Friday, November 09, 2007
One more day...I can do it...I can get through today! I can, I can!
It's pretty sad that I have to go through that every single day...but I have to pep myself up for it. Yesterday the teacher I work with said she would have to "loan me out" to other teachers who may need me because that's better than being "laid off"...she doesn't have the authority to change my placement or lay me off...I don't know if she thinks she can or if she thinks I'm dumb enough to believe her. I have tenure and seniority over most other LTA's in our school...she's not even a permanent teacher. Her position is a long term substitute position. She's got no tenure. I think I'll mention to the building union rep that I was told I may have to be loaned out to avoid being laid off and say what she says.
Outside of work...my kids both recieved their notification that their request to live on campus has been approved, so it's official...we'll be empty nesters in January. How strange...I'm both sad and excited for them. It's so bizarre to have such opposite feelings existing at the same time. I can't say I like it. It's very confusing.
Ginger, the dog we're taking care of, goes home on Sunday. I love her but I'm always glad to see her go. Although she's very sweet, kind, gentle and loving, she gets into the trash and doesn't come in when she's called. In fact, she goes in the opposite direction! It will be nice to be back to our regular pack of dogs.
Food's going well...still no exercise...what is the reason I'm avoiding it?!
Time to get ready for work...
Thursday, November 08, 2007
I have never lived more for the weekends than I do this school year! But whatever gets me through, I guess!
The woman from DSS called yesterday to say that something came up and she had to change me interview to the following day...which is completely fine with me. What's one more day?
I'm very nervous about it...I want to be offered the job but I'm not 100% sure I want to leave my current job. I mean I'm completely miserable in my current placement, but due to low student numbers (and the news that another one of our students will be moving, quite possibly out of the district...that would bring us down to two students and three adults in the room), it's looking like one of us would move to a different assignment...and that would be fine with me. I can work with any population...I've done all kinds of special ed and I've done regular ed tutoring in the after school program.
The best case scenario would be that I'd be offered the job and have the choice of moving to a different classroom and taking the DSS job...then I could sit down and make a list of pros and cons and make an informed decision.
But reality must pop in here and mention AGAIN that I have no experience working in an office or doing clerical duties. I think I'd do fine, as I'm organized and can multi-task. I type well and fairly quickly, am reasonably articulate and can manage a neat appearance when I need to. But given someone who's actually been able to prove those skills and someone who thinks she can do them, it's a no-brainer who'd be hired. I would have to pull off one Hell of an interview in order to convince them to take someone with no experience...so that's what I'm shooting for!
Last night we rented The Lives of Others...a German film about...well, I won't say. Don't want to spoil it for anyone inspired to rent it. It's a very good film. It does have a bit of a slow beginning. But if you stick it out, you'll appreciate it. I really enjoyed it, as did my family. (Well, Kate and Darryl, anyway...Devon was on campus.)
As you may have noticed, no mention of exercise in this here blog...that's because there's been no exercise in this here life! I even got out of work early yesterday! I even said outloud that I should at least go for a brisk walk. But it was cold and I was tired and I made every excuse not to...so we watched the film instead.
Maybe I'm content at this weight. I know what to do in order to drop more weight. I now know what to do in order to maintain my weight...and that's what I'm currently willing to do. I wear a size 14 or 16, down from a tight 28...sometimes even a size 32. I guess I keep comparing what I used to be and that helps complacency slip in. Stinking thinking...I would rather be a size 12. Maybe even a 10. It's not a delusional goal...size 2 or 4 would be. But I think 10 or 12 is realistic.
Even as I write this, I'm not getting motivated to do more to lose weight. Maybe it's a slight depression over my job. Maybe if I make that change, I'll find the strength to take on other challenges. It does seem to be all encompassing right now.
I don't know...maybe it's all just excuses and I'm just plain lazy. I don't know. But I do know it's getting close to time for work, so I must close and get busy so I'm not late.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Something had to give last night and I chose yoga. Bad decision...I could have chosen to give up the three hour long film that UCCCA showed and then rented it later, when it comes out on DVD. But I was in a lousy mood (work was terrible) and I guess I wanted to stay in that mood, as I know yoga improves my mood. What's up with that?!
The movie wasn't all that great, either! No sooner did I pay for it, sit down in the theater, than I began to think perhaps I should have gone to yoga and not the movie...then the self-loathing and degradation started.
Perhaps it was a great film afterall, but because I was so busy beating myself up, I didn't notice.
I made an appointment for my interview with DSS...November 20th. I'm both terrified and excited. I'm torn between wanting to get the position and not wanting it. Numbers are so low in our classroom (three students, three adults), there's been talk of pulling one of us and placing us elsewhere...this would take care of my situation at work...then I wouldn't need the DSS job. But if numbers were to go back up, which they usually do, I'd be put back in there...some tough choices ahead.
I'm coughing again...a little tickle that doesn't sound bad...just like before. I hope it's not going to be a full blown something! And if it is, I hope it's completely gone by the 20th!
It snowed a tiny bit yesterday...the kids were all excited in school...you could hear it all down the hallway, as they looked out the windows. But it was done (with no evidence of it ever having snowed) by the time they went out for recess. It's snowing a bit now, but not enough to stick to the ground...just enough to make my deck a slippery mess...Daisy slipped on it, going out back this morning.
Half day for kids today...parent/teacher conferences...in all my years working here, with the other teachers, I've always gone to the conferences and had things to add...but this teacher has made it very clear we are not welcome...so I asked her at our team meeting what she'd like us to do during the half day...she laughed and said, "go to lunch?"
I've taken to asking her very directly what she wants me to do all the time now...she likes being very vague, so she can complain later that I did the wrong thing. I'm forcing her to tell me what she wants and she's not liking that. But if I don't do it, I'm in a no win situation...no matter what I do, it's the wrong thing. If I ask her point blank, "What do you want me to do?" she must give me an answer and then live with it. We just really don't work well together.
Our team meeting was disasterous...it was 40 minutes of her telling me what I do wrong...nicely, nodding her head, with a smile on her face. She seems to think that if she's smiling, she's not delivering bad news. But it's kind of creepy to have someone smile at you all the time, especially while kindly reprimanding you.
Anyway, I've got better things to do than to get myself worked up over her this morning...I only have a half day with her and I can do it!
Have to go read the paper to see who won the local elections.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Tight squeeze today...have to find time to go to yoga, vote, have a quick dinner and get to the UCCCA film by 7...oh, and call DSS back, as they called about scheduling an interview! (Yay!) I can call them on my lunch break...maybe even vote then, too, if I bring a lunch and eat with the students during their lunch. Then I'll be all set for yoga, quick dinner and the movie...glad I worked that out! Now I'd better go pack a lunch, so I can do it all!
Monday, November 05, 2007
The first snow of the season is supposed to come on Wednesday. We've had the most amazingly mild fall so far...some record highs, a lot of sun and an unseasonably warm Halloween.
Some friends and I are planning a vegetarian pre-Thanksgiving meal. I'm so glad. We've been group emailing each other, trying to decide the menu and who will make what. That's nearly as much fun as making/eating it! I love planning parties!
My arms are sore today...I guess it's left over from the restraint I had to do on Friday...that was some workout!
I've got to go...have to track my breakfast...I've gotten out of the habit of doing that. I need to go back to it. I'm better about what goes in my mouth when I'm writing it all down.
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