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Getting frustrated with the hubby's health

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

So. The main reason I signed up for this site was solidarity for my husband to lose some weight.

When we met, he was about 170-175, still a little heavy for his height (5'7"), but he was eating healthfully and exercising. He started a new job in September and seemingly instantly gained 20lbs. Now he's up to 202 lbs.

Here's where my frustration comes in: He's expressed desire to lose the weight. He complains everyday about how uncomfortable he is with the extra pounds. I am extremely supportive. I cook healthy meals. I bring healthy food into the house and keep out the junk. I suggest he track his calories, but I don't police what he's eating. I do more than my fair share of chores so he can have more time to exercise. But he does pretty much next to nothing to help himself. He's gotten out for a couple of hikes, but immediately upon return to the house eats a pile of cheese or peanut butter. The refridgerator is literally crammed full of healthy food-- you can't fit anything else in there--but he wants to go get Taco Bell.

"Are you freaking serious! Everything you need to make a healthy taco is in the fridge right now -- including homemade mango salsa! I work all day, then do extra chores, shop for healthy food (including going to the dreaded Wal-mart), cook delicious healthful dinners, so that you can reach self-actualization and your ideal weight, but you binge on fat foods!"

Okay, so this is what I'm thinking, but haven't articulated. I'll definitely have to tone down the language quite a bit, but the convo is going to need to happen. I listened to my mother bitch about her weight and then proceed to polish off a bag of chips or M&Ms for 18 years; I can't do it anymore. Either make a serious effort or buy some bigger pants.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIY_DREAM 7/13/2009 12:26PM

    Thanks for the comment. Things have gotten better around the house since this blog post. I had a chat with the hubby and he decided to both buy bigger pants AND make an effort to get a few pounds off. He's been really watching his portions and getting out for hikes and walks. He keeps me updated on how well he's doing every morning for which I lavish him with praise. It's funny that he says he feels no more hungry or unsatisfied by the scaled back diet. He's been taking more time to chill out too. I think it helps with his stress level -- he's pretty high strung with work most of the time. I've backed off on the chores -- running out of underwear and have dirty dishes, but no one has died yet. I actually had some time to sew this weekend!

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NAXOS9 7/13/2009 6:40AM

    Man, this is a really complicated subject. As I'm sure you know, you can never force someone to change if they don't decide it's what they really want for themselves and, come hell or high water, they're going to achieve it. I think in some ways this sort of behaviour is an unconscious test of your love for that person. Do you really love them enough to reassure them that you still love them even when they can't get their head together enough to help themselves? I think a lot of people are insecure about that. Also, people sometimes self-sabotage when they're angry with themselves. One way to deal with feelings of self-loathing to to drown your feelings in food, which is at the same time a punishment - you hate yourself so much you will punish yourself by NOT helping yourself, and doing what it is that made you gain weight in the first place.

It sounds like you're doing a great job of enabling healthy behaviour and not being too harsh on self-sabotage behaviour, even though it must be frustrating for you to see someone else flounder around without committing to help themselves. If there's one thing I'm trying to say with this overlong comment, it's that it can't hurt to occasionally focus on the good things about your partner - his skills, talents, the things he does well, the things you like about him, so he can feel reassured that you still like him even if he isn't perfect. Maybe that's something to work into the conversation about how you want to help him achieve his fitness goals.

Also, it doesn't seem fair that you have to do more chores just so he can exercise (but then he doesn't), because it's going to cause resentment, and that's not so good for a relationship. It might be sensible to keep your home life separate from your exercise life - if you're finding the time to do lots of chores plus exercise, it's probably possible that he can too. Good luck!

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Missing my PA

Friday, June 26, 2009

I'm totally missing my Piyo class right now. Work has been busy, so I haven't been able to get away on Tuesday mornings, and Thursday afternoon has been busy too. ARGH!

Next week: Back on the horse. One of my goals has been making myself a subject in my own life, which means taking time for myself, in this case, to exercise.


Random 7lb weight shift

Friday, June 12, 2009

Okay, so I've had a random 7lb upward weight shift -- in like one day. Any ideas? I'm hoping for 'travel bloat', as my husband calls it. I refuse to track it in the weigh-in until I figure out if it is a real gain. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GITTYB 6/14/2009 10:11PM

    on weight watchers they'd call it retaining water...GOOD LUCK!

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Back from American Diabetes Association Scientific Session in New Orleans!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I'm back from my oral presentation on Montana's Cardiovascular Disease and Diabetes Prevention Program in New Orleans! New Orleans was super fun -- I can't wait to go back. I walked a ton -- I'm hoping that offset the food and drinks!

I wanted to share a couple tidbits I learned from one of the lectures on Obesity and the Brain.
First, your body regulates calories in/calories out extremely precisely -- calorie differential is within 11 calories per day on average!
Second, there's a receptor in your brain (called PPAR-gamma), that when activated, causes you to eat. It's hypothesized that it's stimulated when you are fasting -- your liver breaks down fat into free fatty acids, which bind to the receptor in your brain. However, it's also stimulated when you injest a lot of free fatty acids. Ergo,

when you eat a high fat diet, your brain thinks you're starving and stimulates you to eat more!

It was a great conference! I can't wait to go back to New Orleans.



Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I learned from Dr. Oz on Oprah the other day that if you take a calcium supplement, you won't absorb as much fat from your food. He said the calcium mixes with the fat and creates a soap. You can tell if it's working if your poop floats. I started taking a multivitamin a couple of months ago and can definitely tell the difference on the scale. And, I 've got floating poop and I can see the soapy film around it. Science is neat.


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