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One step at a time

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I always loved the idea of one day at a time. You can do something for one day that seems impossible if all the days of your life stretch out ahead of you. I have sort of fallen away from that a little, and need to get back there. Having been diagnosed with Celiac has created a huge change in my eating patterns and I am still struggling with that a little bit. I know what to do, though, so that is a positive thing.

I spent yesterday in an all day training at work and part of it was looking at the change cycle.


No one here at SP is in pre-contemplation. We're all here because we already know we want to change things. So we are either in planning (how do I do this?) or we are in action and a few lucky people are in maintenance....the changes have become permanent and part of their lives. There is one part this particular graphic left out: Relapse. Relapse will hopefully take you back to contemplation...or planning...and lead back to action again.

Where are you in your journey here? Are you in maintenance? Have you made the changes you came here to Sp to focus on a part of your daily life?

Are you in contemplation? You want to change but so far you are still just thinking about it?

In planning? Coming up with a daily or weekly or lifelong plan that will work for you?

Or maybe you are in the dreaded relapse. You found yourself in action once but have fallen away.

What matters today is knowing that I CAN make the decision about where I am. I know where to go for help. If anyone is still in planning SP has a wealth of information available to help you figure out what to do.

We did an exercise on this yesterday about a habit I want to change (night time snacking) and by the time we were done my partner said 'you already know all this-you've already made the decision and are at action' and I thought...I am? I thought I was still wallowing around unsure of how to take that first step.

Just take it. One step. One day. This is one place where you do not have to get all A's...be 100% at everything to be successful. This is one place where effort counts, where finishing the days race, even slowly, counts.

One step. I can do one step.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PLSMOM 9/4/2011 9:56PM

    Thanks for giving us something new to think about. You always inspire me to do better...thanks! emoticon

Gail

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IZZYBEBOP 8/31/2011 3:00PM

    What a great way to look at how we approach our fitness and nutrition, and healthy lifestyle.

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KASEYCOFF 8/31/2011 3:17AM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 8/30/2011 11:31PM

    my Friend Sheila sent me here.
I so agree with you we must take it one day at a time.
If we rush these things, not only can we injure ourselves we can also find it very hard and off putting to change our nutrition over night.
We ned to ease into this way of life gently and persistently in order to succeed..
Thank you for putting this so simply.
I just love the graph emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MADKAPKID 8/30/2011 11:24PM

    Absolutely right on. I needed to read this blog today and am very happy my friend Sheila steered me towards it in her blog today. Have a joy filled day...ONE step at a time for me is doable.....Karen

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BE-THE-CHANGE 8/27/2011 6:36PM

    What a great blog!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 8/27/2011 4:05PM

    You're right... I can do it one step at a time... one hour at a time.....one day at a time.... I needed to read this today. Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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ESBELL 8/26/2011 11:28AM

    Thinking about doing this for the rest of my life feels so overwhelming sometimes. The burden seems more bearable when I break it down "for today only I must......." And on days when that seems like to much it can be "for the next hour......." or even "for just 5 minutes....."

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BESTCK 8/26/2011 7:27AM

    Great idea. I love the visual but most of all I love the idea that it's okay to be at a different place than where we thought we'd be. Change is not linear, it's cyclical. We have to continue to revisit this cycle.

Excellent! Thanks!

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IAMFREETORUN 8/26/2011 3:18AM

    I loved this blog! This is a great visual breakdown of the whole process. It seems like I am stuck in a never-ending loop between planning/preparation, action, and relapse.

I know I want this. I know what I need to do to do it. Sometimes, I even do it. But before I know it, I've lost my grip on my actions and I'm right back to have to plan and prep all over again. I used to make excuses and say that life kept getting in the way. But now I realize - it's not LIFE that gets in the way, it's ME. Life is life, we know this. We have accidents and pay bills late and just plain screw up all the time but we keep moving forward (mostly).

I love this graphic because suddenly I realize that I need to make the Planning/Prep and Action arrows closer together, maybe even smush them into each other. By this I mean I need to learn to "tuck and roll" a LOT faster. I need to notice that my grip is loosening and tighten it up before I let go, fall off and have to start all over (and with road rash to boot). If I do fall, I need to learn to be much quicker about reassessing my plan and jumping back into action.

Thanks for your blogs. I love how generous you are with your struggle on this road.

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IMNOTSTOPPIN 8/24/2011 8:20PM

    You've written an excellent blog. I think I will need to re-read it and re-read it. Thanks for the motivation.

I think I'm in the pre-planning stage if there's such a thing.

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KNH771 8/24/2011 6:51PM

    At my job we talk about a continuous plan/do/study/act cycle. Stop every once in a while and evaluate your progress, make adjustments to the plan and put the plan into action... Short and long term cycles.

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ANGIEINTRAINING 8/24/2011 4:18PM

    I love the visual! I am a visual/hands on learner so this is quite helpful. Thanks for sharing!

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DYNAMICDEB53 8/24/2011 1:56PM

    Di love that visual. I can see that it works for so many different goals. I am glad you are taking it one step at a time, its the best way. Like a chicld we need to walk before we can run. I am just so glad you are here, you inspire me always.
Hugs and love
Deb

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MICKEYMAX 8/24/2011 1:20PM

    You go DI! Great job!

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_KATHY 8/24/2011 11:03AM

    Thanks for the great blog Di. I agree the visual is very powerful. It's simple and simple works best. I just have to keep things simple and not over complicate things.

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MIZCATHI 8/24/2011 10:49AM

    Loved the visualization with the chart! I am back in the Action phase after stepping out of maintance for awhile... yet I still experience a blip or two in the grand scheme of things. You will be fine, especially if you continue to visualize what you want and how to get there.

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TESSA321 8/24/2011 10:46AM

    Wow, your blog was just what I needed to get me thru today. I have been wallowing in self pity for quite some time, but because of SP the foundation is laid. I've wanted to give up for quite a few days, suspend my weight watchers and health club membership and try to go it along since I'm approaching my goal date (but no where near goal).

Your blog gave me the realization that I'm where I need to be to push myself forward, and you intro statement helped me see that I could have relapses, but just don't give up! Thanks! Theresa

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DIFROMWYOMING 8/24/2011 10:24AM

    I'm a visual learner anyway, but I love the idea of never feeling like you're just 'floundering' around...I think many of us feel like we're floundering a lot, but we are always someplace! And you can always look at this and know exactly where you are. Action is a great place to be, Mrs, and you have been steadfast in staying there!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 8/24/2011 10:19AM

    Ugh, I feel like I've been in "action" forever. Maintenance seems like a distant, unattainable dream right now.

Great blog, it's always nice to be reminded to think about the journey in black and white sometimes.

Comment edited on: 8/24/2011 4:51:10 PM

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Balancing act

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I am not very good at balance. When I first got here I had spent many years never putting myself first, or even second. In a busy family of 5 I was usually in 5th place when it came to giving myself any attention.

When I came to SP my boys were mostly grown and it was easier to carve out some 'me' time. I'm a busy person, though. I have a family here at home, I work more than full time, I volunteer on occasion, I'm back taking college classes, I have a mother close by that needs help and I have at least a teeny bit of a social life. So finding 'time' is difficult.

I managed quite nicely when I first got to SP, but it was really to the detriment of other things, like my job. I think it was the case of the pendulum swinging the other direction- everything became about me, me, me. I lost well that first year, though, and haven't since, so there has to be a correlation. The focus went back to work and now other things are suffering: my school, my weight loss efforts, my family life.

I often daydream and wonder what it would be like to just have nothing facing me every day but my own schedule. No work. No kids. Just get up...do whatever I want...exercise all day if I feel like it. Not that I would do that, mind you, but I wonder how different it would be if that was the only thing I had to think about. Maybe that is what retirement is like?

But I'm not retirement age yet. And I need to continue to push myself to find ways to put 'me' first. I have learned from my failures if that is any consolation. I know without any hesitation that if I do not go work out first thing in the morning, I won't go. Oh I'll PLAN on going. I'll say "I'll go at lunch and do it", or "I'll take my lunch later in the afternoon and go then." But work pulls me here and there and I never do leave to go anywhere once I'm there. I also do not carve out time when I am first off work. "I'll go there right after work and THEN go home." No, I won't. By the time work is over home is calling (literally...calling me on the phone and saying 'when will you be home?') and I will drive right past the gym. So morning it is...and that means losing a little sleep to get there. I know sleep is important, too. In fact SP had an article last week about not losing weight being tired to poor sleep habits.

I will just have to figure out how to go to sleep a little earlier...get to the gym... and then move on to a busy day. Balance. No one else is going to figure this one out for me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAINALABAMA 8/24/2011 7:23PM

    way to go di.

and you are back in college?

how do you do it all???

great good luck on the fall focus challenge.

linda emoticon

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SOCKITTOME 8/24/2011 8:50AM

    I think you hit the nail on the head, Di -- balance. I'm having the exact same problem, it appears. My focus was very good last year and I lost weight. This year things changed at work, stress levels went up, and I'm having to work more hours. This single thing seems to have radically shifted my focus and I'm trying to get it back again. Here's to us as we work on balance in our lives...we WILL get it!

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1_AMAZING_WOMAN 8/24/2011 1:45AM

    I have problems with balance also, and I am not even working. For me, my strokes have made it difficult for me to organize and have 'flow' - get things done in a timely manner. I don't know how you do all that you do with also working. I'd end up losing focus on some things too. All you can do is do what you can do. And, leave the rest for another day.

Amber

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KNH771 8/23/2011 6:46PM

    I am a big believer in "failing forward." It's a constant learning experience. We just have to pay attention to the lessons.

I'm single, and I can't figure out balance either!

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MIZCATHI 8/22/2011 10:20AM

    You are right, I think, there is a correlation to losing weight and putting yourself first. The thought flashed through my mind this weekend - I wanted nothing more than to stay home yesterday. I had promised my son I would take him to church and I wanted to visit my friend who I haven't seen in a month. And I thought - NO, wait, I don't want to do either today. See? I do put other people first, and that usually drives me.

So instead I spent the day with my husband and FINALLY finished putting my office/studio together. I piddled about the house and dusted and repurposed and did not do what I didn't want to do. I feel ready to begin again.

I heard once that "balance" is not about getting everything done that you want to do. It is not about scheduling all the necessities into your life that will create balance. Rather, it's about knowing what needs focus now, and making sure that you pay attention. Children, work, friends - there are times when you put them first, and times when you put yourself first. The important thing to remember that none of it works well if you don't.

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WALKINGGRANDMA 8/22/2011 12:29AM

    I find that my life changes about every 8 months. This means that whatever I work out so I can do what I want is all shot to pieces by the 8 month mark and life intrudes again and my rhythm changes. Sometimes it is a new family member and a need to be there for my kids, or my mother has been getting more frail. You know...

I'm not sure what the answer is, but I do like your determination to go in the morning. My sister hits the gym on her way home and does quite well. Has been doing it for 5 years. She goes straight from work and NOTHING stops her from going. It is her down time where she unwinds and takes care of her.

Her youngest is in college now and if I call before 6 at night, she is not available.

I don't have a regular enough schedule to do anything on any given day. Can't predict when my days off are going to be (no regular one) so I have to figure out how to make the other stuff fit in.

You can do it. Let me know how it goes. I'm looking forward to seeing your progress.

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KITT52 8/21/2011 8:39PM

    Like others I struggle with finding the right balance....some times I do good but other times ...grrrrrr

so I try and do my best, going to bed each night and thanking God for what I did get done and praying tomorrow will be a better day.....

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BE-THE-CHANGE 8/21/2011 7:39PM

    I am having the same struggle, Di, but I know we can figure this out. NATF is right on target!

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SHARONSPARKLE 8/21/2011 5:40PM

    I use to look forward to the retirement years when I could make more "me" time but I've been retired 3 years and find it as difficult as ever. Stuff just seems to eat up our time in this fast paced world. We have to make it a top priority to make time for yourself no matter what stage of your life you are in.

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 8/21/2011 5:02PM

    I have every confidence you will find a way to get the balance you need. Just remember you have to put yourself first because you can't do the best job, be the best wife and mom if you continue to put everything else above your own health. ;)

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 8/21/2011 1:55PM

    I've been facing a similar issue. I work out a LOT with my water aerobic classes but because it's a "daily gring" my body seems to have become acclimated to it. I need to schedule some ME workout time and vary things up a bit. WHEN? With being the taxi driver, grandmama, wife, mother, employee, friend, sparker blah blah blah.....WHEN? You're right though... it's going to be up to US to find the time that WE need for ourselves. No one else can be our best friend the way that WE can! Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 8/21/2011 1:55PM

    I've been facing a similar issue. I work out a LOT with my water aerobic classes but because it's a "daily gring" my body seems to have become acclimated to it. I need to schedule some ME workout time and vary things up a bit. WHEN? With being the taxi driver, grandmama, wife, mother, employee, friend, sparker blah blah blah.....WHEN? You're right though... it's going to be up to US to find the time that WE need for ourselves. No one else can be our best friend the way that WE can! Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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ROBINAERIAL 8/21/2011 1:11PM

    ps... this member blog was pretty inspiring!

http://www.sparkp
eople.com/mypage_public_journal
_individual.asp?blog_id=4435880

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ROBINAERIAL 8/21/2011 1:06PM

    I also struggle with balance; your plate is much more full than mine, in terms of commitments, but I still see some similarities. I work in the ER full-time and work as a massage therapist part-time, and until June, also took two classes each quarter. In addition, I try to maintain a relationship with a wonderful man, take care of both our aging, mischief-prone dogs, and also take care of myself. I completely understand your need for "me time." I'm starting to think that the need for personal time, whether it's spent working up a sweat or simply sitting quietly, is the key to balance. If personal time can be carved out of the daily chaos, a lot of other priorities seem to fall into place. I used to work as many 12-hour shifts as I could get my hands on, until a friend told me, "Work isn't life. Work is what you do to HAVE a life." I realized I was letting work dominate everything else in my life, and by doing so, had allowed the ER to eclipse my personal goals and desires. It dawned on me that, by putting myself first, I would make it possible to include more possibilities in my life. Putting myself first wouldn't narrow the possibilities, as I previously thought, but would broaden them substantially. I hope this helps. Don't give up! You can find your balance... it's there, just waiting for you.

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Dear Di revisited

Friday, August 12, 2011

Ten weeks ago as part of my Summer Challenge I was to write myself a letter to read at the end of it. I had forgotten about this, actually. Ten weeks is a long time when life is batting you around.

It hasn't been a good summer. Work, which is something I usually love, was difficult for awhile. I'm still recovering from that. My DH was laid off and we are dealing with the usual financial issues. My dear brother in law died. Still, reflection is a good thing and I'm going to copy my letter to myself here, and then look at how I feel things turned out:

Dear Di,

Ten weeks ago you were just beginning to feel hopeful again. Life issues had been pushing you towards a new commitment to your health, and you were determined to go back to what worked for you before: staying in range, logging your food and exercising. It's pretty simple, really, when you break it down.

You know by now that whatever results you had from the 10 week challenge: you earned.
It is my sincere hope that you earned a loss, that you are feeling lighter, that you were feeling more energized. We know you can choose your path.

I hope you have learned to relax a little more, get a good nights sleep, enjoy the lovely weather and walk outside every chance you got. I hope you learned to love yourself a little more, right where you are.

Finally, you are going to post here a photo of yourself that is a close up, and you are going to look at that photo and not immediately say how old you think you look! You are going to look at this photo, your new profile pic, and tell yourself that you are looking at a strong and capable woman who loves deeply and loves with action and is learning to apply those things to herself.

Now go give yourself a hug!

(End of Letter)
Okay, so here are the positives for the summer:
I finished up a barrage of medical testing and can comfortably if not always happily LIVE with the results. The living part is the good part of this, btw...even with some discomfort and pain I am still able to live. I'll take it.
Some of the medical results were actually positive! My diabetes is totally in control, my heart is strong and I'm free of blockages or clots or tumors. I'll take it.
I AM ending this challenge with a loss. And that is the first time that has happened in a long time. I'm currently at -8.5 for 9 weeks and...I'll take it. It has been a long time since I felt I was moving in the right direction. I am tracking. I am feeling that my new lifestyle is more a habit than an effort. I have adjusted to having celiac's and that isn't a food issue as it was in the beginning. Small additions to my activity are becoming second nature to me. I feel it important that I exercise "with purpose" and by that I always mean I went to the gym...but I am catching myself adding steps, stairs, the long way around almost all the time. Those are very positive changes.

So all in all, difficult summer aside, I am happy with where I stand today. Did I meet ALL my goals? No. Did I bat 1,000...get to the finish line first...get 100% on the test? No. But I DID make some pretty good progress, I'm still IN the game, and the finish line isn't going anywhere so I can still get there. I'll take it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSAN134 8/20/2011 8:38PM

    Loved this post! Congrats on your successes with your challenge. How great that you can review what you set out to do 10 weeks ago and see how well you have done, even with the upsets that life has thrown you.

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DYNAMICDEB53 8/20/2011 6:04PM

    Wonderful letter and what a cool idea. Love your attitude which to me is what helped you through this summer and all that happened. WTG on your weight loss. You made good changes and developed better habits, that is really a win win for anyone.
I am wishing you continued success inthe next months to come, I know you can do it!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Hugs and love
Deb

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SOCKITTOME 8/19/2011 9:07AM

    Wow, what a very cool thing to do! You have done an awesome job, despite a difficult summer, and it was good to have this exercise to reflect back. And you're right -- it's not about finishing first or being perfect 100% of the time. It's about finishing and getting through the journey from point A to point B. Keep hanging in there and moving forward. You are living and that is what matters!

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SLCB1023 8/15/2011 12:46PM

    Great to hear about your summer's progress. Sound pretty good to me!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LISA0517 8/15/2011 12:07PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You are finishing our challenge with a strong WIN!! Woo hoo, almost 10 pounds down! That is awesome! But I think even more important is that you are in the habit of tracking, you are more comfortable with how your diet needs to be, and you are exercising. And way to go on getting your diabetes under control!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You rock!

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LYNNWANNABE 8/14/2011 5:46PM

    Hi Di, so glad to see you here and going strong [your writing is very encouraging to me] especially, with where I'm coming from...

I've been having a lot of illnesses and for the past nine months I've been fooling around with my weight loss [kind of doing the yo-yo thing] until I basically gave up even trying to eat right. NOT GOOD!

Well, I deleted all of my past goals today, re-joined my old team-mates [the White Hawks] for this months challenge and just got done posting all new goals and weight ... thankfully, I'm not up much as being sick for so long has helped keep the weight off [but over the past two or three months I've seen it start to creep back on and I'm so ready to hit it back into the ball park where my clothing fits loose and I don't feel as bad as I did when I was a shut in... that old feeling has also tried coming back. But, we finally got to move out of the basement apartment we lived in for 12 years... and into a well lite apartment that has so many windows I'm almost blinded by the light! lol! I've also, started going for drives with the vehicle that someone gave me [that was a God send] I can actually get out of the house now when Rick is working, and well, things are looking up... but I know how easy [quick] things can go backwards and so I need to pursue this website with the same gusto I did last year... ANYWAY, I enjoyed reading your blog for some extra inspiration, you've always been good at that [and so, thanks] I hope and wish you the best too!!!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 8/13/2011 10:21PM

    Awesome letter, blog & progress. I'm glad that you're losing again. I'm proud of you for sticking with it when it would have been so easy to throw in the towel. You HAVE had a rough summer and yet you have stayed the course and remembered to take care of YOU! For that alone, you should be very proud. I love you! emoticon emoticon

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MICKEYMAX 8/13/2011 5:46PM

    emoticon

That's emoticon Di, you made some amazing progress while going through a very stressful time. You rock, sister! Thanks for sharing. These thoughts really help me also. Congrats on the loss during the challenge!!!

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BE-THE-CHANGE 8/13/2011 8:09AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANGELUS__QUINN 8/12/2011 10:19PM

    Thank you for sharing. Inspirational.

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KNH771 8/12/2011 6:32PM

    Congrats on your success in the challenge! Hang in there. Life's little (and big) storms don't last forever. emoticon

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BESTCK 8/12/2011 12:28PM

    Di, I am so glad you posted this. Considering everything you've been through in the 12 weeks, you deserve to be proud of your accomplishments.

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PATRISNA 8/12/2011 11:55AM

    Di,
You made progress! Woo Hoo! I must have missed the letter challenge. I also want to thank you. I really liked the SP blog link you sent me. I sent it to my local team. I am going to keep a copy to remind me we are always trying each week for good results. If we have an off day it is not the end of the world. It is all about perspective. Love you Sapphire sister.

Hugs,
Pat


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DOLPHIN2355 8/12/2011 11:43AM

    Perfect Di. I love your blogs!

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_KATHY 8/12/2011 10:55AM

    emoticon

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MIZCATHI 8/12/2011 10:08AM

    First, I love how you write. Thanks for sharing your affirmation letter to yourself. AND, even more than that, for sharing the positive things you did for yourself despite the obtacles and tragic life events in your way.

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MAMADWARF 8/12/2011 9:44AM

    That is fabulous progress!!! 10 weeks is along time but look at you! You made fantastic progress. I am proud of you and happy for you. You are doing great, Di!

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SHARONSPARKLE 8/12/2011 9:33AM

    It definitely sounds like you are making progress. You have had a rough summer but it is wonderful that you can reflect on the good things and realize that through adversity you have become a stronger and healthier person. Keep on Sparking!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 8/12/2011 9:28AM

    You know the old tagline: Progress not perfection. Keep it up!

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August Goals

Thursday, August 04, 2011

My 200+ team has asked that we set some August goals so here mine are:

1. Log my food daily-it really helps!
2. Do intentional exercise at least 3 days out of 5 (work days)
3. Get at least 6 hours of sleep a night
4. Give myself some 'down time' at least once a week.
5. Do some out door exercise every week (while it's nice here)

I am going to stop there as I want to set goals I have a chance of meeting. I didn't include water because I drink so much of that now I float through the day as it is!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COLEENCOLE 8/10/2011 12:33PM

    Sounds good. I am back on the pedometer, myself.

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IAMFREETORUN 8/10/2011 4:30AM

    I'm rooting for you to meet your goals! Especially the "down time" one. I think you're the kind of person who doesn't really give herself a lot of down time. :) You do a lot for others, you deserve to really relax!

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PINK-PEONY 8/9/2011 8:21AM

    Smart goals, you're off to a great month.

Huggs,
Melisssa

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BE-THE-CHANGE 8/7/2011 8:08AM

    Great goals!
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DAWNWATERWOMAN 8/5/2011 3:54PM

    great goals. "we all float down here...." Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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MIZCATHI 8/5/2011 6:59AM

    Breaking down your goals to things you can accomplish is a great way to succeed!

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GEORGIA_KAY 8/5/2011 6:59AM

    Great goals, Di. Simple and straightforward too. That's how we make this thing work!



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WALKINGGRANDMA 8/5/2011 12:49AM

    I like the goals. You have made some good choices. One of the principles of animal and child training is asking something you are reasonably certain they will do. This builds on success and increases difficulty. You are doing a great job of building and increasing difficulty.

Enjoy the great weather. I wish I hadn't worked all week. The weather was perfect and I was at work!

I'm out tomorrow, hopefully early, to mow. I need to do some serious walking as my daughters, DILs and I are walking the Love Your Body 6K at Thanksgiving Point in October. I need to get outside and walk the 4-5 miles that will get me up to stuff. I haven't done any official walking in a long time.



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SOCKITTOME 8/4/2011 11:06PM

    Excellent goals! I should follow your lead and set some for myself...

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MSHOPPER63 8/4/2011 10:54PM

    Very realistic goals Di, I like the outdoor new one. A new study shows more and more people have a vitamin D deficiency.

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KNH771 8/4/2011 8:29PM

    Sound like reasonable goals to me! I know you can meet them all!

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DYNAMICDEB53 8/4/2011 7:30PM

    Di great goals! I agree we need to set goals that challenge us but dont stress us.
You are doing great and heading in the right direction.
Hugs and smiles dear /gf
Deb

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 8/4/2011 6:43PM

    Looks good mama!

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Update to venting

Saturday, July 30, 2011

First, I'm headed to get DS home for a couple weeks so can't respond to everyone individually but thank you all.

No, Susie was not her real name and yes I was being dramatic about her reason but it was equally stupid. Don't care, she can stay home.

I SO appreciate the support here! You guys are THE BEST and I truly mean that. I felt so much better, was able to go to work. Talked to Tucker's wife and shared some of this family frustration and we had a really good laugh about it which was much needed to de-stress. She feels like most of you did: let them stay home if they don't like it. She was actually really gracious and thanked us for what we're trying to do. It was her choice that we handle the arrangements, not ours, but we'll do it for them both.

Here is a photo of Tucker we ran across. He hated having his picture taken so we all had a good laugh about this yesterday because we know he was probably saying to my DH "if you don't get that camera out of my face I will beat you with it." Let people take your pictures! We have so few of him.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAWNWATERWOMAN 8/5/2011 4:04PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MSHOPPER63 8/4/2011 5:01PM

    emoticon Di, I second Mickey he was a very handsome man and I'm sure a loving son/brother/husband/father. Enjoy the time with your son, break out that camera and take lots of pictures!

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GEORGIA_KAY 8/1/2011 5:48PM

    Rest In Peace, Tucker.

Di, you really are such a stalwart friend, wife, mother, sister, and sister-in-law. We're all lucky to have you in our lives.

You keep on keeping on, hon. This too, shall pass.

emoticon

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DONNA_VT 8/1/2011 9:29AM

    Glad you are feeling better and extra glad that we all could help in some small way. It is healthy to be able to laugh and enjoy memories of a loved one. You are doing so well. Enjoy the trip to get DS.

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MIZCATHI 8/1/2011 6:23AM

    I am sorry I did not respond right away to your last post - I was on my phone app when I saw it, which makes responding a challenge. But you know you are doing the right thing, and that is what is true and important. All you can do is inform everyone and some of them will come to their senses when the time comes. It amazes me how the world has so enhanced communication, and yet we are more disconnected than ever. I always thought it was weddings and funerals that family should not miss. Now it seems like so many just don't get it anymore. Big hugs to you and yours. I know this loss has hit you very hard.

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KLMEL2010 7/31/2011 9:29PM

    Glad you are feeling better. It is hard to deal with the sadness & loss of losing someone and at the same time all of the people nonsense. Sounds to me like Tucker's wife is lucky to have you.
emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/31/2011 9:30:02 PM

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SUSAN134 7/31/2011 11:21AM

    It is such a shame that in family dynamics there are usually several members that feel they must create discord through pettiness and whining. I think you are handling this admirably, and if you feel you have to vent...vent away. My thoughts go out to you.

xxoo

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ALOHAEV1 7/31/2011 10:34AM

    Sunshine, Hugs and Laughter...to all of you. We're all smiling because you both were able to see the lighter side of all this.

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SOCKITTOME 7/30/2011 10:59PM

    Glad you had a better day today. Tucker's wife is lucky to have you in her court! Nice picture of Tucker, too. You're right -- get the pictures now, sometimes tomorrow doesn't come.

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DYNAMICDEB53 7/30/2011 10:00PM

    So glad the venting helped and better you have Tuckers wife backing you. Take care and hope to be talking with you soon.
Hugs and love
Deb

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PATTYS74 7/30/2011 8:56PM

    Did you are handling thibngs the way they should be handled ..the way the wife wants it done. People will always find something to say...If they cant change thier plans for aq memorial then you really dont need them there. My Prayers are with you...Keep on Venting we are here for you.
Hugs,
Patty

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MICKEYMAX 7/30/2011 6:31PM

    HI Di, Loved to see you updated and along with a picture of James Dean. Bless his wife for being able to laugh amid the pain as well. I am so thankful for you and you have done. I am glad that you are able to feel the Sparklove for you. :)

Keep going, girl! You will get through this.

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BAYBELIEVER 7/30/2011 2:54PM

    What a handsome guy! I think it is wonderful that you are helping his wife out. What better gift can you give her and Tucker?

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SRHALLIN 7/30/2011 2:30PM

    He looks like a positively grand fellow, and a very comfy teddy-bear type of guy. The world is certainly missing someone special.

I am glad to hear that you and his widow are able to go through this difficult time with humor and goodwill. It will take you both through this in a much healthier state of mind and heart.

Best wishes, as always.

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WALKINGGRANDMA 7/30/2011 2:00PM

    So glad you got support from Tucker's wife. It is hard and she has lived with the same people. She does understand. Have a great day. Enjoy remembering Tucker's life. Celebrate all the things he was to all of you.

Those who want to be seen there will, hopefully, be absent. Then it is love for the people who need love most.

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BE-THE-CHANGE 7/30/2011 1:51PM

    That is a very nice picture.
emoticon

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CHATTIECATHY10 7/30/2011 1:02PM

    venting helps sometimes...families are not always easy to please...sounds like you did a great job. Hope the week-end goes better.

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CATHYJR73 7/30/2011 11:58AM

    You are the best!! Truly family is hard to please under any circumstances so glad you can laugh with at least one of them at this point. Love and prayers go out to you!! By the way that is a great pic, he looks so natural emoticon

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DGPIAFFE16 7/30/2011 11:52AM

    So very true! When my barn owner's daughter died we had so many pictures of her from childhood and teenage years but as she started to gain weight there were fewer and fewer pictures. Almost none from the last ten years of her life!

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 7/30/2011 11:48AM

    OH SO TRUE! Those pictures help you with your memories!

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_KATHY 7/30/2011 11:46AM

    emoticon emoticon

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