DIVEDIVA1   13,920
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Meltdown....

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I am really having some ups and downs lately. One day I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to and the next I feel like I should just stay in bed with the covers over my head. There is no real reason for this really. I am healthy, I have a great family, a great job and I have no real problems with finances. I am usually a very happy person. It just seems like the littlest thing is making me feel jumpy or just plain afraid.

Today I thought the world was going to come crashing down on me. Do you know why? Very silly now that it is taken care of but at the time I literally was a mess. I could not find my debit card. I mean logically when I got into my car I knew it was a simple task, call the bank, have them cancel the card. Go to the bank kiosk which happens to be open today and get a new card, go to the machine and print an activities records to see if any damage done. I got home and lost it. I turned into a blubbering crying baby and it front of my adult daughter and son in law! I could not even talk to the person on the bank line, who thought I am sure she was dealing with a nutbar!!!

Happy ending, the card was cancelled, I was able to get a new card, got the records and no issues with our accounts. And now I sit here and wonder, what the heck is wrong with me. Why did I react the way I did? I think maybe stress may be the culprit and I also think I need to look inside to see what else is going on. I need to look at my life right now and see if there are reasons for feeling the way I do. One should not feel this way. I do feel better just getting this down here. This is a first step but I need to look more deeply.

Thanks for listening out there, I know you are there. Take care, I plan to take care of me!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RENE54 4/29/2011 8:33AM

    Some days are just like that. It was probably just the last straw. You needed a release and now you have had a good cry and it is all better. Take a deep breath and keep on keeping on. emoticon

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JIBBIE49 4/17/2011 1:14PM

    emoticon

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KENNY83 4/17/2011 8:29AM

    Realization is the first step in overcoming any internal struggle and it seems you are already there. I'm sorry to hear you had a hectic day, but congrats on making the determination to face it head on. I hope you are successful in all your endeavors. Well, take care and keep on going strong! emoticon

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I am Not very good at this....

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

blogging thing!!! Just call me inconsistent but I find it hard to come here and write about my days sometimes. It seems to me to be trivial but then I read other blogs and people seem to be having some of the same trials and tribulations, cravings, the scale is misbehaving, my clothes are tired and don't look as I would like them etc etc...

Today I had a wonderful day off, I did nothing....absolutely nothing at all. Well I did eat, healthy for the most part. I tracked here on Spark and I played on the computer a bit. I got out for a walk in the drizzly rain, not my favourite way to walk but necessary for the greater good right!

Went out with the girls for dinner and a movie, tried to behave with my meal, had a glass of white wine, Appelia a lovely greek white wine and had lamb with horitiki (sp?) village salad to some. I did not eat the wrap that was around the lamb. Ok so I am doing pretty good and then we get to the movies, I usually do well there, never bother with the concession stand ever. Silly me decides that I should have some popcorn, WHY????? I don't know....beats me, it is salty, tastes vile and I ate the whole darn bag....at least it was a small bag. I will be swelling up like a beach ball overnight, tomorrow I will have to drink copious amounts of water to counteract the effect of the large dose of sodium my poor body is not used to.

So I guess this is one reason why we blog, to get our "sins" off of our chests! I feel a little better confessing here, it does not negate the fact I consumed those calories and all that salt and fat but at least I know now what a dumb move it was! Lesson learned, stay away from the concession stand at the movie theatre, consider this your lesson for the day! ;)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIVINEDIVA5 4/15/2011 12:17PM

  It's your new found friend Divinediva5. I love the blog and like you I am not consistent but I am starting to understand that it can be helpful to see others in the same boat as myself. I am not alone (GOD promised that) but I forget that sometimes.

Love your spunk for life and when I grow up (actually when I can retire) I want to be just like you (I saw those wonderful pics). Between my mother and you I don't know who is the most adventurous but I do know, I am following both sets of those foot prints. emoticon

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RAINBOWCHOC 4/14/2011 4:22PM

    Great blog, it was REAL! helps you feel normal!!

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CTTAGENT 4/14/2011 11:08AM

    You are not alone. I have a hard time blogging, especially when I end up with limited time to write.
The popcorn thing, I am sure you are not alone. You recognize what you did and are working to counteract it. Keep smiling, it will work out.

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DDOORN 4/14/2011 6:43AM

    Hey, you're on your way...blogging is all about reflection. What we did that works or DIDN'T work! Mistakes are opportunities for learning and it sounds like that's exactly what you did: learned an important lesson!

Popcorn & movies...powerful American past time! Not easy to buck that trend! But an OH-SO-WORTHWHILE habit to KICK! :-)

Don

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DANCINCAJUN1 4/13/2011 11:12PM

    Yep, this is what the bogging is all about .... better than talking to yourself and having only you to respond back to you .... LOL

Great blog .... we all do it !!

emoticon

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Why I Love Spring

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Snow drops, crocuses and all the little flowers that come up right now while it is still cold and snowing!!! yup we have snow blowing around as I type this, while two days ago I was out in short sleeves tidying up in the yard. You really have to love the seasonal mood swings we have here in Southern Ontario!

I can see my hyacinths, daffs and tulips reaching up too, they will bloom later. My magnolia is promising to bloom very nicely as well. Lots of buds all over the trees. The gardens are still covered in their mulch of fall leaves but soon I will be able to dig them in.

In a few weeks we will just have rain, not the rain, snow, sleet or whatever that is happening right now! Bring on the warmer temperatures please. I am ready for them anytime now...I want to put away the winter coats and boots too!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OWENZZOO 4/12/2011 12:27PM

    I just love the bright colors that come with Spring. Almost every SparkPage I look at has flowers on them. I think we are all ready!

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MICHELAR 4/5/2011 2:49PM

    There is nothing blooming over here doll! I can't wait to see the end of the snow we still have in places and the clean up to get all the dirt off the streets and lawns! So ready for my flip flops!

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Really Feeling the Groove Now!

Sunday, April 03, 2011

I am really feeling back to my old self these past few days. I feel like I can do it this time. I do not have this sense of what is the use, I am only going to fail and eat something I shouldn't. I feel in control. It feels so awesome to feel this way and I am afraid to lose this feeling. I don't want it to go away. I know it has in the past, that is why I am here today.

I am going to do this one day at a time. I am not going to let the fear of failure take over. Little voices hear me now. I am in control. I decide what I will eat, I will decide that I can do this. You are not going to try and convince me otherwise! You had your chances far too many times, game over, I am the winner!

I know what I need to do and I am doing it. I also know that there will be challenges, there will be days when I don't want to walk, or go to the gym or make another salad to eat. And yes, the chocolate will beckon and it will win, I love my chocolate. The wine will sing to me and I will willingly drink it, but that is fine. I can live with that because it is real life. It is how I will be living for the rest of my life so I have to learn how to make it work into my plan. I have to learn how to ration it so that it does not become an excuse to give in and just say "What the h-e-double hockey sticks may as well just cram it all in!" This is the way I will be living until I feel I am at a healthy weight and I feel satisfied.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINBOWCHOC 4/4/2011 11:21AM

    well done!
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What I Learned Today

Saturday, April 02, 2011

I learned that there are some very special people here on Sparkpeople. People who care enough to look and listen. People who talk to a total stranger as though they have known them for a long time. People who are encouraging, funny and most of all have great big warm welcoming hearts.

Thank you Scuba Divers! You have taught me a valuable lesson today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCUBAHONEY 4/2/2011 10:22PM

    I'm so glad you are enjoying our group! They are a great bunch of people. You can talk to them about anything! We have all kinds of personalities, and yet we all still get along just great! We're glad you joined us again!

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