Saturday, April 19, 2014
Gaaaaaaaah! Had a whole blog written and it just disappeared! Sparking from my Kindle. Bear with me please.
1. Getting a complex about how huge I am. Five different people on five different occasions said "you are huge" to me yesterday. I wanted to disappear. I will try to post pics of my 32 weeks and 34 weeks. And I will try not to punch the next person who tells me I am "huge".
2. Really wanted some Crazy Bread from Little Caesars last week. Stopped to get some and they were out! I stared at the clerk like he was from another planet. He pointed to a sign that was all rolled up and difficult to see that said they were out of ingredients to make crazy bread. I sized him up... really wanted to throw a fit that they had none... but seeing as how he looked fresh out of prison figured it would be unwise, so I sulked away. Next day, different clerk, got Crazy Bread. Once home opened it up, it was no where near as good as I imagined. Nothing (except sweets) tastes good to me in this pregnancy. It has been a real struggle.
3. I am in a daze. I know that in the next 6-8 weeks I will undergo one of the largest events of my life. I know that there is so much to get done before Evie arrives. I just keep going thrum the days, accomplishing what I can in preparation for her. All the while, feeling like I am stuck in some crazy sci-fi movie. Nothing feels real... except the pain (back, shoulder, calves).
4. I pee all the time. This kid is well hydrated.
5. Evie is going to be strong and healthy. The power of her kicks/movements lead me to believe she is going to be a very strong little girl.
6. The depression lingers. This loss of control has been so hard for me. As silly as it sounds, it reminds me of being in an abusive relationship. Everyone keeps saying "oh you will miss feeling her inside you, " and I want to tell them they are crazy. I don't believe I will miss this feeling. I am very ready to move onto the next chapter in my life. Who could miss peeing all the time, waddling everywhere, feeling like a beached whale, being beat up from the inside out, and worrying about everything they eat/ drink/smell affecting the development of their growing baby?!?!? Crazy.
7. Birth classes and baby shower next weekend. Putting the crib together, writing up birth plan, finding an outfit for her to come home in, and packing hospital bags this weekend.
8. In the midst of this all, I haven't missed one day of work, I have still been a stellar dance mom - my kid always has her hair done, and everything she needs. I have still organized and run countless fundraisers. I have still held my household together. I have juggled the antics of my V with her wide range of behavior problems. I remind myself of this when my will starts to falter. When I want to throw in the towel and give up. I am a strong woman and I can do this.
9. I have many photos to share. Will post them later today once I am out of work, and have everything else done. I hope everything is going well, and I am sorry I have been a crummy Spark Friend. I plan to change that once I get my body back away from this kid. Well most of my body.... guess my boobs will still be hers....
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Kindle Sparking again. It seem the only downtime I have anymore is at work.
1. I will try to post 32/34 week pregnant photos I shared on FB here. Everyone tells me I look lovely, and that I glow. I feel so huge, though. People who haven't seen me for awhile have started making the "you are huge" comments. I heard it five times from give different people yesterday. Starting to give me a complex.
2. Evie is going to be a strong and healthy baby. She kicks me with such power, and don't get me started on when she rolls over or flips around. It hurts. I believe she will be a 9lb baby. I took DQ and V to the park yesterday. I sat on the bench to watch them, and Evie kicked me so hard that my sweater visably moved, and I nearly jumped off the bench.
3. I get out of breath easily, and have to take everything slower. Even talking on the phone. I am the kind of person who paces around while on the phone, and I had to sit down to catch my breath when talking to my sales manager when he called last night.
4. Food and I still don't get along. Nothing tastes good (except sweets), and some things just don't want to stay down. I am still trying to feed this kid healthy stuff... even if she is all ready fighting me on it.
5. I haven't had too much trouble with sleep. It is something I could do all the time. DQ had a competition last weekend, once home, unpacked, and able to relax... I instead pushed myself to work on a hand made rug I am trying to get done before she gets here. Once out of work on Monday, I crashed. I slept from 6p to 6a, with a few interruptions of children getting ready for bed, and my nightly bathroom trips. I could have slept the rest of the day on Tuesday... but had to work.
6. I haven't wanted anything to do with M. He tries so hard to help out with housework, wrangling children, cooking meals, etc. But I resent him for everything I have gone thru with this pregnancy. Hopefully that will change once she is here.
This is my disappeared blog!!!! Sorry for anything duplicated!
Friday, April 04, 2014
Sparking from my Kindle. Second time I have written this. Bear with me.
1. Gained another pound, putting me at 18 lbs gained 6 of those pounds are ones I lost in the first trimester, then gained them back.
2. Uterus measuring a little big, but has been for the last few appointments. I have to go every two weeks now.
3. Evie appears to be head down all ready.
4. Upper abdominal pain still persisting, but I am learning ways to manage it, and am sure it will go away after she is born. So much strain on those muscles for so long.
5. Had orientation at the hospital. This is the Hilton of hospitals. Queen sized bed, rocker glider, birthing ball, co-sleeper crib, baby won't leave my side unless there is an emergency, jacuzzi tub with mood lighting to birth in. Score!!!
6. I can eat, and am encouraged to drink while laboring. I will not be restricted to the bed by iv's, monitors,or a blood pressure cuff. I will have no access to drugs that can ease the pain of laborious. This place is as close to laboring at home as I will get in a hospital setting. Only drawback... my cat won't be there with me. Hey, she is very soothing.
7. Been tired lately but still pushing myself to go for walks, and be semi active. Need to get hospital bag packed, car seat picked out, birth plan finalized, etc. Instead I have been working on a no sew, knotted shag rug for Evie's room. That she doesn't have yet.
8. Have had 3 viewings of the house, no offers. Spring is here, though. Hoping something will happen soon!
9. Need to get someone trained for my position at work. I keep having dreams that I go into labor, but still show up at work because I am worried about getting things done. Will have to talk to my boss about this.
I hope all is well for everyone!!!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
I think I missed a week somewhere.... Sorry. Today is actually Week 30.
10 weeks till Evie is supposed to be here. So much to do in that time frame. I need to pack a hospital bag... finish the birth plan... pick a "coming home" outfit, pick blankets, etc for photos at the hospital, learn more about the natural birth I so desire, get things better organized at work for my absence. The list could go on. But why bother wasting time making lists, I just need to tackle these obstacles and do them.
I have gained a total of 17 lbs with this pregnancy (which according to my app is excessive). My uterus is measuring at 33 weeks instead of 30. So there is a lot of fluid in there, or Evelyn is going to be a large baby. My family is known for making big babies.... so large baby wouldn't shock me. I was a 9lb er. But I am trying not to let myself get psyched out about her size. I am trying to get my head in the right place for the labor/delivery. From everything I have read it really helps to not be afraid, and be able to trust your body. So I am working towards that.
My MIL threw us a baby shower in Michigan last weekend. It was very nice, and everyone worked so hard to put it all together. We got a lot of nice gifts, and I am very grateful for all of them. Evie will have a lot of clothes to start out with. M's aunt hand made a christening gown, hat, and booties that nearly reduced me to tears. M's mom bought us a new crib. This is a bit of a point of contention for me as I all ready have a crib from when V was little, and didn't want her spending money on a new one. She wore M down to the point that he gave her the OK to buy us one.. but without even talking to me about it or anything. Which really upset me.
Evie has been very very very active. Which I know is a good thing. It's less kicking, and more rolling, flipping, and wiggling. I often wonder if other people can see my belly move on it's own like I can. She was doing her acrobatics while I was waiting on a customer a few days ago, and I wondered how they couldn't see my shirt stretching at odd angles in some places.
I am experiencing what I believe is GERD. My throat feels like there is a lump stuck in it, and it is very painful to swallow. I have been having very bad heartburn with this pregnancy, and have read that your valve in your throat will actually clamp shut to prevent any more acid damage. It has been very difficult to eat the past few days due to the pain/inflammation. What I have eaten.... hasn't wanted to stay down. I feel weak and exhausted. It's amazing how quickly she zaps my body of nutrients, then begs for more. I am trying to eat GERD friendly foods (salad, bananas, yogurt), but not having a lot of luck. If it isn't better by Friday, I'm going to call my midwife and see if she has any suggestions.
The house still hasn't sold yet. We had one couple come and look at it, and said they need something bigger. Which I completely understand. It is why we want to sell in the first place. M and I are working on a plan B for baby crib and all that jazz if it doesn't sell in time, and we don't find a place in time. Which I am resigning myself to. I have done all I can to move it. Now just have to wait for someone who wants it to come along. There aren't many promising homes on the market right now in our price range, size, and requirements. So I guess it is for the best that this hasn't sold. It will all work out one way or another. I'm trying not to worry so much.
V has been having some pretty terrible behaviors. Last Thursday she made herself vomit at school to be sent home. The school didn't realize this. I knew something was wrong. Call it my heightened mom senses... I don't know. I could tell she wasn't sick. I told her she had to tell me the truth about what happened b/c if she was sick I needed to help her, and if she wasn't I didn't want to hurt her trying to help her. She started crying and told me that she made herself get sick b/c she hates school. This Monday while I was at my prenatal appt. she stripped nude in the time out room, pooped on the floor, then proceeded to play in it. My dad had to pick her up, bring her home, and shower her for me. Then I was home by then, and took her back to school. Good thing they recognized it as her trying to get out of school, and told her she was expected back. I also found out that she has been lying to her teacher this week. She tells her that we often forget to give her her meds, when we don't. She gets them every single morning. We forgot one time, and I let the teacher know. This child is devious smart, and it is so difficult to stay one step ahead of her. Exhausting really. I love her to bits, but I can't wait till this turmoil is behind us.
I have not been working out. I seem to have torn a muscle in my upper abdomen. My midwife said it is common b/c of all of the stretching. It hurts so bad to sit at work all day. By the time I get home, my bed and a block of ice are my best friends. Then I start all over again the next day. I am definitely in the uncomfortable pregnant stage. But this too shall pass. She won't occupy my body forever.
I hope all is going well for my lovely spark friends!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
I am sorry. I haven't updated my blog lately. I haven't been online to say hi to friends, and read blogs. I'm very sorry.
Two reasons. My employers have become internet Hitlers and they monitor every keystroke any of us log. All thanks to some co-workers playing poker INSTEAD of doing their job. Never mind I get my job done, and do the jobs of many others. But I no longer have that time to stay up on things like this. Second reason - I've been severely depressed.
My upper abdomen hurts. All the time. I think my organs are being shoved up into a small space, and I am always in pain. It sometimes feels like my muscles are being ripped apart, right under my boobs. Then there is a hot burning sensation for 10 minutes afterwards. This sensation happened early in the pregnancy one night when I sat up from the bed to use the restroom, then a month or two later when I was turning over in bed. I mentioned it to my midwife, and she didn't have much to say about it. It is happening more often now. The pain radiates from the top center of my abdomen down the sides. It is very uncomfortable. I do best when laying down. Sitting hurts.
In these past two weeks I have had a few arguments with my mom. It is so difficult that she can't be supportive of my feelings. She can't see past that her pregnancies were perfect, and she was so happy to be pregnant. She can't understand that I am not. She looks down on me for it, and I get tired of it. She is traveling with us to MI (4.5 hour trip there and 4.5 hours back), for my northern baby shower this weekend. My MIL is throwing it. I let her b/c she seemed so happy about being able to do it, and I should be grateful. I just dread being center of attention. Playing party games about how huge my stomach is. Listening to everyone tell me about how awful their labor/delivery was, and how there is no way in hell I will be able to go natural. How I shouldn't complain b/c their pregnancy was so much worse than mine. I've been in such a foul mood lately, that I am afraid I will snap at someone. It will be really hard to keep my mouth shut. I have just been hurting for so long, that my patience is thin with silly things.
I snapped at a co-worker on Monday b/c of my low tolerance right now. She has been at my place of employment a year and a half longer than I have been, and I have to do so much for her. She doesn't grasp simple accounting principals, and honestly... doesn't try to learn. She just tries to get others to do things for her. I had enough, and told her to just give me the stuff and I would get it done. She did - but then went in the bathroom and cried b/c I was "mean" to her. Then when my boss came in, she told my boss she was going to quit b/c I was being mean to her. So my boss called me in, and I had to have a heartfelt conversation, blah blah blah. Total high school crap. I don't mean to be mean, but I spend so much mental energy on maintaining my current pain level that it is difficult to focus on other things sometimes. Things like taking care of someone else's job...
Peeing all the time. Couldn't strap myself into the car on the passenger side (am right handed) because I couldn't get my right arm across my body, then use my right hand to strap myself in. My belly is getting too big, and the stretching motion hurt too bad. Yoga hurts. Standing is OK. Laying down is optimal.
We have the house listed finally. Have had one hit on it, and they said it is too small. I know I should be positive - but I doubt it is going to sell any time soon. No one is looking for a 2 bdrm in this area.
Evie is very active. I don't know what she is doing in there, but sometimes it feels like she is having a party. I am almost looking forward to labor/delivery just to get my body back. I miss my body being my own. I know that sounds selfish, but it is true.
Last week I was reduced to tears by a sweet note that a substitute teacher sent home with my youngest daughter. Little background for those who don't know. She's my problem child. She is in a special classroom for behavior issues, and we work hard with her to get her behaviors under control. Kid has a heart of gold, though. Love her to bits. I have ups like that, then downs like today.... when I was called to pick her up b/c she was sick. As soon as I saw her, my motherly instinct alarms were going off. Something was wrong. She didn't seem sick. I got her home, got her clothes changed, asked her what happened, she shrugged her shoulders. I told her that I was fairly certain that she wasn't sick, so I wanted to know what caused her to vomit. She starts crying and says "you're going to be mad at me, I am scared to tell you." I let her know, "mad or not, you need to be honest with me." She then proceeds to tell me that she stuck her finger down her throat to make herself vomit. She's 6. She's in Kindergarten. I asked her why? She said b/c he hates school. I ask why. She says "they" are mean to her. I ask who. She says the teachers. I ask how. She says they turn off the lights in the time out room when she kicks the door. *sigh* So I have to talk to the teacher, but I have to tell my kid that this isn't acceptable. Really wish I could home school. I hate that she hates it so much she is willing to make herself vomit to go home.
My 9 year old won the lead part in her school play. They are doing a tribute to Mary Poppins, and she is Mary Poppins. Very excited, and have been helping her with her speaking/singing parts. I can't wait to see the play in a few weeks.
That is about all the updating I have for now. Monday is my 28 week appointment, and I get the RH shot b/c I am RH negative, and M is RH positive. More poking and prodding. OH! I passed my glucose test! Was soooo happy to hear that. Am all scheduled for orientation for the natural place I want to deliver, and for prenatal classes. I have a feeling the next 75 days are going to fly by. I hope all is going well for all of you!!
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