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My Annual Blog Entry - ha ha

Friday, April 03, 2009

Well, I'm sitting in Barnes & Noble in Bend. I'm down here for 2 weeks to help my Dad out with my Mom, and can't get on the internet at their house, sooo....
I miss being at home this time of year for this long -- so much to do in the garden -- but Dad was really feeling stressed and needed some respite in addition to the 3 and a half hours the he has a caregiver coming in. Mom still knows who I am, but thinks we are at my house some of the time, and is more confused in general. She looked at my laptop this morning (I was playing Solitaire, which she has played on computer in past years) and asked what it was. I told her that it was a computer and she asked "What's a computer?"..... Her verbal skills are still pretty good, which is unusual at this stage of Alzheimer's. But very little to do there -- music upsets her after a very short time, same with tv. She is unable to walk more than a very short distance, so walks are out, as are drives, as she has urinary frequency. There are many cleaning and organizing things I'd love to do, but Dad refuses, gets upset and angry if I do -- I think he is so stressed that anything that creates any change in his environment and routine is just one straw too many. I did manage to get my mom's hair washed and get her in the bathtub. And I'll go thru her closet and do laundry and sheets. But that's about it -- I do get a lot of reading done, but she also gets frustrated with that.
emoticon OK, enough whining. I AM very grateful to be retired and able to come on short notice. I plan to come for a week or more each month now that we're almost past the snowy roads in the mountain passes. Hadn't been since my long visit in early December.

And I am healthy. And happy. And have a great husband who is willing to hold down the fort when I'm gone. AND we are actually going on a trip together next month to NY and DC, and visit my daughter and her husband in CT, and John's niece in DC. My husbands hates to travel, so I am usually on my own or with a friend when I go someplace. But he's willing this time -- my daughter offered us airline tickets -- so I'm really looking forward to sharing this with him. (And hope he doesn't get too grumpy!) I've been to NYC, but not DC -- and we've carved out a couple of days each for the Met in NY and the Smithsonian in DC, besides the usual sights. I'm so glad to be seeing DC with Obama in the Whitehouse. What an awesome change!

Time to sign off from my paid wifi time. I guess it would make more sense to do all my writing at the house and use this time for posting and reading....

Greetings to all my friends and teams -- hope you are all well.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIEMAHA 5/8/2009 4:41PM

    Ahhhh...there you are! You are most likely home again by now...over a month later. Happy Mom's Day. Here's a poem for you:

http://www.panhala.net/
Archive/Invisible_Work.html


Your summer plans with SO sound delightful. DC in the Obama WhiteHouse -- YES! I just watched (via Netflix) Obama's inaguration again the other day. It made me burst inside just like the first time. He's an astounding leader.

How's the garden looking?

Blessings on your head!
xox
Maha
P.S. I LOVE Bend and environs! I took Amtrak from Oakland, CA to Bellingham, WA a few years ago, getting off and on several times. I got off in Eugene and was picked up by a friend who lives in Bend. I spent a couple days with her and friends in Eugene. What a blast!

And once again, me'n Kathy hanging out with the same friend!

Comment edited on: 5/8/2009 4:43:07 PM

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ATRANSFORMATION 4/3/2009 10:54PM

    And here is your annual comment!

I can so relate to the stress of dealing with aging parents, dementia and having to care for them out of town...thankful for my hubby, too.

What part of Bend do they live in. I spent a lot of time in Northwest Crossing when the kids were there, but explored a lot. Hiked up to Pilot Butte with the little ones, til the snow and bitter cold wind pushed us back. But DID drive up there once. And clearly there was the BEST farmers' market in the summer time there.

My nephew is living with my folks for a while, which is an awesome arrangement for all of us. He has free rent, gets to surf and swim every day, and he loves sports and politics so provides my dad with company and conversation. He also is a flirt and can sweet talk my mom down when she gets agitated...I'll be down again mid May. April is SO busy.

We'll have to make an attempt to meet in the middle this summer to share some stories.

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Balance....

Sunday, January 06, 2008

From one of today's linked articles:

"Your body is not an enemy that needs to be beaten and starved into submission....The key is balance. Too much of anything can hurt. But not enough of everything can hurt even more."

Tho I haven't been blogging lately, I have been doing a fair amount of reflection and journaling. This morning I was reflecting on my desire for personal integrity, and at first thinking that that would manifest as more consistent choices (of food, exercise, meditation, etc)-- and then realizing as I reflected more deeply that "what is consistent [with integrity] is not the behavior, but the values and intention that underlies and informs the choices...."

So I looked at some of the areas where I have difficulty, and noted down the which of my values & beliefs support the choices "for" and the choices "against" -- an example was getting up at a "reasonable" hour in the mornings (i.e. 8 instead of 11...).

The supporting values were:
- to use time wisely
- to be more present
- to be more productive

The conflicting values:
- "go with the flow"
- listen to my body - it wants to sleep
- a love of "stillness" (even when wide awake...)

The same sorts of conflicts are there in choosing what to eat, whether to exercise, whether to have that glass of wine, and so on. So how do I honor all of those parts of my "self" with their seemingly conflicting values? I DO know that Balance is the answer -- or maybe balance is more of a core value underlying the seemingly conflicting values? Hmmm - will explore that one further....

Also - a deeper part of the problem is identifying "my" desires, aversions, feelings, as a part of my integral "self" rather than as part of the conglomerate that makes up the persona -- useful and necessary for negotiating the everyday world -- but not really who "I" am.

  
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*RHEA* 1/9/2008 12:24PM

    I would love to be consistantly something. For me, it's about wanting to be loved. I would like to say, "If you're looking for someone serious, responsible, and nurturing, here I am". Or "if you're looking for someone playful, spontaneous, and artistic here I am". Instead I have to say "If you're looking for someone full on contradictions and totally inconsistant who can be nurturing one moment and a selfish bithch the next, here I am".
In a world full of singles adds and instant everything, I still need for someone to take the time to get to know me before I can feel loved. It's a busy world and my fear is that no one will take the time.

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AAARRRG!

Friday, November 30, 2007

OK - I'm feeling desperate. Not only didn't I lose anything eating "sensibly" the past week -- I gained two more pounds. Time to revise my idea of what passes for "sensible". Like maybe not the "just a couple of bites won't hurt" and the "I've been really good all day, I deserve a (food) reward, or the "it's a special occasion". Rationalizations all!!!! If I was half as good at anything income-producing as I am at rationalizing, I would be a rich woman today. So I am tracking today and got back on the treadmill. Good. But the challenge for me, always, is consistency - Keeping on. One day at a time..., week by week.

On a brighter note:
Twenty-some years ago my parents bought an artificial Christmas tree. I was just appalled. What were they thinking?!! Was I really related to them?!!!
So.........I am now about the age they were at the time and today I put up MY first artificial tree. (;-) I do love the looks and smell of a fresh tree, and we live in the middle of Christmas Tree County, USA, so we can get a 7' tree for $20 or less. What finally got me down was the lights -- putting them on and taking them off each year was starting to feel like so much trouble I really didn't want a tree at all. So we bought one at Costco that is permanently covered with lights. I just had to do the fun part. It actually looks pretty real -- but smells like plastic. I'll need to bring some greens in for aroma management.

  
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MARI2006 11/30/2007 8:29PM

    That's how it is... We started with real trees but hubby got concerned about fire. So..an 8' artificial tree was bought 20 years. Just replaced it with another 8' artificial tree last year with its own lights and it comes in three seperate pieces and opens and closes like an umbrella. Still some work but its better. Once my son has left the nest (that may be a few years) and its just me and hubby, I am going to do what my mother-in-law did. Buy a 4' artificial tree, decorate it and when it's time to store it, just put a sheet over it and keep it in the basement. ha... Then next holiday, all I need to do is unveil it... tada! =o)
p.s. I know it sounds kind of sad.

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Abducted by Aliens?

Monday, August 27, 2007

Well, no..... That would be a good explanation for disappearing from SparkPeople for almost 4 months -- but that's not where I've been and I don't really have a reasonable explanation. Until this past week I just stopped tracking my meals and other goals, stopped reading and posting to the message boards. I think it started with having a huge amount of things I needed to do in the garden and couldn't keep up with posting, couldn't read the boards without feeling guilty about not posting, so I just put my head in the sand (garden soil, actually), and dropped out. I thought it would be just for a couple of weeks until I got "caught up" -- ha! -- you would think I would no longer be able to fool myself with that line....

So I've gone back to Stage I, and am getting back on track with tracking food and goals. I'm not sure what I'll do about posting. I had only been able to really keep up with one of my three teams even before becoming overwhelmed. AND, I've missed all of my spark friends -- I did think of you all while I was "away". I think I'll try just keeping up with this blog and inviting my friends to touch in with me here for now. And try to touch back in with my teams enough to catch up with what's been happening in my friends' lives.

So, I gained back almost 10 pounds and it was mostly due to portion control. Well -- sugar, too. And other white carbs. OK - I was practically binging at times.... I DID keep up with exercise by working hard in the garden most of that time -- often 6 to 10 hours in a day (mostly projects -- I don't have THAT many weeds!). Time for bed now. I'll share more of what I did on my summer "sabbatical" in the next day or so. It feels good to be back.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1234MOM 11/11/2007 7:25PM

    Well I've been waiting for you to arrive. Your garden should be a put away for the winter by now. Mine is, but I do have a bucket of ripening tomatoes in the garage. So 10 pounds to lose...me too. Last Fall I popped upt to 165 around Chrismas and have been struggling ever since trying to get it back off. One morning I saw 169 and flipped...now I'm back down to 165.

So the garden isn't keeping you busy...what is?

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ATRANSFORMATION 8/28/2007 12:30AM

    Ah...the old white sugar demon....he'll get you every time.~~~~Pulling back is not necessarily a "bad" thing, you know. I bet your garden is lovely and it, like we, treasures the time spent together.

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Touching In

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Have been so involved with posting and reading posts that I haven't been journaling -- or exercising, or food tracking. A good example of how the same thing can be either a support or an obstacle, depending on how we use it.... My solution was to make an agreement with myself that I won't log on until AFTER I've exercised - and meditated - a req minimum of 10 min each, but trying for 30 min of each each day, and it's worked for the first 2 days so far. Also journaled (paper journal) this am while I was doing my light therapy. What I have to beware of is my "all or nothing" tendency. My pattern is to have a bit of success and then get so enthused that I pile on all sorts of other goals and burn out after a couple more days. NOT going to do that this time!!!!! NOT! :-)

  


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