Thursday, April 15, 2010
So for years since I was young, I used to watch all kinds of martial arts films. LOL even the karate kid. I watched shows about masters reincarnating into young american children --- BOYS and being found and trained. We never had any money to eat let alone join a school for classes. My mom had a gi and had training when she was younger by some guy.
Well, I always wanted to have a trainer. I used to fantasy about some chinese guy finding me and seeing this awesome spirit and training me in his loving, disciplined, stern way. Maybe because I didn't have an authority figure lol..
Well a few years ago I researched Karate places and all the usual joints pop up. Well, one was different. This one doesn't mention price (oh yeah! we know it will be exp) But it sounds like everything I was always looking for as a child.
It isn't just a open free for all training. It is personal and about martials body mind and soul and it SEEMS really great. It is suggested that you read the info on the site prior to calling for an interview and then if the instructor accepts you... then you go from there.
I don't want to do it if it is $500 a month, I mean come on. But I don't want to pass up an opportunity. what would it hurt to just interview? And then should I wait a little. I mean I am still kinda hefty to be doing roundhouse kicks lol.
Plus I looked up the guy and lol he is some white dude. As if that should matter, I mean he could be nice.. And an interview is just an interview and I am supposed to see if he is my fit too.
I tried to find anything I could on him.
He is also a lawyer by day and we all know lawyers. But he doesn't seem to be too slimy but he is a lawyer and... he also has money but that means he will want lots of money.
I found out the long distance class is $100. It doesn't say a year or what.
I guess nothing will satisfy my knowing unless I go. There is something about it that really makes me want to and then I think, well what if I want to move. But this will give me the needed discipline I need in life. Or...
I think I am going to give myself a certain amount of time to prepare, think about it and then I will go interview. And let life guide me.
Part of me is excited because I have been thinking about this for a long time.
Part of me is wary because I could be moving soon to Idaho or anywhere lol
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I was trying to find some complementary quotes from Osho and Gandhi. I am sure I got the idea from them somewhere.
But I have often been presented with the idea of trust. Maybe it even came from a karate movie. Who knows?
What is trust? Do you trust completely? Do you even know? How can you tell?
I often find myself trusting. I trust. Although I find myself very egotistic. I judge life and situations and trust man to be who man is. And through the years, I trust that man will be self-serving and fight for his own journey. If good or right interferes with his journey, he will choose his journey.
I try not to be stereotypical and I try to just be open and vulnerable and just allow life to be life and hope for greatness in all but am not surprised at life.
As I get older, I start having moments of a sense of clarity. A clearing of judgment and ego so I can see something more.
I am not there yet... but I .....
Here is a quote I could find, " A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. You deceive him, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you. Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn. His trust is tremendous; his trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it. Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense. Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you. Whatsoever experience comes to you, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleaning your mind continuously; go on dying to the past so you remain in the present, herenow, as if just born, just a babe. In the beginning it is going to be very difficult. The world will start taking advantage of you...let them. They are poor fellows. Even if you are cheated and deceived and robbed, let it happen, because that which is really yours cannot be robbed from you, that which is really yours nobody can steal from you. And each time you don't allow situations to corrupt you, that opportunity will become an integration inside. Your soul will become more crystallized. " - Osho
My experience this week: As I am driving to work, I have random thoughts flipping through with feelings and music and I sense this clearing.
"When someone asks for something, give it to them." And for one moment I could feel myself totally open to this idea. Even my life and I remembered Gandhi and other people who stood up to people who wanted to kill them and how many famous people have said - it is hard to kill a man who is ready to die.
I am sure my words are lacking. But I felt it, open to it. And since then I practice many times through out the day, --- take it.
When driving to work, someone cuts me off and I feel my anger rise as they stop short in front of me and now want to do 15 mph. And I think -- Traffic means nothing to me. If you want it, I freely give this to you. And if I see some toxic person or pattern, I feel myself become more adaptable the whole time thinking "take it."
At work when people are pushing me, asking of me, putting more on me and doing nothing themselves, I find ways to say "take it".
It is the beginning of something inside of me. And will I always be so clear and free, I am not sure. But I am taking this insight and fullness of being and using it to help me be more fab!
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