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Monday, November 16, 2009

So Today is my first day back at the gym in the morning. I found a gym close to my work and it is brand new. Today is the first day it was open for exercise. So I kinda feel like we were breaking each other in.

Instead of 4:30 in the morning. I went at 6:15 and I still got a good workout. I miss going to the gym. I miss feeling good like you already climbed a mountain. I love going around 6am. It isn't murder to climb out of bed. I am going to try to leave the house for 5:50 to be there at 6am.

I am going to go tonight. It was dead in there and I just feel like I should go. Even if I just treadmill or do some weights.

Plus as a reward I can get the new Tori Amos album!

:) GO ME!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCRUBBYCAT 11/16/2009 9:18AM

    Morning workouts are great- sometimes a little difficult to get going, but once you're going.... unstoppable! Good luck!

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DTSM53 11/16/2009 9:16AM

  Keep up the great attitude!

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First Entry

Friday, November 13, 2009

Here the journey begins... again? I don't want to focus on the multiple attempts at losing weight in the past. The time is now.

I started this site so my best friend and I can keep in touch with our weight loss goals and keep each other motivated with spit, fire, and whatever it takes to push each other out of the vicious cycle.

I am doing these first three days as a dipping my foot into the pool and slowly heading into the pool of willpower, determination and true self priority and life giving action. I am doing well although I am starving. I realize some areas of improvement and hope to stay strong enough to endure to put those changes into place.

My downfall is I care about my job and my family and people's feelings.
So I walk around being an overwhelmed people pleaser whose life is falling apart. Or has fallen apart but through sheer force of will, I manage to keep things balancing but soon, it will all fall if I don't form and develop a strong foundation to jump into this new phase of me.

I tend to not eat anything and then I will gorge at lunch and supper and pass out at night when I get home from stress exhaustion.

I don't want to see all the pain and reality so I hide in all the nooks and crannies of life I can.

I have to take what I really enjoy and LIVE IT. And take the things I hide in, the extremes, the lack of awareness, or should I say the denial of the awareness. --

In the end, you might feel happy because you had a good experience but there are so many bad experiences I have because of those settled for good moments.
And so many many many more great opportunities I never take or miss because of it all.

I mean here I sit with the same awareness as when I was 17. Why now?

I am not going to focus on that. Maybe now because of all the missed great years and opportunities and now it is time to walk the walk.

I want more. I believe in more. I am going for more.
I have hit the bottom.
I have driven to a fast food restaurant instead of going to wawa so I don't have to walk in and have everyone see me.
I have lived in my own isolation
I have watched enough tv for a state
I have eaten enough doritos, cheese curls, hershey bars
I am not poor anymore. I can afford this food I just choose not too.

For 4 months I went to the gym every week day morning at 5am. I might have missed one or two days but... I got frustrated at not seeing results and instead of thinking I am just right there and I just need to push. I stopped. And it was a gradual oh, I can miss 1 day, oh 2 days won't kill me, oh next week will be fine.
Until I stopped. Then I couldn't go back. I felt ashamed and lost.

I remember before -- I wasn't where I needed to be
My life wasn't perfect

But i was working toward something or ... just working my body
And that was great!

Well... I will not succumb today.
I really like this site. It has so many aspects incorporated!

Good Luck Erica, Good Luck Everyone.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOITFORSELF 11/14/2009 9:02PM

    You can do this! It will not always be easy, but you will find a lot of support here. Let me know if I can help. emoticon

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ZENA_MARIA 11/13/2009 12:51PM

    emoticon You CAN do this.

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WILLOWWINDS 11/13/2009 12:44PM

    I hear you about doing well all day and then eatting more at night.

I was recently in the hospital and was talking with a nutritionist and mentioned that. I told her I hardly eat anything during the day. She said to keep all meals the same size.

So now I eat a full meal at each meal. It can be as fast as a yogurt / egg beaters and wheat or whole grain toast or muffin.
for breakfast.
Lunch I have tuna and whole wheat again and a salad.
Then dinner.

I find I am not as hungry and the pounds seem to be coming off for once. I try to snack on veggies in between meals as well.

Wishing you the best emoticon

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CKAT13 11/13/2009 12:39PM

  Good luck...I feel the same way. I am making this my new start to a new lifestyle. It felt like an awakening this morning when my bf was asking me what I did to lose the ten lbs I had lost a few months ago and I told him this website was the key thing. So as I got to thinking this morning I decided to get back into the swing of things and get my life on track.

I have felt very discouraged over the past 5-6 months and mostly because of the people in my life and letting their issues affect me. But I guess this morning I decided to do it for me and not let that happen. However I know I say this now and give it a few weeks and it will be back to the way it was before.

I guess I'm saying it is good to hear someone talk about pretty much the same problems I have been having. I hope we can help each other out. emoticon

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FRANNIEDID 11/13/2009 12:34PM

    You can do this, I know you can. Take it a step at a time and don't look at this as a diet but as a lifestyle change that you can maintain for the rest of your life. Focus on getting healthy, eat well and exercise because it is good for you and don't focus on results or the number on a scale. That is not who you are, that number means nothing. Getting fit and feeling healthy is its own reward and the rest will follow.

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