Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I think most women have this idea of being skinny and running around on the beach in a bikini. I can't swim, I don't like the heat and I wouldn't enjoy my hair getting messed up by the water and sand. Ive never felt like my weight has held me back. I don't generally feel unattractive. I don't think I'll be much more happier if I lose weight. SImply put, I don't have a fascniating story about my struggles with weight.
One time I did lose 60+ pounds. Maybe I wasn't "right" in the head, but I would look in the mirror and not see a loss. Four years later, I've gained 70 pounds. I feel ashamed for letting myself gain it all back. I remember being 118, 135, 155, 165.. and I think- why didn't I stop? But then again, I've accomplished so much in four years. I graduated college. Moved to Maryland, moved back to New Jersey. Fell in love with my boyfriend. Almost paid off a car. I should have managed my weight, but I didn't.
I am overweight because I enjoy food. Food is delicious. If I had a choice between going to the mall and going to the foodcourt, I'd choose foodcourt. I've always loved food. I've never watched what I've eaten for extended periods of time. I rarely exercise. I think about my weight a lot, and it wasn't until my yearly exam at the obgyn when I got on the scale and saw ..
that I was all, "OMG, I'm texting Duane right now".
Duane is my boyfriend. If he asked me to marry him yesterday I would have said yes. If he asks me a year from now I'll say yes. Much like me not having a fascinating story with my weight struggle, I don't have a fascinating reason for wanting to lose it.
I think in the near future, I'll have a baby. It would bother me to be fat if I had a child. I don't have to be a MILF, but I don't want to set a bad example for my child. In the near future, I'll be getting married. It would bother me to have a limited selection of dresses. It would bother me to have to drape something over my arms because I hate them. In the near future, Duane will be joining the Air Force. It would bother me knowing that the same oppurtunity presented to my husband, couldn't be presented to me because I'm overweight. It would bother me to continue to my education in a field that deals with health, and yet I stand unhealthy, catching the elevator to all my classes. I don't care If I never have a flat stomach, but I do care about being the best wife, mother and person I can be. Being 50 pounds overweight is really limiting that. Plus its akward that I weight more than my physically fit, just saw him do 40 push ups yesterday boyfriend. Thuis guy walks around in boxer, booty shorts.. and my kangaroo pounch and unhealthy lifestyle walk around thinking about our next blast to food paradise. Somethings gotta give, internet.