Moving Forward

Sunday, May 12, 2013

This past month has been filled with a lot of emotion. We started on April 11th getting a phone call from my Dad saying that Mom was very sick and then made her tell me what the doctor had said. On April 15th Mom went into total renal failure and was admitted to the hospital. After draining a lot of fluid from her abdomen and running a bunch of blood tests, the results came back that Mom had cancer. They performed an ultrasound that showed the medical staff nothing, so they did a CT scan which showed that her entire abdominal cavity was full of cancerous growths.

Once it became obvious that there would be no cure or remission for Mom we had a party for her and the whole family gathered around her one last time on April 21. After that I started spending as much time as I could at the hospital with Mom, and, when they were there, Dad and my sister.

We made arrangements for Mom to be moved to a hospice facility on April 28th. She was moved in the late afternoon on April 29th. On April 30th the hospice staff recommended that perhaps one or more of us (Dad, sister, or me) would like to spend the night with her. I decided to go home and study and my sister had papers to do in the early morning so it was decided that Dad would take the first over night shift with Mom. Little did we know that it would be the only over night shift

Dad called at 3:45AM on May 1st to let us know that it was over and Mom had passed away. All I could think of at that time is "I have to get to Dad." Then it was on to planning the funeral and such which went okay as my Dad had a package through the Knights of Columbus that pretty much had everything planned all we had to do was pick the hymns and pictures we would for the handouts.

The night of the prayer service was emotionally charged, as was the day of the funeral. After everything was over we went to my sister's place to have a bonfire and a night of remembrance. Everything ended well even though tempers did flare during the time we spent together. Apparently even a solemn occasion can't get rid of the drama in a large family. We ended the night having the first really adult conversations of our lives with my nephews. We have decided that we are family and we need to just get along as best we can.

It is sad to me that it took this to get our family to reunite and see that we love each other despite our short comings. We need to build a future now that is based on love and respect, not on hate and resentment.

Please hug your family extra tight and remember to say I love you because we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Happy Mother's Day to all.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINCYDORA 5/15/2013 3:12PM

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/13/2013 12:07PM

What a beautiful testimonial to the woman who brought you all together... again. So sorry for your loss. Glad things went well (mostly) with the services, remembrances and all you had to go through. I think it would be easier in some ways that she had such a short time after diagnosis. She is out of pain. Now is the time of healing and love, a great way to celebrate her life.. **HUGS** Report Inappropriate Comment

PRUPLEBEAR 5/13/2013 5:20AM

Happy Mother's Day to you. I am here if you need to talk or vent! I know its hard. Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEETYKC00 5/12/2013 5:55PM

Happy Mother's Day to you. I know it is hard, this being the first one without your mom, but she is still with you in your heart and always will be. No matter what issues you have and will always have with your relatives, never forget that they are family and you love them. Report Inappropriate Comment

DIANITAH 5/12/2013 4:52PM

I am so sorry for your loss. This is an especially important post considering it's your first Mother's Day without your mom. You are right that we often take our loved ones for granted. I'm thankful you are surrounded by a good family. Wishing you peace. Report Inappropriate Comment

I Just Want to Bang My Head Against a Wall

Sunday, May 05, 2013

Okay I understand that my sister has done almost all of the running around for the funeral and such but I am ready to kill her. She asked me this morning over breakfast with Dad to find a picture of our Mom for the paper for the obituary. Well I *just* found the perfect shot at 8PM tonight. She asked me if I had it printed and ready for delivery to the paper for 8AM tomorrow . Ummm NO!!!

I am beginning to get very frustrated. I don't know if my sister just doesn't understand that it takes a long time to go through 8 years of digital photos trying to find one of a specific person who so rarely had their picture taken without someone else in the photo. I am hoping she gives me a small chance to find pictures of my family to share for the memorial service on Friday. I don't have hard copies of any of my photos for the past 8 years they are all on my computer or CDs.

This is such a rough time right now and I am desperately trying to not "rock the boat" for fear of offending someone.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRUPLEBEAR 5/7/2013 5:03AM

Hugs. Report Inappropriate Comment

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/6/2013 1:26PM

**HUGS** This is a very stressful time for everyone. I'm sure she just overlooked to mention that the paper needed the photos in print by a certain time. I wonder if they would accept digital? Sometimes it would work better for them I'd think, but hey just saying. I hope you get your collage together and printed in time. Sam's Club, Costco and some other places offer 1 hour printing. Hang in there. Don't forget to thank your sister for all her hard work, especially if you need to mention not having realistic timelines dropped on you. Stay strong. Report Inappropriate Comment

CINCYDORA 5/6/2013 10:03AM

Why do we make things so hard on each other? Contentious parent relationships are even worse. All I can say, hun, is I feel for you. Keep coming back to us and let it all out. If you can't avoid saying something to your sister, try to remind her you love her but you are hurting too and her nagging isn't helping. Start with the love though. You can get through this. You are STRONG and capable. You can do this. Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEETYKC00 5/6/2013 5:09AM

Hugs, I hope things get better Report Inappropriate Comment

MEDDYPEDDY 5/6/2013 12:14AM

When our mother died just a year after our father we got together to work thorugh the home of our childhood and decide what to do with things. Our parents had been very wise, they had discussed and devided things and it was all done in a fair and respectful way - it was an easy task for us children to clear things and move on. But that did not help - we still had "explosions" over nothing and quarrelled and got upset, made peace and got upset again... and my explanation of that time is that it is a very emotional challenging time when a parent dies, and no matter how good the relation is between siblings and how well it all have been organised, there will be big emotional reactions. If you are unlucky and the parents has left things unfinished, you might think that the conflicts are reality and they might end in separation for years... but t me there are a lot of ld ghosts around when a parent dies so it is best to be as peaceful and tolerant as possible. That said, I realise that it is a bit presumptious - it is just that it was so clear to me when my parents died and I heard so many stories of brothers and sisters becoming enemies for years after a funeral and I think that if one relises that it is a difficult time for all involved, one might thread a little lighter... Take care! Report Inappropriate Comment

TXPATRIOT 5/6/2013 12:11AM

So sorry for your loss. It's never easy to get those things together during this time. I hope you will be able to find the pictures you need to create a meaningful collage of your mom and the family. I'm sure that whatever you are able to pull together will be great. Report Inappropriate Comment

June 16, 1947 - May 1, 2013

Friday, May 03, 2013

This was my mom's life span. It may be seen as too short by some but she got to see a lot in that time. She was raised by a single mother in an era when such a thing was frowned upon, luckily her father was a member of the Canadian Navy so his absence wasn't a "scandle." She got married and raised a small family, just my sister and me. She became a grandmother younger than most at age 41. By the time she was 51 she had 7 grandbabies. She got to see most of them graduate high school, my 2 are the only ones still in school. She became a great grandmother at age 64.

We had our trials and tribulations and now life will have to move on without her here with us. She will be missed but never forgotten.

We love you Mom

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEDDYPEDDY 5/5/2013 3:45AM

Thank you for telling me the story of your mother - and I hope you and your family have the best time possible. Report Inappropriate Comment

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 5/4/2013 8:12PM

What a great life. Simple but meaningful. Sounds like a good person. **HUGS** Report Inappropriate Comment

PRUPLEBEAR 5/4/2013 2:04PM

Seems she had a god life and a nice family. Hugs to you, and keeping you all in my thoughts Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEETYKC00 5/4/2013 12:57PM

It is good that she had the life she did. Report Inappropriate Comment

NANT406 5/3/2013 11:55PM

May you be comforted by the time you had with her and the memories you share with your family. Report Inappropriate Comment

JO88BAKO 5/3/2013 11:38PM

I feel so bad for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Tomorrow will be 1 year since I lost my dad. I feel your pain. Remember the good times. Hugs Report Inappropriate Comment

Preparing to Let Go

Sunday, April 28, 2013

As many of you already know my mother was diagnosed almost 2 weeks ago with renal failure. That diagnosis turned into she has a very large cancerous mass in her abdomen and is terminal.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster since the diagnosis. My mother and I have not always gotten along and in the past few years it was evident that we were just drifting apart. I realize that as an adult child that this happens. It doesn't mean we don't love each other, just that the desire to get together was not there. On my part this was largely based on the fact that as a child I felt that she wasn't there for me because alcohol was more important. I have come to realize that while she did make poor choices in her life that affected both myself and my sister we cannot change the past. I love my mother we just didn't always respect each other.

I am watching my Dad go between being very angry and the situation to resigned and devastated over the prospect of losing his wife of almost 46 years. My Dad is my rock and it hurts to watch him in pain and now I am trying to be his rock to weather the storm that life has given us.

We had a talk yesterday and right now I think all of us, including Mom, are ready for this to be over. I know it may sound mean but right now she is in pain all the time and I don't want to see her suffer. She had a big family party last week and all 19 of us were there including the 2 newest family members, my great-niece and nephew who are only 18 months and 2 months respectively. The babies certainly lit up my Mom's face and while the gathering didn't last long as Mom got too tired it was a good time if bittersweet. Her best friend finally made it up from the U.S. and is visiting her today. I think this is the last person she wants to see and say goodbye to and then she can move on from here.

I do not know how much I will be around in the next little while but I will return after life has settled down a bit. Thank you for your understanding.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEDDYPEDDY 5/1/2013 1:57AM

Thank you for reminding me about my mother... she passed away 20 years ago and as time has passed I have come to realise more and more that she really did the best she could. I hope you have the support and love you need. Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEETYKC00 4/28/2013 8:04PM

This is very hard and it won't be any easier for awhile, but you can make it. It is good that you have family so you can help each other. Report Inappropriate Comment

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 4/28/2013 6:35PM

**HUGS** So sorry that you are dealing with this. I truly understand the "we just want this over" feeling. It's hard to see someone you love in pain. Especially as everyone is aware there is unlikely to be a miracle cure at this point. I'm glad that you have been able to say goodbye and see that while she wasn't perfect that she did and does love you. Wishing you and your family the best until you return. Report Inappropriate Comment

PRUPLEBEAR 4/28/2013 5:15PM

Hugs! I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts. We are here for you! Report Inappropriate Comment

Results of the 10K Sun Run for Me and Daughter

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Well we ran our 10K race today at the insistence of the family. Even with my Mom gravely ill she wanted us to go today. She told my nephew to play his football game yesterday too.

My daughter ran for the 1st time this year and completed 10K in 1hr 6 min 6 sec, and placed 18680/38834 overall and 412/1319 in her age group. I finished my 2nd 10K in 1hr 3 min 27 sec, and placed 16229/38834 overall and 477/2216 in my age group. Overall pretty darned proud of both of us.

I did run this one for my Mom. To keep me going I just kept telling myself "Mom hasn't given up yet, so neither can you."

We had a family party for my Mom today as well. We had her wheeled in to the floor lounge so all 24 of us could visit with her and she could see everyone. This was her request and we have honoured it for her, I have a feeling that now that everyone has been up to see her and have one more get together with her I think she will be at peace with how the family is now and be willing to let go when the time comes. We all went to her room in small groups after she decided she was done visiting and said goodbye. She was very consious to tell each of us goodbye and "I love you" so today was rather bittersweet.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 4/22/2013 11:36AM

I am very proud of you, your daughter and your family. Your mother seems like a very special person wanting your lives to go on. I am sure that hearing about what you are doing is special to her. Sounds like a good if bittersweet visit. I'm glad everyone could be there. **HUGS** Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEETYKC00 4/22/2013 5:55AM

Wow, I am so proud of you both. Report Inappropriate Comment

PRUPLEBEAR 4/22/2013 5:42AM

Congrats! You guys rock! Report Inappropriate Comment

NANT406 4/22/2013 1:49AM

to you and your daughter. Sounds like you had a wonderful day with family. I hope you took lots of pictures. You're an amazing woman with a strong heart. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Report Inappropriate Comment

JO88BAKO 4/21/2013 11:25PM

Good for you!! Report Inappropriate Comment