back. You could not pay me to smoke or even get around smoke. How can I not walk away from sweets. Well, I finally told my husband I was walking away from sweets. I was laying them down to never pick up again. Do you know I got short of breath, nervous, anxiety, and scared to death. No sweets what would happen to me. Wow!! What a wake up call. This is going to be an interesting trip.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Thursday is weigh in day and I lost another five pounds. Great!! I have lost 15 so far.
It feels so good when you can look over the week and know you have done everything you know to do and get a good reading on the scales. I also know if I had not lost any I knew I had lost some somewhere, my clothes are looser. I have to eat healthy no matter what, whether I lose or just stay where I am for awhile. You can't make me believe me going from Lord knows how many calories to 1200-1500 I won't eventually lose weight. I was eating an awful lot of calories to get this big. I know I didn't gain it from green drinks and vegetables. You know this is kind of funny. If I drink a green drink for one of my meals I lose real good. I am eating the same amount of calories. I wonder what the chemical situation is or is it. Anyway I do love a green drink. My favorite one, that I usually drink is 1 froze banana, 1small apple, I cup of chocolate or vanilla almond milk, 1 cup of kale and 1/2 cup of spinach, blend it up and it is so good. I tried drinking three or four a day. You know making all kinds of different ones.
But I like to chew too much. I can go one or even two sometimes but I must have one meal I can chew. I love my beans and rice. Well as my grandmother use to say I'm pleased as punch about myself today. I hope if anyone reads this their program is going great also.
Thank you all for responding to my blogs it makes you feel like all of us are on the same journey helping each other, and that we care.
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