Friday, August 12, 2011
Ten weeks ago as part of my Summer Challenge I was to write myself a letter to read at the end of it. I had forgotten about this, actually. Ten weeks is a long time when life is batting you around.
It hasn't been a good summer. Work, which is something I usually love, was difficult for awhile. I'm still recovering from that. My DH was laid off and we are dealing with the usual financial issues. My dear brother in law died. Still, reflection is a good thing and I'm going to copy my letter to myself here, and then look at how I feel things turned out:
Ten weeks ago you were just beginning to feel hopeful again. Life issues had been pushing you towards a new commitment to your health, and you were determined to go back to what worked for you before: staying in range, logging your food and exercising. It's pretty simple, really, when you break it down.
You know by now that whatever results you had from the 10 week challenge: you earned.
It is my sincere hope that you earned a loss, that you are feeling lighter, that you were feeling more energized. We know you can choose your path.
I hope you have learned to relax a little more, get a good nights sleep, enjoy the lovely weather and walk outside every chance you got. I hope you learned to love yourself a little more, right where you are.
Finally, you are going to post here a photo of yourself that is a close up, and you are going to look at that photo and not immediately say how old you think you look! You are going to look at this photo, your new profile pic, and tell yourself that you are looking at a strong and capable woman who loves deeply and loves with action and is learning to apply those things to herself.
Now go give yourself a hug!
(End of Letter)
Okay, so here are the positives for the summer:
I finished up a barrage of medical testing and can comfortably if not always happily LIVE with the results. The living part is the good part of this, btw...even with some discomfort and pain I am still able to live. I'll take it.
Some of the medical results were actually positive! My diabetes is totally in control, my heart is strong and I'm free of blockages or clots or tumors. I'll take it.
I AM ending this challenge with a loss. And that is the first time that has happened in a long time. I'm currently at -8.5 for 9 weeks and...I'll take it. It has been a long time since I felt I was moving in the right direction. I am tracking. I am feeling that my new lifestyle is more a habit than an effort. I have adjusted to having celiac's and that isn't a food issue as it was in the beginning. Small additions to my activity are becoming second nature to me. I feel it important that I exercise "with purpose" and by that I always mean I went to the gym...but I am catching myself adding steps, stairs, the long way around almost all the time. Those are very positive changes.
So all in all, difficult summer aside, I am happy with where I stand today. Did I meet ALL my goals? No. Did I bat 1,000...get to the finish line first...get 100% on the test? No. But I DID make some pretty good progress, I'm still IN the game, and the finish line isn't going anywhere so I can still get there. I'll take it.
Friday, July 29, 2011
I didn't have a great food day yesterday. I'll recover, but I was certainly trying to eat down some of my feelings. I recognized it a little after the fact but enough to recover for the evening, and I focused on a very small portion of grilled chicken and lots of fruits and veggies for dinner. But it will help, I think, as I face today if I do a little venting here...so feel free not to read any further!
A couple of my family have called because of the memorial date set.
MF: I hate that it's that day. I won't be able to come.
Me: That's too bad, I would have loved to have you there.
MF: Oh well, it can't be helped. I'll be thinking of you all.
And my husbands Family: DHF
DHF: Why did you set that date? we hate that date?
Me: His widow chose the date. I'm working with her.
DHF: We hate that day. Susie can't come that day. She has a nail appointment.
Me: Susie hasn't seen him in 15 years anyway and they live 30 miles apart.
DHF: She wanted to pay her respects.
Me: Probably would have been nice to have done that when he was still here.
DHF: Why are you in charge of everything?
Me: The widow put me in charge. I'm doing what she wants.
DHF: You're ruining this for everyone.
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way. We're all doing the best we can under difficult circumstances.
DHF: We want you to change the date.
Me: That isn't going to happen. No matter what date we chose it would probably be an issue for someone. We're just going with this and if people can come, great. If they can't, we understand.
DHF: We think you're a terrible witch....
Okay, so that is a little dramatized....but it's about how it's been. DH's mother has been calling him because I'm so stubborn. His sister calls everyone in the family to say I refuse to let her help with anything. I told her flat out that I actually have had her help... a lot...but everything I'm doing at the moment means laying out money for something and she has no money, so it's a little hard for her to help. I did have to email a couple of them and say look, I know we all loved him, but he belongs to her (the wife) and so she gets to decide how to do this. We will all just have to live with that.
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