Thursday, August 13, 2009
"I will remember always that marriage, like life, is a journey - not a destination - and that its treasures are found not just at the end but all along the way."
My life has been total chaos this last week, loaded with overwhelming feelings of joy and pain. To start off, Monday a friends mom, whom I consider to by my second mom, went in for surgery. This was suppose to be a simple procedure, they were going to go in and realign a couple of herniated disks. Well, they got in and discovered that she also had an enlarged thyroid and some cartilage that had calcified to her vertebrae. They had to move the thyroid out of the way and scrape away some of the calcification too. The surgery went very well, but when she awoke from the anestesia she felt horrible pain, when she shouldn't have felt any according to what she knew was going to be done. After the doctors explained what they had to do they also told her that the recovery wasn't going to be what it was suppose to be, she would be pain free in the long run, but it was going to be slower than planned with more pain. Only because they had to do more than originally planned.
My fiance had already been staying with her for the past week because her son, who is living with her and was taking care of her, fell at work and broke his arm. Between the two of them they weren't able to do a whole lot and since Krista, my fiance, works near them she's been staying with them to help out around the house. My friend and her other brother came home the day of the surgery so they would be around too.
"Mom" was still in the hospital Tuesday, but her three kids were with her. This was the day of our marriage. We are having two because we have very different religions, so we decided we would have a marriage for each. This one was a hand fasting for her pagan religion. (Yes, we have very complicated lives.) Next year we are going to have a wedding and be married by God. A very exciting day full of joy with the pain of mom and her surgery in the back of our minds. This was the most chaotic day. To start with we left the house half our later than we should have, so we were later than we wanted to be. My dress broke, so we had to fix that. Our Priestess, her cousin, was late b/c she was stopping for gas and the credit card machine wasn't working. My wife's best friend, who had our rings and roses came on time (this really suprised us) and our photagrapher, another one of our good friends, was half an hour late. The handfasting went without a hitch after everyone was there, so that ended well. We stopped by the hospital to see mom afterwards.
She asked how it went so we told her and the others. Mom was suppose to be getting out on Tues., but noone knew for sure if she would or not, ended up she did. Yesterday was her first full day at home and my new wife and I spent the day at her house helping out. My friend was getting ready to head back home, but when she got in her car the floor was flooded. This was suppose to be fixed (and airconditioning thing) but her dad and brother didn't do a very good job so they had to fix it again. She finally got left and her brother who was going to go home too, decided he would stay for another night or two just to make sure everything is going well.
It's a good thing our honeymoon isn't until next year, because we would have to postpone it. We feel mom's recovery is way more important. This being said, we were able to spend our first night together but now she is back with mom and I am still here at her sisters. We have been living here in between places. We are waiting for our apartment to get ready. When the apartment is ready we will be just a few blocks from mom so we will be around to help out a lot easier and be able to be together at the same time. So the long and short of it, I'm married but I don't get to be with my wife for awhile, she does come home on the weekends though.
Now that I have rambled on and on and on, I'm sure you are all tired of reading if you have made it this far. Even with all the chaos I am still staying on plan pretty well and losing. I think that is definitely a good accomplishment to feel proud of. I will make it yet.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and Ió
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
My roads were there, and I definitely chose the one not traveled. I took the complicated and more adventurous one. If I had taken the other, yeah my life now would be simpler and less work, but would my life later on be simpler?
Thus far this has been a journey in overcoming many obstacles. One being that of my "I can't do it, I'm too fat and will never be thin" philosophy that I have had for the last many years. I now see that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I love the feeling of being able to help others while finding motivation and determination for myself. Most people who know me always describe me as being stubborn and determined, but for some reason it didn't translate well into this journey.
I have been working really hard and am seeing many results. As a child and even a teen, I was always athletic. I would love to have that energy back. I have also noticed that not only did my energy leave, but my sense of adventure did also. This was and still is mainly due to the way I look; I should probably say the way I THINK I look. Now that I am beginning to lose the weight and get the exercise incorporated into my daily life again I am starting to feel that energy and sense of adventure come back.
There is a whole different me hiding under what I assume society sees me as and I would like her to come back out and enjoy the party. This is slowly but surely happening; it may be a long road but I will stay on it. However, every little success that I see makes that road that much shorter and I guess in the long run of things, it probably is really short. After all I still have my whole life ahead of me and hopefully that life will be even longer now.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
"To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution." ~Joe Cordare
Well, after gaining the pound last week I pushed myself and was able to lose that pound plus some. Not only did I lose the weight but I gained a better feeling about myself. I have gone through and revamped my workout schedule and routine, it now seems to be working better. YAY!!
With this slump, though, came the possibility that I may not reach my goal of another 20lbs by July 22, unles by some miracle I am able to lose 10 lbs in one week. Personally I don't think that is realistic for me, so I'm OK with not meeting my next goal. Does that mean I'm going to change them, no. I believe that if i continue to work at the rate I'm going that I'll be able to make of for my lost time eventually. I will leave all the dates the same and set a new goal to catch up. It may be my next dated goal or the one after, but I will get it all back under control so that I may reach my goal weight on my original goal date.....if not sooner. I CAN do it and I WILL do it.
With the help of Sparkpeople and all my sparkfriends it will get done and life will continue to be great.
Friday, July 10, 2009
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
I weighed in on Wednesday and gained a pound. This was my first pound gained since February, now there have been a couple of times when I neither loss nor gained, but never actually gained. It has taken me two days to ponder this. I was really bummed that I had gained b/c I just knew that it would through my goals all off kilter; but by the time I went to bed I started to realize that it was only one pound and I could recover.
These last two days have been spent reflecting on my journey and I have now found where my slips where and what I could do to help balance them back out. I noticed that I have gone two weeks with only one workout session a week...wow! I was also feeling sluggish and unmotivated, I'm pretty sure because my body wasn't being energized. After my workout today I feel much better and have become more determined to do better this next week.
I know one pound isn't a lot, but I think I had gotten so use to not gaining any weight that it struck me as a warning; which I will heed and take as useful information to my lifestyle change strategies.
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