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Eat like a girl

Friday, February 10, 2012

I donít want to lose this weight again. This time I want it gone. I donít want to struggle with 100 pounds of fat again. No wonder I am tired when I walk somewhere. Carrying all this weight is tiring. I think of what a beating my feet and knees take. No wonder high heels hurt. I think I could still wear them for a night once in a while if I could drop this weight.

To feel light again would be heaven. To be able to wear the clothes I want to wear again. Iím a girly girl and I canít wear anything that doesnít look like a sack. I give up on the way I look often. Once in a while I think I look pretty good and see a picture later and realize I didnít look good. I look fat. That is the first thing people see is fat. They judge me for that. So, the hair goes in a bun because it is easier and I get hot, because what difference does it make? During my dating years, I didnít come out of the bathroom until I looked good. Now my poor husband sees me at my worst.

I lack self confidence about anything physical. I know I am worthy, a good person and intelligent enough but people see me differently unless they know me well. The problem with that is they donít get that far when they see my weight. Like it or not, they donít want to get to know me well. Those people I shouldnít care about because they are likely fair weather friends. But, to be honest, we all have preconceived ideas about people, and it is natural to be drawn to pretty people. Iím not talking about the redneck -wife beater shirt wearers- I mean regular people. I try very hard not to be judgmental about people but I am sure I do about some things if I think real hard.

So I am trying to eat like a girl and not a lumberjack!


It feels like I have been doing this forever!

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Why? It has only been a month! I am committed but impatient. Of course it doesn't help that I don't have a scale to gauge my weight. I am doing my Weight Loss Bucket List and seeing some progress in my clothes but I know I have 50 to lose for my goal this year and I want to see how I am doing on the scale! UGH

I also need to battle that feeling like I have been doing this forever. It needs to be forever. I think in the back of my mind is things will change and I won't have to do this when I lose it all. I know intellectually this is not true. I will have to do this forever. But, I see all these recipes I want to do that aren't on my plan and if I can eat a portion I know I would struggle with feeling it wasn't enough.

I am struggling with the change of my relationship with food. I know I can do this and this will be the year but I still battle it every day.

Sometimes I just want some comfort food! If I were home I could eat a big salad but where I am I don't have those choices which seem to be making the transition more difficult. I refuse to give up.


Zipping my coat

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Okay so I have no scale over here in Kazakhstan. I'm too embarrassed to go to the hotel desk and ask for theirs. It is in kilograms or something and all the clerks weigh 50 pounds. I never weigh in front of anyone anyway! So, I am judging my progress by my clothes.

When I left I America I could zip my coat. When I started keeping track of my food I couldn't. That was a month ago and I still can't zip my coat although I can tell I am losing in my clothes. I will likely be here until the end of March. I plan to zip it before I leave!


Keeping it between the lines.

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Well, I am concentrating on keeping my food between the lines. Since I am currently in a place where I am fed and have little choice on what I eat, it is a challenge. If I were home and got extra hungry I could make a salad or choose some fruit that wouldnít put me over the top. But, with my meals being furnished I canít do that. So, whatever they serve for dinner I have to eat or Ö..not.
Sometimes I eat very little of the food because of the choices. The choice of meat is often something I donít like. I donít eat lamb or liver and there are rumors some of the meat is horse. I try to go for soups but who like sweet gherkin soup or borscht? So, it is a real challenge some days to keep it between the lines. Before joining SP I chose to have pizza OFTEN. It isnít American style but is so often better than anything on the menu. That is why my pants kept getting tighter. My inclination is to go for the pasta when I donít like what is served. But, even the pasta has no taste.
So, I find myself eating to fill the calories for the day and not enjoying it at all. I guess in a way that might be a good thing starting out. When I get home Iíll be so glad to have fish and veggies and fruit I may just do well!
So, for now I am just keeping it between the lines.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PROVERBS31JULIA 11/14/2012 4:34PM

    Borsht is good! (well, the German Mennonite style I used to make, with cabbage instead of red beets. The red beet kind does take some getting used to with that hot pink color!!).

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Monday, February 06, 2012

Today I had many frustrating things happen. Won't go into details but I managed to eat right and do all I was supposed to do. I consider that a big success.

Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.


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