DERF4ME   13,327
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Picking myself up again...

Sunday, July 29, 2012

I'm back...again.

Fortunately, a couple of things have changed for the positive since the last time I said that. For one, I have now integrated into my life attendance at Overeaters Anonymous meetings twice per week. I am actively working the 12-steps. Well, sometimes actively. But at least I keep going back to meetings. Plus, I have sponsors that I work with to keep me moving forward instead of living in isolation with my compulsive eating behaviors. I have now been going to OA since May 2011...over a year.

Some other things that have changed...

- I now look at my weight as a symptom of my compulsive eating and other internal issues. I no longer see a "diet" as being able to fix me.
- I officially no longer focus on my weight. As a matter of fact, I avoid the scale quite a bit, because it seems to be a depression trigger for me. Now I will weigh myself only for a specific purpose (like infrequently monitoring where I'm at). But if I'm eating poorly, there is absolutely no point in me triggering myself. I already know I gained.
- I have trigger foods that have a lot of power over me (sugar+cream, deep fried foods), but what seems to give them even more power is me telling myself I can never have them again. For that reason, I am trying not to do my OA abstinence the way many people do (i.e. no sugar, no flour, etc...). That seems to sabotage me, bringing out my immature rebellious side. I am still trying to figure out how to work a food plan with my very broken self.
- I just have to "keep coming back". As long as I don't run from recovery, I am hoping that eventually it will hit me in the face...or maybe one day, it will click. In the meantime, I will keep attending meetings, working the steps the best I can, and using the OA tools.

Those are my thoughts for today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAURAAT 7/31/2012 4:03PM

    So glad you're back! And it looks like you've learned a ton! I'm super impressed.

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BUTEAFULL 7/31/2012 2:21AM


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BLUE42DOWN 7/30/2012 1:58AM

    emoticon back.

Sounds like you're taking a sensible approach - and so so right that you have to just "keep coming back". As long as we keep trying, we keep giving ourselves a chance, emoticon

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And the cycle starts again...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

After another cycle of losing my motivation and jumping ship, I am back. I have reached my limit. This time I am feeling more disgusted with myself, because I am at the highest weight I have ever been in my life. I was on prednisone for a good portion of the year and that accounts for 30-40 of the extra pounds, but if I'm honest, there's a whole lot of eatin' going on.

But that's ok. I'm back, and I will not dwell on past failures. Time to pick myself up. Here's my plan of action, which I started 12 days ago:

1. Attend Overeaters Anonymous and Al-Anon to deal with the deep issues.
2. Get back on Sparkpeople daily - tracking and moving forward.

And so for today, I am moving forward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COLETTEMR 9/15/2011 11:43AM

    We are both heading in the right direction. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/15/2011 11:43:51 AM

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MELAPHANTN 5/31/2011 2:09PM

    You can do it! It doesn't matter how many times you fall only that you stand back up again!

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BUTEAFULL 5/28/2011 2:38PM

    if you put your mindset to it emoticon I just celebrated my birthday and had a sliver of berry pie so I enjoyed without over doing it, you can too

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LADYDARYA 5/28/2011 8:30AM

    emoticon I frequently find myself wanting to just throw in the towel, heck I want to eat crap, how do I think I got here anyway? Then I remember the words "morbidly obese" and my goal to not have that by my name... and a variety of other reasons... it's commitment to myself that I have to hold on to. If I can commit to others why can't I commit to myself? Keep up the great work!

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KABOOPER 5/28/2011 7:58AM

    emoticon Good for you for getting back on track and making a plan!
You can do it!!!! Give yourself a pat on the back today. and do something good for you today!!

Have a great weekend!!!!

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Celebrations for today...

Sunday, December 13, 2009

- Started the day out right by getting up relaxed, listening to my DAB, breathing deeply, and being thankful for the day. I also really enjoyed the sound of the rain.
- Before making my first meal of the day, I decided to get in some empty-stomach cardio. I immediately got dressed and prepped to go to the gym. (See my last blog entry for exactly what my workout consisted of). I felt amazing as I poured in sweat and enjoyed the change from the heat in the gym to the cold rain going back to the car. What a workout. Talk about endorphins!!!
- Instead of lazily laying around today, I decided to make it a cooking day. I tried out a new recipe for French onion soup. It came out great! I also juiced 15-20 lemons into ice cube trays...mission accomplished!
- I don't have any real celebrations in terms of food, except I got a small starbucks when I met a friend this evening, rather than a large. I also recorded all of my intake, in order to keep myself accountable.
- I celebrate my great attitude towards exercise and my body.

One day at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IWORKING 12/13/2009 12:37PM

    We so often take the time to beat ourselves up when we have small goof ups and rarely take the time to acknowledge all the right things we are doing. I commend you for taking the time to put it in writing. Keep it up. You are succeeding.

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BUTEAFULL 12/13/2009 11:57AM

    I have a surplus of lemons this year, mabe I should juice and freeze too, I hadn't thought of that, since I usually have consumed them all by now. I haven't fixed hot tea with lemon in quite a while I used to have about four cups a day so that's why I have a surplus emoticon

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MITECU 12/13/2009 6:07AM

    emoticon, sounds like you had a great day.
Keep it up!
Could you share the recipe for your soup? I LOVE French onion soup-but haven't had it in such a long time-avoiding all that cheese and croutons and calories.

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Another good day!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Well, I have now gone more than a week without making excuses for not exercising. Every day this week, I have either walked or gone to the gym, exercising no less than 15 minutes. I am celebrating my success right now!!! Woooo hoooo! I'm on the right path in terms of developing a mindset and habit of moving my body daily...regardless of any weight loss or gain. This is just about feeling good and being a good steward of the movement God has allowed me to have for this day at a time. :-)

Today, since it was raining, I went to the gym without a moment of hesitation or excuse making. (That part is becoming fun!) I experimented with interval training. Boy, was that intense! It was fun because I sweat my pants off, but it was intense! After warming up 2 min then stretching my warm body, I jumped on the treadmill and did 2 min at 2 mph, then i did 3 min at 3 mph (high intensity for me!...I have short little legs!), then i recovered for 1 min (at 2 mph), then i did 3 min at 3.2 mph!!!, then recovery - 1 min, then 3 min at 3.5 mph (hard, hard, hard!!!), then recovery for 1 min, then i did 2 more cycles of 3 min at 3.2 mph and 1 min of recovery (2 mph), plus an extra recovery minute for a cool down. I was sweating and felt incredibly invigorated. my heart rate stayed in the 130-160 range the whole time, which was great. i felt very proud of myself for pushing myself for 25 min!

As for food - this week has been up and down. Some days I've done well by accident. Some days I've gone horribly over in calories in any reasonable sense of the measure. Though I am committed at the moment to not being on a diet, I still wanted to track for this week (maybe 2) to get a sense of what I'm eating. Soon, I think I will switch to just recording my diet in the journal portion of the SP, so I am still cognizant of what I am putting into my mouth, but without being hung up on all the numbers.

Who knows. Perhaps I will revisit dieting in the next couple of months, but for now...I am just saying no to dieting. I am going to live my life, make critical observations of how I am making my choices, make no excuses for moving my body every day, and drink lots of water.

I'm looking forward to seeing what God is going to do in me!


I kicked butt at the gym tonight!

Friday, December 11, 2009

I kicked butt at the gym tonight! I didn't even want to leave! I worked my butt off. And I feel good.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BWCAGRL 12/11/2009 8:26AM

    YES! Good for you! Keep it up and keep up the great attitude!
emoticon emoticon

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ONEELEVEN 12/11/2009 1:24AM

  good work!

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BUTEAFULL 12/11/2009 12:33AM

    just checking in on you,keep kicking it dear emoticon

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