Monday, April 05, 2010
I am going to start focusing on what am I accomplishing? What am I doing every day and what does it lead up to? What am I building and creating in my life?
Today is my first report of where I stand. Each day I am going to report what I did and where it is leading me.
On May 1, If I haven't made any progress, I want lots and lots of harsh criticism.
I don't want to remain the same way forever.
Insanity - doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Starting Report - April 5, 2010
I am 31.66 lol
I weigh 185
I wear size TIGHT 12 and 14
I am not drinking any water daily
I am not exercising daily
I am not meditating daily
I am not present moment aware
I am not painting
I am not writing
I am not singing
I am not being creative
I am not listening to my inner self
I am not following my intuition
I am not learning new things/subjects
In the 31.66 years, I have learned a lot.
I joined Spark in November. Since November, I pulled myself out of despair, found some semblance of peace and forward direction.
In the month of this group, I found a way to be more accountable to myself. I am in charge of my life and I decide how I spend my time.
Failure is an option and an option, I have decided to close the door on.
I am excited to see how I can change in the coming month. I must prove to myself that I love myself and I am worth it.
All else will fall in line.
I got myself pretty organized and I am going to stay that way!
If I fail to achieve change in the next month, please be mean to me!
Thursday, April 01, 2010
I don't know if I am the only one that feels this way but it always seems that when I get all gung-ho to restart my diet/lifestyle/etc - Life falls apart. It seems like the more I try, the harder I push the crazier life gets and the more challenging it gets.
I wanted to start the spring fresh and renewed. And here I get sideswipped and taken out for over a week. I am slowly getting back into shape but I can't seem to eat much and I am real shaky and panicky afraid to eat anything for fear of dizziness, nausea, puke, etc.
I ended up getting the dreaded stomach thing going around which lead to a bacterial bladder infection which is leading to a yeast infection and I just got my TOM today.
LOL! Not to mention I got so dehydrated from the infection, I had to go to the ER to get fluids pumped back into me, antibiotics.
I still forced myself to go to work most the time and push through. Really I couldn't without the help of the anti-nausea meds and antibiotics.
I tend to really be harsh with myself and put myself up to high standards.
I am not going to let it get to me. I am just going to move forward and try to make each day the best I can.
I am going to try to find a way to attract that the harder I try, the easier it gets. That the harder I try, the more the universe helps me.
I am going to follow my dreams and find a way to live in that happiness.
I feel like a lifetime has passed my way and I have missed a lot. I have forced myself to miss things and opportunities.
I will not live that way anymore. I will try to be open, vulnerable, truthful, real with myself and my needs and to fulfill them.
To live true.
I must say the end of the rainbow has come -
- I lost a few pounds
- I worked out my craving for wawa tea
- I worked out my sugar and chocolate and rice krispy cravings
The sickness makes me want to only eat healthy and small portions and really
hit home that PROBIOTICS rock.
Maybe I will come out ahead in this yet.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The COO walked in today and I thought she was going to request something. But she stated that whenever she walks into the room, and she said she doesn't know if it is my left side or the light or what but she said," You are really beautiful" and she was going to continue but the phone rang lol!!!
She said sometimes I take you for granted but you are really beautiful.
Man, she makes me want to go home, get some makeup on and really dazzle her.
I never really think of myself as beautiful, cute maybe, when I am thinner but...
Just hearing it was lovely, really lovely.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
This morning, I started watching the program Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice. I am currently not in a relationship but I like to hear what he has to say. And he started talking about serotonin, oxytocin, and testosterone. He started talking about how we process ideas, life and produce hormones. He also talked about the adrenal glands and processed foods. You know how they say love is just brain chemistry.
And it really seems right, if I look back at my past relationships and see how I process ideas and what and how bonding takes place and activities that create that experience.
I have to say it really hit home for me as I also watched the program on changing your brain chemistry, changing your life.
And it isn't about taking hormone supplements but learning how to engage and teach your body to produce the right hormones. As well as eating super foods.
This really helps me as I live in an almost constant stew of stress and realizing what the right foods, right exercise can help me build more of the good hormones and lessen the bad.
This all comes back to me as I come to work today. My boss has been off for over a week and I took off yesterday to recharge.
She bombards me today with negativity. She sends an email obviously directed at me which is in error, and she would know this if she was here. She is attacking the wrong person not my two co-workers who are the ones who are not doing what they should be.
She questioned everything I put on her desk and I worked hard with her boss and only relayed her bosses' info but no one claims responsibility so I get the I have no idea why you put this on my desk and stalks away thing.
And our biggest multimillion dollar client has a billing issue regarding a few accounts and few invoices. It involves changing them and linking them to POs of certain services. It is all a mess and she is the only one to deal with it. I handled all the questions, got all the information and wrote it up for her in baby steps, clear and concise.
She comes up to me and goes before I read this, blah blah.
1. it is her job, not mine. She knows about it, not me.
2. why when I am busy, I shouldn't do certain jobs/tasks but when she doesn't want to, I am supposed to? And not even provide training or anything.
I like her. But it isn't personal. It's business. And she isn't doing her job and the dept is crumbling and for once I am not going to scramble to keep it together. I am just going to do my best at my job and let the stuff hit the fan.
And it all reminded me, Erica you are starting to produce a hormone caused by stress, stop it. lol.
Realizing hormones, thinking, brain chemistry is all here to help or hurt you. Why learn how to use every aspect to help you lose weight and change your life.
I can't wait to watch the rest and possibly try the superfoods.
Thanks for reading. It hurts when you kill yourself for a job and literally are killing yourself, others do nothing but use work for pleasure and you are the one who is punished, abused and picked on and overly supervised when the one on facebook 8 hours a day is only praised.
From Office Space. "Thumbs up there A**es, Thumbs up there A**es."
Always makes me smile.
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