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**My Eight Week Plan**

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

emoticonWhen I am overly stressed, especially overly avoiding or dreading an event or have no funds but need to provision food or gas, etcÖ I get distraught and canít focus.
emoticonRecently every time, I try to put on a happy strong face, stuff happens to enforce the idea that I am stuck and nothing will change.
emoticonIn August, I am 5 years out of a loving relationship. And it is getting harder to say oh yeah, he is right around the corner. I donít know if I can do another 5. I need to at least have a fling, a man to hold me and have some type of relationship with even if it isnít true love or lasting. But I wonít allow myself that while fat. Over the years, I have spent all my life being with someone and not loving my body.
emoticonI am stuck in a job that I feel is literally killing me.
emoticonI tend to do well at one thing and avoid everything else so I am always playing catchup.

I am 32. Well I will be 32 years old on 7/14/10 at 1:51 AM. Then I will be doing my 33rd year.
I want to move. I want to change almost everything.

emoticonEight Week Plan (July 7th Ė Sept 8th) emoticon

Reasons to push for SEPT!:
emoticon~Rosh Hashanah Starts
emoticon~GAC IN OHIO
emoticon~My first step to freedom might happen *crosses fingers*
emoticon~60 days to prove I deserve to make it out of this confinement phase! TO PROVE I CAN!

My Plan:
Wake up at 5:45 am
Reflect/Water/Exercise
Make Breakfast and Smoothie/Lunch for day
Be Frugal and Watch every penny
Track Food/Exercise
Eat Well
Exercise (1,500 mins by 8/1/10)
Meditate
Read
Write
Paint ~ Be Creative

I promise not to pre-judge myself. I will not judge the value or success of this plan until 9/13/10.
I will trust in the plan and the process. I may not be able to change the world but I can make me the best me I can for me.
Miracles happen all the time and I need to allow time for seeding and growth.
I need to create a life and body that allows miracles.
I no longer care for this life and its trappings. I want my new life.


EDIT:

From July 15, 2010 - July 31, 2010

** Accomplish 1500 mins of exercise
** 16 days of consecutive food tracking (making 24 days in July)
** Write 1 page a day - 17 pages written at least
** Start running and exercise program establish a plan for August.
---Work on doing a 5K walking
** Log and stay disciplined and level headed
** Meditate 17 days

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TETENGRIA 7/17/2010 5:04PM

    You rock Erica and I hear you...

The book we are reading states, to change your life, you need to embrace and be thankful for your current situation. The fact your single, your job, your body etc...
All of the above is a stepping stone to move onto the next chapter of your life and isn't that freaken awesome!!!!!!

Start stating things you like about being single and be thankful for the experience...
Start stating things you are thankful about your job, paycheck etc...

Remember, you've tried the should of could of lists...

Only then will things change.

Embrace it.....






Comment edited on: 7/17/2010 5:04:41 PM

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FINDINGMYWAY09 7/12/2010 9:18AM

    You always find ways to inspire me :) Thank you for being my friend :)

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GYPSY_D 7/8/2010 5:35PM

    Inspiring...You can do it. Believe in yourself!!

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CASPERTHESHEET 7/8/2010 12:19PM

    You can do this! Everything is possible!

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SEWICKED 7/8/2010 11:43AM

    emoticon Remember to give yourself the little rewards when you do succeed (a bath with baking soda feels great and costs very little). emoticon

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SASSISPRING 7/7/2010 10:33PM

    Much support emoticon

I hope I'm not overstepping. I've been in similar binds and negative spiral. What you've done to set up goals is similar to what I do to move past it all. Another thing I do is shut down the side of me that says "you aren't perfect and no one will love you." I tell it to take a long hike off a short pier. You can move past this and achieve your goals. You aren't alone. :)

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NETTIEDEE 7/7/2010 9:54PM

    I'm here, supporting you 100%. :-)

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To jump, stand still or walk away.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Determination: the quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.

Fight: to contend in any manner; strive vigorously for something

As I get older, I realize that my ideals, my strivings, my .... is all a mental trapping.

I feel like I walk through a valley of shadows casting light on different ways of being or different ways of perception and sometimes I see all kinds of lies and manipulations.

Sometimes I see what life could be. Sometimes I can't stop laughing at an idea, movie or place in a book. Sometimes I can't stop letting go because the vulnerability feels so good.

If I keep failing, something is wrong. My premise, my plan of action, my thought process.

Many of my fears are coming true and I feel for the first time a deadening of being trapped in a cage. Like there is no anger or frustration because freedom is so far away.

But I am also realizing nothing is as it seems.

I read in a book about this mother who was sick for most of the girl's life. And then the girl on the anniversary of her mother's death, got sick with Leukemia.

And in the book it mentions about who and what measures suffering. Who can handle what and how and for how long? It is true, pain changes people.

Letting go of absolutes and judgements. Knowing life is consciousness and each level is a form of waking up. Nothing is real and nothing is false.

There is a story retold in many ways. About when we fell to the earth a ladder remained. Some people saw the ladder and kept jumping until they were able to go back to the source.
Some people decided to give up and walk away.
Other people kept jumping. That is me.

I will jump and jump and jump until I either get it right or a hand reaches down and takes me home.

I might have lost a will, a way, a truth, an opinion of sorts but I won't stop jumping.
I will be like Edison, I will find 10,000 ways not to live a true life or I will find it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAINERRYAN67 7/7/2010 10:41AM

    Jump, Baby, Jump!

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ACROSONIC 7/6/2010 8:03PM

    You inspired me. I was writing a comment and it turned into a blog. emoticon

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EIKOOW 7/6/2010 7:09PM

    I SO enjoy reading your blogs emoticon You make me think and wonder and ponder and I LOVE it!
emoticon
~Peggy

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SHERYLP461 7/6/2010 4:48PM

    Thought provoking! Good job.

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I am tired.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I am so unbelieveably tired. My intuition tells me because I am overwhelmed mentally with stress and I am forcing my self to stay on task and continue to eat well that my body is doing a big detox. My mysterious rash is back and spreading and I can't tell you how I feel. It feels like war in my system. A strong nutrition front coming in and attacking everything.

I am tired and get tired easily. I have to lay down. Then I get a few moments of energy and then I feel so drained like I ran for hours.

I am not going to do a longwinded blog, I am too tired.

I am tired of excuses, liars and of my own self.

I can't compare myself to anyone or look up to anyone.

I have to find a way out of this mess.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TETENGRIA 7/17/2010 5:07PM

    Sends you a hug...

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ACROSONIC 7/6/2010 7:43PM

    emoticon

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GARDENDIVA2 7/6/2010 4:16PM

    Stress is a horrible thing and most likely what is causing your rash. I have always taken on a lot of stress. Looking out for my family, friends and clients. I also have some of the same concerns you have about being alone even though I have not experienced the same situation you have.

I lost my Mom 2 years ago. About 6 months after I noticed my hair was thinning. My hairdresser and doctor looked at me like I was crazy. About a year after her passing. It was very apparent that I was losing hair. Nobody could help so my doctor suggested a dermatologist. His immeidiate responds was "stress". Since then I have tried my best to relax and not let all the little things bother me. It took some time to do this because some of us are just programed that way.

Here we are a year after my first visit to the dermatologist. My hair is returning. My blood pressure is almost normal. My cholesteral is lower. My weight did go down in the first 6 months because I made that my sole concern. ME. And honestly, I don't think anyone even noticed.

My advise is to take some time to reduce your stress and allow yourself to take care of yourself. Attack your goals one at a time. Seriously, today it is a rash, tommorrow it may be something worse.

Good Luck in your journey.
Robin

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EMOTIONALCYNIC 7/6/2010 9:23AM

    I don't know what to say, but I wanted to give my support. I don't know what you're going through, but it sounds really tough. If you can, take some time out to look after yourself, and get some rest! That is the most important thing.

We are here for you, much love

emoticon

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XENAMY 7/6/2010 9:14AM

  Yowzah! Yes, yes and yes. But you keep going and pushing through. Today is a 3.5 day week my dear. 3.5 days of extra intense work, but 3.5 days. Hope that thought helps.

Hang in there. Drink some tea.

Love, love....

Me.

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EGRAMMY 7/6/2010 9:00AM

    emoticon Oh dear. Wish we had the answers, but know we care. If it's sleep, we posted QOD 7/5 on Sleep today.

I am finding some comfortpersonally in Dr. Oz Destressing that Persistant123 is running on our team page.



emoticon

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Hard Lesson to Learn

Thursday, July 01, 2010

When I can give up everything for one goal, I can focus everything I am into that one thing and I end up achieving amazing results.

However, I have so many different things I need to work on and so many areas of focus that I tend to lean on outside people/situations for motivation.

A new boyfriend who is inteligent and amazing will spark me to amazing results.
A new job gives me inspiration to maybe find a new path.
A new toy or book lets me feel special.
A new movie or book lets me slip into a new place where ideas/life are better, inspired, honored, enjoyable.

However.......
A new boyfriend will not fix my problems. If I met the most gorgeous, awesome man, I would start feeling bad because I am not ready and not my goal weight but then I would feel bad cause I wanted to be with him and .... I should rejoice in this time before he gets here.

In this climate and in my current situation, I can't leave my job and have no real prospects.

Toys, books, movies are good for what they are. But in reality they are distractions!!!!

No one person, group, man, situation, friend, parent, relative, hobby, etc will complete me.
No one person can be my whole life.
No one person can be my best friend, my lover, my inspiration, my catalyst, my comic relief, my shoulder to cry on, my road trip buddy, my cheering section in every situation.

Life is a journey. The beauty of me and of everyone is we are ever changing, growing people who have the power to continually transform and push ourselves to great heights.

In this journey, I will take a path that will take me on a great wide and winding road full of all kinds of adventures. How then will one person be able to take their own journey and still be my all.

I think coming from a broken home with no siblings and a emotionally unavailable and distant mother, I have spent most of my years and days alone daydreaming about the day I won't be alone anymore.

And over the last 5 years of being utterly single and trying to push myself so I can be where I need to be to have another great love, I have felt such lonliness and parts of me feel greater to be able to feel it and use it in a positive way. I have gone on trips by myself, I travelled by myself, I do almost everything by myself.

And I find that my motivation suffers because of this.

I am learning to not only face value accept being alone. I chose this. There is something more I seek in myself and in a partner and the experience is worth a lifetime alone.

There is something to be said for giving all of yourself to a relationship.
But there is also a moment where you decide whether or not to give that extra piece of yourself. I don't know if it is about attachment to outcome.

But I need to remember it is about my goals, my future and my determination.
If I don't care, If I don't give everything I have... no one else will!

The Journey....
That is all there is.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SALUBRE 7/3/2010 7:30AM

    Soul searching always shows us the right path.
emoticon

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LAVENDERLILY 7/2/2010 7:57AM

    Hi Healthy Girl, So many things important to ones life often go away over the years. Widowed since 1989, even though I thought I couldn't and didn't want to go on, I have moved on alone.
Dear friends and loved family members have passed on, and yet I am still here. I have learned to depend on myself for my happiness and contentment. Children and new friends enrich my life. Nothing stays the same. Each day is a gift to be appreciated and honored.
We make our own destiny. No one else can do it for us. Enjoy the day!

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Yummy Smoothies

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Today's Rough Smoothie list:

1 cup Aloe Vera Juice
1.5 cups of Spinach
3 chunks of brocolli
1 tsp of spirulina powder
Fiber 35 chocolate creme powder packet
2 bananas
1 apple
2 tbsp flax seeds
2 tbsp coconut oil

This made roughly 28 oz. I drank 16 oz today and added about 4oz of water to loosen and some ice.

I found a smoothie lovers group!!! I can't wait to add my recipes and find/make more!!!
teams.sparkpeople.com/yogurtandsmoot
hieslovers


A smoothie a day keeps the doctor away!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEWITCH 7/1/2010 6:25PM

    Sounds good, I am going to have to try it. Thanks for sharing.

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JENSFITJOURNEY 7/1/2010 4:07PM

    emoticon YUM!!!!! Going to try this!!

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