Friday, June 06, 2014
Right now I have not checked my weight, tracked my food or tracked my exercise. My clothes aren't tight yet but then again most of my clothes were too big anyhow because let's face it I am too cheap to go out and buy new clothes. I work in a place where what I wear really doesn't matter (I detail cars for a living). I go to work wearing HUGE T-shirts and jeans along with my lovely 3 lbs a piece safety shoes (I opted for "cute" steel toes shoes rather than boots). I no longer go for my lunch time walks, but 5 days a week I do get an average of 15,000 steps. On the weekends I sit for about 20 hours over 2 days doing my other job and I just feel like there is no time for me anymore.
I have taken to bringing a book or a knitting project with me to work on during my lunch break, which lately has contained way more fast food and pop than good healthy stuff. I have no one to blame but myself. I am finding it hard to want to eat anymore baby carrots and I can only eat so much celery but the other veggies I like are too pricey right now and I am also trying to buy only Canadian grown fruit and veg which limits what is available. I did break this rule and bought some strawberries that came from California and I thought they tasted bland.
I am also finding it difficult to function as I am up at 3:30 AM to get hubby to work by 4:45 (20 minute commute and need breakfast before we leave), then I go to my work place and sleep for 2 hours in the car (can't afford a 2nd one right now and we live to far away to come home after taking him to work). My work schedule has changed a bit and I now work 8 to 5-5:30 which is better than it was for the previous 9 years at my old employer (7-7:30 start time and not leaving until 5:45-6:30). I do work another part time job in the evenings from home.
I know what needs to happen and part of it would be getting a second vehicle on the road but that just seems so wasteful to me when hubby and I have to be in similar locations, unfortunately at very dissimilar times. I know things could be worse, hubby and I are both employed we will be watching our oldest daughter graduate from her trades program next week and our youngest will be learning to drive this summer. There is so much to be thankful for but right now all I can see is the deep dark hole I have dug myself into and I don't know how to get back out.
My hubby is very supportive and we talk a lot about where we want to be but just don't know how to get there.
I will end on a very positive note that my new job (started at an auto body repair shop as a production assistant 2 months ago) is going VERY well. I am asked my opinion, it is heard and I get a "thank you for your hard work today" that is actually sincere. It is not all positive feedback that I get but anything "negative" is done constructively and with helpful tips on how to do it better next time. Today we put out 8 cars that had to be detailed inside and out and things were good. I am enjoying my job again and actually look forward to going to work now, it is no longer a chore to be endured. I do a lot of lifting and moving but it is not the same as actually working out (today I was moving bumpers, fenders and helped to move a few larger items like doors and side panels as well, it is a lot of fun), which I think is the crux of my problems above.
This got really long and I thank you all if you made it this far. It seems I complain a lot but this is cheaper than therapy
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
and I answered. After my long rant a few days ago, I got a phone call from my soon to be former manager telling me about a position he had been told about. So I went over to one of the shops near by and talked to the owner. Just so happens he was looking for a detailer and has watched me work next door to his business for the past 9 years. He didn't want to approach me outright because he didn't know I was looking for a new job.
So, yesterday I had an impromptu job interview with the owner and his production manager. They are willing to hold the position for me until April 1 as I told them I did not want to burn any bridges. I know that sounds strange, but my dad taught me that you never know when things that caused a great amount of stress may be needed in the future. That and I have a very strange sense of loyalty, perhaps misplaced loyalty.
I was told that I was worth the wait and they had a band-aid fix for the time being as the person I am replacing went back to school and agreed to work part time until they could replace him. I am happy that I will be starting at the same wage I am making now and will get benefits after 90 days. It wasn't my job (cleaning cars/office duties) that I hated it was the huge influx of new people that I had to help train, and the fact that no one seemed to care about the lack of proper equipment to do our jobs effectively. The new job would be helping the production manager at a body shop organizing cars for cleaning before work is done, after work is done, keeping the detail bay clean and organized, moving cars from prep to paint, and a few other things. There will be a lot to learn and eventually I may even get to learn to run the polisher and do pin striping. It is a very small family run shop. I know most of the guys there and they know me to see me but not much else. It will also mean small perks like getting to leave early the day before a lot of major holidays like Christmas and Easter. They know that people have families and are willing to accommodate as much as possible for emergencies.
I think this will be a good fit for me and it means I won't be working as insane a schedule as they try to have everyone out the door between 4 and 5 PM meaning I will work a regular 8 hour work day not 9-10 (sometimes 12). I will keep my very part-time evening job typing medical files as I do enjoy it and it brings in an extra $500 to $700 a month depending on how fast I am.
I feel like a great weight is lifting off my shoulders and I am sure that once I give my official notice to my current employer I will feel a whole lot better.
Thank you all for your prayers and positive thoughts. They worked and I am so grateful that things are turning around.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
This is a fairly long vent, so if you don't get through it I understand.
I hate my job. I have an action plan to leave, but I am just not sure I can get through the next 3 months (have to make it until oldest is done with her course in May) let alone the next 6 at my current main income job. As most of you know, I work from home about 25 hours per week and hold a more than full-time job outside the home (45-50 hours a week). This has turned into a recipe for a very volatile home environment. In the past few weeks I have spent more time in tears because of being overwhelmed than I can remember in a very long time. I don't think I was this emotionally on edge even after Mom passed away last May.
I have a very supportive family, but they are receiving the brunt of my anger and frustration, and if I am honest they really don't deserve this. They are there for me no matter what, but I have felt like a complete failure as a wife and mother due to all the stress at main income job. I am working on my resume and will be sending it out to a few places soon to see if I can find something else before August 2014. Right now if I could find either a part-time job that had a higher hourly wage or a regular full-time job (ie. 35-40 hours a week not 45-50) that paid the same or slightly less to start would be fine. I am just tired of getting up every weekday morning dreading going to work. The person who has fought for me for the past 4 years at this job is leaving for a better job elsewhere and quite honestly with how much his mood has changed over the past week since he found out I am jealous. I was hoping it would be me leaving this place before him. I am extremely happy for him and wish him all the best. He has told me to use him as a reference while job hunting and I hope that we can remain friends after we no longer work together.
My hubby has been a saint even though he has been cried on so much in the last few days. I have said some very stupid things that I now regret. I am going to see my family doctor soon to discuss the possibility that part of my physical symptoms may actually be related to anxiety or depression (although I am not really sure I am depressed just extremely stressed).
If I could make over $2,500 per month doing my transcription job I would just stay home and do that, but I am simply not fast enough yet to make that a possibility.
I know that this is affecting my maintenance as well because I am once again eating sporadically and not necessarily the healthiest. My stomach has been in knots so often that I have not wanted to eat or eating causes me to feel nauseated. I will also be seeing my gastrointerologist at the end of the month and I will discuss the same issues with him that I do with my GP and see what answers he gives me. I am just tired of feeling like I am 92 instead of 42.
Thank you if you made it this far.
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