Friday, April 03, 2009
Well, I'm sitting in Barnes & Noble in Bend. I'm down here for 2 weeks to help my Dad out with my Mom, and can't get on the internet at their house, sooo....
I miss being at home this time of year for this long -- so much to do in the garden -- but Dad was really feeling stressed and needed some respite in addition to the 3 and a half hours the he has a caregiver coming in. Mom still knows who I am, but thinks we are at my house some of the time, and is more confused in general. She looked at my laptop this morning (I was playing Solitaire, which she has played on computer in past years) and asked what it was. I told her that it was a computer and she asked "What's a computer?"..... Her verbal skills are still pretty good, which is unusual at this stage of Alzheimer's. But very little to do there -- music upsets her after a very short time, same with tv. She is unable to walk more than a very short distance, so walks are out, as are drives, as she has urinary frequency. There are many cleaning and organizing things I'd love to do, but Dad refuses, gets upset and angry if I do -- I think he is so stressed that anything that creates any change in his environment and routine is just one straw too many. I did manage to get my mom's hair washed and get her in the bathtub. And I'll go thru her closet and do laundry and sheets. But that's about it -- I do get a lot of reading done, but she also gets frustrated with that.
OK, enough whining. I AM very grateful to be retired and able to come on short notice. I plan to come for a week or more each month now that we're almost past the snowy roads in the mountain passes. Hadn't been since my long visit in early December.
And I am healthy. And happy. And have a great husband who is willing to hold down the fort when I'm gone. AND we are actually going on a trip together next month to NY and DC, and visit my daughter and her husband in CT, and John's niece in DC. My husbands hates to travel, so I am usually on my own or with a friend when I go someplace. But he's willing this time -- my daughter offered us airline tickets -- so I'm really looking forward to sharing this with him. (And hope he doesn't get too grumpy!) I've been to NYC, but not DC -- and we've carved out a couple of days each for the Met in NY and the Smithsonian in DC, besides the usual sights. I'm so glad to be seeing DC with Obama in the Whitehouse. What an awesome change!
Time to sign off from my paid wifi time. I guess it would make more sense to do all my writing at the house and use this time for posting and reading....
Greetings to all my friends and teams -- hope you are all well.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
From one of today's linked articles:
"Your body is not an enemy that needs to be beaten and starved into submission....The key is balance. Too much of anything can hurt. But not enough of everything can hurt even more."
Tho I haven't been blogging lately, I have been doing a fair amount of reflection and journaling. This morning I was reflecting on my desire for personal integrity, and at first thinking that that would manifest as more consistent choices (of food, exercise, meditation, etc)-- and then realizing as I reflected more deeply that "what is consistent [with integrity] is not the behavior, but the values and intention that underlies and informs the choices...."
So I looked at some of the areas where I have difficulty, and noted down the which of my values & beliefs support the choices "for" and the choices "against" -- an example was getting up at a "reasonable" hour in the mornings (i.e. 8 instead of 11...).
The supporting values were:
- to use time wisely
- to be more present
- to be more productive
The conflicting values:
- "go with the flow"
- listen to my body - it wants to sleep
- a love of "stillness" (even when wide awake...)
The same sorts of conflicts are there in choosing what to eat, whether to exercise, whether to have that glass of wine, and so on. So how do I honor all of those parts of my "self" with their seemingly conflicting values? I DO know that Balance is the answer -- or maybe balance is more of a core value underlying the seemingly conflicting values? Hmmm - will explore that one further....
Also - a deeper part of the problem is identifying "my" desires, aversions, feelings, as a part of my integral "self" rather than as part of the conglomerate that makes up the persona -- useful and necessary for negotiating the everyday world -- but not really who "I" am.
Friday, November 30, 2007
OK - I'm feeling desperate. Not only didn't I lose anything eating "sensibly" the past week -- I gained two more pounds. Time to revise my idea of what passes for "sensible". Like maybe not the "just a couple of bites won't hurt" and the "I've been really good all day, I deserve a (food) reward, or the "it's a special occasion". Rationalizations all!!!! If I was half as good at anything income-producing as I am at rationalizing, I would be a rich woman today. So I am tracking today and got back on the treadmill. Good. But the challenge for me, always, is consistency - Keeping on. One day at a time..., week by week.
On a brighter note:
Twenty-some years ago my parents bought an artificial Christmas tree. I was just appalled. What were they thinking?!! Was I really related to them?!!!
So.........I am now about the age they were at the time and today I put up MY first artificial tree. (;-) I do love the looks and smell of a fresh tree, and we live in the middle of Christmas Tree County, USA, so we can get a 7' tree for $20 or less. What finally got me down was the lights -- putting them on and taking them off each year was starting to feel like so much trouble I really didn't want a tree at all. So we bought one at Costco that is permanently covered with lights. I just had to do the fun part. It actually looks pretty real -- but smells like plastic. I'll need to bring some greens in for aroma management.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Well, no..... That would be a good explanation for disappearing from SparkPeople for almost 4 months -- but that's not where I've been and I don't really have a reasonable explanation. Until this past week I just stopped tracking my meals and other goals, stopped reading and posting to the message boards. I think it started with having a huge amount of things I needed to do in the garden and couldn't keep up with posting, couldn't read the boards without feeling guilty about not posting, so I just put my head in the sand (garden soil, actually), and dropped out. I thought it would be just for a couple of weeks until I got "caught up" -- ha! -- you would think I would no longer be able to fool myself with that line....
So I've gone back to Stage I, and am getting back on track with tracking food and goals. I'm not sure what I'll do about posting. I had only been able to really keep up with one of my three teams even before becoming overwhelmed. AND, I've missed all of my spark friends -- I did think of you all while I was "away". I think I'll try just keeping up with this blog and inviting my friends to touch in with me here for now. And try to touch back in with my teams enough to catch up with what's been happening in my friends' lives.
So, I gained back almost 10 pounds and it was mostly due to portion control. Well -- sugar, too. And other white carbs. OK - I was practically binging at times.... I DID keep up with exercise by working hard in the garden most of that time -- often 6 to 10 hours in a day (mostly projects -- I don't have THAT many weeds!). Time for bed now. I'll share more of what I did on my summer "sabbatical" in the next day or so. It feels good to be back.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Have been so involved with posting and reading posts that I haven't been journaling -- or exercising, or food tracking. A good example of how the same thing can be either a support or an obstacle, depending on how we use it.... My solution was to make an agreement with myself that I won't log on until AFTER I've exercised - and meditated - a req minimum of 10 min each, but trying for 30 min of each each day, and it's worked for the first 2 days so far. Also journaled (paper journal) this am while I was doing my light therapy. What I have to beware of is my "all or nothing" tendency. My pattern is to have a bit of success and then get so enthused that I pile on all sorts of other goals and burn out after a couple more days. NOT going to do that this time!!!!! NOT! :-)
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