Saturday, November 13, 2010
I have a good friend who has always been smaller than me. She's always accepted me at whatever weight I was and been very supportive of me. In recent years, she's put some weight on, reaching her all time high, but still far smaller than I was. Now we're very close to the same size. I'd say she's still smaller, but I'm closing in on her. And I see a change in her. Because I decided to change my goal from a 12 to a 10, she's now saying she thinks I have gone too far.
Um...I weigh 197 pounds...gone too far?! Seriously? I'm almost 200 pounds. I'm still obese! How have I gone too far? I'm working with a fitness trainer. I'm journaling all food and exercise. I'm taking supplements daily. I'm going to PT. I'm doing everything right. How am I going too far? Is "too far" the possibility of being smaller than she is? This really bothers me because I never expected it from her.
I'm trying very hard to make sure the topic of weigh does NOT come up in conversation with her, so it's not thrown in her face. She never brings it up, I've noticed. But if others say something, that's when she starts. And she has a hard time letting it go. I am so NOT confrontational, so I don't want to bring up the change I'm feeling. Maybe I just need to give her time to adjust. We've been friends for 11 years and her role as always been the smaller one. I'm sure I wouldn't like it if the situation was reversed.
Yes. Time. That's what she needs. I'll keep quiet for a while longer and give her time. I hope that's all it takes...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
So they're skin tight...and I wouldn't wear them in public yet...but they're a 10 and I'm in them! Feels so good! Probably the only size 10 that I could possibly squeeze into, but that's ok...makes me realize it's so within my grasp!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
So, I went under 200 yesterday morning...feeling invincible and fantastic. The knee felt great. I felt wonderful. Went to PT, thinking I was going to kick a$$. I gave it all I had in the pool...really pushed it, the entire time. Of course, being in the water, no impact, I felt wonderful. Got out of the pool feeling like I'd really worked every muscle I had. It all sounds great, right?
Well, flash forward to bedtime...I was in excruciating pain literally all night long. I have a script for darvocet and hydrocodone for pain. They both make me terribly constipated, but the hydrocodone keeps me from sleeping and makes me itch. It helps some with the pain, but doesn't completely eradicate it. The darvocet doesn't keep me up and doesn't cause me to scratch nonstop, but it's not as strong. I decided I'd try the darvocet. I don't know if it helped at all. Perhaps it did...I can't imagine it being worse without, but maybe it would have been. I was taking it every 3 hours, instead of every 6 (stupid, I know...but I was desperate!) so I'll likely never poop again!
This morning, the knee is only a little achy, but I'm exhausted!!! Wanted to work out today. (And may still, later, if I'm up to it.) Will definitely need to nap at some point.
So, lesson learned? Easy does it. It's not a race! Slow and steady. I will NOT get cocky again!
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