Friday, July 23, 2010
I have been drinking at least 12 oz of my health smoothie every day since June 16th. I am feeling the health benefits, only missing I think one day. And I should feel good because by drinking the smoothies I can eat whatever and still maintain my weight. So I am not yo-yoing back up to 194 and back down.
However, I want to lose not maintain lol. I know the key ingredient is more water, schedule, meditation and exercise. And track the junk I eat. If I eat VERY VERY good, I can lose a pound a week or every two weeks which is good but so hard to maintain in the long run. I don't feel like I am depriving myself but....
I do feel like my metabolism is on the rebound and I am not going into starvation mode but it is a chore to eat right, prepare, do the dishes after every meal, take care of my family, work, and finding a way to do the things i love and move, and find a man or something...
I am always letting something slip and it is usually exercise.
In some ways I hate myself, my choices, and what I have wasted and allowed myself to become. The redeeming quality is I really love and admire myself, what I could be, who I am, what I have endured, yadda....
I hate that I don't do what i want and love to do but instead relax or give in. I need to build discipline, tenacity, follow through, and an integrity to the spirit of me.
I am 32, fatter than I have ever been, since I am aging the fat is taking on a horrible texture and shape. I am alone in so many ways and most of all because my weight affects how i react to life and the opportunities i take advantage of.
Life isn't perfect but if I can pull this off, this change, this Erica honoring lifestyle... I can be happy with my course and direction.
I just want to be comfortable and vulnerable.
Tonight and Saturday I am going to focus on stretch and running. Sunday I will fit it in as well. But if I don't do this. If I don't succeed, I might as well give up because I will never change. If this life hasn't motivated me to change, nothing will.
This is do or die time and I better follow through. I just have to. To channel Eminem, Success is the only option, failures not.
Maybe I will force myself to listen to Eminem before doing anything when i get home....
I want to be healthy and look great in clothes.
I want to feel comfortable being me out in public.
I want to feel able to take advantage of gifts and opportunities that present themselves.
I want to see old friends and be joyous not shameful at my lack of success in life.
So much. I must. Achieve this. NOW!
Friday, July 16, 2010
May 2011 - 10 Mile Broad Street Run
October 2011 - Niagara Falls International Marathon with Tetengria (AKA KATIE)???
April 2012 - Paris Marathon
I would love to do these international marathons. They have some in
Italy, Hawaii, China, Spain.....
I miss England. I would love to be back there and run and Germany!
I WANT TO TRAVEL MORE!
Must find a way...
Next Stop Training!!! lol and SAVING!
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
When I am overly stressed, especially overly avoiding or dreading an event or have no funds but need to provision food or gas, etcÖ I get distraught and canít focus.
Recently every time, I try to put on a happy strong face, stuff happens to enforce the idea that I am stuck and nothing will change.
In August, I am 5 years out of a loving relationship. And it is getting harder to say oh yeah, he is right around the corner. I donít know if I can do another 5. I need to at least have a fling, a man to hold me and have some type of relationship with even if it isnít true love or lasting. But I wonít allow myself that while fat. Over the years, I have spent all my life being with someone and not loving my body.
I am stuck in a job that I feel is literally killing me.
I tend to do well at one thing and avoid everything else so I am always playing catchup.
I am 32. Well I will be 32 years old on 7/14/10 at 1:51 AM. Then I will be doing my 33rd year.
I want to move. I want to change almost everything.
Eight Week Plan (July 7th Ė Sept 8th)
Reasons to push for SEPT!:
~Rosh Hashanah Starts
~GAC IN OHIO
~My first step to freedom might happen *crosses fingers*
~60 days to prove I deserve to make it out of this confinement phase! TO PROVE I CAN!
Wake up at 5:45 am
Make Breakfast and Smoothie/Lunch for day
Be Frugal and Watch every penny
Exercise (1,500 mins by 8/1/10)
Paint ~ Be Creative
I promise not to pre-judge myself. I will not judge the value or success of this plan until 9/13/10.
I will trust in the plan and the process. I may not be able to change the world but I can make me the best me I can for me.
Miracles happen all the time and I need to allow time for seeding and growth.
I need to create a life and body that allows miracles.
I no longer care for this life and its trappings. I want my new life.
From July 15, 2010 - July 31, 2010
** Accomplish 1500 mins of exercise
** 16 days of consecutive food tracking (making 24 days in July)
** Write 1 page a day - 17 pages written at least
** Start running and exercise program establish a plan for August.
---Work on doing a 5K walking
** Log and stay disciplined and level headed
** Meditate 17 days
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