Friday, February 10, 2012
I don’t want to lose this weight again. This time I want it gone. I don’t want to struggle with 100 pounds of fat again. No wonder I am tired when I walk somewhere. Carrying all this weight is tiring. I think of what a beating my feet and knees take. No wonder high heels hurt. I think I could still wear them for a night once in a while if I could drop this weight.
To feel light again would be heaven. To be able to wear the clothes I want to wear again. I’m a girly girl and I can’t wear anything that doesn’t look like a sack. I give up on the way I look often. Once in a while I think I look pretty good and see a picture later and realize I didn’t look good. I look fat. That is the first thing people see is fat. They judge me for that. So, the hair goes in a bun because it is easier and I get hot, because what difference does it make? During my dating years, I didn’t come out of the bathroom until I looked good. Now my poor husband sees me at my worst.
I lack self confidence about anything physical. I know I am worthy, a good person and intelligent enough but people see me differently unless they know me well. The problem with that is they don’t get that far when they see my weight. Like it or not, they don’t want to get to know me well. Those people I shouldn’t care about because they are likely fair weather friends. But, to be honest, we all have preconceived ideas about people, and it is natural to be drawn to pretty people. I’m not talking about the redneck -wife beater shirt wearers- I mean regular people. I try very hard not to be judgmental about people but I am sure I do about some things if I think real hard.
So I am trying to eat like a girl and not a lumberjack!
