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Joke

Friday, September 27, 2013

A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.

The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

_____________________

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMNANGEL 10/16/2013 12:55AM

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MOMPUPPYPOWER 10/2/2013 6:46PM

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JESSIG5 9/30/2013 4:53PM

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DJ4HEALTH 9/28/2013 3:10AM

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1CRAZYDOG 9/27/2013 9:04PM

    BWAHAHAHAHA! NOT the way I expected it to go. HUGS and thanks for the laugh.

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NSPIXIE 9/27/2013 8:42PM

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MAGGIEVAN 9/27/2013 3:46PM

    Very funny. Both I and my husband had a good laugh. Thanks for sharing.

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ALICIA214 9/27/2013 3:46PM

 


Love it.. emoticon

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The Guitarist (joke)

Sunday, September 15, 2013

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauperís cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didnít know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like Iíve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ĎAmazing Grace,í the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, ďI never seen nothiní like that before and Iíve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.Ē

Apparently, Iím still lostÖ

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DRUIDPRINCESS 9/16/2013 6:54PM

    Thank you for an awesome start to a very rainy Tuesday!
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1CRAZYDOG 9/15/2013 9:38PM

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ROXYCARIN 9/15/2013 3:21PM

  Cool

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Hanging the onions & garden on the patio (with pictures)

Thursday, September 12, 2013


When it was time to pull the large onions from the garden I hung them one-by-one on string on my porch with a "slip knot" holding each one. I cannot describe how to do this but I am sure you can find the instructions for the knot on the internet.

We have a small "raised garden" that holds tomatoes, potatoes, & onions at various times. It is almost time to plant multiplying onions.

Pictures are of the hanging onions on my porch (upstairs) & tomatoes & peppers in pots or 5 gallon buckets on the patio downstairs.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MTNGRL 9/14/2013 7:03PM

    Nice job! Well done!!


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NPA4LOSS 9/13/2013 2:42PM

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RDEE22 9/12/2013 8:36PM

    Your garden is beautiful. We make plaits out of our garlic just for decoration. Although we love garlic we never get through it all. emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 9/12/2013 4:27PM

    Your onions and tomatoes look great!

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1CRAZYDOG 9/12/2013 3:12PM

    Awesome! HUGS

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PURPLE_ROSE_BUD 9/12/2013 11:55AM

    Nice looking onions and tomatoes ... good job!

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A Laugh, A Smile, and Be Positive

Monday, August 05, 2013


BARB: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Barb.
How'd you die?
BARB: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
BARB: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
BARB: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
BARB: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLEMIDG 8/24/2013 12:25AM

    Wonderful. Thanks for the laugh.

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ELIZACG9 8/23/2013 6:39PM

    LOL emoticon

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BESCATS 8/5/2013 7:14PM

    Now, that was funny. Never expected that ending. emoticon

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DRUIDPRINCESS 8/5/2013 7:00PM

    Love it! Thank you for helping me start my day with a smile!

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IDLETYME 8/5/2013 4:28PM

    That's a goodie! Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 8/5/2013 10:43AM

    OMG! LOL!

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NPA4LOSS 8/5/2013 10:24AM

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NOTANINJA 8/5/2013 10:22AM

    LOL

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Husband & Wife

Friday, July 26, 2013

On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.


It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.


Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.


She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAYBER 7/26/2013 11:47PM

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NPA4LOSS 7/26/2013 8:04PM

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1CRAZYDOG 7/26/2013 6:34PM

    Yup . . . gotta know when to show 'em and when to fold 'em! HUGS and thanks for the laugh.

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LAINYC 7/26/2013 3:47PM

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SNS1968 7/26/2013 1:33PM

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ELIZACG9 7/26/2013 1:20PM

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UNCANNIE 7/26/2013 12:35PM

    Thanks for the laugh!

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IDLETYME 7/26/2013 12:33PM

    Loved the story and it's so true - men just don't know when to shut up!!!!
Thanks - Have a wonderful weekend! emoticon

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