Friday, January 04, 2013
Had an appointment with Dr. K today. It didn't go as well as I'd hoped.
My list of concerns were:
1. Depression worse
2. Pain: elbow, hip, back (all unrelated)
3. Dry skin on my face.
1. First she wanted to blame my worsening depression on my thyroid, which I don't believe is very far off, if at all. She did get a clue and just raised my Bupropion dose instead. I guess that's about the end of the good news.
During this conversation re: depression, thyroid, etc. I discovered that it was she and not Dr. T that changed Greg's insulin and that she doesn't want him to see Dr. T any longer. She wants to do it all. Well, I believe that Dr. T who is specializing in diabetes should continue to regulate his diabetes. I'm still very stressed about this... and my appointment was more than 6 hours ago.
2. We did discuss all of my pains, but in the end nothing was done about any of them. I thought she'd either order some tests or send me for PT. But, hope, no closure what-so-ever.
3. No discussion what-so-ever regarding my skin, which is probably just as well anyway since it feels fine today. It hasn't felt too bad the past few days, but it was so dry it felt as rough as a scratch pad that you use to clean pots and pans.
Anyway, my mood pretty low and I could use prayers more than advice.
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Day started well. I was up before 5 a.m. feeling awake and rested. Had breakfast, dropped DS off at a breakfast meeting, went to a f2f meeting, picked DS back up, took the dog for his vaccines, got a few things done around the house, had lunch, and headed with DH towards a movie theater. It was obvious we had left too late to get there before the movie started, so we decided to wait until tomorrow. We are planning on seeing ĎLincolní. I lurked in a couple of on-line meetings, but just didnít feel like sharing at those today.
Iíve really been having feelings of depression and anxiety lately, and today the feelings came and went throughout the day. As the day went on, the feelings got worse and closer together. Eventually I took my blood pressure to see if that might be to blame. Nope. My blood pressure was perfect. So, I just continue to do lots of praying. Iím sure much of it has to do with work; it so negative there and you can almost feel the evil in the air.
Food was good today. I was over on my calories, but it had more to do with the types of food and not the volume. I was actually quite happy at dinner. DH decided to order Pizza Hut. There are 8 slices in a large pizza and usually we each have two pieces and get two meals out of it. Now that DS is living with us, that donít work. I took two pieces anyway, but after I ate the first and started to eat the second, I realized that I didnít really want the second piece so I stopped! Yay! I did decide I was still a little hungry though and I allowed myself to have some ice cream to finish off my meal. I scooped it out, weighed it and did NOT go back for seconds. Yay! In fact food has been good since 11/20/12 :D
I read my OA readings today and some in my Bible. I also did lots of praying and listened to some Christian music on CD; a couple of the songs had me in tears Ö God is so good and I am so undeserving. Sometimes it is so hard to accept that someone would die for me; I certainly am not strong enough or courageous enough to die for anyone. Thatís why it is so hard; how can I accept something that given the chance, I would not or could not Ďreturn the favorí so to speak? Some of my prayer time today was used on trying to deal with this issue.
My plan of action seems a bit scattered. I rarely give it much thought on a daily basis although I do use many of the tools on a daily basis and possibly all of them at least a few times a week. So, I decided to get it out and look at it to see what I was missing and how I could do better at using each of the tools daily. As I read through, I remembered that Ďwritingí is one that I donít do enough; so here I am. ;-)
AnywayÖ today I am thankful that I went to the f2f meeting; it really did me good. Iím thankful for the feelings and progress I felt as I listened to the songs, that DS is attending his meetings regularly (though I wish heíd get help for his depression), that the dogís shots didnít cost as much as I thought they might, and that I know God will work things out for my good Ė in His time (and I hope that is sooner than later, lol).
Nighty night Ė everyone have a great Sunday and enjoy it best you can Ö Monday will be here all too soon :D
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Wow. Itís been forever since Iíve blogged. And I donít know how far Iíll get because my back is killing me. If it feels like this now, what will it feel like when I get old? Ugh!
I joined OA first of October through www.therecoverygroup.org . I went through the orientation which is a month long. I canít say Iím making a lot of progress just yet, but Iím getting the foundation laid.
Itíll probably be a lot longer road for me than it is for many others because Iíve been SO depressed recently and it seems to be getting worse. So often I feel like crying and for no reason. *sigh*. Iím sure now that weíre heading into the holidays and I basically have no money, the depression is not going to get better anytime soon.
Which I guess brings me to my next issue. And I feel like such a terrible person for this. Itís my issue and my issue alone, but Ö.. My husband goes to medical professionals at the drop of a hat. If he gets a hangnail, Iím sure heíll make an appointment. Now he does have some serious health concerns Ė diabetes and major depression, but even over and above those, if he can find a reason to add yet another doctor, therapist, etc., he will. Now as for myself; I often would like to seek medical assistance for something. Right now it would be this very painful back and the depression that Iím experiencing. But instead of picking up the phone, I take a look at the bank accounts and decide that we donít have the money or enough left on any credit cards for me to make another bill. I find myself always saving whatever money we have to spend on his doctor bills and medications. That being said; I find myself feeling jealous and then feeling very bad for feeling that way. Yes Iím a crazy person! Iíd have the diagnosis too if Iíd ever go to the doctor, lol.
This morning when I thought about blogging, I had lots to say, but now I can Ďt seem to remember any of itÖ so I guess Iíll call it a day.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Itís been 32 Ĺ years since we made those vows. On days like today, Iím not so sure Iím willing to let him make it to 33. Okay, not really, but Iím am thoroughly disgusted with him today.
We bought a second rental house around the first of the month. I REALLY didnít want to have to help renovate it, AND heíd not ask for my help. He talked as if everything was going well. Then about a week ago, I dropped by to take a look. OMG! He had been rushing through and doing a terrible job on the painting. He had patched holes where a bunch of pictures had been hung, but then painted over it without sanding well. GrrrÖ.
He also wasted too much time trying to figure out how to save the woodwork (and not paint it). It really wasnít fancy enough, and some of it just wasnít in good enough condition.
Anyway, I decided that I will HAVE to go and at least help with the painting. So today, I head over, and a closer look just about puts me in tears (well, it DID actually). He has just been doing things haphazardly with no organization or plan.
I guess I really have to blame myself to some extent, because as I reflected on it (during my pity party), I remembered that in the 32 plus years that Iíve known him, heís NEVER been detail oriented. In the house we live in, every major project heís done has been left unfinished because when it gets down to the details, he tends to stop and start another project. How stupid could I be to forget such a thing? I mean all I have to do is take a look around my house, lol.
I'm feeling a little better, so I guess Iíll just pick up the pieces best I can and move on.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Iíve wanted to establish myself with a Ďrealí doctor for some time now. Around here, it seems like all you usually get to see are nurse practitioners or PAís. Nothing against them, it just feels good to actually see a doctor sometimes. Anyway, thanks to someone kind enough to give me a referral, I found one.
Three were a lot of things I liked on her web site, but at the same time, there were little hints here and there that said she might be a little pushier than Iíd prefer. I have to admit, I kind of had myself worked up anticipating the appointment.
However, it went VERY well. She had actually read the new patient info that I had completed (all 10-12 or so pages, which were very detailed). She is very thorough, genuine, and really likes what she does.
Thatís the good news. The not so good news is she thinks my thyroid is a little low (per the endocrinology scale). We discussed it thoroughly and whether or not I should try Thyroid hormone. I decided to do what she suggested and give it a try for about 3 weeks to see if I can tell a difference in my energy level, etc.
Sometimes I frustrate myself with my aversion to medicine. I did mention it to her and told her I didnít know why. However, AFTER I left, I remembered Ė duh! I DO know why; I just donít really know how to get past it. I can attribute it to my mom and step-dad. He was addicted to Darvon. I watched my mom, more than once, call a doctorís office (he had prescriptions from several), and lie about what mishap had occurred causing him to need it refilled early. And then there was my mom. She was a hypochondriac; you could tell her that a friend of a friend of a friend was ill and had such and such symptoms; within a couple days SHE would have those same symptoms. She would look through a drug book and determine what meds she thought she needed to take. Then sheíd come home from a doctorís appointment all upset because they didnít prescribe the same drugs she was convinced she needed.
I found all of this so disturbing that until I had kids and couldnít take a nap for a headache, I wouldnít even take an aspirin. So, bottom line is I pretty much know why I feel the way I do; I just donít know how to get past it. Oh well.
Then thereís work. Apparently weíve lost another person in our department and, of course, sheís not being replaced. So my work load is getting heavier again. I already have not been taking breaks and struggle to get my work done. Not to mention that I have lots to do to get ready for my new position in the new building. Between the work load and all the negativity (we have a couple that like to keep the pot stirred, but because of the friendship one of them has with a higher-up, nothing will change), work is very stressful right now. Iím sure the stress isnít doing my hormones any good. Oh well.
All in all, I seem to be doing okay with staying within my calorie range most days. Iím trying to get in more exercise, and am supposed to be walking the Steamboat Classic next Saturday, but I have to confessÖ activity is very hard for me right now. I just donít seem to have any energy to get up and move. They say exercise increases your energy, but finding the energy to exercise in the first place is a toughie.
Enough rambling for one dayÖ.
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