Monday, August 05, 2013
It was a long weekend, and it was awesome to have today off. I worked yesterday and it was super busy in the store. I actually didn't have any lunch, and I survived a 6 hour shift on a cup of tea, two glasses of milk, two glasses of water and a croissant with butter. That was crazy! I have no idea how I didn't pass out.
I felt really gross on the commute home. I thought my head was going to explode or my nose was going to start bleeding. Pete met me at the subway station, and I made a decision to get McDonald's for dinner. I was starving, and I needed to consume something fatty and protein/sugar packed.
I don't regret it, but I hope to not do it again this month. I feel like I've been slipping with my proper diet, and I need to get back on track. I've been having more headaches and trouble sleeping lately, and it's probably diet related. I talked to Pete about it, and he went out to get a bunch of fruit for me...because I have only eaten fruit once a week for three weeks now. That is wack. We had a fruit fly infestation for almost 3 weeks because of a heat wave in Toronto, so I didn't bring fruit into the apartment. I also didn't cook because of the heat, so I've gotten so lazy with food. I need to pack a lunch everyday this week, and eat better.
I didn't get to the gym on Sunday because of my lack of food, and it was closed today. I am planning on going tomorrow, and at least 3 times a week. I hope that going to the gym tomorrow gets me back on track with a regular routine, and gets me back to craving healthier food. I've been eating a lot of vegetables with salads and chinese food; but in the end it's still chinese food.
I'm glad I got to gorge this weekend, and enjoy some time off. I needed to relax...but I also need to get back on track. I've become lazy with the gym, with food and with maintaining my apartment. I feel like everything around me is askew and needs to be corrected. At least I'm realizing it now, after weeks/months of nothing.
Anyways, tomorrow is another day. And it's a 3 day work week for me, then I have a 3 day weekend! I will use the upcoming week to get things in order.
Friday, August 02, 2013
Alright, so this is my fresh start. I think this is probably my 100th fresh start, but whatever...at least I'm not giving up! So yes, I'm going to be on here more often and I'm going to try to be much more positive. It's a lot harder to change my mentality than I thought it would be. Pete is always very positive about my appearance, but it only rubs off on me 85% of the time.
I know I'll never be completely happy until I reach my goal weight of 115lbs. But in order to do that, I really have to strop being lazy and get my big butt to the gym! Which I will be doing starting Sunday. I've decided to keep my membership for 6 months and see how that goes. I can't do a whole lot because my knee is still wonky, but I plan on walking 3 miles on the treadmill. I can't do an incline, but I can still walk at a steady pace and get my cardio on!
I'm excited to go back and do what I can. I'm hoping to see some positive results in my appearance by Christmas, if I go 3 times a week. I would really love it if a year from now I'm fitting back into my old clothes and feeling more like myself.
Anyways, an awesome thing happened this morning. I decided to weight myself and I'm back in the 130's! Yay! I'm 139lbs now, but that means 6 lbs lost! I haven't been in the 130's for almost 3 years, so that's a big deal to me. I feel amazing!
I think this is an awesome way to start a new month!
Friday, July 19, 2013
It's been over 2 months since I've been here, and I feel very lost. I can't believe it's only been 2 months...it feels so much longer in my head. I had a lot to deal with, mostly the stress of Pete maybe losing his job in a few months. However, he's been assured that he's not being let go, so that's a huge relief! His company merged with another camera rental place, and they are letting 3 people go instead of cutting back on wages...which sucks, but at least Pete is safe.
The thought of having only one income really made me feel overwhelmed, and I didn't want to discuss it. Pete kept acting like it was no big deal, and I had nothing to worry about...but then one day he had a breakdown and it was a lot to deal with. But that's in the past, and as far as I can tell everything is financially ok. I just have to catch up with some credit card payments and we're all good. Stashing money away instead of paying off a Visa seemed like a better decision.
Besides that I've been very busy with work. We've lost two staff members and the movie business is picking up in Toronto, so things have been hectic. Plus, it's peak painting season for contractors and home owners. I love my job, but it can be pretty intense and stressful. Especially when you're surrounded by people that don't get along, and that can't handle stress very well.
To combat that Pete and I have been trying to take 3 - 4 walks a week after work. We walk around for an hour, and we've come up with a pretty good route. We kept it up for a little over a week, but then Toronto was hit with a mega storm that flooded half the city, and then a heat weave right afterwards. Needless to say we haven't been taking any walks because we're too drained after work. I am covered in sweat just from commuting back and forth. Gross.
The last two nights we've slept on the safe bed in the living room where the A/C is. It's so humid the cool air won't reach the bedroom, or even the kitchen which is right next to the living room. Our bathroom is like it's own tropical island, which is quite uncomfortable. One morning I woke up, and the toilet water/tank was filled with rusty water from the humidity. Yuck.
Anyway, so I haven't been working out at all with these things happening. Pete and I were discussing giving up our gym memberships since we haven't really used it since my knee injury. We were thinking that taking the long walks would be good enough, but part of me thinks it won't be. I'm feeling really lost on what to do. I don't want to give up my membership because I feel like if I do, then I'm losing a great resource to get in shape. But on the other hand I have to make myself go there...which shouldn't be hard, because if I can go for a walk, I can go to the gym.
I just really want to get in shape. I feel so gross, and I'm sad that I still don't feel comfortable during the summer for another year. I'm also sad about these digestive issues I've been having for the first two weeks of every month, which I should talk to my Dr about.
I feel really lost, but I don't want to give up on myself. I said that this year would be my year, and I have to keep my word. I feel like if I don't this time, then I'll never find myself again. And that is just too depressing for me to deal with right now.
Friday, May 10, 2013
So, I never ended up going to the gym or even working out since my last update. Toronto was finally hit with lovely weather, and we pretty much skipped spring and jumped into summer for about a week. The weather was fantastic, but the down side was that everything bloomed at once. So people with allergies were punched in the face with stuff, and just miserable for several days.
My eyes have never been this unbearable before. I find myself rubbing them in my sleep, and then waking up abruptly with super itchy/watering eyes. Or if my pillowcase brushes against my eyelashes, my eye starts to water and gets all gross. I've gotten up in the middle of the night so many times this week, I'm so exhausted.
Then, yesterday I'm meeting Pete at the grocery store after work and my right eye turns bright red and is so sore. I had to put a drop of my prescription eyedrops to soothe my eye, I couldn't even wait until I got home.
My eye is so sore and puffy this morning, but it's not pink eye. I had a look at my eyelid this morning, and I think I might've scratched it with my nails as well as my lower lid. I guess that would cause my eyelids to get swollen. I haven't used any eyedrops today...I don't want to use them until Sunday if I really have to. I just want my eyes to get back to normal.
Keeping them closed is more painful than open. So, yeah I have been really drained this whole week. Plus with the warm weather, my apartment has been really hot and uncomfortable. We've been sitting in the dark every night, and I haven't cooked this whole week. That's been nice, but pretty costly. Pete refused to let me even use the stove top because it would make the apartment warmer. We didn't put in the A/C unit because we need a new filter...it was smelling pretty musty towards the end of last summer.
So, we haven't been to the gym because of my eyes and feeling gross from the heat. Also, it wasn't a good week for me woman-wise. We are planning to go Sunday evening when I get back from work. We just need one day to get back in the routine of things. So Sunday it is!
I know realistically I'm not going to be able to lose 30lbs before this summer, but at least I can try to make myself feel better. I am disappointed by that, but I did buy some new summer tops which make me feel good about myself.
Anyway, looking at this screen is starting to hurt my right eye. Hopefully I'll be better soon so I can return to this site on a regular basis again.
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
I can finally breathe ok, and I didn't wake up with a fever this morning. Yay! I'm still a bit congested and my throat is a bit sore, but I think I'll be feeling fine by the end of the week. Finally. I hate being sick...I hate feeling like I can't do anything. Also, my allergies have started today so I've been on cold and sinus medicine, and allergy medicine...which I don't think I should be doing. I'm probably going to have to do the same thing tomorrow, but at least I'm spacing them out by several hours. A girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do!
Anyway, so I'm feeling more healthy-ish, but I've been feeling really unfit. I feel really squishy, and achey which is not good at all. I was laying on my side and my upper arm felt like dough, and I almost cried. The nice weather is finally hear and I didn't achieve my goal of fitting back into my old clothes. This is the 6th year in a row I won't be able to wear my old spring/summer clothing.
Also, today was really warm at work and my jeans were sticking to me. Not a great feeling at all. My skin expanded so much, that when I went to the bathroom I had a hard time getting my pants back on. I feel so awful about myself during the nice weather... I also feel so disappointed in myself. I really wanted to be in shape by this time of year, but I'm not. I feel like I've wasted 5 months, even though realistically speaking I didn't because a lot of stuff came up. A lot of things that I couldn't avoid or predict.
Anyway, since I'm feeling better I've decided to go to the gym tomorrow. Finally. I've wasted the 6 months of free gym time, so since I'm going to be charged this month I might as well go. Also, even if I go just for cardio that's better than nothing. I'm not comfortable enough with running in my area downtown, and neither is Pete. He's excited to get back into running on the treadmill. I think even if I walk at a 3.5 on an incline for like 2 - 3 miles, I should get a pretty good work out. Pete said that if I really commit to speed walking I will get in shape sooner than later...I just really hate cardio. Also, I'll just do my strength training at home since I have free weights, and if I feel really uncomfortable in the co-ed weight room.
I keep thinking about that saying for motivation "A year from now you'll wish you had started today"...because that is so how I'm feeling right now! Oh my gosh, I just want to have an awesome spring/summer wearing my cute jackets and t-shirts. And not feeling awkward because the shirt I am wearing might be sticking to my back fat, or my stomach is poking through too much...and I'm feeling uncomfortable because of these dreaded muffin tops! Boo-urns! I know I can get in shape, I just feel so behind...and like I will miss out on this summer again.
Anyway, I know this is a whiny entry, and I don't like making these...but I need to get it out. I feel a bit better typing this all here. I feel like I can't have another conversation with Pete about how awful the summer/warm weather makes me feel. I just can't put him through another year of just sitting around with me at home because I hate how I look, and feel in the heat.
Oh my goodness, I need to end this now and stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm not an idiot, I know I need to just start working out. Hopefully tomorrow will help me get back on track... it's just so much easier to whine than to put the effort in. Especially when I haven't done anything major in almost 7 months.
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