Saturday, April 16, 2011
I am really having some ups and downs lately. One day I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to and the next I feel like I should just stay in bed with the covers over my head. There is no real reason for this really. I am healthy, I have a great family, a great job and I have no real problems with finances. I am usually a very happy person. It just seems like the littlest thing is making me feel jumpy or just plain afraid.
Today I thought the world was going to come crashing down on me. Do you know why? Very silly now that it is taken care of but at the time I literally was a mess. I could not find my debit card. I mean logically when I got into my car I knew it was a simple task, call the bank, have them cancel the card. Go to the bank kiosk which happens to be open today and get a new card, go to the machine and print an activities records to see if any damage done. I got home and lost it. I turned into a blubbering crying baby and it front of my adult daughter and son in law! I could not even talk to the person on the bank line, who thought I am sure she was dealing with a nutbar!!!
Happy ending, the card was cancelled, I was able to get a new card, got the records and no issues with our accounts. And now I sit here and wonder, what the heck is wrong with me. Why did I react the way I did? I think maybe stress may be the culprit and I also think I need to look inside to see what else is going on. I need to look at my life right now and see if there are reasons for feeling the way I do. One should not feel this way. I do feel better just getting this down here. This is a first step but I need to look more deeply.
Thanks for listening out there, I know you are there. Take care, I plan to take care of me!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
blogging thing!!! Just call me inconsistent but I find it hard to come here and write about my days sometimes. It seems to me to be trivial but then I read other blogs and people seem to be having some of the same trials and tribulations, cravings, the scale is misbehaving, my clothes are tired and don't look as I would like them etc etc...
Today I had a wonderful day off, I did nothing....absolutely nothing at all. Well I did eat, healthy for the most part. I tracked here on Spark and I played on the computer a bit. I got out for a walk in the drizzly rain, not my favourite way to walk but necessary for the greater good right!
Went out with the girls for dinner and a movie, tried to behave with my meal, had a glass of white wine, Appelia a lovely greek white wine and had lamb with horitiki (sp?) village salad to some. I did not eat the wrap that was around the lamb. Ok so I am doing pretty good and then we get to the movies, I usually do well there, never bother with the concession stand ever. Silly me decides that I should have some popcorn, WHY????? I don't know....beats me, it is salty, tastes vile and I ate the whole darn bag....at least it was a small bag. I will be swelling up like a beach ball overnight, tomorrow I will have to drink copious amounts of water to counteract the effect of the large dose of sodium my poor body is not used to.
So I guess this is one reason why we blog, to get our "sins" off of our chests! I feel a little better confessing here, it does not negate the fact I consumed those calories and all that salt and fat but at least I know now what a dumb move it was! Lesson learned, stay away from the concession stand at the movie theatre, consider this your lesson for the day! ;)
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Snow drops, crocuses and all the little flowers that come up right now while it is still cold and snowing!!! yup we have snow blowing around as I type this, while two days ago I was out in short sleeves tidying up in the yard. You really have to love the seasonal mood swings we have here in Southern Ontario!
I can see my hyacinths, daffs and tulips reaching up too, they will bloom later. My magnolia is promising to bloom very nicely as well. Lots of buds all over the trees. The gardens are still covered in their mulch of fall leaves but soon I will be able to dig them in.
In a few weeks we will just have rain, not the rain, snow, sleet or whatever that is happening right now! Bring on the warmer temperatures please. I am ready for them anytime now...I want to put away the winter coats and boots too!!!
Sunday, April 03, 2011
I am really feeling back to my old self these past few days. I feel like I can do it this time. I do not have this sense of what is the use, I am only going to fail and eat something I shouldn't. I feel in control. It feels so awesome to feel this way and I am afraid to lose this feeling. I don't want it to go away. I know it has in the past, that is why I am here today.
I am going to do this one day at a time. I am not going to let the fear of failure take over. Little voices hear me now. I am in control. I decide what I will eat, I will decide that I can do this. You are not going to try and convince me otherwise! You had your chances far too many times, game over, I am the winner!
I know what I need to do and I am doing it. I also know that there will be challenges, there will be days when I don't want to walk, or go to the gym or make another salad to eat. And yes, the chocolate will beckon and it will win, I love my chocolate. The wine will sing to me and I will willingly drink it, but that is fine. I can live with that because it is real life. It is how I will be living for the rest of my life so I have to learn how to make it work into my plan. I have to learn how to ration it so that it does not become an excuse to give in and just say "What the h-e-double hockey sticks may as well just cram it all in!" This is the way I will be living until I feel I am at a healthy weight and I feel satisfied.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
I learned that there are some very special people here on Sparkpeople. People who care enough to look and listen. People who talk to a total stranger as though they have known them for a long time. People who are encouraging, funny and most of all have great big warm welcoming hearts.
Thank you Scuba Divers! You have taught me a valuable lesson today.
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