Monday, July 30, 2007
I really don't know what my problem is. But I keep on making excuses for myself. I ate out today with my sister. I only ate once all day long. It was like a binge that was really un-nessesary. We went to Chili's. I had two iced teas- a whole lotta chips and salsa- almost an entire buffalo chicken salad followed by the shots desert. I can only imagine where I am in cals for the day. I did not work out. I didn't end up working out yesterday either. Bottom line there is always and excuse or reason for me not doing what I am suppose to be doing. I am slipping into my old habbits and not taking time for me! This is really rediculous... mainly because I can sit here and talk to myself- pin point what my problem is and still not get off my rear and do something about it!
I hate myself at the moment... really I am disappointed in myself. I know that is an aweful thing to say and I am treading on a very rocky territory but it really is true. When I look in the mirror I am disgusted with myself and that can not be good on ones self esteem. I need to re-focus and become comfortable with myself again. I need to do some serious soul searching. I need to get a grip on the reality at hand. I need to take control of my decisions and life and start making it all better.
I need to learn to love me as I am or else I will never be happy regardless of how much I weigh... I don't know what is wrong with me. I am never this negative- maybe tomorrow will be a better day.