Saturday, January 05, 2013
New Year’s resolutions have never really worked well with me. I think maybe it’s because it is an implied struggle – a war to accomplish something instead of just ‘being’.
This year though is not so much a resolution as a path. This year is officially, (ok officially only to me): The Year of Not Being Stupid.
The problem is I am not smart enough to always be smart. Sometimes I am not sure what the smart thing is; ignorance, lack of wisdom, or a brain burp – sometimes I just don’t know.
But as I look over the past year if I had stopped and asked, “Is this stupid” – I think that the answer would have been clear.
My track record is not great– if I go to a buffet and tell myself I won’t really eat very much. I eat more than too much. If I go to the dessert bar and tell myself I can have a wee little taste, I will taste until I am so full it hurts. So was it stupid to even go to a buffet? Stupid is easier to know.
Was it stupid to do a really long training run for a marathon and then decide the next day my 63 year old body felt great and I can do a second really long run in two days. Oh, it was stupid, oh so very stupid. (I say this 3 months later after the pulled hamstring has finally healed.)
So next time I have an impulse to do something, this is the year I am going to ask: “Is this stupid.”
Being smart is not all that easy.
Stupid seem much more obvious.
Maybe simply asking myself, "Is this stupid..." might be kinda smart.
Monday, April 04, 2011
When I jog without my IPod, I am left to just run. Inevitably I find myself running down a road, and thinking down a path. This was Sunday morning’s run.
The clouds are dark, heavy on the distant horizon. Storm warnings will surely soon blast.
So many of us stand are watching our own approaching storm:
A widowed parent is 600 miles away, and starting to show the first signs of Alzheimer’s. You are far away, feel guilt that you are not there, and wonder what you can do from a distance? The looming clouds are low and dark.
A child, disabled, survives with your support, encouragement, and ability to wander through the maze of services. Every time you look in the mirror you are reminded you are older and one day will not be there. Thunder sounds, thunder rumbles.
The doctor was professional and compassionate. No one wants to hear that dreaded word: cancer. She speaks of treatments, hope, but speaks honestly of the worst possibilities. No avoiding this storm.
I too face the distant horizon. I can prepare only to some extent. I can pray. And yet I see the storm on the horizon.
Certainly I cannot avoid the storm. I can do some things to prepare. I can look for shelters of hope.
Yet, if I only focus on the storm I can miss one thing that I have. I have today. Today is a fine day. The sun is shining; there is laughter with friends – a good day eating. I have a fine run where birds sing, a bakery has fresh bread. The sky today is deep blue and the few white clouds only make the blue seems deeper. Today is a day of joy.
Sometimes I look at the coming storm and it’s all I can see. I miss the joy of a good day. It occurred to me on today’s run that my worry and gloom at what the coming storm may mean will not prevent the storm. It will not make it better. It can rob me of many days of joy.
I will prepare, as much as I can for the storm that seems so sure to come.
But it seems to me today is a day I should be thankful for and celebrate. I need to focus on this day.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Ah to be free.
Not free of all my inhibitions,
But of some. The ones that rob the joy of the journey.
And the wisdom to know the ones I must embrace.
But to be free, not free of all my fears,
But of the fears that bind me as a prisoner.
And to welcome the fears that free me from disaster.
Yes free, free of anger at life and at others
Free from anger that imprisons and controls,
but not all of my anger for some things should ignite a flame.
Free of pain,
Pain that is more devastating than physical.
Knowing I will not be free of all pain, and some may ultimately bless.
Free to believe I can change,
Knowing that change must come,
But finding the changes I can choose.
Set free from my past,
that it may not hold back my future,
and yet embracing it that I may grow.
Free, but not without disciple.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I am maintaining.
But I am searching for a new word.
Maintenance feels too much like an oil change in my car. Not progresses, but trying to prevent problems.
Words count. They create a sense, a feeling. They paint pictures. I want a better word or words!
I am looking for a positive, powerful word that sings of victory, reaching goals, and standing on a pedestal while the family anthem plays. (Ok, the last one is a stretch …) I want a word that speaks to more than a moment, but what is it?
Sometimes I talk about my ‘New Normal’. So far it’s my favorite term.
‘Living in victory’? Na. Just doesn’t do it.
I am ‘on target’? (At least it implies I am still aiming and hitting something).
After a long time of thinking of goals and moving forward, the word ‘maintaining’ feels like a struggle to hold, not a motivating goal.
I want a new word and new way to describe it! And so far, I can’t find it. Any suggestions?
Sunday, March 06, 2011
I am self aware enough to know I am not all that self-aware.
Example? Am I a good lookin’ guy? One of the benefits of reaching this age is I don’t really think about it. But I remember a younger me looking in the mirror one day and thinking, "hmm – not really so bad at all you heartbreaker”. I also remember looking in the mirror and wondering why babies don’t cry and the nicest women don’t turn away when I walked in the room. Same face. I guess it was a different me. Self-aware?
It seems to me on Spark being self-aware can be a challenge. A friend I introduced to Spark lost 17 pounds her first month and had a forlorn look as she told me. Another friend was bragging that she lost a pound this month. Her first month. Uh …. Errrr.
Ahh, but we have a clear mirror to bring it all in focus. Yes, another reason to dive into the deep end of the Spark pool! Spark is bursting with articles about what success is, goal setting, and experts who can speak with objectivity to our situation.
Sometimes it’s time to stop listening to our inner voice. Our inner voice is all too often wrong. It is affected by, … well I am not self aware enough to know what it is affect by.
But the Spark experts speak with a clear voice. I for one have been impressed because so often their words just have that ring of truth. And if the truth be known ….
A whole lot of us who feel like we are not doing very well are really champions.
Thanks Spark for telling us that.
Being Spark aware is probably more real than self aware.
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