Monday, July 02, 2012
Hi to my sparks friends.
I have been pretty "sparks anti social recently" I'm sad to say.
I can't believe it but I finally graduated from college with my bachelors degree. Once I finish this summt math course I'll be home free. Wow. It's sort of surreal. They talk about the freshman 15... But it's more like the 4 year 40 in my case! School was such bad news for me in regard to the bad habits I cultivated.
I'm sad to say, I've turned into that person that ping pongs around and never seems to be able to commit to a change of behavior.
I find myself fighting between what I need to do for myself, and what others will think of me putting my weight loss commitments first. Even people that I know truly care about me seem to care more about their precious schedules, or of I will go eat at a restraunt with them without worrying about if they have a diet option. It's so hard because it leaves me feeling like I must be doing something wrong. Why do people have to be so discouraging? Don't they know it's hard enough without that added pressure? It makes me feel like they just don't care.
For example, I recently fell off the wagon because of an incident with my best friend. I had made changes in my habits and although I was going out of state to visit her for a week, I didn't wanna fall off the wagon. I packed fruit and veggie for snacks and brought them in a cooler. I also stuck to jogging every other day for 30 minutes and yoga the days in between. I was sure to tell her that I could do it on my own but she could join me if she would like. She told me it sounded fun. So I did my workouts, ate my snacks, and decided that for the vacation I would go ahead and eat out and just use my workouts and good eating at the house balance it out. Never did I cause issue with somewhere they wanted to eat or go on and on about my fitness. Then one morning I went jogging and apparently set us back 30 minutes. We had no strick schedule, no required arrival time, but she acted annoyed with me until we got in a fight about it that evening. When we talked it out she seemed to be upset with me for putting 30-45 minutes per day towards fitness and eating fruit and veggies, because it set us back 30 minutes and apparently she just feels that my fitness goals always dictate out schedule. And this is someone who is like a sister to me. I know she cares about me, but she just doesn't understand because she has never had to struggle with weight where for me it's a constant battle.
I was really hurt. I feel like its so socially unacceptable to voice that you want to lose weight. And yes it is for my health, but why is it so wrong for it to be to feel better in my own skin? Why do people always have to look at you like you are a horrible person if you say you have to go jogging? They act like because you dedicate 30 minutes to an hour to this activity per day you are obsessed as if this is all you ever do.
I guess that's why sparks is so great to me. I can tell someone how I feel about those things and people don't look at me like I have an eating disorder because I'm logging my food and exercising.
After that argument I fell off the wagon for 3 weeks. I just got back on today. It really effected me because she was the last person I expected it from. Of course there were other elements to the situation, but it was the catalist and i just wish we didn't have to feel so crappy for carving out a bit of time for a workout and not eating why our friends swear we need to try, then look at us like we don't understand what life is all about when we decide not to. As if we aren't having a hard enough time turning it down without their scolding looks. Sigh.
I always wondered why I ping pong so much and this last fall off the wagon sort of switched on the light for me. I am going to stop apologizing for my goals and just go for what will ultimately make me happy.
I'm back to tracking and doing couch to 5k and yoga on alternate days. My goal is to lose 5 pounds per month and hopefully hit my goal of 125 in 6 months. That's a total of 30 pounds :). It's slow, steady, healthy, and I am not going to apologize for it any more.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Alright.... I finally just got it over with, haha. Here are my week one pictures. I am not going to motivate myself with self hate so I'm not going to go slamming them. I will say it is not where I would like to be and I've certainly felt allot better about myself before. I don't feel like these pictures reflect me loving myself and treating my body with respect or love with what I eat, if I sleep, if i make sure i take my thyroid medication, or if i get workouts in. By the way I have behaved you would think I hated my body and wanted to punish it, putting junk in it, not giving it any rest, and never working out these days. So, there you have that :). I honestly thought I looked like a cabbage patch kid when I looked at them though, lol. Cute little round smiling face and a little round body, haha. So, I'd rather move more in the direction of a barbie :)
So anyway there is that!
AS FOR YESTERDAY.... i did so good with my habits! I was so proud! I don't know my calories because I'm trying not to add them up because I become a little nuts about it. I'm thinking somewhere between 1500 and 1600. On days I have school late I end up eating 2 small dinners. It's weird I know, but my schedule is weird that day. However, even though my day was VERY full and busy, I got the sticker for...
1. DRINKING 8 CUPS WATER, 2. GETTING UP BY 7AM (hard because I have insomniac tendencies and have a hard time breaking the cycle) 3. GOING TO BED BY 11PM, 4. ONLY WATCHING 1 TV SHOW IN 24 HOURS, 5. NOT BUYING ANY FOOD OUT INCLUDING THE SCHOOL FOOD AREA (hard on a long school day), 6. BLOGGING.
I almost got one for not eating past 9PM, but I got so hungry for some reason and ate a cheese stick. I am wondering if I should change that sticker requirement to no STARCHES past 9PM. Because if I do get hungry I don't want to FORCE myself to be hungry and miserable because it's not a nice way to live. But there are better things to eat (like a 60 calorie cheese stick), than bingeing on cereal bars or crackers. I ended up doing that with the TV rule. I did have the requirement as "no TV for 24 hours"... but I thought about it and knew that isn't a realistic new habit... to never watch a favorite TV show. I think it's healthier to pick one TV show off the DVR that is what I really wanna see today, and then no more TV for the rest of the day and THATS a good and realistic habit. What do yall think about the after 9PM eating thing?
I'm feeling good about this because I feel a lot more proud of myself for the positive moves and although I didn't hit 1200 calories yesterday or get a workout in, I made a lot of positive moves, and I can be happy with that... because every day I won't achieve every goal. I have so many BAD habits that are preventing me from making long term changes I am feeling like attaching it this way is giving me a fighting chance.
well alright, I've gotta go. I wish it was pretty out so I could go take a walk in the park but it's gross :(. I wish it would stop raining and snowing! But I might go to the gym. Maybe I can find a zumba class today or something.
(PS... sorry the pic is so small, i can't get it to load bigger... there's one a teeny bit bigger in my photo gallery. not that i like the idea of this pic being bigger but, lol, to see changes you have to see where you started.)
Get An Email Alert Each Time DI136229 Posts