Saturday, April 14, 2012
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!"
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?”
The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…”
“Wrong!” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, “What is Easter?”
The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, “What is Easter?”
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.”
“Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously.
“Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.”
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Matt Dillon is a large male cat in my neighborhood. Miss Kitty is my female cat. Her 2 other "adult boys" (Festus & Doc) have been neutered, but I have not had time to get her spayed (yet). Sorry, if you have never seen Matt Dillon in "Gunsmoke" then I know you are lost in this conversation.
Miss Kitty is large & must be ready. Last night we had that storm go through TX & I figured she would probably have them, but she is still "in one piece" this morning. Will keep you informed.
Friday, March 30, 2012
(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.)
GET OUT OF THE CAR!!
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping &, upon returning to her car, found 4 males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags & drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, & I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”
The 4 men didn’t wait for a 2nd threat. They got out & ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car & got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried & tried, & then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee & two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked 4 or 5 spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car & drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where 4 pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, & carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment…make it memorable.
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