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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The lama who spoke at church on Sunday said he couldn't hold onto anger (for the killing of his entire family when he escaped from Tibet...13 members!) as it ate him up. He still feels sadness but no more anger. He said he faces adversaries with compassion. So that's what I did yesterday...whenever a child was being extremely difficult (and that happened more times than I care to count) or a co-worker was being passive aggressive, I met them with compassion. Not sure it did anything for them, but it sure helped me out a lot! I was able to smile all day long and I really felt pretty good, all day long.

I told 2 co-workers what I was doing and asked them to remind me about compassion if they saw me reacting to anything negatively.

It's only been one day and I'm sure to slip up, but at least I'm going into the workday positively and feeling like I may make a difference again. I have not felt like I'm doing any good at work all school year. I may not be able to do the things I feel are best, but I don't have to hold onto the anger and resentment, as that surely will not benefit the kids. If I go into everything with compassion and do what I'm still allowed to do, without anger, I'll be doing more than I was before, when I was feeling unappreciated, under-utilized, unwanted and disliked.

It's funny, because I don't think now that I am appreciated or utilized or wanted or even liked, but I guess I'm not giving them as much energy, focus or time. Of course everyone wants to feel loved and wanted. But there are more important things to deal with here...the students! I can set aside my difficulties with my co-worker and concentrate more on the kids. And honestly, I do feel appreciated and liked by them (most of the time, anyway).

Now, on to nutrition and exercise...I've been slacking! My food has been off lately. Not high calories/fat, but high carbs, causing me to have hypoglycemic troubles. Since surgery, I can't eat a lot of complex carbs, especially without a significant amount of protein. Over the weekend I went to my sister's house and ate potato soup and home-made bread...Carbs?!!! I got shakey, sweaty, weak, dizzy, confused and almost slurring my words. Fortunately, she's had the surgery, is an RN, and knew what to do. She got some protein and some sugar in me right away and within a few minutes, I was much better.

The thing is, I KNOW that can happen to me. That's why I carry a meter with me, to check my blood sugar levels...but I just wasn't being mindful and I wasn't tracking everything that went into my mouth.

And exercise...I've gone for a bike ride or a walk downtown or whatever, but nothing really sweat-breaking in quite a while. I know how to maintain at this weight...I've basically been doing that. But I'm honestly not at a weight I want to stay at. I'd like to keep losing.

It really stinks that I know what to do, yet don't do it! I know how good I feel when I'm really exercising right, eating right, doing yoga regularly, meditating regularly. I know I'm not alone on this...it just doesn't make sense...is it just laziness? Or something more than that?

Anyway...I'm not going to beat myself up for the past, which can't be changed anyway. I'm going into today with a smile on my face and compassion in my heart and a spring in my step.

AND...it's Tuesday, which means I leave work 30 minutes early to go to yoga and have a quick bite to eat and then the UCCCA film, which is the original (1920s) silent film of Phantom of the Opera, with a live orchestra playing!!!! How fabulous is that?!


Still out of shape...

Monday, October 22, 2007

I went for a bicycle ride last night and boy, do I feel it today! My lower back, my legs...even my arms, from holding onto the handle bars so tightly. I'd love to be physically fit enough by next fall that I can go for long rides and not feel sore after. I mean, I'm really feeling it!

Yesterday was a beautiful day...sunny, warm but not too warm. Great day to rake leaves. But nope...I didn't rake a single leaf.

I did, however, go to church and hear the llama speak about wisdom and compassion. He was amazing. We are so blessed to have had him in to speak. He's so incredibly wise. I'm planning to get a copy of his speech (and beautiful chanting) and give it to my father's friend who lost his daughter. I found it so amazing and I think that perhaps he'll get something from it.

Time for work...gotta run!


Sad news

Sunday, October 21, 2007

One of my father's very close friends just lost his daughter...she was hit by a car and killed. 20 years old...that's how old Devon is. So very sad. Apparently, she'd come home from college for a visit and was on her way back. The details are sketchy but what my sister told me is that she was pulled over by the police (speeding, maybe?) and the officer got another call and told her to wait there for him, that he'd be back. When he got back, she'd been hit by a car and was dead and nobody was around. I don't know why she was out of her car, as her car was not hit. Just her.

It's so awful and makes me realize just how precious life is and that you don't know how long you've got. Make plans for the future but live life to the fullest while making those plans.

On a different, less depressing note, I went to my sister's house last evening for her youngest's birthday party. She turned 17. Unfortunately, I mindlessly ate potato chips (saying it was ok because they were baked) and then the curried potato vegetable soup that Darryl made for the party, picking out and eating mostly the potatoes and then a slice of home-made bread. Well, with the surgery I've had, too many complex carb foods, and I end up with low blood sugar. I had the worst case I've had in a long while...weakness, dizziness, shakes, sweats, confusion...it was just awful. Fortunately, my sister also had the RNY surgery, is an RN, and knew just what to do for me. It's kind of tricky for me, since too much sugar will cause me to have Dumping Syndrome, but quick sugar is what I need in a case like that.

I really have to pay attention to EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth! This is a case where being a vegetarian makes it a bit more difficult. I need sugar and protein to combat the low blood sugar...and finding a protein that will quickly get into my system is difficult being vegetarian. Or a protein that isn't also high in carbohydrates. A lot of those meat alternatives are quite carby.

But today, back on track with 1 1/2 scrambled eggs (I scrambled three and gave half to Darryl) with a little provolone cheese. I feel better now.

I went to a boys' high school soccer game yesterday...I froze my @$$ off!!!! Since losing weight, I'm cold on a decent day. Yesterday was windy and rainy and just plain nasty all day. I dressed warmly (in layers), had a scarf and gloves and a hat and a hot mug of coffee and I still froze. And the team I was rooting for lost. :~(

I have been having trouble with constipation lately...a side effect from the surgery. So I tried a little experiment...I stopped taking my stool softener and also stopped taking my iron...no more problem with constipation. But I know I have to take the iron, so I'll just have to add more fiber to my diet and maybe kick up the stool softener if the fiber isn't enough.

I remember when I was pregnant with Kate I had the same exact problem with the iron...I'd take it until I couldn't have a movement and then stop taking it until I'd had one and then start taking it again.

I currently take the kind of iron that is supposed to be most gentle...imagine if I wasn't! I'd never have another movement again!

Sorry about all the poop talk...just keeping it real here...

I should close...I'm going to church today. A lama is speaking about wisdom and peace.


Hiking trip back off!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Yup...the trip's off again...which is okay, since it's raining a lot out there and we're supposed to get thunder storms.

Darryl's running right now so I'm checking my email and posting on SparkPeople before he gets back...then I think we'll go to the Farmers' Market and get some coffee while we're out before returning to do the drudgery of housework.

So I've been complaining about always having weekend plans...now we don't have any...be careful what you ask for, huh? We finally have that 2 days without a single plan that we've wanted. I'd better make good use of it!

This morning I went back and re-read every blog entry I've written. I've lost and gained the same 4-5 pounds since August!!!! What's up with that?! I'm sure the periods every 8-14 days doesn't help, but still...I need to get moving more to do any serious losing. The dog walks certainly aren't cutting it.

I'm cutting everyone's hair today. That's the problem with doing them all on one day...they all need haircuts again at the same time. But I'd rather take the chunk of time and do it all on one day rather than every weekend find the time to cut someone's hair.

I need a trim, too, but in the back, which I don't do very well. (This is not to say that I haven't done it...in fact, I was the last one to cut the back of my hair...but it's not done well and I feel like I deserve a decent hair cut. I feel like I save a lot of money by cutting everyone else's hair, so I should be entitled to pay for my own haircuts, right?)

I hear Daisy chewing something...I'd better go see if it's something she is supposed to have. And start my weekend!


bit of an update...

Friday, October 19, 2007

Just got home from the staff development day and feel the need to write and say it wasn't half bad! I just re-read my post this morning. What a foul mood I was in, huh?!

The service learning workshop was very good and very informative and I'm looking forward to getting more information about several projects. And the lifting, although I don't normally have to do much of it, was a good thing to learn. Physical health is very important and a lot was pointed out that I do incorrectly that I can easily correct. All good for me!

It's a dark, cloudy day here today...I'm not sure how/why my mood has improved, but I'm glad it has. I don't usually like this kind of weather, but for whatever reason, it's not bothering right now. (Phew!)

I've got stuff to do...more tomorrow!


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