Sunday, August 21, 2011
I am not very good at balance. When I first got here I had spent many years never putting myself first, or even second. In a busy family of 5 I was usually in 5th place when it came to giving myself any attention.
When I came to SP my boys were mostly grown and it was easier to carve out some 'me' time. I'm a busy person, though. I have a family here at home, I work more than full time, I volunteer on occasion, I'm back taking college classes, I have a mother close by that needs help and I have at least a teeny bit of a social life. So finding 'time' is difficult.
I managed quite nicely when I first got to SP, but it was really to the detriment of other things, like my job. I think it was the case of the pendulum swinging the other direction- everything became about me, me, me. I lost well that first year, though, and haven't since, so there has to be a correlation. The focus went back to work and now other things are suffering: my school, my weight loss efforts, my family life.
I often daydream and wonder what it would be like to just have nothing facing me every day but my own schedule. No work. No kids. Just get up...do whatever I want...exercise all day if I feel like it. Not that I would do that, mind you, but I wonder how different it would be if that was the only thing I had to think about. Maybe that is what retirement is like?
But I'm not retirement age yet. And I need to continue to push myself to find ways to put 'me' first. I have learned from my failures if that is any consolation. I know without any hesitation that if I do not go work out first thing in the morning, I won't go. Oh I'll PLAN on going. I'll say "I'll go at lunch and do it", or "I'll take my lunch later in the afternoon and go then." But work pulls me here and there and I never do leave to go anywhere once I'm there. I also do not carve out time when I am first off work. "I'll go there right after work and THEN go home." No, I won't. By the time work is over home is calling (literally...calling me on the phone and saying 'when will you be home?') and I will drive right past the gym. So morning it is...and that means losing a little sleep to get there. I know sleep is important, too. In fact SP had an article last week about not losing weight being tired to poor sleep habits.
I will just have to figure out how to go to sleep a little earlier...get to the gym... and then move on to a busy day. Balance. No one else is going to figure this one out for me.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Ten weeks ago as part of my Summer Challenge I was to write myself a letter to read at the end of it. I had forgotten about this, actually. Ten weeks is a long time when life is batting you around.
It hasn't been a good summer. Work, which is something I usually love, was difficult for awhile. I'm still recovering from that. My DH was laid off and we are dealing with the usual financial issues. My dear brother in law died. Still, reflection is a good thing and I'm going to copy my letter to myself here, and then look at how I feel things turned out:
Ten weeks ago you were just beginning to feel hopeful again. Life issues had been pushing you towards a new commitment to your health, and you were determined to go back to what worked for you before: staying in range, logging your food and exercising. It's pretty simple, really, when you break it down.
You know by now that whatever results you had from the 10 week challenge: you earned.
It is my sincere hope that you earned a loss, that you are feeling lighter, that you were feeling more energized. We know you can choose your path.
I hope you have learned to relax a little more, get a good nights sleep, enjoy the lovely weather and walk outside every chance you got. I hope you learned to love yourself a little more, right where you are.
Finally, you are going to post here a photo of yourself that is a close up, and you are going to look at that photo and not immediately say how old you think you look! You are going to look at this photo, your new profile pic, and tell yourself that you are looking at a strong and capable woman who loves deeply and loves with action and is learning to apply those things to herself.
Now go give yourself a hug!
(End of Letter)
Okay, so here are the positives for the summer:
I finished up a barrage of medical testing and can comfortably if not always happily LIVE with the results. The living part is the good part of this, btw...even with some discomfort and pain I am still able to live. I'll take it.
Some of the medical results were actually positive! My diabetes is totally in control, my heart is strong and I'm free of blockages or clots or tumors. I'll take it.
I AM ending this challenge with a loss. And that is the first time that has happened in a long time. I'm currently at -8.5 for 9 weeks and...I'll take it. It has been a long time since I felt I was moving in the right direction. I am tracking. I am feeling that my new lifestyle is more a habit than an effort. I have adjusted to having celiac's and that isn't a food issue as it was in the beginning. Small additions to my activity are becoming second nature to me. I feel it important that I exercise "with purpose" and by that I always mean I went to the gym...but I am catching myself adding steps, stairs, the long way around almost all the time. Those are very positive changes.
So all in all, difficult summer aside, I am happy with where I stand today. Did I meet ALL my goals? No. Did I bat 1,000...get to the finish line first...get 100% on the test? No. But I DID make some pretty good progress, I'm still IN the game, and the finish line isn't going anywhere so I can still get there. I'll take it.
Get An Email Alert Each Time DIFROMWYOMING Posts