Tuesday, July 19, 2011
> This is tooooooo funny!!!!
> Trying on a Bathing Suit
> (by a middle-age woman unknown)
> When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure
> was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They
> were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job. Today's
> stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure
> carved from a potato chip.
> The mature woman has a choice - she can either go up front to the
> maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away
> looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she
> can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make
> a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent
> rubber bands.
> What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and
> entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first
> thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch
> material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe,
> by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added
> bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would
> be protected from shark attacks - any shark taking a swipe at your
> passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
> I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder
> strap in place I gasped in horror: my boobs had disappeared!
> Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a
> while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my
> seventh rib.
> The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature
> woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed
> bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a
> full view assessment.
> The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit
> those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out
> rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of
> Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.
> As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
> prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there
> you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.
> I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me.
> I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of
> masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an
> oversized napkin in a serving ring.
> I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and
> came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having
> a rough day.
> I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in
> I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I
> would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
> Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a
> shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap,
> comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search
> had a successful outcome, I figured.
> When I got it home, I found a label that read: 'Material might become
> transparent in water'.
> So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water
> this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a
> You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life
> isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
> With or without a bathing suit.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Persistence as a Key to Success
Practice may not make perfect, but it does make practicing a habit.
By Mary Lou Carney
This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. —John 15:8 (NIV)
Last summer I set out three tomato plants. Two promptly disappeared in the night, dug up by some mysterious animal who left crater-like holes to mark my loss. On the sole surviving plant I hung all my hopes for growing fresh tomatoes. Finally, a tiny green ball appeared, one tiny green ball that grew into one midsized tomato—my entire crop for the season.
This morning, I planted three tomato plants...again. I placed them in a different spot, in the corner of my big flowerbed. I’m hoping my nocturnal creature with a penchant for tomato plants won’t find them. I’m hoping they’ll get better sunlight. I’m hoping for more than one tomato.
My mother used to say, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” So as a child I was taught to do my chores with an eye toward perfection—whether it was ironing pillowcases, washing hundreds of cobwebby jars at the start of canning season or choosing raspberries to freeze for my annual 4-H project. It was all to be done...well, well.
But I’d like to amend that aphorism of Mother’s: “Anything worth doing is worth doing...again...and again, if necessary.” So what if you don’t succeed? That’s what second attempts were made for! Practice may not make perfect, but it does make practicing a habit. And that’s a good thing.
I like to imagine that even now my tomato plants are putting down roots that will let them stretch toward the summer sun flooding that bit of yard.
I want to stretch, too, beyond the comfort of things I do well. I think that the God who created second chances—and tomato plants—would be pleased with that.
Give me courage to grow in new and exciting ways—and to bear much fruit.
P.S. This was taken from GuidePosts Weekly Inspiration, but I think it also pertains to our Spark Journey. Happy Monday everyone!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Finally.....the scales showed I was down 1/2 lb. today!! WooHoo! It has been a long, dry spell (plateau).
Today I start the 5K Walking Training Program. I completed this months ago, but when I looked in my Trophies I could not find it (wanted to see exactly how long ago it was). I have been walking with Leslie some and walking on the treadmill at other times, but gardening, canning, and doctor's appointments with DH have taken a lot of my time lately. DD and I walk in the Susan B. Komen 5K every year and it is coming up in September so I need to be sure I can make 3.1 miles without stopping.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress,
and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another
occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Now, this is for my dog friends and my friends who need to smile!
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar
and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my
house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out..
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on
for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner
of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every
afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 He's trying to catch
up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
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