Monday, February 24, 2014
Excuse me if I sound like a whiny baby, but it's been a difficult week for me. It started with lots of pain and eventual infection in a wisdom tooth, during a time when I have to take hormones to bring on my cycle (can you say bitchy?), which is going to culminate in extremely painful cramps as it's been 6 months (it's like they need to make up for lost time).
Then I got bad news from the Dr following my annual checkup last Tuesday. My Good cholesterol is low, my triglycerides doubled and my blood sugar was high. Which mean an immediate change in lifestyle unless I want to go on more medications.
Along with all this, I had a bad panic attack one night last week also after taking a pain pill (I thought it was the dosage I was used to, but it was actually quite a bit higher). And I've had mid-grade anxiety ever since. Not helped by the knowledge that I am going to have to have this tooth extracted. (something that usually causes me extreme anxiety on it's own!)
As my usual method of dealing (i.e. comfort food) has been ripped from my bosom, I AM NOT COPING WELL!
It doesn't help that I work full time, with a husband and a 2 year old. Hubby and I work opposite shifts so we don't have to put her in day care. So we don't see each other during the week, and if I'm not at work, I am with a two year old. Which leaves me with this one desire...
...I just want to build a time machine and use it to go back to when I was in the midst of losing 90 pounds, wait for me to smugly tell someone that "You make time for what's important to you" and smack myself across the face as hard as I can.
I swear this is Karma biting me in the ass!
Why is everything so damn hard?
I need extra protein, but am allergic to soy, and have high cholesterol, so good luck with that.
I need to exercise, but can't afford a gym or child care. Have allergies, and am sensitive to the sun, so outside isn't much of an option. I have a treadmill, but the only place it fits is in the morning, as with hubby and my opposite shifts, I can access to it at 9 at night or 4:30 in the morning.
This lifestyle just isn't hard, it's impossible, and it seems completely unsustainable. (And don't even get me started on how impossible it is to eat healthy when you have to feed 3 people and 2 dogs on $300 a month.)
It's no wonder I've given up so many times. Yes, the threat of death is an adequate deterrent, but constant misery doesn't exactly correlate to yearning for a long life....
Whiny baby is done now.
Thursday, January 02, 2014
So, I signed onto Spark for the first time in 7 months or so, and I'm checking out the start page, and it's telling me to track the following goals:
Drink 10 glasses of water...
Get 8 hours of sleep...
Eat 5 Fruits/Veggies...
Who do they think they are talking to??? Water? Veggies? Sleep? I don't think I recognize any of those words, LOL
I'm afraid my goals this month are much more simplistic. Give up fast food. Drink less soda. Don't spend money. (The first 2 will help me with the 3rd one)
As it is now, I hate water and LOOOOOVVVVEEE soda. And Veggies made me nauseous during my pregnancy (almost 3 years ago! What!) and that has really never changed. I will occasionally eat a couple bites of broccoli or green beans to be a good example to my daughter, but that's about it (and fruit makes my blood sugar go all wonky, and always tastes too sweet or tart for me).
To help my fast food goal, I am really going to have to cook more. Cooking is extremely problematic for me. My daughter is in that toddler stage where all she wants to eat is PB&J or Mac n' Cheese, and my husband works nights and is sleeping during supper time, and cooking for just myself seems pointless. But if I am giving up fast food, I will have to cook eventually, one can only eat so many cans of soup...
Monday, May 06, 2013
I got really sick last week, couldn't keep anything down for a couple days. And when I recovered I was really cautious about eating fatty foods, and the effect that it was having on my body. So I decided to take advantage of my sickness, and the detoxifying benefits that it brought.
The first few days were easy, my stomach still a little jumpy, and so by the time the bad stuff started sounding good again, I had a little bit of built up resistance under my belt. I've been focusing on slowly leading my mind and body back to the choices that it would have made with little thought 2 years ago.
My First weigh in is tomorrow, but I'm already more pleased about the fact that I've gone 6 days with no Diet Coke, no soda of any kind, no caffeine of any kind. (I read that it can take up to 9 days to end caffeine withdrawal!). I've also gone 6 days with no fast food of any kind, no fried food, and no super processed "junk" food. It's been years since I've been able to go that long.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Goals for the week: Didn't really define any, it was more of a generic goal to ease back into things.
*Lost 3 Pounds. This doesn't really make any logic sense, most likely it was water weight and bulkage left from the Holidays...but anyway, Yay!
*Downloaded the Sparkpeople app (I talked myself into spending the $, a minor miracle) so that I can track on the go, and hopefully to encourage myself to track at all.
*Bought some fresh fruits and Veggies while grocery shopping (see Bad)
*Ate the least amount ever at the Breakfast Buffet (But still a lot of food, so see bad)
*Ate Veggies, once. (Iknow, Lame, but gotta start somewhere)
The Bad :
*Went to the Buffet, knowing that I would pig out, which I did, but considered it a minor victory that I ate less than I ever have before.
*No intentional exercise
*Didn't really track my food, and didn't really give too much thought to whether I was eating healthy or not, or to my portions.
*Fast food twice, and the buffet. Most likely each MEAL was between 1500-2000 calories. This is a double fail, both in diet and budget. I also made cookies at ate 2/3 of them myself.
Goals for Week 2: Drink one bottle of water a day (up from my usual zero water consumption), Exercise 10 minutes 3 times, and try to eat one serving of fruit or veggies a day. Baby Steps!
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Thus far, my journey has consisted of writing a blog, downloading the SP app, and posting on a few blogs. It hasn't yet touched my eating or physical exertion (or lack there of). But while striving to do better, I am going to be happy with any baby steps that I make.
While leaving a comment on a blog, I had kind of a revelation about my journey. I think for a long time I've felt guilty. I was doing so well. I had lost 90 pounds, I had virtually cut out fast food and processed food. I had given up caffeine, and rarely drank soda. I had exercised religiously an hour a day 6 days a week.
And then I fell in love, and my Mom got cancer, and life got crazy. I slipped a bit, my eating took a hit, as I constantly running around, and I didn't always have time to exercise. And I gained 8 pounds. And then I found out I was pregnant. At age 36, after trying for 12 years in my previous marriage. I was unexpectedly pregnant by my boyfriend of 5 months.
That time is such a blur of Mom's chemo and hospitalizations, morning sickness and exhaustion, quickie wedding, Mom's liver transplant, and then My daughter was here. I gained 39 pounds in my pregnancy, and quickly lost about 20 of it. But then Mom moved out of state. I would take the baby to work with my during the day after only 2 weeks , and hubby worked nights, so I was alone with the baby all night.
And I started eating a lot. with all the hormone changes, lack of sleep and being alone so much. I never did add any exercise back in, and my eating habits progressive got worse and worse. I gained back the 20 pounds that I lost postpartum, in just a few months, and over the next year I added another 20 to them.
I've been beating myself up for along time for getting so off track, for gaining so much weight, for going back to my unhealthy habits.
But today, when I was reminding someone else that it's not about the destination, but the journey, and that sometimes you go off on tangents or even get lost and that's OK, because you are still on the journey.
And suddenly I realized that I've been beating myself up for so long, over something that I wouldn't change for anything. My daughter, my little miracle, is worth EVERY ONE OF THOSE 60 POUNDS. She'd be worth 100.
Yeah, I could be at my goal weight right now. So what??
So it was easier back then, I had time to exercise, I had time to cook, I had money for healthy food. Those small "pluses" are so immeasurably insignificant compared to my family.
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