Sunday, July 29, 2012
Fortunately, a couple of things have changed for the positive since the last time I said that. For one, I have now integrated into my life attendance at Overeaters Anonymous meetings twice per week. I am actively working the 12-steps. Well, sometimes actively. But at least I keep going back to meetings. Plus, I have sponsors that I work with to keep me moving forward instead of living in isolation with my compulsive eating behaviors. I have now been going to OA since May 2011...over a year.
Some other things that have changed...
- I now look at my weight as a symptom of my compulsive eating and other internal issues. I no longer see a "diet" as being able to fix me.
- I officially no longer focus on my weight. As a matter of fact, I avoid the scale quite a bit, because it seems to be a depression trigger for me. Now I will weigh myself only for a specific purpose (like infrequently monitoring where I'm at). But if I'm eating poorly, there is absolutely no point in me triggering myself. I already know I gained.
- I have trigger foods that have a lot of power over me (sugar+cream, deep fried foods), but what seems to give them even more power is me telling myself I can never have them again. For that reason, I am trying not to do my OA abstinence the way many people do (i.e. no sugar, no flour, etc...). That seems to sabotage me, bringing out my immature rebellious side. I am still trying to figure out how to work a food plan with my very broken self.
- I just have to "keep coming back". As long as I don't run from recovery, I am hoping that eventually it will hit me in the face...or maybe one day, it will click. In the meantime, I will keep attending meetings, working the steps the best I can, and using the OA tools.
Those are my thoughts for today.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
After another cycle of losing my motivation and jumping ship, I am back. I have reached my limit. This time I am feeling more disgusted with myself, because I am at the highest weight I have ever been in my life. I was on prednisone for a good portion of the year and that accounts for 30-40 of the extra pounds, but if I'm honest, there's a whole lot of eatin' going on.
But that's ok. I'm back, and I will not dwell on past failures. Time to pick myself up. Here's my plan of action, which I started 12 days ago:
1. Attend Overeaters Anonymous and Al-Anon to deal with the deep issues.
2. Get back on Sparkpeople daily - tracking and moving forward.
And so for today, I am moving forward.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
- Started the day out right by getting up relaxed, listening to my DAB, breathing deeply, and being thankful for the day. I also really enjoyed the sound of the rain.
- Before making my first meal of the day, I decided to get in some empty-stomach cardio. I immediately got dressed and prepped to go to the gym. (See my last blog entry for exactly what my workout consisted of). I felt amazing as I poured in sweat and enjoyed the change from the heat in the gym to the cold rain going back to the car. What a workout. Talk about endorphins!!!
- Instead of lazily laying around today, I decided to make it a cooking day. I tried out a new recipe for French onion soup. It came out great! I also juiced 15-20 lemons into ice cube trays...mission accomplished!
- I don't have any real celebrations in terms of food, except I got a small starbucks when I met a friend this evening, rather than a large. I also recorded all of my intake, in order to keep myself accountable.
- I celebrate my great attitude towards exercise and my body.
One day at a time.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Well, I have now gone more than a week without making excuses for not exercising. Every day this week, I have either walked or gone to the gym, exercising no less than 15 minutes. I am celebrating my success right now!!! Woooo hoooo! I'm on the right path in terms of developing a mindset and habit of moving my body daily...regardless of any weight loss or gain. This is just about feeling good and being a good steward of the movement God has allowed me to have for this day...one day at a time. :-)
Today, since it was raining, I went to the gym without a moment of hesitation or excuse making. (That part is becoming fun!) I experimented with interval training. Boy, was that intense! It was fun because I sweat my pants off, but it was intense! After warming up 2 min then stretching my warm body, I jumped on the treadmill and did 2 min at 2 mph, then i did 3 min at 3 mph (high intensity for me!...I have short little legs!), then i recovered for 1 min (at 2 mph), then i did 3 min at 3.2 mph!!!, then recovery - 1 min, then 3 min at 3.5 mph (hard, hard, hard!!!), then recovery for 1 min, then i did 2 more cycles of 3 min at 3.2 mph and 1 min of recovery (2 mph), plus an extra recovery minute for a cool down. I was sweating and felt incredibly invigorated. my heart rate stayed in the 130-160 range the whole time, which was great. i felt very proud of myself for pushing myself for 25 min!
As for food - this week has been up and down. Some days I've done well by accident. Some days I've gone horribly over in calories in any reasonable sense of the measure. Though I am committed at the moment to not being on a diet, I still wanted to track for this week (maybe 2) to get a sense of what I'm eating. Soon, I think I will switch to just recording my diet in the journal portion of the SP, so I am still cognizant of what I am putting into my mouth, but without being hung up on all the numbers.
Who knows. Perhaps I will revisit dieting in the next couple of months, but for now...I am just saying no to dieting. I am going to live my life, make critical observations of how I am making my choices, make no excuses for moving my body every day, and drink lots of water.
I'm looking forward to seeing what God is going to do in me!
Friday, December 11, 2009
I kicked butt at the gym tonight! I didn't even want to leave! I worked my butt off. And I feel good.
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