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WELCOME AUGUST

Monday, August 01, 2011

July was a rough month for me. I spent most of the month overstressed, overtired, run ragged, depressed and frustrated. TOO MUCH DOING & not enough "being". I used to have a therapist who would remind me that I needed to spend more time as a Human BEing and less of a human DOing. I've spoken before about my feelings that if I keep moving "they can't get me"... whomever they may be.

The worst of July was the HEAT combined with the fact that I spent 5-nights a week sleeping in the van in Stuart where my DH was working. It was really dragging me down. I was hurting all the time & it was getting worse. I was having to use my cane all the time again. Much prayer was lifted up that I would not have to continue to make that long drive & sleep in that van.....

Be careful what you pray for..... Thursday my DH lost his job. On the bright side.. I no longer have to make that long drive & I don't have to sleep in the van anymore! emoticon That is DEFINITELY prayers being answered. The fact that I now have to figure out how to support a family of 6 on less than $800 per month adds to stress... but after only 3 days of sleeping in my own bed, I am already hurting less & able to leave the cane alone more and more.

The positives in my life for July....

I had 4 grandchildren celebrate birthdays! Mallory, Lilianna, McKayla & Aurora. That's something to be grateful for!

My friend Ruth, who also celebrated a birthday in July, came out of the coma that she was in & while she is suffering from pretty extensive brain damage, she is doing much better than was expected. More answers to prayer. I got to visit her on Saturday at an assisted living facility where she is now staying. We had a wonderful visit & she DID recognize me while I was there so that was special. I made her a photo album through the 25 years of our friendship & she & I spent a long time going over and over the pictures... sometimes she'd recognize folks and sometimes not. I hope that it will help her. I am so grateful that she is doing as well as she is. It is a GREAT blessing to remember July for.

I didn't lose any weight in July but I didn't GAIN any weight in July. Another blessing considering all the birthday parties & the stress I have been under.

MY THOUGHTS ABOUT AUGUST.....

1. It's still hot so I am concentrating on drinking plenty of plain clear water!
2. Fruits & veggies are plentiful so I am enjoying them to the fullest!
3. The outdoor pool is still open so I am spending as much time there as I can enjoying the fun & fitness I find there.
4. I am saving gas by not having to drive to Stuart!
5. I have the opportunity to get better & MORE sleep. I am going to TAKE THAT OPPORTUNITY & try to let this old body do some healing.
6. I have put my foot down & told all the ADULTS in my house that they need to get JOBS! I am going to keep that foot down.... or perhaps I should put on a boot and apply it to some bottoms!
7. I am remembering to be grateful for all the many blessings that I have... a great job, family & friends that love & support me, grandchildren who are all healthy, a house to live in, a vehicle that is drivable... life is GOOD!
8. August is going to be the month that I break this plateau. I AM DETERMINED!

Bright blessings to you all. I'm committing to posting MORE blogs and to doing more Sparking. Let's ROCK August! Love, Dawn

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FURBALLDTH 8/27/2011 9:01AM

    I'm glad I read this. I've stopped everything. This will inspire me to get going again. I'm back to square one out of breath by the end of the driveway.
Have you tried changing the locks on the doors and locking them out 8am to 6 pm. That way the grand kids have a place to sleep but the adults can't lounge around all day. Baby birds would never leave the nest unless the mama bird pushes them out...lol.

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ENUFF81020 8/24/2011 1:01AM

    Hi Dawn,
We share many of the same issues or "demons." As usual, you have said it correctly as we are human beings rather than humans doing. I believe you can do this--I suspect a "plateau can be of our charged efforts needing time to recharge. I think you are recharging now and you will get back to the place you are craving to be. Again, I am on this same path.
You're the best!!
Sylvia

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CATEECHER 8/18/2011 12:18AM

    Thank you thank you thank you. Love to read your thoughts and, yes, I am working on August being somewhat better as well. Today is looking good!

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QUIETUDEAGAIN 8/15/2011 12:03PM

    Thank you for being a great inspiration. I often give up and leave SP for awhile but then I start to miss YOU and so I come back. That's how much you mean to my life. I am sorry that your stress level has risen but I know the old story of women from the 50's, everybody else comes first, it's so difficult to break that habit but I'm glad to see that you are acknowledging that you operate within in it. Now, all you have to do is break it, LOL, ya, right! LOL. I don't know how you slept in a van for a week at a time, I would have gone home and told my hubby he was on his own. Well, actually, that's what I did even though he stays in a motel room I now stay home. It's so much easier. Enjoy the rest of your summer.

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DEEDAYE 8/15/2011 10:26AM

    YOU ARE a bright blessing!!!!

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NANASAMM 8/15/2011 2:40AM

    I'm sorry about your husband's job loss but I'm glad you get to sleep in your own bed. And grandchildren are definitely a blessing especially during times like these. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers for better times ahead.

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PATTILYNN224 8/14/2011 12:35PM

    Praying for work for some of the other 5 that live with you.

Also wanting to comment on how great a friend you are by going through old photos. What a great way to stir up memories and help with recovery. You are an inspiration Dawn!

Happy for you too that you don't have to sleep in that darn van anymore.

Happy August!!

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CANBDONE 8/13/2011 8:20PM

    You have not had it easy...and that makes your indomitable spirit even more inspiring! May this month be easier than last. emoticon

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NO_SNOW_BODY 8/13/2011 5:02AM

    I hope that things have changes a bit since you wrote this, like you I count my blessings.

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AMYISSUCCEEDING 8/13/2011 2:45AM

    Dawn I don't know how I missed your blog. I am sorry you had a rough month of July and hope this month will be better for you.
I will pray that your husband finds another job. Have a great weekend and do something special for yourself because you deserve it.
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MOMKAT4310 8/11/2011 11:36PM

    Thanks for this blog Dawn. Hope things are looking up or at least not down. I read this post much earlier but came back to add a note of thanks and support.
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KIKI0531 8/10/2011 11:07AM

    Sounds as though you plan on August being a much better month for you !! I think that is great. Stay strong and don't waiver and if you feel the need to do a little more bottom-kicking ... go for it !!

Quick story: My cousin was out of a job staying with my aunt and uncle for a few months and he started to get a little less interested in pursuing employment ... lol. Well, my aunt woke him up every day at 8am and handed him the classifieds/want ads until after about 2-3 weeks he got so tired of her doing it and being reminded of his lack of JOB that he ultimately found himself one real quick !!

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CTUPTON 8/9/2011 1:40PM

    Dawn, You are so inspiring. But you also should be able to lean on others. Lets' hope those adults get jobs and do their part! I have 2 in my family that are the same way. I don't get it. Where is their self motivation!

Stay cool in the pool! Praying for your situation! Chris

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1BEACHWALKER 8/7/2011 10:22PM

    Hopefully your husband will find a job real soon and August will be even better than ever! Happy to hear your friend is doing better! And good to hear you are feeling better too!!! Keep going! Never give up! emoticon emoticon

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LGAR519 8/7/2011 7:46PM

    So sorry you had such a stressful July. It wasn't my best month either. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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QTEALADY20031 8/7/2011 11:08AM

    Dawn, I am glad that July is behind you. I am sorry that your husband lost his job but hopefully he will find another job close to home and you will not have to sleep in the van.
I know there is quite a challenge these days with finances.
I hope you continue to feel better physically and please know that you and your family are in my prayers for special blessings. emoticon June

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FORMYDARLINGS 8/6/2011 2:16PM

    My friend Dawn. You are an amazing woman. I agree with you about putting the boot to some bottoms. We had to do the same in July. This IS the month you break that plateau by changing your exercise. Find a way to use your YMCA to help you make the change that your body needs. Take a zumba class OUT of the water. Yes, I know you ae the local mermaid, LOL But change will help you get that ticker moving.
Keep the faith and I know you will be cared for. Know you are loved by many,

Gini

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MMRB7111 8/5/2011 11:16PM

    WOW July was a busy month for you, no wonder you were stressed. I hope August is a lot better for you.

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NPA4LOSS 8/5/2011 9:12PM

    Your therapist sounds like mine. Her favorite saying was " You're running on empty. You need to take time to fill yourself up." Take care my friend. Don't let others take advantage of you, even your own family. Glad you are back to walking better again. emoticon

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FUNGRANNY72 8/5/2011 6:21PM

  It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life. I will usually just wallow in it for about a day and then I start talking myself out of it. I have also gone through therapy and even tried to commit suicide once. I didn't even do that right thank goodness. I will never do that again. So just keep putting one foot in front of the other and we can keep trucking along.

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JAMER123 8/4/2011 11:10PM

    I am so glad for you that July is gone forever and is the past. You can now look at the present and keep that positive attitude you have, going. I know you are a strong person and this to shall pass. Your prayers are being answered and we are all sending the up yet for you. I am thrilled your friend Ruth is doing so well. It is such a blessing for her and you. I will continue prayers that the adults in the house find jobs and help with the finances, that you begin to heal, that Ruth continue her improving health. God bless you all. My thoughts are with you!

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GOTTALUVPINK 8/4/2011 10:41AM

    Wishing you a successful August!!!
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ROSAMARCELLE 8/3/2011 3:25PM

    Sorry your DH lost his job and hope he gets another quickly, which doesn't mean you driving so far and sleeping in the van. Hope August is good for you and the plateau breaks. It's miserable when that happens. emoticon

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SA9CHI 8/3/2011 1:48AM

    It was a BLESSING in disguise! emoticon

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LYNDALOVES2HIKE 8/3/2011 1:02AM

    emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 8/2/2011 5:40PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

My life seems so NORMAL after reading about yours!

Love & Hugs

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NO_SNOW_BODY 8/2/2011 5:33PM

    I am sorry to hear about your hubby losing his job, that is a hard thing to take. I can relate tpo having adults living in the house that do not work, but want all the benefits of living at home. I am lucky my hubby is working overtime, we would not make any bills any other way.
It is great to hear about your friend Ruth, that is a miracle in itself. Prayers asked and answered. She is lucky to have your friendship.
I will keep praying for you and adding a few of my own for other situations that arise.

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DYNAMICDEB53 8/2/2011 5:19PM

    HUGS!!!!!!!! I am sorry you are dealing with so much right now. I know that there are good things happening too.
You and yours ane in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending you love and smiles
Deb

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BESTMEICANBE51 8/2/2011 4:12PM

    It seems when we are at a low point in our lives we can always look around and find many ways that we are blessed.

May God keep sending Blessings your way.

Sending prayers your way.

emoticonDale

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YATMAMA 8/2/2011 1:28PM

    Oh, honey, I'm so sorry to hear about the job. I am praying for doors to open for a new job that will have better pay, hours, and benefits for your honey. What blessed news about Ruth. You are such a good friend to make such a special gift. Peace, lovie. I pray for you to have peace through and through, that blessed rest that comes from knowing that, just for today, you can resign as general manager of the world and let God carry the load for you. I love you so much.

*hugs*

Missy

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MARYHOLMAN 8/2/2011 1:14PM

    You have such a positive attitude for a person in your situation. That's great.

Wow! How are you ever going to support your family on $800? Can your husband collect unemployment? Can you get food stamps in your state?

Get those kids out working so at least they can foot their own expenses.

I feel for you emoticon

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SUSAN134 8/2/2011 12:31PM

    Dawn, here is to brighter happenings in August. I'm sorry that your hubby lost his job, but am glad that you are now back in your own bed! And yes...the older people in your house should definitely be out looking for employment. If they could all contribute a bit, it would take a lot of stress off of you. Dawn, you have such a wonderful attitude about life and that (I think) will see you through this tough time.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and wishes for 'mass' employment for your family!

Hugs

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BIBS4664 8/2/2011 11:10AM

    Sorry about DH's job loss. I am glad your friend is improving. Love and friendship and the Divine love can bring changes. Best wishes on your journey. May the healing waters cleanse your soul. We will get there...Onward!!!

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JOSEPHINE1231 8/2/2011 10:50AM

    So sorry to hear about the job loss. But it will be good to not have to make that trip, and hopefully he will get unemployment to help.

Hugs.

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LINDAKAY228 8/2/2011 10:41AM

    So sorry your husband lost his job. Hopefully he'll find something closer to home and where you don't have to sleep in the van. I'm glad you're feeling better and keepng a positive attitude. Something will work out. Good for you for putting your foot down with the family. Take care of yourself and have a great day today.

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SECRETMUSIC 8/2/2011 10:20AM

    I'm sorry to hear about your husband's job loss. My thoughts are with you, and I'm pulling for all the adults in your home to be successful in finding paying work, which would certainly lighten your load!

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LOOZINITNOW 8/2/2011 9:52AM

    So sorry to hear that your DH lost his job. I'm happy that your friend is doing better than expected. You are a great friend for spending that time with her. Hang in there and I will be sending up prayers for you! emoticon

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TRAVELNISTA 8/2/2011 7:57AM

    I am so sorry that DH lost his job. Sending you plenty of emoticonand emoticon. I am happy to hear that you put your foot down as far as the others getting a job in the household. I know that was some tough love but hopefully your son got the message. If everyone got jobs that would make the financial stress go way down and perhaps the scale may start moving again. Stress and sleepless nights work against weight loss.

Hoping August really changes things for you on so many levels!
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Comment edited on: 8/2/2011 10:05:45 AM

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BE-THE-CHANGE 8/2/2011 7:52AM

    Sorry to hear about DH. My DIL was laid off from her teaching job in June. Sounds like there is a lot of that going around.

I love your positive attitude about the whole situation. If anyone can make it work, you can!

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DONNA_VT 8/2/2011 7:35AM

    Now that July is over I am hoping for a better August for you. You certainly deserve a great month or 2 or 3. emoticon

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BESTCK 8/2/2011 7:04AM

    What an inspiration you are. To find all that positive energy in a month that probably would have had me curled up in a corner with my blankie!! So strong. I will pray that August brings blessings to you and your family.

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GEORGIA_KAY 8/2/2011 5:55AM

    July has been a rough month for us all. I'm sorry that your DH lost his job. My son did as well. We're all struggling to make ends meet. You do it with a grace I can only envy.
Good job on not gaining any weight, and also for your wonderful attitude. You are such a nice person, Dawn. I wish I knew you better :)
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Here's to a better August!

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DIFROMWYOMING 8/2/2011 12:30AM

    Sorry about DH losing his job, but I am experiencing the same here and neither he nor my son home from college have found work yet. Not easy, but we move on. July was not a great month for me at all, that seems to happen sometimes. I know you will keep that foot down....or you WILL put the boot on! Keep taking care of you, I love you.
Hugs, Di

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PRINCESS1959 8/2/2011 12:16AM

    My prayers are with you and I am positive there are more blessings to come. Stay cool and keep your 'Foot down'

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BARBARAROSE54 8/2/2011 12:06AM

    Hoping your August is a much better month emoticon

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LVMAMAW 8/1/2011 11:05PM

    I like your August plan!! I so agree August is the month to break plateaus! I am with you!! Praying for you and your family and jobs all around!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BAYBELIEVER 8/1/2011 10:57PM

    Will pray for jobs for everyone, close to home! My thoughts are with you and your family! And, I am with you! Let's make August the month we break plateaus! This is getting ridiculous! But, we are still here, still doing well, and you are awesome! Just BE this month. Let others do some of the DOing! (yeah, I need to listen to that too...)
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NOTABOUTHEFACE 8/1/2011 10:52PM

    Sending good vibes out to you and yours and hoping August is the best month ever!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Tough Questions... Tough Love

Monday, July 04, 2011

A water aerobic student/friend of mine, whom I admire very much for being very fit & in shape, asked me a tough question after class yesterday . She said that while she has heard my story & knows that I have lost over 100 pounds, she wanted to know HOW I LET MYSELF GET THAT BIG to begin with. Good question. Tough question. A question that I have asked myself over and over through the years as I have gone up and down the scale.

I really didn't know how to answer. I gained a lot of weight when I stopped drinking. In 12-step programs we call that transfering addictions. It's just another excuse. How does any SANE person get to weigh 450 pounds? Reality for me was/is what I call "DEATH BY SPOON". Self abuse. Self loathing. Emotional eating. Stress eating. It all boils down to negativity in the long run.

Someone I really love & admire made a comment to me back in the fall. It has been eating at me ever since. He said that I had a "martyr core". GOSH. Is that right? In 12-step programs we are told that when something bothers us it must ring true & it is something that we need to work on. That statement has been gnawing at me since he said it. I don't know what to do with it. Is the stress of that partially responsible for my plateau? I have only lost 9 pounds since Jan 2011. Am I punishing myself again? Do I need to head back to the therapist?

This is NOT supposed to be a negative blog. Today is July the 4th. In America it is the celebration of our Freedom! Today I am celebrating the freedom that I have found from the bondage of uncontrolled emotional eating! I am a survivor! I haven't come this far to give up now! I am NOT going to commit DEATH BY SPOON! I am NOT going to give up or give in. It doesn't matter what other people think about me or assume to be true about me. I am what I am and who I am and I will lift my head and celebrate it. I will try harder & beat myself up less. I will STOP giving in to negative thinking! I will NOT allow others to define who I am. Let Freedom Ring!

Yes, I suffer from depression. Yes, I have a lot of stress in my life. Yes, I need to be tougher and to use tough love on many of those folks in my life. Yes, I could do better. TODAY... I proclaim here & now that I am NOT going to give in to negativity! I will not allow darkness to envelope the Spark that I have found. I will nurse that Spark along until it blazes brighter than ever and I am able to find my way off this plateau & out of this "funk" that I have been in lately. I will make better choices for myself & I will stand up a little bit taller every day. I am worth it. I deserve it. SO DO YOU!!!!!

Today... take a look at yourself and your life. Embrace the freedoms that you have. Most importantly, remember that you have the FREEDOM TO CHOOSE! Choose good health! Choose to eat healthy & to exercise. Choose to track your food & fitness. Choose to spread the spark instead of hiding in the darkness of depression & despair. LET FREEDOM RING!

Happy 4th of July everyone... thanks for asking the tough questions! Remember to count your blessings! Love, Dawn

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA_SANDY48 11/3/2011 2:42AM

    I have just read your blog which was linked from the Chair exercise new magazine. Thanks for sharing your story.

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QUIETUDEAGAIN 8/28/2011 3:09PM

    Remember, there is no "should". "Should" is a negative, guilt-trip word. The phrase is "If I wanted to I could" which is followed by "and I will" or "and i don't feel like it".

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MOMMYTO5CUTIES 8/19/2011 9:36PM

    Thank you, what a great blog :)

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ALIENANGEL 8/19/2011 11:07AM

    I am also in 12 step programs and have had a lot of therapy. I still remember when my therapist told me I was suicidal. I did not think so because I had never tried to kill myself.

he was like yeah right. I was anorexic and on all sorts of drugs, but i had not tried to kill myself?

Love those moments of clarity.

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MCHILSTR 8/15/2011 10:54AM

  What I liked most about the bolog is your openess to a question tht was hard to hear - but appears to have been asked from a loving place. YOu could have gotten defensive - but instead chose the opportunity for self reflection. emoticon



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THEIS58 8/15/2011 5:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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RAYLINSTEPHENS 8/14/2011 5:01PM

    WTG on this being a Popular Blog - it certainly deserves it!

You are one totally awesome person and I am fortunate to be able to call you my friend!

Bright Blessings Dawn!!

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LEELEE1964 7/31/2011 11:40PM

    Good evening Dawn! Wonderful post!!

I can so relate to how you feel. I remember earlier this month when I was suddenly taken ill and had to go to the ER and the scales said "325". It threw me a bit. I asked myself, "How have you let yourself do this?". It is a hard question. I have been heavy all of my adult life. Food has been my drug of choice for quite sometime. And for the past six months prior to being introduced to SP, I didn't even enjoy the food anymore. I was just miserable all the way around. I referred to my eating habits as "slowest suicide". I have since decided, I really do not want to die. Not like that. Not for a long time after I have learned to enjoy this life I am blessed with now.

Thank you so much for sharing!! Thank you for being you!!!

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CTUPTON 7/29/2011 6:24AM

    I think Sylvia hit the nail on the head. Fat is obviously seen by everyone and "our" reactions to problems in life show for all to see.

There is a fish, damsselfish, that turns dark from a beautiful bright blue when it is frightened. Most people can hide their feelings and addictions from the world. We can't. I wish the woman who asked you that could answer for her self-destructive tendencies.

Chris

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SMYLEERED 7/27/2011 3:12PM

    Thank you so much for sharing! As a compulsive overeater myself I understand how difficult it would be to answer that tough question because we don't exactly know the answer ourselves. Our quest is to find out through the Steps and try one day at a time to stay "clean". Huggssss ~~Red

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BIBS4664 7/27/2011 1:31PM

    Let freedom ring. We are divinely guided. Keep on keepin on..
Blessings and miracles fellow sparkler.

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SUNSET24 7/25/2011 11:23PM

    wow talk about balls... that person who asked you that question had a LOT of nerve! where does she get off trying to go into your personal business? ugh!

sorry sis, just got pissed for a second.
A person bothers one of US spark people and it affects us all.

hugssssssssssssssss

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ENUFF81020 7/25/2011 7:03PM

    Hi Dawn,
i really think that the person who asked you that question had a lot of nerve. You didn't ask her about how many traffic tickets she ever had or how many times she bounced a check or how many times she yelled at someone in her family or how many smokes she had had... You get the idea. Some of the things in our lives aren't great. Some of our personal behaviors are not perfect. However, with weight, it is out there for everyone to see and some people seem to think they can stick their nose into anything that they want. The real deal is that you chose to make it better. Hooray for you!! Not only have you lost over 100 pounds, you have inspired others and supported many others who are doing well and losing weight with your help.
if she were to have asked me why I let myself get that way, I am not sure I'd have been so kind. Again, here's another positive about you and the kind of person you are. I'm glad that you share your kindness with us. You are the best, my friend!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

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SALSACHIC 7/24/2011 9:59PM

    Hello Dawn, great blog. Instead of getting defensive you thought about how those comments affected you. I love the tone & perspective of this blog. Sometimes the insensitive comments of others will push us to the next level. Your best is yet to come and I look forward to reading you about the next level in your journey along the way.

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WILDLOTUS16 7/17/2011 11:04PM

    Dawn, this is a very lovely blog. It's great for you to take a stand and say "I'm worth it!" So many people say this in vein.( I do) I firmly believe that when you think it you believe it. I admire you very much I always have!!!


Kathy

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DEBRAC219 7/15/2011 12:55PM

    Dawn, what an inspiring blog! You've come so far and done such a wonderful job of taking back your life. And you're so right, we DO have the freedom to choose. We choose our life with every day, either by consciously making the choice that is right for us or choosing an unhealthy life by refusing to choose that which can make us whole. I'm with you, let's continue to choose health and freedom! Thanks so much for your inspiring words emoticon

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RUBYCLAIRE 7/12/2011 7:03AM

    What an awesome, inspirational blog, Dawn! I am so very proud of you! You CAN do it and what's even better is that you KNOW you CAN do it!!
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I'm here for you kiddo, don't let a plateau wipe out all that you have already accomplished. Keep that strong positive out you showed in this blog. Keep it & make it even stronger. With love you, Dawn, you can do ANYTHING!
Let's see what you can do with this challenge. GO FOR IT!!
Love you, Kiddo!
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CT-FL-SNOWBIRD 7/10/2011 9:12AM

    Half the battle is knowing the cause of your problem. And you have that part taken care of. You are a strong willed lady who won't let a plateau get you down. I know you'll never give up.

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2CATS2LOVE1 7/8/2011 4:15PM

    Dawn, you hit the nail on the head when you said: "I will NOT allow others to define who I am." Sometimes people say cruel things but remember: opinions are like noses, everyone has one. You have done remarkably well in your weight loss and continue to inspire all of us w/ not only losing weight but your joy and smiles!! How did I ever get to be over 200 lbs? That's not the issue what we weigh BUT WHAT WE ARE DOING ABOUT IT!! Keep on keeping on...
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ASHLEEWEBART 7/8/2011 12:40PM

    I am so glad you are writing about a variety of issues we do face when we are on this journey. You are to be commended for your success, and for being our friend, so constantly.

For so long you have been able to remain focused on your program and the priorities in your life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts along the way!

Ashlee

Comment edited on: 7/8/2011 12:50:28 PM

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JAKEANDNELLIE 7/7/2011 10:56PM

    Dawn,
I've decided that life is just one big learning curve! We learn more about ourselves and why we do the things we do to ourselves by reflecting upon and thinking about those comments that "stick with us."
Someone asked me a question the other day that really helped put me back on track. It was a simple question but I've been thinking about it for days - have come up with several answers but am still searching for the definitive one. The question was "Why have you lost faith in yourself?" It stopped me dead in my tracks!
Stay positive!
Sheila

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CHATTIECATHY10 7/6/2011 11:58PM

    this is awesome...you are amazing and you can do it...you don't have to do it for anyone but you. I love the inspiration that you give us all. Keep on keeping on...you are worth it. emoticon you are emoticon

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QTEALADY20031 7/6/2011 10:28PM

    Dawn, this is an excellent blog. I admire you very much for facing your addictions and moving on them to make you the healthy person you are at this point in your life. You are quite an inspiration and example to many of us on Spark people. There are not too many people that have overcome what you have and managed to come out on the other side. You hold your head up high. You have every right too. God bless you for being the person that you are to all of us.
Hugs & Smiles, June emoticon

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CANBDONE 7/6/2011 3:59PM

    I know she's your friend...but really, HOW RUDE can people be? I honestly don't think they realize how their words hurt! I'm blowing on your spark..get that flame burnin' hot! Sure wish I could come to your aquasize class. I jogged for 40 minutes in my pool today.

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DYNAMICDEB53 7/6/2011 12:40PM

    You are strong and learning to love ourself is not easy. You are making great strides and although a plateau is not fun and can cause downward sliding you have not let that stop you. Yes stress can cause all kinds of havoc in our health. You are growing and learning.
We do need to keep negativity out of our lives as much as we can, but there are times we just cant, then we have to deal with it and learn and find a way to not let it hurt us. I know you are working on all of that.
I am so inspiried by you and your journey, always have been. I see you and hope to one day be able to shine are brightly as you do, even if you dont see it yourself.
Love you dear friend and keep sparking and the light will only grow brighter.
Love and hugs
Deb

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FUNGRANNY72 7/6/2011 1:17AM

  I am so glad to see you facing your problems head-on. I have a 66 year old brother who has multiple problems. Everybody knows this. He is the only one who does not know this. It really is sad to watch. I have tried to talk with him, but all it did was make him mad. CONGRATULATIONS!
emoticon emoticon

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YOUNGNSMYLIE 7/5/2011 9:36PM

    This is a great blog. You are very strong, and you're right on target for addressing those comments that are gnawing at you. I admire you so much for sticking with your program, re-evaluating your progress, and vowing to move forward. That's what it takes to succeed, and I am going to follow your example. Thank you for your inspirational words. emoticon You will succeed. emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 7/5/2011 9:16PM

    My dear friend, You were one of my first Spark Friends when I joined Sparks almost 2 years ago. Do remember your guidance when I was trying to find a trainer at the Y and the first one walked off from me to talk to a sexy young thing and refused to even show me around?
We have come a long way. Our stories have brought us here and helped others because we shared. Many people do not understand that especially if they have not walked in our style of shoes. WE are strong. WE have made it through some very bad times. I can't relate to the alcohol because I have not walked an addictive path but believe me I understand struggle to overcome adversity. You are emoticon and don't you forget it!
Continue to heal and strive and keep your Spark to light the way for those of us who love and respect you! emoticon Nola

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LINDAGRAVEL 7/5/2011 8:40PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IUHRYTR 7/5/2011 8:36PM

    Let's not use the word "only" when talking of our weight loss. You have lost nine pounds so far this year. Be proud of that and think of all the people who would love to be able to lose that much weight. And, you have kept off what you had already lost. Be proud again and hang in there, day by day, sometimes minute by minute. emoticon -- Lou

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LOOZINITNOW 7/5/2011 8:25PM

    Love this blog! Celebrate you because you are worth it! emoticon

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MARYHOLMAN 7/5/2011 3:40PM

    Maybe you should question your friend about the "martyr's core" comment. I mean sometimes such a person could be respected. If it's bothering you that much, you should clear it up.

You have come very far--just managing the addiction is an awesome accomplishment.

I think everybody should make an occasional trip to the therapist, especially when you think it will help you.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PENNYAN45 7/5/2011 2:50PM

    You are right to feel proud of your accomplishments.

I would be willing to bet that you are not the same woman who put that weight on in the first place. That woman is gone.

It seems only right that it would take a few months to hold your weight in place - especially after losing so many pounds. It's just a little time-out to adjust to this new permanent low weight.

Soon, when all is ready, you will begin to drop the pounds again.




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JABULONESTAR 7/5/2011 1:57PM

    emoticon You have a fabulous attitude! Yes we can :) Keep fighting the fight because you are worth it! emoticon

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PATTILYNN224 7/5/2011 1:47PM

    I have noticed as I reflect on the past three years in my own walk that I was also working on death by spoon. It's take some work but I have been able to address most of the issues that put me in that place. Your blog has reminded me where I was and where I've come to. Thanks for that.

As for the "martyr core" - can you ask your friend for some clarification? He may mean something different than how you have interpreted the comment.

Happy 4th of July Dawn. Happy Freedom Day!!



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_KATHY 7/5/2011 12:00PM

    You have said it all Dawn, and said it quite rightly. Regarding that gnawing thing, you're right, it has to be addressed so you can then let go of it. You might find that, in this case, things don't need to be fixed, they just need to be accepted. And in acceptance, serenity returns. 449
Hugs
Kate

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SRHALLIN 7/5/2011 11:37AM

    Somehow, I heard a raccous musical score toward the end of this blog. Sort of like that timid music during the president's speech in Independence Day? :D

You're inspiring to so many others every day. It is important to remember that we must also be inspirations and motivators for ourselves as well.

So, yes, down with the negativity and up with the positivity. Take in the light of those around you and those whom you've given light to. You are smart enough, loving enough, and deserving enough of your goals.

If you're on a plateau, review your diet. See if your needs have changed. Think about how your clothes fit. Is it that you're the same weight, but some of it is less fat and more muscle? A pound of fat and a pound of muscle is still a pound of either. It just feels different inside of us.

Sometimes we aren't so much not 'losing' fat, as we're not aware that the fat is going away and the muscle is coming in.

Of course... it could just be a shortage of fiber... emoticon

Just sayin'...

Best wishes! Hope you had a positive and brilliant 4th.

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DONNA_VT 7/5/2011 10:18AM

    Good thoughts for many of us to ponder. I wish you well my friend and hope that you find the success you deserve soon.

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LIGHT1112 7/5/2011 9:08AM

    I love your honesty and the integrity you show by asking yourself these questions! You are an example and an inspiration. Thank you

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WENDYLEE15 7/5/2011 8:47AM

    Wow!! I love your determination.You have come so far.You are doing emoticon....

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1BEACHWALKER 7/5/2011 4:33AM

    I know the reason I got overweight and it was emotional/stress eating abd then loving the food too much! You are so right! No to negativity! Choose to be positive and know we are going to beat this and win! Win the battle of the bulge! Whatever it takes-we will do this! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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QUILTINGB52 7/5/2011 3:06AM

    Emotional over-eating isn't just about negativity, it's also about celebration.

More important it's how we over-come and find substitutes for EOE!!!

We must be on the same wave length ~ as I blogged about this earlier today....

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YATMAMA 7/5/2011 12:27AM

    Tough questions, indeed, and good ones. I'm not sure I have the answers, either, but I suspect that it has a lot to do with what we feel we deserve. I hope we discover the answers together, my precious friend. I love you.

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DEVORA4 7/4/2011 9:37PM

  I hope your blog wins and I voted for it. That was a tough question thatm she asked you. You a a tough lady and you took it on the chin graciously. emoticonI know you will!

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LVMAMAW 7/4/2011 8:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I have faith in you!! Yes you can! Yes WE Can- together!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WISLNDR 7/4/2011 7:06PM

    Here's my thought for today (it was thought of for me but I'm happy to share.)

Have you ever heard stories about women who could not get pregnant and once they adopted a child, THEN they got pregnant? (There was something about not stressing about babies anymore after the adoption and they were finally able to conceive.) I wonder if there's a lesson there for us who are stressing about not being able to lose weight.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday!!

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TEDYBEAR2838 7/4/2011 6:46PM

    You are right and are on the right track. You won't let this beat you down.
You will be, you are stronger than the spoon. We are all not perfect, none
of us is. We just keep going, day in and day out & we WILL WIN! emoticon

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JOLOVESRUM 7/4/2011 6:37PM

    Dawn, Stand tall, You have done so well, heck you are an aqua fit instructor. How many BBW (big beautiful women) can say that. You have your own fan club here on spark people. One person to how many on your fan club rooting for you.

I love and believe in you and we have never met. Your past no matter what was in it, has made you the woman here on sparkpeople that we all look up to.

You are a special women, friend and roll model.
thank you for being here.

If and when you find the answer to that "how did you/we get there?" question, let me know. I have been looking for the answer to that same question for about a year now. I have yet to find the answer.

Look after yourself,
hugs Jo

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TRAVELNISTA 7/4/2011 5:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MRS*RADISH 7/4/2011 4:49PM

  The true spirit of Independence Day...I absolutely love it, Dawn! The FREEDOM TO CHOOSE...

emoticon

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FUN & FIT FRIDAY, 06/24

Friday, June 24, 2011

It's always FUN & FIT Friday for me. I start the day teaching 2 water aerobics classes in the morning at the YMCA. My Friday class is a bit of a combination of my Mon & WED and my TUE & THU students with a few "guests" mixed in from deep water & evening classes. My Mon & Wed classes are usually my "social" students and my Tue & Thu classes are a bit more focused. My deep water students are generally VERY focused and attend my morning classes when they are unable to attend the evening classes due to other commitments. I LOVE that my Friday 9am class is such a fun & fit combination. It may just be my favorite morning class. We have lots of attendees & lots of laughter mixed in with our workouts. It's the one day that I can sneak & get the Mon & Wed folks to work harder and the Tue & Thu folks to "lighten" up a bit. I absolutely love working out with these folks. Today was very nice because we had some extra folks who have been missing awhile and were "home". It was a great class & I really had a good time. Several folks attended the Aqua Strength & Stretch class that follows at 10am. It was a good workout and we had good time there too. It was a GREAT morning! FUN & FIT FRIDAY began well!

I stayed after class & worked out jogging in the water while visiting with some of the other members who workout in the pool on Fridays. We are a bit of a mini-family there. The new part of the schedule is that there is "open swim" during that time that is normally only adult time. This morning there were three little boys wearing life jackets and floating about with no apparent clue how to swim. Two were brothers and 1 was just another little boy totally unfamiliar to them or us. Both mothers were not in swim suits and appeared to NOT swim. I found it interesting that they would just put their children in the pool & allow them to "be". The one mother kept leaving the pool area entirely. I was frankly shocked. The mother of the lone boy stayed on the bleachers watching him closely and he seemed to take to me so I made sure he was okay. I actually ended up playing with all 3 boys helping keep them on the shallow side of the flags when they'd float uncontrollably away and keeping them from grabbing & pulling on one another. Finally they all 3 left & I was able to get out of the pool myself. The friend that I had been waiting for never showed up. I have to admit that despite my obsession with "rules" and the fact that I was disappointed that they are not always kept to the letter.... I had a good time playing with the kids while working out & visiting with my friends. I got a good workout and had FUN! More fun & fit Friday.

Following my adventures at the YMCA I headed for home. One of my student came by & blessed me with some deer meat. He has been talking about how awesome it is ever since I met him. I am very touched that he gave me some of it. It's right on time too because food supplies are low so I am very grateful. I am so blessed to have become friends with so many of my students. As I have said many times, the YMCA is all about friends & family. It really is the best thing that ever happened in my life, outside of my family and sometimes they are too close to count. LOL I am looking forward to some delicious deer tenderloin for dinner tomorrow night. YUM.

This evening it was back to the YMCA for MORE fun & fitness in the pool. I had a deep water aerobic class followed by my Aqua Pilates class (also in the deep water). My classes were small tonight but we had a great time and got a really good workout. I was really tickled that two of the ladies who were very active last year are now attending regularly again this summer. I am so grateful. It was wonderful visiting with them and getting in some good exercise at the same time. I have a theory that as long as we are talking, I can tell that everyone is breathing.. and breathing is a good thing while exercising... right?! LOL

In between I have been bouncing back and forth over to my granddaughters' house to take out the dogs and make sure that all is well there. Tomorrow they will return home after a 3 week vacation. I have really missed them. We are going to attend a movie & craft night at church tomorrow night. Next week we'll be spending a lot more time at the pool together. I'm so excited that they are coming home. WOOHOO! They own my heart.. if you haven't guessed that by now.

Time for bed my friends. Thanks for Sparking along with me. I hope that your Friday was as FUN & FIT as mine! Love ya, Dawn

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1BEACHWALKER 6/26/2011 2:58PM

    Glad you are staying busy and happy! Keep up the good work! emoticon

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BARBARAROSE54 6/26/2011 11:05AM

    emoticon

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MARYHOLMAN 6/26/2011 10:18AM

    Water Aerobics--that sound like so much fun. I'd like to do it, but there's no pool in my area.

Have fun emoticon

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WALNUT5612 6/26/2011 9:04AM

    Wonderful!!! emoticon

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FUNGRANNY72 6/26/2011 12:10AM

  I don't see how you do it all Dawn. You sound as if you are really happy and enjoying everithing you do. You go girl.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DYNAMICDEB53 6/25/2011 9:05PM

    Wow what an action packed and fun day.
I am do glad the weather here has warmed up for I can get in the pool now and do some swimming and jogging, and the always fun time with DH after work.
I am glad you are happy and having a good time with both classes and friends.
Hugs and smiles dear friend
Deb

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ROSAMARCELLE 6/25/2011 5:46PM

    Sounds a great way to enjoy exercise. Hope you have a lovely weekend emoticon

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SUNSET24 6/25/2011 4:25PM

    I am sooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you that the students get YOU as a teacher to help them in their lives.

you ROCK!



have fun with the grandbabies, smiles emoticon

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BIBS4664 6/25/2011 1:53PM

    Splish splash...wow....fun...You rock. njoy the grandkids again...

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LINDAKAY228 6/25/2011 1:41PM

    I really like my water aerobics classes at my gym but I know I would love yours even more. Too bad I'm not closer. We don't have as many or as varied classes as you do. There is a Monday and Wednesday night arthritis class but it is too mild for me and there is one woman who unfortunately gets on my nerves. Monday and Wed nights are open swim for adults only after the class until 8:30. She stays the entire time. She talks a lot and not matter what you have to say she has a story to top it. Her daughter comes with her, who is about in her 40's and lives with her mom and has never been married or have kids. It's obvious from their interactions that mom really controls the daughter a lot. I like talking to the daughter more actually. I feel a little sorry for the older woman but it's kind of hard to listen to her sometimes and she kind of latches on to me when I'm there and it gets hard to do my workout. But sometimes I go anyway and I'm nice to her. I haven't been the past few months to that one recently though. There is a class on Tuesdays and Thursdays at noon that is a nice mix of workout types and I really like both of the instructors that do those. On Tuesday and Thursday nights there is one class that is more strictly aerobics where the noon ones mix aerobics and the styrofoam dumbbells and the noodles for more strength training also. That's all the water classes we have. I feel bad for the instructors because they lead the workout from the deck and don't get in the pool. The temp in there is usually 88 - 90 degrees plus the humidity in the pools and they are always sweating so much. They don't do the whole workout from the deck but show us the movements and when to change. I wish they could get in the pool with us. One of them has an above ground pool that she just got at her house and she's been trying different things in her pool to see how they work and feel and trying to find new exercises. I would so love to be in your classes though!

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MMRB7111 6/25/2011 1:34PM

    You are so amazing. How do you have the energy and strength to teach classes in the morning and evening. You must really be a waterwoman LOL

Sorry your friend did not show up,glad you have a fun time, cause you deserve it.

Enjoy your weekend.

Comment edited on: 6/25/2011 1:35:17 PM

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NPA4LOSS 6/25/2011 1:29PM

    What fun! Dawn do you teach Arthritis aquatics in your classes too? It sounds like you would be a natural. emoticon

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YATMAMA 6/25/2011 12:48PM

    How exciting!!

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DIFROMWYOMING 6/25/2011 11:51AM

    I'm glad you are enjoying your fit times so much. I can't say yesterday was very fun or fit...had a medical procedure and they knocked me out...so I was kind of out of it all day long. But today is a new day and we'll be busy with family visiting. Take care!

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GRAMLORI 6/25/2011 10:26AM

    Wow.....you really ARE WaterWoman!! Your classes sound like fun, wish I could be in them! I wish there was a deep water aerobics class here....they do that once in a while, but even jumping on the floor of the pool hurts my knee, so I'm hoping to join the water aerobics class after I get my new knee. I'm thinking about going swimming again today, but before 10 am, so I don't increase the slight sunburn I got last week. Another week and the indoor pool will open back up....then I can swim without burning! But, at least it turns to tan on me. First year I've had a tan in a long time! Have a wonderful weekend!
Lori

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TRAVELNISTA 6/25/2011 9:56AM

    Oh how I miss my pool workouts. Can't wait till the doctor says I can go back. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LYNDALOVES2HIKE 6/25/2011 9:31AM

    Wow, that really was a FUN AND FIT Friday - thankfully, I also had a fun and fit Friday of my own but so inspired by reading about yours!

emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/25/2011 9:09AM

    Sounds like a wonderful day!

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TEDYBEAR2838 6/25/2011 7:40AM

    WOW, mine was fun, but not quite as fit. But I enjoyed it.

I'm so glad you found your niche' at the "Y". That's great!

Hope to catch you in action one of these days. I'll put that on
my action list after I move, to go on vacation and meet some
of my spark friends along the way also.

SO, here's to a future meeting! emoticon

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DONNA_VT 6/25/2011 7:28AM

    Sounds like a wonderful day. I enjoyed reading about your adventures but I would be water logged if I spent that much time in the pool. emoticon It works for you and you are getting super fit while enjoying yourself so it must be good.

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DEVORA4 6/25/2011 5:32AM

  Glad you had a full enjoyable day!

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SEAWAVE 6/25/2011 4:09AM

    I cringed when I read about the little boys. My husband worked in aquatics for 10 years, and taught swimming to everyone from babies to people in their 80's. Children left to float about like that would have been removed from the pool. There is no flexibility on that rule - children under a certain age (I think it's 12) must be accompanied by an adult in the pool. In fact, I've seen adults removed from the pool if they looked like they can easily get into trouble (e.g. nervously clinging to the side of the pool all the time). Lifeguards test them by having them swim two widths of the pool; if they can't, they're out.

Aside from that, I wish I were there with you! Sounds like you have a wonderful little community built up at the pool. What a wonderful environment to get your workout too.


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KATHYSCOLLIES 6/24/2011 11:53PM

    Sounds like you had a lovely day, Dawn! You so deserve it, with all that you give and give AND give to so many others!!!

The gift of the venison was so thoughtful. I wish I could be there to have a little taste myself - this is something I've never had the opportunity to try.

My guess is that you will eating it while celebrating the homecoming tomorrow. What a wonderful. special day for you and the rest of the family!

Hugs,
Kathy

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SUSIEPH1 6/24/2011 11:43PM

    Glad you had lots of fun my friend . what a lovely person to give you some Venison !! will be delicious I am sure .
Enjoy your grandaughters home coming!!
Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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Do you ever think about......

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Spark friends?

Every day someone adds me as a Spark Friend. emoticon In turn, I add them to my friend feed and send them a thank you note for adding me. From then on it's a bit of a mystery at times. Maybe it isn't a mystery to anyone but me.

I am busy. I work a lot, babysit my grandchildren, exercise as much as possible and run day to day errands. I do my best to keep Sparking along... I was blessed to be named a Spark Motivator and I make sure to welcome new Spark Members daily, visit as many blogs as I can sharing comments & goodies. I am also blessed to be the leader of several of the most awesome Spark Teams there are. They keep me busy too. Please know that I am NOT complaining about being busy. I LIKE IT!

There's a quote from a character in Jeffry Deaver's Lincoln Rymes book series.. Amelia Sachs... "If you stay busy they can't catch you..." or something close to that.... I've never figured out who THEY are... but I definitely have always felt that way my entire life. I stay busy and so far "they" haven't caught me. I'm a survivor and intend to stay that way. But, I digress.....

Do you ever think about your Spark Friends.........

I do the best I can to stay in touch with my Spark Friends. However, I don't do as well as I'd like. Once a month I send out a message to all of the friends on my list. I either send out comments or goodies. There are some times that I just don't get it done. Then I feel unhappy with myself. I don't feel guilty about it but I do feel disappointed in myself. I want to do better. Unfortunately I can't respond to every friend feed that I see every day. I am always so grateful when folks send me comments or say they "like" something going on in my world... I wish that I had more time to do the same.

What I really want you to take away from this blog is NOT that I'm too busy... but instead... I THINK ABOUT MY SPARK FRIENDS often... daily. I think of my Spark Friends as my "family of choice". My Spark Friends uplift & motivate me daily. I hope that I am able to do the same for them.

I love my Spark Friends. I NEED my Spark Friends. I hope that I will continue to be a good friend to you ALL. Bright blessings to you all. I love you. Dawn

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 8/18/2011 12:15AM

    I'm a newish Sparkie and I haven't yet worked out the etiquette for this site but I would say, your friends are probably enjoying you just as you are and there's no need to feel obliged to make personal contact because sparkers can read your blog to find out what you are up to. And they can reach out especially to contact you whenever they like. I'm smiling as I remember my DM who used to complain if I didn't call her every day, as if the phone only worked in one direction!
emoticon

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THEMINT2 7/12/2011 6:23AM

    You are inspiring, Dawn. I love your honesty and your transparency. Thanks for your posts! emoticon

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MOMKAT4310 6/30/2011 12:58AM

    I totally understand, and I come read your posts as often as possible. I know where you are coming from. I try to keep up with spark friends, I try to keep updating my status. But more often than not, I think about my spark friends, I send prayers and positive thoughts and I try to be a good example. You are one of my heroines. But you already know that.

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CHATTIECATHY10 6/28/2011 9:54PM

    I also try to keep in contact with spark friends and read blogs and post...it is very hard...but the one thing that is certain about sparkpeople is if you post you need help you have lots of responses....we are human and busy but we all know that we care and we are all after the same goal line. Have a great week you are awesome. emoticon

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MT-MOONCHASER 6/26/2011 10:40PM

    I read this blog at work, so I couldn't comment on it then. I have been subscribed to your blogs for quite some time. I have thought about adding you as a friend so that I could see your feed, but I figured that you would feel like you had to add me back and that would add more for you to do in your already hectic life. So I have decided to just lurk and click the "I liked this" button once in a while and comment on a blog here and there. I think you have done an amazing job and I certainly would rather that you get some rest instead of feeling that you have to respond to my feed or comments.

Have a good week and SMILE!!!

emoticon

p.s. I have been using this emoticon at the end of my blogs and comments in honor of your SMILE campaign.

Comment edited on: 6/26/2011 10:41:54 PM

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IUHRYTR 6/26/2011 8:37PM

    The way I've been handling it is to send a note with a Goodie to friends I haven't heard from or seen posting in a while and ask how things are going and encourage them to become active again. Over time, I'll get through everyone. Some respond, some don't. Everyone's life situations change and cause them to use their time differently. It's sad, isn't it, when we want to know how someone's life is but we don't hear back? What are we to do? -- Lou

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1BEACHWALKER 6/26/2011 3:05PM

    Know what you mean Dawn. You know as time goes on, the longer we are on SP I have learned that you do the best you can, being we are so busy in our lives. We cannot stress about trying to do everything at once or not visiting everyone. I think and hope that all the friends understand that. That is what is nice about the blogs, it gives all of the friends a chance to see what you are doing and to help encourage them sometimes in ways visiting their page doesn't. You are a bright spot on the friend feed everyday with your smiles and blessings. You are doing fine, believe me! Love you too! emoticon

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EMILYBBB 6/26/2011 2:55PM

    Nice to see you blogging, Dawn. I always love hearing what's going on with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for being the heart of Spark.

emoticon

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EMILYBBB 6/26/2011 2:55PM

    Nice to see you blogging, Dawn. I always love hearing what's going on with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for being the heart of Spark.

emoticon

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MAGA99 6/25/2011 9:41PM

    Dawn I think we all go thru this especially as some of us change teams

the other thing I do is if ppl dont respond after a cpl messgaes I do delete them I try 2 keep my friend list short

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BIBS4664 6/25/2011 1:59PM

    I am blessed to be your spark friend. Keep on keepin on!!!

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DETERMINDCHICKY 6/25/2011 12:11PM

    Dawn,

It is so hard to keep up with everyone. Like you, we are all busy as well. I admire that you try so hard to reach out. We all emoticon you!

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DIFROMWYOMING 6/25/2011 11:54AM

    It's never easy. I often try to go through my list and just send notes...sometimes they contact me back and other times nothing. But it's always a sad time as I find every month some have gone away. I know we're all busy, but those of us who are here are tethered from heart to heart, and I think we all know that whether we have time to chat or not.
emoticon
love you, di

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LYNDALOVES2HIKE 6/24/2011 11:42PM

    I think we all have our own ways of 'keeping in touch' - I post notes to as many SparkFriends as I can when they post a blog and I also post notes to welcome new members. I do add the people who add me as a SparkFriend but have to admit I do not stay in close touch with all of them - I check FriendFeeds, blogs and huddles to see if someone needs help or announces an achievement like meeting a goal and try to comment on them but I simply do not have time to post notes on all the FriendFeeds that cross my computer screen - however, I do think about my friends all the time and try to keep in touch the best I can.

You have given me some ideas on how I can do a better job but I still work full-time; have a husband, 2 dogs and 5 cats who need my attention; an adult son, a sister, two brothers, tons of nieces/nephews and other family members to keep in touch with; and we're trying to travel a little more this year - add in time to exercise, plan meals, etc and oh yeah, get some ZZZs now and then, haha, it doesn't leave any time to do everything I'd like to do here on SparkPeople - well, life is full of choices and I'm so glad to have such a wonderful communiity!!!

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HONEYBEADS 6/24/2011 8:45PM

    I am happy to have you for a spark friend and mentor. Your success is a beacon of hope to me!
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SECRETMUSIC 6/24/2011 8:35PM

    It's mutual, Dawn. And I don't have time to respond to my tiny list, so I actually feel much more comfortable knowing that you and other SP friends know we are all thinking of each other!

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QUILTINGB52 6/24/2011 8:27PM

    Indeed we are blessed to have such supportive Spark friends!! It helps to make this healthy journey more bearable when we can lean on each other for support, encouragement and motivation.

Thanks for all you do!


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YATMAMA 6/24/2011 6:34PM

    I think of you often, my cherished friend. It's the kind of love that doesn't require talking every day but it's there EVERY day and in big ways. I'm so grateful for those kinds of friendships! I LOVE the Lincoln Rhymes series. I fear now that Deaver is writing the new James Bond series, he'll be slow to give us more of Lincoln and Amelia and that will make me sad! I feel the same way about Catherine Coulter's Savich and Sherlock series, too. Love you bunches!! I know you are near and that makes me happy, even when we don't touch base often.

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ROSAMARCELLE 6/24/2011 6:06PM

    There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything we'd like to do. We appreciate the support and care you give us, and it isn't possible to contact all spark friends that regularly. The fact that you are so active and so encouraging on the teams is enough. Take care and have a great weekend. emoticon emoticon

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PENNYAN45 6/24/2011 5:36PM

    I am happy to be counted among your SP friends. Your photos and your blogs are a constant source of inspiration for me. Thanks!

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PATTIE441 6/24/2011 5:33PM

    Even though we have not communicated that much, I know that you are here, and the same goes for me. I see you a lot on here and I know you are extremely busy and have a lot of friends to take care. I appreciate your inspiration and enthusiasm. Means a lot. You truly are a star to me! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEWGOALS2 6/24/2011 3:27PM

    I've thought about my SP buddies often. They have helped me a lot in my short time with this journey. I guess that's what the blogs are for, is to get a short hi out to all of your friends and let them know how you're doing along the way...

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DONNA_VT 6/24/2011 2:46PM

    I think about my Spark Friends often and wish I could spend some real time with a few of them. I liked your blog it made me think about them once again.

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TRAVELNISTA 6/24/2011 1:55PM

    Very timely blog Dawn. I have been thinking it is time to clean house again so to speak. Every quarter or so I go through my Spark Friends and delete those that are not active that is in my Spark Buddies list. I try to go through my Friend Feed at least twice a week and comment on their accomplishments. I also send out goodies to all of my Spark Buddies every couple of months. i need to "weed"mine out so it doesn't waste my time when i go through my Buddies to give out goodies which takes me hours with the number of Spark Buddies I have. emoticon emoticon

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FITGRL124 6/24/2011 1:14PM

    I think about my SP friends too! I wonder how they are; how they are doing and what challenges they are facing. Thank you for your blog. You're a wonderful Spark Friend! emoticon

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ANDI_3K 6/24/2011 1:03PM

   
Yeah, I do. I wonder what kind of Day they are having and if I can help them in their journey in anyway, they help me so much that I want to return the favor. :)

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/24/2011 12:08PM

    I do think of my SP friends a lot, I am on here daily, numerous times a day sometimes. I could not do this without the support, love and encouragement of every single one of them - you included!

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BARBARAROSE54 6/24/2011 12:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon You are the best Dawn

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PAPACAT 6/24/2011 10:25AM

  GF you are one busy lady and know I love seeing and hearing from you. I know your friends are very important to you. I think you do a great job as letting us know you care and it does show.
Yes even if we dont get to everyone all the time having our friends there is a special feeling and gives great joy to our hearts. Like you I appreaciate each of my friends and often with there were more hours in the day to spend reaching out, but also each day I know they are there and we are watching out for each other and that feeling is so s pecial.
Have a wonderful day and so glad that we are friends.
Hugs and love my dear friend.
Deb emoticon

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BRENDASTARR2 6/24/2011 9:40AM

    I love my spark friend also. I know you are busy, and you and I know it isn't always that way in life. Sometimes you might have too much time on your hands, and too much time to think. I perfer to stay busy like you. My saying that I like to use comes from high school science, "An object in motion stays in motion". I want to keep moving. Thank you for being a blessing to me and everyone else. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 6/24/2011 9:15AM

    I know how you feel! I spend a lot of time on Spark but just don't get the chance to visit as many or follow the friend feeds like I would like too. There just aren't enough hours in the day along with everything else I do. But my friends here are invaluable to me. I couldn't make it without them. And you always have a special place in my heart even though I don't get to "talk" to you as much as I would like either.

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TEDYBEAR2838 6/24/2011 7:35AM

    Thanks Dawn. I definitely need my spark friends also. I think about so many of them during the day and wonder how they are doing. Looking forward to their blogs, etc.

We need each other!

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DEVORA4 6/24/2011 7:34AM

  OMG Dawn, God loves you and so do I!!! Take care Love debby emoticon emoticon

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DENRNAJ 6/24/2011 6:35AM

    I don't have to get the comment or the goodie to know that I have a place in your Sparkworld. You are amazing and I get inspired just following what you're up to day to day. Spark on and remember to have time JUST FOR YOU!
With that said------WOO HOO!
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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/24/2011 6:19AM

    Thank you, Dawn! I feel the same way about you. You do a better job of keeping in touch with your friends than I do and you have a lot more. I personally don't know how you find time to sleep with all you do!

BTW - I just love the Lincoln Rhymes series!

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WISLNDR 6/24/2011 5:55AM

    I think about my Spark Friends a lot! I even share some of their stories with my other friends!! I hope to see a day where I have more to time to do a better job at keeping up with my Spark Life and Friends but for now, I'll share my positive energy wherever it needs to go so that everybody has a great day!

Blessings, Dawn! Have a great day!!

(My mom used to tell to "Keep moving. They can't hit a moving target.")

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JEMPOWER 6/24/2011 12:18AM

    Dawn I love you too!

Jem

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EMILYULM1 6/23/2011 11:54PM

    What a wonderful blog. I'm not your spark friend, but now I wish that I was!!! I am also a bit confused about my spark friends. I don't have a lot of them, and I don't really know much about them. I wish I knew more. And like you I wish I had time to really get to know everyone personally. I guess as long as we know that people are just one sparkmail away.

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EMMABE1 6/23/2011 11:53PM

    We love you too - and think about you often - but I think its the same for most people - everyone is busy these days - and I've noticed this is happening more in Summer to my US friends as it should be - soon enough the weather will change and they will be about again!!

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SUSIEPH1 6/23/2011 11:51PM

    We love you too Dawn and we know you are busy !!
Don't worry love ..we are here for you if you need us .. as long as you are happy so are we..
Love @ Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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06/13/'77-06/13/'11....34 years later

Monday, June 13, 2011

In the wee hours of the morning on Monday, June 13th 1977 I sat at my mother's bedside holding her hand as she passed away. This particular event changed the course of my life drastically and forever. I had never had a weight problem prior to that day. I gained 75 pounds during that summer. Since then I have been up and down the scale many times, mostly up. I never reached the weight that I was the day that she died. I was 18 years old and had just graduated high school 3 days before. I was very athletic, as was my mother & siblings. I weighed 147 pounds. I will never see that weight again.

The range of emotions that I have today are broad range. Many times through out the years I have pondered the link between the abuses of my childhood, my mother's death and my weight gain. Death by spoon is the only why that I can describe my journey UP the scale.

Through the years I have spent a LOT of time in therapy and 12-step meetings. I've written journal after journal. I've cried & screamed & self-abused more than I'd ever like to admit. I've never felt good enough or comfortable in my own skin. However, I am a survivor. I am still here and still surviving. No matter what I will NEVER give up on finding my way back to the ME I know that I am. That may not make any sense to you. It isn't meant to. It makes sense to me.

The most important thing that I can share with you about today is that TODAY, I can honestly say that I loved & miss my mother. For all the issues that I have and have NOT dealt with, the truth remains, she was my mother & I loved her. I am grateful for the time that I had with her because it has made me who I am. For all my faults, I am a strong, determined and tenacious woman. I am grateful for all that I have experienced in my life.

TODAY.... June 13th 2011.... I have spent 5 hours in the YMCA pools that I LOVE! I am blessed beyond words to have a job that I not only enjoy but I LOVE! I get paid to do what I love and get healthy at the same time. I work with people that are also trying to get healthy or stay healthy and I have learned to love them as the family of choice they have become. I have been Sparking along today because here too I have found people to embrace as more family of choice. I have been blessed today to spend time with my best friend, with my family, with coworkers that I like and students that I adore. My heart is full & I am grateful beyond belief. Thank you for sharing today with me.

Bright blessings to you all. I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for you.

Now I'm going to share a quote that was in another blog I read today. It touched my heart & I want to share it with you. I hope that it touches yours.

“Life is never easy and just when you think you're seeing some light another switch gets turned off. …. Now more than ever don’t dwell on the what’s and why’s that sadden the day - for every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back and even minutes are pretty precious.” -unknown (posted in JOSEPHINE1231's blog)

Love, Dawn emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUNGRANNY72 8/5/2011 6:08PM

  That was a very moving blog. In fact, in some ways we have a lot in common. I have suffered from depression for about 30 years. In some cases, I feel like I have wasted a lot of time being depresssed. The one think I have found is, it is OK to get depressed for a day or maybe two. Then it is time to get up and get going. That usually pulls me out of it.Thanks for sharing.

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BIBS4664 6/25/2011 2:12PM

    Dawn, I am sorry for what ever the hurt was in your life. I too am a survivor, and can relate to what you said. We are THRIVERS...a bit more than survivors!!! WE make our present a present. Happy you!!!

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DETERMINDCHICKY 6/22/2011 4:03PM

    Dawn- I have no idea what you have been through in your life. I do know that I too survived abuse. Never by my mother's hand but it has taken many years for me to deal with the fact that she didn't protect me and should have. The best thing I ever did was realize I harvest unrealistic expectations of my mother. She wasn't capable of being the mother that I needed, wanted and deserved. The hardest thing was my love for her had no bounds. It was very hard to love to that extent but not have it reciprocated in a way that makes sense.

I am sorry that you lost your mom. I am sure this date holds lots of mixed emotions for you.

I am proud of you for finding a healthy place for yourself full of love and respect. You deserve that! emoticon

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CANBDONE 6/22/2011 3:54PM

    I went to Celebrate Recovery for a year to do with emotional abuse as a child. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother...it's wounded you but not destroyed your spirit. I wouldn't bet that you will never see 147 again...I don't think there's too much you can't accomplish if the will is there!

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JEMPOWER 6/21/2011 11:52PM

    Dawn,

Thannks for sharing you today so intimately. I appreciate you and love you. You are so wonderful. I have missed keeping up with you. I'm glad you are happy and your job is going well.

Love you and still wish I was your next door neighbor.

Jem

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1EMMA2011 6/21/2011 11:49PM

    Everything makes total sense to me...I appreciate your story...hugs to you... emoticon

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NANASAMM 6/21/2011 4:15PM

    emoticon

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WORKINGSTIFF 6/21/2011 3:40PM

    Dawn-

You are so eloquent and well-spoken.

You are a very brave woman as well. Too many people refuse to get help. They may see a doctor when they have physical ailments, but to get help whether through counselling or 12-step programs or whatever is a very important thing to do. Too few people are willing to get help when the problems stem from emotion or mental unrest.

Thanks again for sharing your journey with us.

Helen

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FUNGRANNY72 6/20/2011 6:34PM

  Dawn,
I know you don't remember me, but I had to drop out after my husband almost died from a massive heart attack. Every word in your blog makes perfect sense to me. You are a very talented writer and anything you do will be good. You are one of the kindest thoughtful people I have met in Spark People. I am a survivor too and I know that we are strong people because we had to be. However, I have a little stubbornness in me too. I look forward to your next blog.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MMRB7111 6/19/2011 6:02AM

    Dawn, yes it does make sense. I know just how you feel because I have always felt that way too. It is only now while going though this journey that I am starting to feel differently and I know you have too. You are strong and determination as I am now and It is all because of what we have had to endure in life. It makes you stronger.

Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing an awesome job and showing the world how it can be done the right way.

And do say you may never see 147 lbs again. You just may, we never know how far we may reach in this weight loss journey until we get there and you just may get that far. emoticon

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SUNSET24 6/18/2011 11:24PM

    emoticon I truly believe that God put you on earth for the purpose of sharing his love to others and you do that EVERY day by sharing YOU to others and we are lucky enough to receive it.

((((((((((((( My angel Dawn )))))))))))))))))

emoticonWe are SISTERS in the heart emoticon

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TAMMIELAND 6/18/2011 10:06AM

  Thanks Dawn for another great no holds barred blog. You have no idea how much your blogs mean to a lot of us. So thank you again.

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PATTILYNN224 6/17/2011 8:38AM

    Thank you for sharing. Different circumstances but same emotions.

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1BEACHWALKER 6/17/2011 3:16AM

    Sorry you had to go through your mother's death at such a young age! But, you have come through it all one determined, brave woman! Keep going! Keep enjoying life the way you are now! emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 6/16/2011 5:00PM

    My story is just the opposite of yours. My mother and I battled our weights together from my early childhood. I weighed 240 in high school. My mother died 2 years ago in May from heart failure and complications from diabetes. It wasn't until a couple of months after she passed away that I really started working on getting healthy. I know what you mean though about even with unresolved issues and problems we had between us she was still my mother and I loved her. There were times I didn't really like her but I still loved her if you know what I mean. Congratulations on how far you've come now and are regaining your life back.

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SUE1512 6/15/2011 7:26PM

    I am so glad you have found something you love to do. And that you are at peace with part of your past. I hope you know you ARE worth being loved, being happy and feeling good about your choices and who you are. The Y is very lucky to have you - and you them. emoticon

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BOOKWERME 6/15/2011 4:26PM

    emoticon GLAD that you are here with us...for support and to inspire the rest of us!!!

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2CATS2LOVE1 6/15/2011 4:10PM

    Dawn, the way I see you is not only a strong, determined woman but a BEAUTIFUL person inside and out as well. You have come a very long way. I can relate to much of what you are saying here too. I once read a quote that I hope you will remember too: "Just when the caterpillar thought life was over he became a butterfly."
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DYNAMICDEB53 6/15/2011 2:07PM

    Dawn yes you are a strong and determined woman and that is in part due to all your lifes experieces. I believe that without the ups and downs of life we can not grow, there are people out there like that, but those who embrace life and fight they grow and keep living and learning. YOU are a survivor and that is great. I am glad you are here today and each and everyday knowing you is a joy and gift.
Our moms are our moms good or bad faults, and we love because they are our moms. Sometimes that is hard, there are difficulties ( I too have those and at times dont like my mom much) but it is always better to keep the good and let the hard go.
I think you might just see 147 again who knows the future and I do know you are one hard working, getting health gal.
Hugs and love
Deb

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DYNAMICDEB53 6/15/2011 2:07PM

    Dawn yes you are a strong and determined woman and that is in part due to all your lifes experieces. I believe that without the ups and downs of life we can not grow, there are people out there like that, but those who embrace life and fight they grow and keep living and learning. YOU are a survivor and that is great. I am glad you are here today and each and everyday knowing you is a joy and gift.
Our moms are our moms good or bad faults, and we love because they are our moms. Sometimes that is hard, there are difficulties ( I too have those and at times dont like my mom much) but it is always better to keep the good and let the hard go.
I think you might just see 147 again who knows the future and I do know you are one hard working, getting health gal.
Hugs and love
Deb

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NEWGOALS2 6/15/2011 12:43AM

    Dawn, thank you for the courage to post such a personal and inspiring message. My thoughts are with you today...
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MEOWMAMA3 6/14/2011 10:18PM

    Dawn, my heart goes out to you. I have a lot of "Mom" issues as well and get all misty and weird on the anniversary of her death, and my Dad's. You have survived and triumphed and you're such a strong person. If I wasn't so tired I'd write something profound. Just know that I think you're awesome and I treasure your friendship and the lessons I learn from you! (Also love the peek in the pool!) p.s. thanks for the goodie, I've been getting back to you for a week.....) hugs, Kim emoticon emoticon

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ROSAMARCELLE 6/14/2011 5:30PM

    You are an inspiration to us all and I am so thankful you have been there to inspire me to come back and start afresh. We will win through and it is largely because of all the wonderful people who keep in touch and inspire us. Bless you. emoticon emoticon

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CANBDONE 6/14/2011 4:42PM

    Kahil Gibran says, "the deeper the sorrow, the deeper the joy". You were meant to be the one to be with your mother when she crossed over to Paridise. You are indeed a survivor...also a beacon on a hill for many of us.

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TRAVELNISTA 6/14/2011 3:35PM

    What a beautiful blog even though you have been through so much pain. You are such an inspiration to me because no matter what happens you always manage to flip it around and find something positive. I am proud to call you my friend and I believe that should Spark People ever cease we would still be friends and stay in contact with one another. emoticon emoticon

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DANCEON 6/14/2011 2:17PM

    Dawn, that's the most beautiful, touching post I have ever read. Thank you for the inspiration and sending wishes for all your days to be happy ones. emoticon emoticon

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NANAMOM652009 6/14/2011 1:20PM

    Dawn, each time I learn a little more about you I become more inspired. I am truely blessed to have the opportunity to get to know you. Thank you, my friend, for sharing your life with others. emoticon

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KJWILSON211 6/14/2011 12:24PM

    When the switch gets turned off we all need to reach out to others to help turn it back on, just like you always seem to do. Thank you, for being an inspiration and for sharing your story. emoticon

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FITGRL124 6/14/2011 10:37AM

    emoticon Dawn for such a touching blog. I am so grateful to call you friend! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 6/14/2011 9:50AM

    I am so glad to be a part of your extended family.

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BARBARAROSE54 6/14/2011 9:17AM

    emoticon I'm sure it still seems like yesterday, moms are special people.

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DONNA_VT 6/14/2011 9:14AM

    Mothers have a special place in our hearts. Another very nicely written and candid blog from a special Spark friend. emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/14/2011 9:14:36 AM

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DIFROMWYOMING 6/14/2011 8:57AM

    (((HUGS))) Dawn, you are a strong and resilient woman, and you are getting YOU back, moment by moment, day by day. Love you, Di

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PEGGYMAS1 6/14/2011 8:16AM

    thanks for the inspiration to continue on my journey and not just give up!! I have been thinking about just quitting I'm not following the plan the way I know that I need to or exercising like I should. Thanks to you I'm going to get back on the course I need to complete. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/14/2011 7:47AM

    emoticon emoticon

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WISLNDR 6/14/2011 5:58AM

    You are my Tuesday Morning Make the Day the Best You Can Inspiration!! Thanks for posting this and reminding me to keep pushing forward.

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TRACYZABELLE 6/14/2011 5:30AM

    I am sure you miss your mama. How had it must have been. emoticon You have come a long way since then!

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DEVORA4 6/14/2011 3:42AM

  emoticonfor an emoticonblog. You made me cry and I am sending all my love to you. Your mom had to be an amazing lady. She produced YOU!!!!!

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SUNSET24 6/14/2011 2:26AM

    aawwww babygirl, you are sooooooooooooo Precious to share such honesty and openess (((((((((( love you ))))))))))))) emoticon

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YATMAMA 6/14/2011 2:01AM

    *HUGS* I love you, sweetpea. What a remarkable journey this has been so far and continues to be. You have always and will always amaze me, astound me, bless me.

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MRSCRITTERS 6/14/2011 1:31AM

    emoticon

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MBROSE 6/14/2011 1:21AM

    You are an amazing woman...don't forget that. Life is full of ups and downs, too many times we let the downs control us for far too long. As you, I could write a book on what has contributed to my 'death by spoon' (love that visual by the way). Look how are you have come in the past two years. You are an inspiration to me today and I return to SP and this journey once again.
Peace & Light, always
Mary Beth

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CELIA1975 6/14/2011 12:17AM

    emoticon

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JOSI1959 6/14/2011 12:09AM

    As I read your story it nearly brought me to tears, your story is truely inspirational. Our past experiences whether good or bad definitely shape who we become, I'm glad you got your wakeup call and that you have made great strides to get your life back on track, and that you are helping other people along the way! emoticon emoticon

I wish you continued success!!! emoticon

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BARBARAROCKSIT 6/13/2011 11:56PM

    emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 6/13/2011 11:31PM

    You are a survivor my friend and that is what counts. I had a wonderful mother and lost her at the age of 15. You have come long way my friend and the present is full of rainbows. emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 6/13/2011 11:22PM

    emoticon

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XENA1956 6/13/2011 11:18PM

    What a great blog. I hope you never give up exercising and you never know, you just might get down to that magical weight of 147 again. I was the same when I was over 250, thinking I would never see the skinny person inside me, ever again. It is often hard to realized that many of our problems are not necessarily of our own making. I am blessed to have found a friend in you. Love you girlfriend, xo Teri

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CT-FL-SNOWBIRD 6/13/2011 11:17PM

    I hope there are some GOOD memories of your Mother. I didn't "get along" with mine until I was in 40s. We had been "enemies" until then. But the most important thing is that several years before she died, we became" friends". So I hope you are as lucky as I was.

And you are, indeed, a lucky lady to have a job that you love. And I'm sure YOU are a much loved person, at the Y.
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SUSIEPH1 6/13/2011 11:12PM

    What a wonderful heart wrenching Blog . You have really laid your self bare my lovely friend.
You are never ever alone ....My lovely, strong, gutsy, determined friend .
I love that you love your mother, and I am so sorry she left you at such a young age.
I am sorry that in this world there is so much abuse..
Unfortunately when we were young a lot of us didn't think of it as abuse ..
I always thought that the beatings that my Mother and I suffered at the hands and belt of my father was normal .....it was our fault and we deserved it ... and that is were the fault lies ..not with us darling!!.
It is the abusers ...
but they are cunning enough to make us believe it is normal ..
Like you, I have got on with my life .... but always in the back of my mind ....( if I am chastised for anything) I feel so useless .
Now in life, I just know that by showing love and and acceptance to everyone... I may be filling a need in someone..

If you need to chat I am here ... just Spark Mail me ...
Love and Hugs Susie

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