Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tonight I made shrimp scampi, steamed/sautéed broccolini, and garlic mashed potatoes for dinner. I took it easy on the mashed potatoes on my plate: maybe only 1/2 c. And I had no sour cream, so... I was STARVING when I finished eating dinner, but I'm tired of feeling lumpy. I also desperately wanted dessert. A rich one. But I peeled a small grapefruit instead. As tasty as it was, it may as well have been air because I was still starving. And now, three hours later, I am STILL starving and I STILL want chocolate. But the chocolate craving has at least slightly diminished. I'm going to try to go to sleep now. Let's see how this goes...
Monday, May 27, 2013
If you've read my other blogs, by now you know that I am both a sweets and a sale junkie. Well, yesterday I was severely tempted with both. I was in Target and they had the 39 oz. bag of Reese's Pieces on clearance for $6.28! That's like $0.30/bag for the regular-sized packages (like normal "candy bar size")! And they had, literally, like 50 bags! I paced in that candy aisle telling myself that this was a deal I COULD pass up. I know lots of people say "just walk away," or "just quote your mantra," but things are never that simple for me. I go through this extreme guilt about wasting money, especially if I end up buying the same thing or a substitute for a higher price because I had to go back and get it later anyway. Yes, I know that technically, I don't "have" to buy candy, but there are some of you who understand; you get me. The bottom line is I prevailed: yaaaaaaayyyyy!"
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
There are so many things that I have wanted to do in life but would not because I was waiting for some superceding event to occur before I would/will do that--and usually the event I am awaiting is weight loss. Well, today I went to get my hair done and I asked my cosmetologist for something I've been wanting to try for a long time: eyelashes! No, I haven't achieved some weight loss milestone, no, I haven't had a streak of great eating, no I have not done anything spectacular recently. I just decided that it was okay for me to do something nice for me, that is unrelated to eating, and without contingencies. And you know what? I feel great!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Okay, so I just discovered notes attached to goodies that people have sent me--and some of the goodies were given to me years ago, literally! So yesterday and today I read the notes, and one note attached to a goodie given to me said that the Sparker was encouraged by my blog "today." That date was 5/25/2011. So I read the blog and I had to take note: in that blog I talked about my new decision to give away goodies to people as a way of motivating myself. That was two full years ago, almost to the very day. What's funny is that for the last two weeks, I have been giving out goodies for that very reason, not realizing that I started (and dropped) this mission two years ago! (I haven't been on spark much in the last two years.) It has been on my mind and on my mind, as I off and on hop onto spark looking for motivation and help to end my poor-eating lifestyle, so I made a mental commitment last week to give away sparkgoodies, and I even added it to my "other goals" to help push me to do it. The fact that I was urged to do this two years ago is no coincidence to me. I think maybe God was telling me to do it then, and maybe is telling me to do it now.
I think that part of the reason that I eat the way that I do is because of the way I grew up: my family did not have lots of money, but we had lots of people at home: six kids and two parents. So there were no seconds at dinner, and when my parents bought a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, splitting it between 8 people meant that none of us got much--especially if my parents got "adult" portions, lol! So as I began to earn or acquire my own money (e.g., choosing to walk home from school and keep my bus fare for myself!), I spent it on food and clothes (we also shared some clothes, and my mother sewed a lot). I had as much of whatever treats I wanted when I had money, and I can even recall as a young adult eating to mask discomfort in crowds, just to show that I had it and I could--even if it was just sticking a lollipop in my mouth. What I also remember is being stingy to my siblings. I could have gone to the grocery store and bought a full pound or two of cherries, and I refused to share. Of course, I did the same thing with candy, cookies, and ice cream, and whatever other junk I chose to buy with my money. Even if it was more than I could eat (I can literally remember not being able to eat an entire pint of ice cream!), I would not share. I did not have to. And I wanted as much as I wanted. I believe that all of this, and more, created monstrous habits for me.
Maybe the fix, God could be telling me, includes me focusing more on giving. While I can gladly say that I am not generally a stingy person, I do think that the covetous or "protective" habits I created with food and "things" because of the lack I experienced as a child still rears its ugly head: I always look for sales, I make sure that money and property are properly expended/divided/accounted for, I consider whether or not giving is a "waste," and so on. While all of this can be good in lots of situations, again, I believe it also has its cons, like creating the eating monster, lol! So if I can start with something simple that I just give freely without having to "consider" the "waste," like sparkgoodies--why else do we have the points???--maybe it will cause me to stress less about holding onto other things, like food: I don't HAVE to buy 20 bags of post-holiday candy because I got them at a great price!
So don't be surprised if you receive a sparkgoodie from me, whether we are friends or not. I am on a mission to change, and this prompting to give, I believe, will be a great help to me. See you soon!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
So tonight I logged on looking for motivation to stop eating like an unsupervised child. I am easily distracted right back into chocolates and cakes and ice cream and whatever else I want to--and don't want to--eat, and, quite frankly, many days I make myself sick--not physically but stick-your-tongue-out-at-yourself sick! Aaaargh! sick.
Anyway, though I've been logging on consistently, I haven't been disciplined at all with my eating, and, truthfully, I really haven't tried much. Deep down I want to be better but on the surface it's so much easier to mask my frustration with work, or reward my busy-ness with rich chocolatey snacks, or whatever other excuses I must be using to eat so poorly--though most times I think I'm not eating garbage accompanied by excuses, I just do it because I do it. So tonight, I ventured out in search of motivation...again. And tonight, after searching for a while, I tried a new approach: I never spend enough time on the site to really talk to people, and the spark points I earn just kinda sit out there because of it, so I thought maybe I should find some people to motivate instead of continuing to focus on me. So I did--I hope.
I went through my rather short list of spark friends and picked three of them to be recipients of goodies from me. They probably have no idea who I am, and I didn't know what kinds of gifts they truly like, but I tried to pick goodies appropriate to a blog or comment that I read about them tonight.
Now I don't know how well I'll do with my eating tomorrow, but I can say that for right now, I at least feel good that I tried to encourage a few other people. God blesses us for blessing others. Maybe I'm way too focused on my bad eating, and that's helping me to continue to eat poorly. Idk. But what I do know is that I won't stay in this place forever, and when I finally do straighten up and fly right, watch out Macy's, and everybody else cover your eyes if you don't want to see exposed flesh, lol!!!
Get An Email Alert Each Time DESTINEDTOBFIT Posts